Overstimulating your life.

[Brownz]

Hey guys, I must say it's probably been around the 5 year mark since I ever posted anything. I pretty much learned everything I know about chemicals from this forum and met some lovely folk in here (some of which I still see kicking around after 10 years!)

Anyways, I'll cut to the chase. I'm going to through a funny time in life, almost struggling with existence and what my supposed purpose is (bar making a living, career blah blah etc). I believe I am not alone in the sense of after years of having used drugs to a high extent, finding it hard to be stimulated or truly satisfied outside of things that involve drugs (festivals, parties, psychedelic transdimensional outings, 24 hour crystal meth wank sessions etc etc). Although I get kicks elsewhere (sex,food,DJing and producing), I never quite have the same desire, interest or passion as I would in things that involve altered states of perception.

I have unintentionally become a relentless hedonist. My current situation has steered me away from taking drugs however, as I haven't had anything for over 3 months. I do actually have access to MDMA, Cocaine and amphetamines but I have no interest in pursuing and even putting the effort in to obtaining them.

In a long story short, I find it hard to get as much pleasure from simple things as most "normal" people and I believe that it is due to what I believe to be overstimulation in my late teens to mid twenties.

From being psychologically infatuated with ketamine and sniffing over an ounce a week at one point in time, from a festival filled couple of years of LSD and MDMA, to the darker depths of intravenous 150mg doses of methamphetamine once a month for a good 6 months, I have taken my fair share of drugs. I still love K, I still think about meth and a lot of my desires and fantasies are drug related (imagining myself in a field dressed as a strawberry snorting K off a midgets forehead, for example).

I'm 28 now and am settling down, thinking about kids next year with my partner and have moved to Spain to further my career in engineering. But I still can't shake this absolute desire that is in the back of my head all the time and I wish I could, yet secretly at the same time fucking love it.

Is anybody in the same boat? I know recreational drug use is healthy for some of us but what I have found, especially from certain friendships is that it's gets to a point, be it unintentionally, where this pleasure seeking behaviour actually defines a part of you. I feel cognitive dissonance when I get too deep into it, I feel I should be growing up, yet at same time don't want to.

Please tell me I'm not alone.

PS Hope you're all well.

And I'm not dead (I read a post about deceased BL members and somehow was apparently dead)

 

[Tranced]

Ello mate, good to hear you're still about.

I have unintentionally become a relentless hedonist

I fucking love this quote.

I get it. I'm also a relentless hedonist. I am a complete slave to electronic music and hedonistic states of mind. I have a complete obsession with tribal states of mind and sound.

I feel cognitive dissonance when I get too deep into it, I feel I should be growing up, yet at same time don't want to.

Please tell me I'm not alone.

Yip, I get this. Big time. And especially recently. A lot of people cave in to the societal pressure. Just think about how many peoples parents/neighbours were probably hippies in the 60's, but completely packed it in for a secure life, and barely a shred of their former glory remains.

I guess my advice is to not abandon that. I envision a society where hedonism is at the core. Obviously a balance needs to be achieved - but I see no reason to abandon it, other than by allowing your (my) culture to consume you (us).

I say, fuck culture and help to build a better one.

I've really been pondering this existential crisis of sorts recently, and it has bothered me a lot. Well I guess I just laid my answer out bare to myself.

Learn to look after your life, always, but never ever forget how to love it.

That really should be at the core of all of us. x

 

[fightingthetoot]

For sure mate, i struggle with 3 month of drug circles, its so so easy to back down that route, either just taking them or being more involved. But what ya saying about want to take drugs , how far out the way would you need to go get them? Are they easy to get?

I know your got a serious relationship on the go, I have pretty much just messed one up because I choose drugs, I could of not to use drugs, but i wouldn't feel normal, av told this to my missus & I need to sorted that first, am gonna get my own house which will end up 24/7 to start with, so be good we can stay apart durning the & at night we can be together as normal.

Ya got choose between her and what you want to do as a man, would she bother if you had a little blow out once a month or something ? If you just want the odd dunt, surly got to be an argreement made, you should be able to off ya tits , now & again , out of intrest do she like a drink?

 

[quiet roar]

3 months isn't really that long when you consider how long and how hard you were indulging. You seem to be taking the right approach so give it more time and it should get better.

Your experience is the main reason I am glad that I didn't start indulging (apart from the odd dabble) in "party drugs" until I was in my late twenties.

 

[Raasyvibe]

I believe I am not alone in the sense of after years of having used drugs to a high extent, finding it hard to be stimulated or truly satisfied outside of things that involve drugs (festivals, parties, psychedelic transdimensional outings, 24 hour crystal meth wank sessions etc etc). Although I get kicks elsewhere (sex,food,DJing and producing), I never quite have the same desire, interest or passion as I would in things that involve altered states of perception.

I think it's fair to say, once you've lived the high life, normality becomes harder to get to grips with. I went through a stage whenever I heard a good song, I would automatically think "Imagine this song on pills", or even a firework display with friends, someone would say "imagine this while trippin;!!". Once you've raised the bar, the mind adapts to the new level and it becomes the desired state for reaction.

I guess the answer is, the longer you stay away from the drugs... the more the mind adapts to it's natural environment again. If you starve it of drugs, it will eventually have to find it's highs elsewhere... and you can start to love normality and all the small pleasures it brings again.

 

[Jackal]

I would say that you are 28. Relax.


You don't need to have kids at 29.

Assuming you want them, you can wait as long as you want





But you're young
You've got a lot of drugs to do
Girls to screw
Parties to crash
Sucks to be you
If I could take it all back now, I wouldn't
I would have did more shit that people said that I shouldn't
But I'm all grown up now and upgraded and graduated
Did better drugs and updated
But I've still got a lot of growing up to do
I've still got a whole lot of throwing up to spew
But when it's all said and done I'll be 40
Before I know it with a 40 on the porch telling stories

 

[Sadie]

I think it's fair to say, once you've lived the high life, normality becomes harder to get to grips with. I went through a stage whenever I heard a good song, I would automatically think "Imagine this song on pills", or even a firework display with friends, someone would say "imagine this while trippin;!!". Once you've raised the bar, the mind adapts to the new level and it becomes the desired state for reaction.

I guess the answer is, the longer you stay away from the drugs... the more the mind adapts to it's natural environment again. If you starve it of drugs, it will eventually have to find it's highs elsewhere... and you can start to love normality and all the small pleasures it brings again.

Kinda got a point there. Sometimes it's just never the same. Sometimes it just never will be.

 

[Itsgoneundertheboa]

Pandora's box ?

 

[Sadie]

One too many of us have opened.

 

[Shambles]

Coincidentally, I quit my initial hardcore druggy period aged 28.

There then followed a restless period of feeling like I'd missed out on life through which I went in for alcoholism, heavy cannabis abuse, "legal high" experimentation and, the one that stuck, Bluelight addiction.

There then followed a lengthy period of extreme hedonism which eventually blew up, melted down, turned inside out, fizzled out and back again several times over before settling into comfortable acceptance of a range of mental, physical and emotional states. No one of which I now feel is superior or inferior to the others.

This is where I stand now and doubt it is anything unusual. A change really is as good as a rest. And, importantly, vice versa

Imo and all that anyway.

 

[consumer]

I went hard from 18 to probably 6 or 7 years ago. I went from a 3oz a week of top grade bud smoker to 3 times a year hit on a joint. Occasionally trip when i can fit it in. I have my sometimes extended coke binges like over the xmas new year period this year but generally speaking wine is my poison these days. Do i miss the days of crazy hedonism that was my 20 odd years in Byron Bay? A little sometimes but realistically at my age you need to slow down a bit plus i now have other goals and responsibilities. Will i ever be totally straight? I cant see it happening. I think i will take LSD at least once a year till i die I know quite a few 70 + year olds that do just that..at a minimum. I think there is a happy middle ground. Everything in moderation including moderation.

 

[Tranced]

One too many of us have opened.

/
Or maybe too few?

 

[ordinary mind]

Everything in moderation including moderation.

Word! I became pretty miserable when I was using drugs in a really compulsive and continuous manner, and eventually got to the point where I would pretend to be a normal person with interests and things, but really I was only concerned about getting ridiculously high as much as possible. I have become a lot happier over the last 6 months, and I feel I have now reached a pace of drug use that I'm comfortable with and works for me in that they still give me great experiences, but they are now something to look forward to rather than a prerequisite for a good time.

I don't see myself slowing down further anytime soon, though I'm only 24 so I have plenty time to sell-out yet

 

[consumer]

Yes i am 45

I can still give you young uns a run for your money though when i am in the mood...especially where psychedelics are concerned

 

[ordinary mind]

/
Or maybe too few?

This IMO. For all the problems drugs have given me I can honestly say there isn't a single bone in my body that wishes I could go back and live my life without any drugs. They simply offer a wealth of awesome experiences that is too good to pass up on.

 

[ordinary mind]

Yes i am 45

I can still give you young uns a run for your money though when i am in the mood...especially where psychedelics are concerned

Haha I don't doubt it! One day when I grow up I hope to be able to drop 300ug and hit the waves! :D

 

[consumer]

Haha. I start at 300ug

 

[Raasyvibe]

[drugs/Pandora's box]

One too many of us have opened.

/
Or maybe too few?

This IMO. For all the problems drugs have given me I can honestly say there isn't a single bone in my body that wishes I could go back and live my life without any drugs. They simply offer a wealth of awesome experiences that is too good to pass up on.

Interesting topic.


For the past decade, I've been (just about) completely straight. Ate my vitamins, focussed on career, said my prayers etc

Met an old buddy, whom I used to trip with. We were recalling an old trip on MDA "It was mind blowing." he says. "It was mental! There's nothing in this world like it!" he kept professing. Me? I recount the experience as very dangerous... When I think back to those days, all that comes to mind is "WTF were we doing!?" "how dangerous", "how stupid"... all the enjoyment could surely have come in better forms.


I guess how you perceive these past indulgencies, depends on how you perceive your life in it's current state. For myself obviously and the OP that is negative, but for others, they obviously feel these experiences were worthwhile....

 

[Shambles]

When was the last time you smoked brown, Rass? Or got drunk off your arse and made an arse of yourself?

Just wondering cos your above post almost makes it sound like you've been squeaky clean this last decade or so when in reality you were still regularly on here live-posting tales of being seriously fukked up just a few months ago at most. Elsewhere you've been less absent... 8)

 

[Itsgoneundertheboa]

Rassyvibe aka Philby?