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Opinions please

T

Trpatten

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 27, 2022
Messages
23
I’ve been addicted to meth for many many years. A past boyfriend reached out a couple years ago and I knew he was sober and so I let him know I still used and probably not the beat idea. He persisted. I gave in and we ended up living together. It was the absolute best time of my life. Nobody has ever loved me like he did. I never used in front of him but he still knew I was doing it. I’ve never used a lot but it was an everyday thing and not healthy. Eventually he asked me to quit saying he couldn’t go much longer …he was experiencing cravings and knew relapse was close if I didn’t stop. I told him I would give it a shot that I needed 7 days to sleep off the detox I needed to be left alone. He said oh 3 days you’ll be good. I told him I’ve tried this in the past and it’s always been 7 days. Not long after he relapsed. I knew what that meant and knew I needed to do what I could to pull us out. He was in the middle of selling his house. At the end of sale he profited 30000$ A couple weeks prior he offered to take us on vacation for two weeks so we could both get clean and come back and start a new life. Both sober. That never happened. He had been selling it before I even started talking to him and he continued after he sold his house. I came back to my apartment…an hour away while he stayed in hotels and started cheating on me. This shattered me. Not long after I kept having really bad heartburn feeling so I had went to drs 3 times about it. I just felt something wasn’t right. The 3rd time they checked my troponin and normal is .13 mine was at 14. I was immediately rushed an hour away to a bigger hospital. I was in surgery for 9.5 hours and the put into coma. My hospital stay was a month. 7 days coma and the rest icu. This was durning covid so I was allowed one person and that was my mom. When I got out of hospital I immediately relapsed. So close to death didn’t even matter. I was heart broken still. I saw my bf when I got out and he was hi and had dope in his new house. I felt so crushed. I needed his support more than anything in my entire life I cried and cried and wanted so bad for him to come to me. To help me and support me. He took me to a drs appointment 3 weeks after I got out of hospital. When he brought me home he stopped at a gas station ans in his center console was an old phone of his along with 2 guns. I took his phone. I needed to verify what I already knew. While I was in hospital as close to death as a person gets he was out with a different girl over and over. Shit destroyed me. Why could he not simply break up with me? I was so hurt. I’m still hurt honestly. He eventually got caught with 5 kilos and 2 guns and is going to be sentenced in dec. 210-265 months in federal prison. He asked if I would write the judge a letter. Which I have already done before his case went federal. He blames everything on the relapse. And I just cannot accept it. No matter how long I used I never ever did my people like that. Ever. I kept my morals. I never stole from anyone. I hid it very well. Slept every night etc. he went from making 120000 a year to getting fired to selling dope. In a matter of a couple months. I’m just wondering what an outside opinion is of his true feelings. I feel he never really cared if he could do that to me. At my lowest time in life. It’s been almost 2 years since my heart attack. I still cry over him once in a while. We had so much fun together and so many laughs. I hate I never quit before all of this shit happened.
 
Honestly, it sounds like he’s using you and the relationship he had with you as justification for things he would have done anyway. If he was really committed to his sobriety, he would have known better than to get into a relationship with an active user (you.) YOU knew better, and told him so. He did not listen. You cannot be held responsible for his actions; he alone took them.

I suggest that you either move on, or hope that he comes to his senses in jail. If you wrote him letters of support that may help him; or it may not. Best wishes to you.
 
I always say that drugs or drink can't 'get out' of a person what isn't somewhere in there in the first place. I've never made those kind of excuses for myself.

Nobody likes to admit to themselves that they have the capacity to be a selfish bastard, or wants to see that in a loved one, but there you go.

Your guy is using cowardly excuses to shirk personal responsibility for his actions; the decision to use again was his and his alone and he cannot blame any of it on you. It's the more extreme situations in life where we show our true colours. He was bullshitting you and then he neglected you when you had need of his support because he was too busy cheating on you.

I know you were happy with him so this must hurt tremendously, but he's clearly not half as much invested in the relationship as you are. I'd say give him ONE chance to get his shit together and make sure he knows you mean it. How he acts then will tell you if there's any hope of a future together.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
I always say that drugs or drink can't 'get out' of a person what isn't somewhere in there in the first place. I've never made those kind of excuses for myself.

Nobody likes to admit to themselves that they have the capacity to be a selfish bastard, or wants to see that in a loved one, but there you go.

Your guy is using cowardly excuses to shirk personal responsibility for his actions; the decision to use again was his and his alone and he cannot blame any of it on you. It's the more extreme situations in life where we show our true colours. He was bullshitting you and then he neglected you when you had need of his support because he was too busy cheating on you.

I know you were happy with him so this must hurt tremendously, but he's clearly not half as much invested in the relationship as you are. I'd say give him ONE chance to get his shit together and make sure he knows you mean it. How he acts then will tell you if there's any hope of a future together.
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Thanks for responding. That makes total sense. Your first paragraph. 😔. I don’t know why I struggle so much with this situation. Some days I’ll come across past letters I never sent. Basically things I just needed to get out in that moment. And the pain and heartache in these letters is so awful. It’s hard to accept the facts of the situation. I don’t even know what I want that would make me feel better or give me closure. I do know I choose a certain type of man. Men that aren’t healthy for me and in the end I’m left hurt. I’m not sure how to change that so I quit this attraction to the wrong people. I want to fix myself I suppose. I also feel bad people seek out empathetic people to manipulate. I was pretty blindsided by this last guy tho unfortunately.
 
xtcgrrrl said:
Honestly, it sounds like he’s using you and the relationship he had with you as justification for things he would have done anyway. If he was really committed to his sobriety, he would have known better than to get into a relationship with an active user (you.) YOU knew better, and told him so. He did not listen. You cannot be held responsible for his actions; he alone took them.

I suggest that you either move on, or hope that he comes to his senses in jail. If you wrote him letters of support that may help him; or it may not. Best wishes to you.
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Thanks for responding. That makes sense. I need to let go of the guilt I carry. I think moving on is what I’m left with. Too much damage done. Anyways thanks for your insight
 
are ya tired of it yet and wanna save all that life with somone/something more "nobel"?
drugs are selfish ime
or can be
peace
 
6am-64-14m said:
are ya tired of it yet and wanna save all that life with somone/something more "nobel"?
drugs are selfish ime
or can be
peace
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Tired of what? The drugs or the guy? Absolutely tired of the drugs…addiction is a beast I don’t wish on anyone. Your reply confuses me sry
 
Trpatten said:
Tired of what? The drugs or the guy? Absolutely tired of the drugs…addiction is a beast I don’t wish on anyone. Your reply confuses me sry
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I seem to know a bit about the chains of self adminitered self medicated state... still am.
but to what extent do i allow.that to go?

Trpatten said:
addiction is a beast I don’t wish on anyone. Your reply c
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sorry on phone may have to get back to that i cofsue myself so i gotta post this to gonback to read what some glich has removed.
 
yeah the drugs then.
i mean whattaya wanna do in life? any options? incentive maybe?
ya can walk from.anything ime but sometimes it hurts like a mf.
 
6am-64-14m said:
I seem to know a bit about the chains of self adminitered self medicated state... still am.
but to what extent do i allow.that to go?


sorry on phone may have to get back to that i cofsue myself so i gotta post this to gonback to read what some glich has removed.
Click to expand...
Man I’m fkn lost on this.
 
6am-64-14m said:
yeah the drugs then.
i mean whattaya wanna do in life? any options? incentive maybe?
ya can walk from.anything ime but sometimes it hurts like a mf.
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Well I wish I was younger. Can’t change that. My health is shit. To get clean and stay clean the only thing I haven’t tried is relocating. Which I think is probably my only option out of the addiction. I’m miserable as fuk sober and not much better addicted obviously. I’ve brought myself to this point and I have so many regrets. I just want to be happy and live a sober life. It’s getting there that’s the problem
 
Trpatten said:
Well I wish I was younger.
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oh i get that one too alas lol
Relocating helps but short term a mf gonna get what they want eventually.
Its gonna take more than that ya gotta take some nuts. ime See how you do without.....
Incenves does help ime
just say no lol
 
lets slow.down a little u gonna make me medicate. just for rest and rlaxation nothing toxic idk
 
6am-64-14m said:
oh i get that one too alas lol
Relocating helps but short term a mf gonna get what they want eventually.
Its gonna take more than that ya gotta take some nuts. ime See how you do without.....
Incenves does help ime
just say no lol
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Oh I wish it was a just say no deal. Boy how I wish. I’ve been doing this shit for 20 fkn years. On the plus side I never smoked my teeth. So I have that going for me at least. Every single time I’ve attempted sobriety I’ve failed the first chance I got. Cravings fkn kill me also. I’ve reached out to many people and places for guidance and actual help and here I sit same dam place. Not much hope in sight. Unfortunately. My drs say if u use you will die. I tell them I know but even that isn’t enough. I wish they were educated on it and could offer more than just telling me to stop. It’s pathetic on my part honestly.
 
Blaming his cheating etc on the relapse just has the sound of male bullshit. I have used stimulants, psychedelics and cannabis ever since being at university (I'm 60 next birthday) and I have never cheated on a partner (and it wasn't due to the lack of opportunity). Never stolen either, or indulged in anything criminal, other than endlessly breaking the Misuse of Drugs Act. Morality is something, when stripped to the core, that drugs doesn't influence (IMO). Using drugs as an excuse is something I've seen several friends use, but it's just like blaming it on drink, a lame excuse, at best.
I know some would say I have no morals, but I'm proud of the fact that I've never done anything that hurt others (actually, that is sort of lying, as I effectively had an affair with a chemical, ketamine, that broke up my relationship with my ex. I may sound like a hypocrite, but finding something that completely removed a pain I'd lived with for over 30 years, that nothing else touched, entranced me). Well not done anything knowing it would hurt someone. The result of my ketamine affair is something I am so ashamed about, as it hurt the woman I loved, but I never knew how hurtful it was, until she left me, saying, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".
Hindsight is always perfect and sometimes painful
 
I think it's time to move on girl, you needa close that chapter of the book and carry on. U still got a lot to live for, just thank God that you are still alive. Just think of him as a good memory, you'll meet someone who Will treat you better. Trust me, stay away from toxic ppl. Cheers
 
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