So true Shroomy. Yeah it's like, my doc doesn't care that my pain condition isn't better but is controlled to a degree by the meds. They just want me lower cause the government says so. Now, I don't take them as directed so I can only get so mad, but if I did take them as directed I'd be pissed cause no other meds help me and they're letting the government dictate my health care. I know people are dying and it's a huge issue, but there's gotta be a middle road for chronic pain peeps who actually do benefit from these meds.
I hear ya with the chronic pain frustration.... i not only have DDD in my back but migraines...and I tore both vetebral arteries in my neck several years back resulting in chronic neck pain. With my migraines, I don't really respond to the common vasoconstrictor meds and it's not great for me to take due to those artery tears (they are healed but still...).... but as my doc tries to lower my meds, it makes me mad cause what then? I'm suppose to take vasoconstrictors that affect my arteries that already tore once? Sigh... all they care about is making $ and not getting into trouble. There are good ones out there I'm sure that are balancing this DEA stuff along with their patients needs ... but not a lot. Most of them are just shook.
yeah I've used coke before to help w pill w/d. That worked alright. I use to have tons of connections back east for these kind of things to help my w/d but since I moved several years ago out west, I lost all connections. Probably better that way. And definitely better on my bank account! But when I'm in w/ds it sucks big time and makes me wish for my old connections.
Being at the beach sounds great and healthy! So you're coming off H but have a low dose of pain meds? That should help you right? Up north you guys can get OTC codeine meds still, right? Sometimes when I go to Canada I grab them and do a CWE on them to try and get rid of the Tylenol... it can help with withdrawl too. Not sure if you've tried that.
Enjoy that vacation!!
Good luck to you man!
Yeah, I'm coming off H and it's shit. I used for 2 months straight this time and had no pain whatsoever during that time, and eventually kind of forgot about my problems, started taking more and taking it for granted and ran out cold. I haven't been right for a month after I ran out of it now, I'm still not anywhere close to right in my body or mind, and my low dose pain meds are not working anymore like they used to. They are starter doses ER and percocet. It totally sucks... I should have more after so many years but the hysteria. I always have extra percs but I honestly just can't figure out the CWE on percs, I have always wasted the pills and I am an engineer you'd think I could figure it out. I hate how there is APAP in my meds like why the fuck? I mean that's cool if you have a temporary toothache but for chronic pain? Why don't I have the IR 20's we have up here? It's been so many years... that's where my tolerance is at.
It just sucks. I went to a hardcore music concert tonight. My back was in agony before I left for it, because I got my haircut today. I took a half pill of speed just to get out of the depression funk, and I ended up taking like 100mg oxy today. So 2 days of meds just to enjoy a show. I'm pissed because I need those to get through my vacation but I wasn't about to miss out on a fun night out because of my pain. I'm obviously underprescribed, and honestly they just shouldn't prescribe me at all if they are not going to ever adjust for tolerance. I don't even need that much... 80mg a day would be fine! That's not too dangerous consider my extreme pain level. I guess they think it's okay for me to spend the last of my 20's bedridden half the time on a heating pad? Like, there comes a point when I just have to accept I need something to function. Nothing else works. The pain has made me depressed and also a panic disorder came out down the road.
These bastards. I end up spending a fortune on extras and it's fucking me over, and now I can't quit. The withdrawals are hell. Yeah... like the percocet helps a bit but tbh I was taking so much more than scripted I can't even really feel them anymore. I should figure out CWE I guess because it's annoying when I want to take more but the APAP prevents me from doing so. But I always fuck those up and there's so much misinformation on those. And yeah I think there are are OTC codeine meds here, but with the caffeine and my anxiety I wouldn't bother. I have enough percs I don't really want to use.
The beach does sound great and healthy, but I'm just going to be in withdrawal the whole time. I'm really anxious about my vacation because I don't have enough pain meds to get by. I can barely handle it at home alone... I hope I'm okay. I really hope I have a decent time. I'm such a mess right now and I leave in a few days so it's really disconcerting for me.
You are right - all they care about is making money and not getting in trouble. I feel like my doctor doesn't listen to me and I hate the dictation. Like, it's my body and my pain how the hell does he know how I'm feeling about it. This is ALL about the fucking bootleg fentanyl in my opinion. When I started on these meds 5 years ago, my doc was way more chill than now.
It's driving me insane, I just want to quit because it's not really worth it anymore. But, I am really struggling with that. Even just going back to my low dose meds is an enormous struggle. I'm upset that I took a lot of shit tonight, but I made it to the show and had fun. I mean... I shouldn't have to stay in on Saturday night and miss one of my favourite bands play because I was unfortunate to end up with a fucked up thoracic spine...
Thanks for the encouragement. Good luck to you too. I am really suffering and I don't know if I will make it. Sometimes I think the only way out of this is to die. Maybe the beach won't be so bad? I'm just so fucking anxious about it... it's not right. Like I'm calculating how much I can take per day while I'm gone and I just want to be okay. With my panic attacks and benzos too I just want to make it through. I've never been nervous about a tropical vacation in all my life. The beach, ocean breeze, sun, cute girls... what is there to worry about? These fucking pills and how I'm still depressed from the Heroin abuse over this winter which I NEVER should have resorted to. I'll never use it again, I'm at least sticking to pills if I need extras. That shit really fucks my head up, way worse than any pharmaceutical. I used it 3 days in a row recently and I feel like it reset that month of progress. I'm so sick of this... I just want to be normal like I used to be before my injury : (