• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

Online Dating: Shameful last resort or an untapped resource?

S

silverman

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 3, 2011
Messages
32
I recently had an all to brief fling with a friend whom I have known forever and have had a crush on forever. While this was going on she was in the process of moving from the state. She has a dude waiting for her at her destination. We made a deal beforehand that neither of us would get attached. She was able to keep up her end of the bargain but I fear that I was not able to. I fully understand that we have no chance of working out but I miss her and can't stop thinking about her. I know I will get over her soon enough, but I feel weak and hate not being in control of my emotions and will do anything to regain control.
In order to get her off my mind I am trying to find a hook-up as soon as possible. I have resorted the dregs of the dating world in order to to wash her from my mind with rapidity.
Who has tried this before? How were the results? How did you feel about the process involved? So far I have only gotten messages from women whom I believe to be below my physical standards. All the women i have messaged have not responded. Perhaps I am reaching above my standards as well. What is the best way to reconcile this disparity?
 
I met my boyfriend online and we've been together for a year and a half. Online dating can be a good resource but you have to sift through people that aren't your type or are weirdos/psychos. You should try talking to one of the women "below your standards". Some people just don't photograph well but may have other endearing qualities anyway. She also may be a knockout in person.
 
I imagine just like dating in RL.. it takes time. :) You'll find someone online that will meet your standards.. if it's been.. a few months then maybe your standards are a bit too high or you need to spruce up your profile!
 
read some profiles without pictures - does any of them spark some interest? Chat to them see how it goes. Some people avoid leaving a picture as they could be thinking the same as you 'this is the dregs'. Some may be really attractive and dont want hundreds of fancy a quickie responses, of course some could be pure horrors!

I personally don't see anything wrong with online dating, even a quick hook up's if that's what both parties want.

TBH though I would think why your doing this? having a quick session will not make you forget the other girl, it could actually make you miss her more but with the added 'guilt' of sleeping with a stranger.
 
all you have to go on online are photo's and what the person has written. in real life there is charisma or attraction or something about them that you like- maybe the way they talk, their tone of voice, sense of humour, sexy hands.

all this is lost on the net which is why it takes ages and often leads to just hookups that dont happen again because a huge number of things just weren't right

go for it but realise that you will lean towards the very good looking who will also themselves lean towards the very good looking. also huge volumes of ugly people will hit on you.

some people are hot in real life and look bad in photo's and vice versa.

the whole thing is flawed but if you want to get laid then go for it.

lately in london i have been noticing my gaydar getting very good and have been preparing the guts to chat up dudes on trains, buses etc. always risky BUT i'm clueing up to it. anyway you just need to get some guts and chat to the people you like in real life. as do i. its called having good game.

one of my lesbian friends who oozes charisma in huge volumes has an endless stream of women after her in pubs. its called sending out the right signals and having good game
 
I recommend okcupid.com. You can answer questions (a whole bunch of random ones on various topics) and it matches you with people based on how you answered. And there are a lot of hotties on there.

You could also try craigslist lol (My fiance and I have met some really dope people on there. We went on a date with a couple recently and they are smokin hot and super cool.)
But you are gonna have to deal with a lot of sketchy replies, usually involving dick/scrotal sac pics
 
I know a number of people who've met their now SO on dating sites. Certainly nothing 'shameful' about it :)
I agree with purplefirefly in particular, try chatting with some of the people who've answered you. It's inevitable there's gonna be lots of people you won't be interested in and it'll probably take a while to find someone perfect, but just stay patient, it's normal. And try not to reject people based on looks alone, as has been said they might just not be photogenic and you might get along with them great regardless.
 
why would meeting someone online be shameful?

alasdair
 
I don't think there's anything weird or desperate about it. It's just one more resource for hooking up, dating, that's available now.
It's really flawed in some ways. There are tons of odd types(male and female) that will message you, asking for filthier pictures, wanting to chat or text. Like anywhere else(the bar, a club, etc) you've gotta wade through the bad fits, psychos, to potentially find a match.
As others have mentioned, this can be a lot more difficult and time consuming when all you're going off of is a handful of best angle type photos and chatting or maybe talking. The lack of actual interaction makes it somewhat of a guessing game.
I think it's probably most valuable to folks who are either exhausted by the other means of finding a partner or someone who's pretty shy, introverted and wants to skip the earlier, most nerve racking parts of meeting someone. Approaching someone, introducing yourself, etc.
The only one I ever tried was Plenty of Fish. It led to a few decent hookups(that's all I was looking for at the time), one or 2 really good ones, and also a lot of emailing, texting that lead to nothing. Either because I got a bad feeling for one reason or another or they stopped corresponding.
I never tried the more "serious" sites like Match. I know someone that met a girl on there that he's been with for quite a while now.
So, yeah. Nothing shameful or desperate about it. Try it out, be careful, and just think of it as one more tool available for finding what you're looking for.
 
I see it as a little bit of both.


I'm reluctant to do it myself, in part because a part of me just doesn't like the idea (I have the brain of an 80 year old man and hate everything done by the youth), and in even greater part because I am hesitant to put my name/photo on the internet due to concerns about my privacy. Hence I only really communicate on the internet on online forums.

If you are comfortable with it, go for it, but it always feels nicer to meet a girl by more "natural" means, IMO, at least for me.
 
I certainly don't feel ashamed. It's actually a good way to keep yourself from having a date with someone you haven't had any conversation with at all. You can talk from a distance and stop it once you get red flags.
 
I still struggle to understand why online dating has this stigma?
 
I used to think online dating was lame but now I think it can be really useful. I know tons of people who have met people online. They don't always work out, of course. But it's just another way to find someone to date! Just go for it :)
 
Bearlove said:
I still struggle to understand why online dating has this stigma?
Click to expand...

Something about it feels... off. I can't pinpoint it exactly, but I do not believe it to be a simple matter of my lack of ability to adjust to emerging technologies, and the changing social norms they present.


Ideally, I would like to use the internet in order to make more friends, both male and female, and from those social connections find an actual date, rather than streamlining the whole process in an artificial manner.

The problem is, most of the social activities I find online are either directly targeted at women (like women's bookclubs or meetup groups) or an older crowd.
 
Three words: trial and error.

It takes a while to work on a profile that people will like. It takes a while to learn what to type in a message that will get a response. It takes a while sift through all the other profiles. You have to be patient and be willing to learn from your mistakes. Nothing good comes easy.
 
I have quite a bit of experience with online dating and have had varying amounts of success but it certainly does work. Infact, it's how I lost my virginity. I've spoken to countless girls on these sites and met up with a handful. Some didn't go great but I've fucked or fooled around with at least a few of them. I could pull more in if I took it more serious. I sometimes end up sending half-assed jokey messages because there's just so many to choose from that sometimes it gets hard to be assertive.

But yeah I don't think you should feel ashamed. Several of my very close friends use plentyoffish hardcore and have met very attractive women on there who they have either had flings with or legit relationships with. In modern times, it is VERY common to meet your partner online man. Soon it will be more weird to meet someone at a bar than it is on plentyoffish. You will immediately notice that there are an abundance of very attractive individuals on the site. It's not just littered with ugly weirdos. However, there are some... many with fake profiles/ pics. My advice for you is to always chat on the phone or via webcam before meeting up with anyone. My friends have planned dates and got stood up. Then after some serious thought we determined the profile he was corresponding with was most likely a phony. Also, one time he went to cam with a chick he met on there and it ended up being a gay guy flopping his (apparently very large) peter around on cam.

I just recently made a readjustment to my profile. I took down some of the weirder pics and put more "normal" pics of me socializing with friends and drinking beer and shit. I also changed it so that it is strictly for women with "a few extra pounds" which I am into. I have got several times more responses with this new account. They all like my pics and profile and what to meet up, whereas my last one nobody wanted anything to do with.

For shy, more introverted - even anti-social - people like myself it's a godsent. You can use the comfort of your home computer to scope them out to see if they're what you're looking for, and if you have to you can take something to calm your nerves beforehand. It's just less spontaneous than "real-life" dating.

You can also very much increase your chances by making seemingly personalized messages and copy and pasting them.
 
Online dating is common now... I don't think it's a shameful last resort. For some people it's a first resort. *shrug*
 
my problem with online dating is the same as buying chips at the grocery store. too many choices.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top