Oxy detox

[PaintTheTown]

I’m in the trenches, dug in for the battle. Day 2. This sucks. Day 3 & 4 are bearing down. And I do mean bear. I’ve only dosed Kratom 3x yesterday @7grams each. And used only 2mg of sub today and no Kratom. I can feel it coming on strong. I just keep thinking of Maximus in Gladiator “when we are facing death, all one can do is smile back”. I know I can’t die from this so I just have to laugh at the pain and mental BS. Because it isn’t real. I’ve stepped foot on every continent sober, swam in every ocean sober. Visited 65 countries sober, learned to fly a damn airplane sober, swam with great white sharks sober, climbed and skied 10 14ers sober, been to over 200 concerts, well maybe not sober. Heck I even ran a half marathon in withdrawal for charity. Pain is temporary, eventually something else will take its place. If I quit however, that failure will last forever. Just wanted to check in and leave my mark to remind myself of this. Hope all are well. The key to victory is visualizing yourself taking the steps to get there.

Glad to see you stayed in the fight. You are a very strong person. Use all that strength to push through. Don't be hard on yourself or to judgemental. Allow yourself to heal.

 

[311]

Hey all. Still in the fight on day 4. It’s tough. So day 1 I took nothing Day 2 I took 2mg of sub, day 3 I took 2 mg of sub and day 4 I took 1mg. Question. Should I jump tnrw? Or do .5? And once I stop the sub is it gonna get worse? I know I haven’t peaked yet. I’m still megadosing vitamin C. I’m not sure if that’s what’s pulling me thru this but I don’t have aches or RLS that bad. Energy is actually decent. Depression is awful and hot/cold is insane. Anxiety is still brutal. Cravings in the morning. Any help is appreciated. Stay in the fight everyone.

 

[PaintTheTown]

Hey all. Still in the fight on day 4. It’s tough. So day 1 I took nothing Day 2 I took 2mg of sub, day 3 I took 2 mg of sub and day 4 I took 1mg. Question. Should I jump tnrw? Or do .5? And once I stop the sub is it gonna get worse? I know I haven’t peaked yet. I’m still megadosing vitamin C. I’m not sure if that’s what’s pulling me thru this but I don’t have aches or RLS that bad. Energy is actually decent. Depression is awful and hot/cold is insane. Anxiety is still brutal. Cravings in the morning. Any help is appreciated. Stay in the fight everyone.

Mega dose of Vitamin C worked for me. I just had to stop due to hypertension. I don't have to much experience with sub's but I can assume .5 won't hurt before you jump. Excercise, clean diet with very little sugar, vitamin D, and prayer helps a lot. Glad your doing well. Anxiety gets better with time but the walks help.

 

[311]

Thnx Paint. Oh I did the no sugar thing too. I think that’s a big help. How many grams of C were you doing a day. I don’t believe in god but I do believe in some sort of higher power or energy out there. Yesterday was the first time ever i asked to take this away. Just all of it. Cause my way ain’t working. It’s 12 step stuff I guess. But I refuse to be a slave to this stuff anymore. I would rather be miserable the rest of my life, than be a slave to a substance, a person, a belief or whatever. I believe in Invictus. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.

 

[PaintTheTown]

Thnx Paint. Oh I did the no sugar thing too. I think that’s a big help. How many grams of C were you doing a day. I don’t believe in god but I do believe in some sort of higher power or energy out there. Yesterday was the first time ever i asked to take this away. Just all of it. Cause my way ain’t working. It’s 12 step stuff I guess. But I refuse to be a slave to this stuff anymore. I would rather be miserable the rest of my life, than be a slave to a substance, a person, a belief or whatever. I believe in Invictus. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.

I don't recall but I did get the Vitamin C dosing from this site. If you search its in the forums. You won't be miserable as more time goes on. Its normal to have better days then not even with none addicts. For us its just accepting those days will pass without the need of substances. Absolute Master indeed!

 

[311]

Day 5 if anyone cares. Still in the fight. Watched the sun come up. No more subs waiting for the worst to come now. I haven’t stopped sweating in 5 days. Still wearing 3 coats. Actually took the outside Christmas lights outside. Dunno how. Was just putting one foot in front of the other. Cravings are still brutal. Watched a Thousand Junkie last night. Just so accurate and depressing. It’s becoming madness. Just existing and waiting. So tough to get out of bed without that carrot waiting for you. Just keep thinking of Pacino’s speech in Any given Sunday. Right not I’m in hell. I can sit here get the shit kicked out of me or we can fight our way back into the light. Just like life, addiction is a game of inches. The inches are all around us. Just wonder if using the 8 mgs spilt up over 4 days if the thunder is coming. I’ve never used subs for detox but it seems it’s kinda standard for detox center. Good luck out there. Fuck that. Luck has nothing to do with it. No one ever got sober luckily

 

[PaintTheTown]

Glad

Day 5 if anyone cares. Still in the fight. Watched the sun come up. No more subs waiting for the worst to come now. I haven’t stopped sweating in 5 days. Still wearing 3 coats. Actually took the outside Christmas lights outside. Dunno how. Was just putting one foot in front of the other. Cravings are still brutal. Watched a Thousand Junkie last night. Just so accurate and depressing. It’s becoming madness. Just existing and waiting. So tough to get out of bed without that carrot waiting for you. Just keep thinking of Pacino’s speech in Any given Sunday. Right not I’m in hell. I can sit here get the shit kicked out of me or we can fight our way back into the light. Just like life, addiction is a game of inches. The inches are all around us. Just wonder if using the 8 mgs spilt up over 4 days if the thunder is coming. I’ve never used subs for detox but it seems it’s kinda standard for detox center. Good luck out there. Fuck that. Luck has nothing to do with it. No one ever got sober luckily

Nice job! Add those inches up and keep putting one foot in front of the other. The anxiety of what is next can be worse then actual pain and make it worse. Do what you can to relax and maybe cut out certain things you watch? Can be triggers?

 

[311]

Oh the movie was definitely not a trigger. It helped so much. It showed how pathetic we are. They searching, the waiting, the worrying. It made me want puke how we can get that way just to avoid being sick.

 

[PaintTheTown]

One big reason I stay sober. Chasing got exhausting.

Oh the movie was definitely not a trigger. It helped so much. It showed how pathetic we are. They searching, the waiting, the worrying. It made me want puke how we can get that way just to avoid being sick.

 

[311]

Day 6. Still going strong. Man this monkey is a SOB though. You become consumed with the physical pain of withdrawal, then the next minute it almost goes away but the devil appears in new form with epic cravings. It’s like wackamole. Shit keeps popping up. I think I’ve thought about using almost every second since I woke, staying busy doesnt do crap. Just keeps screaming go out and look for something. Feed me. It’s exhausting reminding myself it’s not worth it, you know where this goes every time. It’s like being in a miserable marriage. Constantly doing mental gymnastics. I’ve actually thought about hurting myself just to feel something else and take my mind off it. But what’s the point, a couple hours of relief to start over or go on another run. I keep praying take it away! Take it away! I give up. I can’t do it alone. Just reciting 12 step gibberish. It has to work. It has to. I keep looking at my pregnant wife, trying to give myself even more motivation. Who could imagine a substance so powerful you look right thru your future son and the love of your life and just want drugs. Writing this it probably looks like I’m close to breaking but actually is working. I don’t look at what I wrote in disgust but rather hate. I hate this drug. And maybe I’m naive with my addict reasoning. But I think the only way to win this game is to hate it so much and stop,playing, honesty and support. . See y’all on 7.

 

[PaintTheTown]

Day 6. Still going strong. Man this monkey is a SOB though. You become consumed with the physical pain of withdrawal, then the next minute it almost goes away but the devil appears in new form with epic cravings. It’s like wackamole. Shit keeps popping up. I think I’ve thought about using almost every second since I woke, staying busy doesnt do crap. Just keeps screaming go out and look for something. Feed me. It’s exhausting reminding myself it’s not worth it, you know where this goes every time. It’s like being in a miserable marriage. Constantly doing mental gymnastics. I’ve actually thought about hurting myself just to feel something else and take my mind off it. But what’s the point, a couple hours of relief to start over or go on another run. I keep praying take it away! Take it away! I give up. I can’t do it alone. Just reciting 12 step gibberish. It has to work. It has to. I keep looking at my pregnant wife, trying to give myself even more motivation. Who could imagine a substance so powerful you look right thru your future son and the love of your life and just want drugs. Writing this it probably looks like I’m close to breaking but actually is working. I don’t look at what I wrote in disgust but rather hate. I hate this drug. And maybe I’m naive with my addict reasoning. But I think the only way to win this game is to hate it so much and stop,playing, honesty and support. . See y’all on 7.

Great job, the pain you feel now will pass. Just remember that constant running around crap that you won't miss at all. Its freedom when you are not a slave to a substance and empowering each time you tell it to fuck off. Your mind is playing trucks on you. Just fight it until it heals. You got this and will be a wonderful example for your son. Fight for all three in your family.

 

[311]

Hey I just balled reading what you said. Thnx. I won’t forget that. I’ll keep fighting. I’ll never forget what Joe Rogan says. Imagine your life is a movie, why don’t you become the hero. I want to be a hero to my son. Literally after I wrote my last thread my wife came and talked about deliver of the baby and that stuff. I was engagEd. I wasn’t thinking about drugs. I actually saw her and I felt me. The real me. I told myself I wouldn’t get high on my wedding day and I didn’t. I want to be present. I told myself I won’t be high when my son is born And I won’t. I’m done digging this hole. Doing it for them is a bonus. But I am truly doing this for me. It really is a game of inches that keep building

 

[311]

Day 7. You always think the physical is the worst part but the mental is unreal. I just keep singing Alice In Chains. “In to the flood again, same old storm it was back then. So I made a big mistake. Tried to see it my way. Am I wrong. Have I ran too far from home?“.
F*uck I cant wait to get home

 

[PaintTheTown]

Hey I just balled reading what you said. Thnx. I won’t forget that. I’ll keep fighting. I’ll never forget what Joe Rogan says. Imagine your life is a movie, why don’t you become the hero. I want to be a hero to my son. Literally after I wrote my last thread my wife came and talked about deliver of the baby and that stuff. I was engagEd. I wasn’t thinking about drugs. I actually saw her and I felt me. The real me. I told myself I wouldn’t get high on my wedding day and I didn’t. I want to be present. I told myself I won’t be high when my son is born And I won’t. I’m done digging this hole. Doing it for them is a bonus. But I am truly doing this for me. It really is a game of inches that keep building

That's wonderful, you can do this. You will feel better with every inch you earn. The thing about addiction is FOREVER can feel like a huge task when you take on sobriety. I made a year when I really accepted one day at a time. Relapsing is even a restart of your clock not and end. You restarted your clock. Keep it ticking towards sobriety. No one likes a clock that runs backwards. Well unless your Benjamin Button (great movie to pass some hours). You got this!!! Engaged, I understand. Nothing like feeling those wonderful moments.

 

[311]

Thnx Even though you’re the only replying back it helps a lot. Day 8 in the books. Did/do meetings or anything. I’ve been doing NA Zoom meetings every day. But honestly I like reading the forum better. It just seems more real. Meetings feel like church. Just too much rote memory. I actually might have come across something I’ve never realized. Being sober there has to be a little pain or uncomfortable to remind you not to go back. Sure it’s great to have those good days but I think if you get too far away from it, it makes it so easy to slide back in. And of course just thinking of all the dumb shit I did using helps too.

 

[PaintTheTown]

Thnx Even though you’re the only replying back it helps a lot. Day 8 in the books. Did/do meetings or anything. I’ve been doing NA Zoom meetings every day. But honestly I like reading the forum better. It just seems more real. Meetings feel like church. Just too much rote memory. I actually might have come across something I’ve never realized. Being sober there has to be a little pain or uncomfortable to remind you not to go back. Sure it’s great to have those good days but I think if you get too far away from it, it makes it so easy to slide back in. And of course just thinking of all the dumb shit I did using helps too.

Yes, each time I have a craving which is way less often and less intense. I remind myself of how I hated chasing down pills. It was exhausting. There was nothing about the addiction I liked except it kept away withdrawal. This gets better over time. My anxiety and depression is something I deal with without opiates. You can deal with life sober also. Forgiving yourself is major. As addicts we rely on others to make us happy. How they speak to us, how they engage with us, and how they see us has to become second to how you see yourself. You got this! Give sobriety an inch and let it take miles!

 

[311]

Yes, each time I have a craving which is way less often and less intense. I remind myself of how I hated chasing down pills. It was exhausting. There was nothing about the addiction I liked except it kept away withdrawal. This gets better over time. My anxiety and depression is something I deal with without opiates. You can deal with life sober also. Forgiving yourself is major. As addicts we rely on others to make us happy. How they speak to us, how they engage with us, and how they see us has to become second to how you see yourself. You got this! Give sobriety an inch and let it take miles!

Hey. Thnx for everything. Aside from my wife it feels like you’re my biggest cheerleader. I hope to be in your place one day to help someone. if you can help just one person it’s worth it. I know PAWS is coming. I’ve been doing a single low dose of Kratom a day. More for the depression than anything. I definitely know that it can get away from you quick. I think I might stay on a low dose for a week or two. I’m in the same boat. Depression and anxiety are the real underlying issues. Day 9. Tmrw headed skiing for a few days. Some sun, snow and and scenery could help.

 

[tukabirdy]

I hope you got to go skiing.

 

[PaintTheTown]

Hey. Thnx for everything. Aside from my wife it feels like you’re my biggest cheerleader. I hope to be in your place one day to help someone. if you can help just one person it’s worth it. I know PAWS is coming. I’ve been doing a single low dose of Kratom a day. More for the depression than anything. I definitely know that it can get away from you quick. I think I might stay on a low dose for a week or two. I’m in the same boat. Depression and anxiety are the real underlying issues. Day 9. Tmrw headed skiing for a few days. Some sun, snow and and scenery could help.

I used Kratom responsibly to get off opiates. It helped a lot. It allowed me to reach this one year completely clean and sober. You are very active and with the added sun it will help. Release those endorphins and you got this! I don't have family support so I know how important it is to have positive people around. I understand what you feel and have felt every one of those doubts and pains. This is why I KNOW you can do this! In one year you will physically and mentally feel much better. Enjoy the slopes!

 

[SimplyTrinity]

Impressive story and really inspiring. I’m 7 days clean on oxy but didn’t start from as deep of a hole as you. You said you want to one day be someone that inspires others on this forum? Well, check that off your list. I’m inspired by you to stay clean knowing that you’re fighting bigger badder demons than I am.

Excercise, meditation, yoga, walks, hydration, long hot showers, supportive wife, being around my 2 little kids... nothing groundbreaking here but they have all helped me.

Message me anytime. Let’s hold each other accountable for making good choices.