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OctSOBER - Getting/Staying Clean Thread

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stardust, i've been reading on you on the boards for so long, you feel like a friend. i'm really excited to read how you are holding it down. hero, indeed.

i would use it if i had it. i'm glad i don't.

roctsober steady.
 
ugly said:
stardust, i've been reading on you on the boards for so long, you feel like a friend. i'm really excited to read how you are holding it down. hero, indeed.

i would use it if i had it. i'm glad i don't.

roctsober steady.
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I feel the same for you Ugly <3. Except you remind me of the mom version. Tough and loving. <3 Glad to hear you're stickin to it too. Just keep the stuff away and try not to allow yourself the opportunity to use. Remember, you're the matriarch, of your family, of our little Recovery Support family <3.

Roctsober steady indeed :). I feel like it can be taken two ways -- as in rockin it and staying hard as stone towards your goal. Very cool :)

How is your daughter?

Also Day 49 for me :)

And how did I miss this:


itsALLfake said:
It's been a while since I've been around, but I'm still going strong. We had a daughter on 9-13, so I've been really busy with all that.

9 months and 8 days, now. I've been spending most of my time, when I can be away from home, educating people on e-cigs. I guess it's better to have people coming to me for advice than what they use to come for.. Today, is my first day back at work after being off for at least a month. The shutdown has impacted our company's work, but at least I still have a job.


Love and kisses for all!!!
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A new baby girl :)!! Congratulations!!! 9 months I am jelly indeed <3! That is some serious seriousness! You're doing amazing! Glad you still have a job too. This shutdown is feeling scarier and scarier the more I read into it.
 
day one... so far so good. I just hate that I'm at this point again but hey at least I'm fixing it now before it gets worse :)
 
^Daily reflection is a great tool. I'm glad it was beatin into my head in transitional/boot-camp sober living. I wouldn't have learned anything like that on my own.. Using my own tools, I find I'm much more productive with video games than life. :)

You're not doing it again..you're doing it NOW! :))))
 
I had to cut this off early... it wasn't even really a choice. Also, "give up" is not a phrase that lives within my vocabulary lol if there's one thing I can say for myself it's that I'm tenacious as fuck when it comes to getting what I want... and what I want is to never be a junkie again and to be happy with my life and with myself. I don't like myself when I use, especially now that I've gotten a taste of sobriety. Sober, I'm a happy and positive and healthy and optimistic and an outgoing person who makes friends easily and loves to dance and make music and life is beautiful 75% of the time. Once I relapsed, I could literally FEEL myself just like lower to a more negative state of mind, which obviously caused that negativity to seep into other aspects of my life. My overall quality of life goes down overnight pretty drastically and I'm not down for that.

It's not worth it.

The withdrawals have been whatever. Don't know if that's cuz I was only smoking it for a lil over a week or if it's because I took 4 mg of Suboxone yesterday and 1mg so far this morning lol. Plus, I have a baby duck at my house right now. The baby duck follows me everywhere and is about the most adorable thing I've seen ever in my life, so having him around to play with and distract me helps a lot <3

Either way, it feels good knowing that I'm getting back on track now :)

And thank you guys so much for all the positive encouragement. This is the most supportive and non-judgemental community I've ever come across and I really do have a lot of love for all of you <333
 
Today has kinda been a little rough.. had someone play the drug card with me.. I guess its nothing new and the references she used could easily have been attributed to active drug use i guess.. but also fuck her.. as after awhile you should ask first before you throw our some accusations as feelers or whatever.. and a persons drug use can easily be used as a scapegoat for all kinds of lifes problems, by the addict their family and people they know.. kinda funny how you are trying to blame drugs when im off them and now you're shoveling down the antidepressants, oh did miss perfect realize that she is a little bat shit crazy and decide to turn to drugs herself oh i see its medication.. so whats the difference between drugs and medication, oh someone told you to take the drugs so they became medication.. also dont forget your role in the very shit you complain about.. and the craziest drug users on earth, asside from the poor bath salt people, are people who drink on SSRI's absolutely gone from reality..

Also I'm really worried about another Blue Lighter and the idea of her not being well or possibly not around anymore made and continues to make really upset.. I really wish you would check in.. sorry about that post I made.. I didn't mean to question your courage.. I just lost it and fuck I was pissed.. love ya and you better be alright.

so anyway I felt like having allot of drinks.. but then I thought through that and realized that pickling myself would do no good and instead do allot of bad..
 
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5 days since I last used heroin.. still feel awful but getting there.
 
neversickanymore said:
Today has kinda been a little rough.. had someone play the drug card with me.. I guess its nothing new and the references she used could easily have been attributed to active drug use i guess.. but also fuck her.. as after awhile you should ask first before you throw our some accusations as feelers or whatever.. and a persons drug use can easily be used as a scapegoat for all kinds of lifes problems, by the addict their family and people they know.. kinda funny how you are trying to blame drugs when im off them and now you're shoveling down the antidepressants, oh did miss perfect realize that she is a little bat shit crazy and decide to turn to drugs herself oh i see its medication.. so whats the difference between drugs and medication, oh someone told you to take the drugs so they became medication.. also dont forget your role in the very shit you complain about.. and the craziest drug users on earth, asside from the poor bath salt people, are people who drink on SSRI's absolutely gone from reality..

Also I'm really worried about another Blue Lighter and the idea of her not being well or possibly not around anymore made and continues to make really upset.. I really wish you would check in.. sorry about that post I made.. I didn't mean to question your courage.. I just lost it and fuck I was pissed.. love ya and you better be alright.

so anyway I felt like having allot of drinks.. but then I thought through that and realized that pickling myself would do no good and instead do allot of bad..
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The keyboard is a lot better to get anger out with, I think. You can beat the keys up a lot more than screaming to yourself without feeling like you're psychotic quite as fast..:) Thanks for getting vulnerable with us. I love you!
 
Day 6... Wow I'm feeling better and better as time passes. Still can't afford to be idle though.
 
Day 3... today also marks the day that I have stopped using Suboxone to help. It's gonna be a rough one I can already tell, I have always hated the third day... but bring it the fuck on... I know what's waiting for me on the other side of this and it's worth more than any high that any drug can give... feels better too :) <3

Edit: yep, today sucks haha the depression is pretty intense today... never really had this symptom so early but yeah, I ate McDonald's while watching Jersey Shore... enough said :/
 
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Feeling less good lately.. a lot less good.

Not sure what happened. Just haven't felt good lately. Feeling pretty depressed. Stressed as fuck. Cravings etc.

I felt great for about a month straight there. Pretty bummed out now.
 
I've been taking oxy for almost 15 years now. It started with back pain, and 2 back surgeries, 2 ankle surgeries, 3 knee operations later, I still have a lot pain despite taking 450mg of oxy a day. I'm quitting. I'm tired of the stress of using too much and worrying about trying to get my meds early. I'm basically tired of being sick and tired. I'm going to a detox center this Thursday. Desperately trying to taper without much luck. I'm a functioning addict. Life is good if only I could enjoy it. Does quitting bring the joy back to life?

The problem is the drinkers are the fun people, and those of us that like drugs and drink, want to be around the fun people. Boredom is our most formidable opponent.

I'm trying to grow the balls to do what you have done.

Lustmord said:
5 days since I last used heroin.. still feel awful but getting there.
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I'm trying to grow the balls to do what you are doing.

Venrak said:
Right on, good job on 49 days!

It definitely is too bad that the places you would likely go to dance in a social setting happen to be bars, but it is awesome that you have the strength to be around them and have that perspective. It really speaks tons to where you are mentally in all this! Good job!
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I have the same problem. All of my friends are partiers, and When I get sober, I do not look forward to having to make decisions about whether or not I can hang out with the same people.

Pagey said:
Very impressive <3

Day 25...my boyfriend's being incredibly unsupportive through all the W/Ds and really feels like I'm getting closer to relapsing with every second but hey, so far so good... :\
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Don't do it! I wish I was as far along as you. Maybe it's time for a better boyfriend?
 
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Hi RS <3 welcome. You can do it, just try it for one day. That is a large dose to quit cold turkey, have you looked into suboxone for tapering?

Also if you have to add to a post you can hit edit instead of making multiple consecutive posts.
 
Since 10/2 I've used once and I know why I fucked up. My clean date from opiates is 10/8 now. So today is 5 days.

I've found myself replacing dope with alcohol do today is day 1 no alcohol. Next Monday will be day 1 no marijuana.

I wanna do this this time. A girl I work with made me a chart pertaining to getting clean

I'm doing outpatient, I got enough subs for 8mgs a day till I get on the sub program that my outpatient place offers for 3 months. I gotta do this.

Here's my chart, or a rough draft. I'm glad I have a good friend that's a awesome support system no matter what I'm doing.

NSFW:
87E712B4-BCB8-4370-97EF-ADED97F4B3A0-3826-000002423CA03D98_zpsf7793f9c.jpg
 
Thanks NSA <3

I've had a 2.5 hour car ride to Baltimore today and now I got a hour till I get back home. I've been writing down triggers and many other things. My friend hooked me up with the chart, I talked to my dad about what's going on.

My mom told me that I was pleasant to be around today and she was glad I came up, which makes me feel good. I gotta do my daily journal when I go home. I'm tired but I gotta discipline myself and do it anyways. Makes me happy tho
 
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