I’ve been addicted to meth for many many years. A past boyfriend reached out a couple years ago and I knew he was sober and so I let him know I still used and probably not the beat idea. He persisted. I gave in and we ended up living together. It was the absolute best time of my life. Nobody has ever loved me like he did. I never used in front of him but he still knew I was doing it. I’ve never used a lot but it was an everyday thing and not healthy. Eventually he asked me to quit saying he couldn’t go much longer …he was experiencing cravings and knew relapse was close if I didn’t stop. I told him I would give it a shot that I needed 7 days to sleep off the detox I needed to be left alone. He said oh 3 days you’ll be good. I told him I’ve tried this in the past and it’s always been 7 days. Not long after he relapsed. I knew what that meant and knew I needed to do what I could to pull us out. He was in the middle of selling his house. At the end of sale he profited 30000$ A couple weeks prior he offered to take us on vacation for two weeks so we could both get clean and come back and start a new life. Both sober. That never happened. He had been selling it before I even started talking to him and he continued after he sold his house. I came back to my apartment…an hour away while he stayed in hotels and started cheating on me. This shattered me. Not long after I kept having really bad heartburn feeling so I had went to drs 3 times about it. I just felt something wasn’t right. The 3rd time they checked my troponin and normal is .13 mine was at 14. I was immediately rushed an hour away to a bigger hospital. I was in surgery for 9.5 hours and the put into coma. My hospital stay was a month. 7 days coma and the rest icu. This was durning covid so I was allowed one person and that was my mom. When I got out of hospital I immediately relapsed. So close to death didn’t even matter. I was heart broken still. I saw my bf when I got out and he was hi and had dope in his new house. I felt so crushed. I needed his support more than anything in my entire life I cried and cried and wanted so bad for him to come to me. To help me and support me. He took me to a drs appointment 3 weeks after I got out of hospital. When he brought me home he stopped at a gas station ans in his center console was an old phone of his along with 2 guns. I took his phone. I needed to verify what I already knew. While I was in hospital as close to death as a person gets he was out with a different girl over and over. Shit destroyed me. Why could he not simply break up with me? I was so hurt. I’m still hurt honestly. He eventually got caught with 5 kilos and 2 guns and is going to be sentenced in dec. 210-265 months in federal prison. He asked if I would write the judge a letter. Which I have already done before his case went federal. He blames everything on the relapse. And I just cannot accept it. No matter how long I used I never ever did my people like that. Ever. I kept my morals. I never stole from anyone. I hid it very well. Slept every night etc. he went from making 120000 a year to getting fired to selling dope. In a matter of a couple months. I’m just wondering what an outside opinion is of his true feelings. I feel he never really cared if he could do that to me. At my lowest time in life. It’s been almost 2 years since my heart attack. I still cry over him once in a while. We had so much fun together and so many laughs. I hate I never quit before all of this shit happened.