Please help...messed up 2 months after Molly

[anon265]

I really need some advice. On June 19 of this past summer, I took a very heavy dose of MDMA crystals (I have no idea how pure or what else was in it). This was my 3rd time rolling and I was stupid and just took a huge dose (didn't even bother to find out how much I was taking). During my peak I got extremely overwhelmed and started literally gushing out sweat and I was so scared so I went to a medical tent. They said I was fine and after a 30 min awful peak i felt great and had an incredible rest of the night (I was at a music festival). The next couple days were hard. I not only felt depressed but just felt very disconnected from reality and weird--I couldn't be around people. This went away after a couple days, but now, almost 2 months later, I'm still having episodes where I get bad anxiety, feel disconnected from reality, and get slightly blurry vision. I feel like I did permanent brain damage with this Molly roll. Like I'll be with my family just eating a meal, and I'll just get this wave of anxiety where I question life and existence and am weirded out by even my own family members. These episodes happen a couple times a week and have been happening since around July 4. I'm really scared because I feel like I should have recovered now from the roll.

Should I just be more patient and give it more time? I also smoked a good amount of weed this summer (idk if that hurts or helps me). but I hate feeling like this I regret so much rolling and will never do it again. I'm worried this roll might have caused mild schizophrenia or an anxiety disorder or something.

Thank you anyone who took the time to read this and will give me some advice.

 

[thejibberman]

I believe you've triggered an anxiety disorder, but the anxiety is stemming from you worrying about yourself not being normal. It's been 5 months to the day for me now. I still feel in a bit of an existential crisis, but it gets way better. Basically, the longer you stay clean and remain in a normal lifestyle, the more you'll go back to normal. The panic (whilst effected by the stimulant) was way too much for your brain/mind to handle. It was only my 3rd time, and I took a pretty small amount too. You'll be okay! It's not schizophrenia!

Any other vision issues? Check the "MDMA Abuse (Success Stories)" forum as there are loads of people in the same boat that like to refer to this as a "Long-term comedown/LTC". Some that believe this is primarily down to neurology, and others that think your mind is a bit out of order. Personally I believe it's all focussed in your mind unless you were eating them like crazy. Most people recover from 6 months - 2 years.

EDIT: Also, stop smoking the weed until you feel 100% again. The weed can induce paranoia and send your thoughts even worse!

 

[BlueBull]

^
Yeah good advice indeed, here's a link to the recovery thread. Also if you find yourself frequently worrying and wondering what the cause for this is just remember that nobody here will be able to provide you with definitive answers, just good guidance and possible causes. This constant worrying might impact recovery time and might amplify symptoms. To get some definitive answers consult a medical professional, this will hopefully give you some peace of mind. It's unlikely I think that you damaged your brain noticeably and permanently because of one way too big dose

A quote from a study (3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA) neurotoxicity in rats: a reappraisal of past and present findings - Michael H. Baumann, Xiaoying Wang, Richard B. Rothman):

With regard to MDMA-induced neurotoxicity, it seems that 5-HT deficits are not always synonymous with axonal death because doses of MDMA which cause marked depletions of brain tissue 5-HT in rats (e.g., 10–20 mg/kg) are not associated with silver-positive staining, reactive gliosis, or loss of SERT protein. Like many other psychotropic drugs, MDMA is capable of producing bona fide neurotoxicity at sufficient doses (e.g., >25 mg/kg), and damage is not confined to 5-HT neurons

This means that while doses of 10-20mg/kg do cause significant depletion of 5-HT (serotonin) they did not consistently produce markers of neurotoxic damage/axonal death (silver-positive staining, reactive gliosis or loss of SERT). 10-20mg/kg is about 600-1200mg for a human being weighing 60 kg. What is very important to note also is that these studies were done on rats that were given repeated injections (so not orally which has a lower bioavailability) over multiple days. So it seems to me real, noticeable neurotoxic damage with a single huge dose would be unlikely.

Added (untested) prefix

 

[Dawglaw]

You will be ok. It might take a little bit of time but your brain will bounce back. BL has a ton of information and advice by many who have been in your shoes and recovered. Check out the abuse recovery thread.