No sex...worthy cause of a breakup?

[Frankthetank41]

Maybe she wants you to be more aggressive (some girls find that sexy). Like, she starts it~ teases you and just kind of waits for you to take control and go after her! I would say try being more aggressive (obviously there is a fine line but knowing that you guys have been together for 2 years I know that you will know her limits). Or maybe before you can ask her, do you want me to be more aggressive and go after you? (then tackle her!) Hehe. :3. But make sure when you do this there's no one home and going to be home anytime soon so there's no other excuses. Also, maybe a glass of wine or a cocktail before might help her loosen up? Maybe she feels uncomfortable and wants to do it during the night? Maybe she wants a little romance? So many variables! Try, try, try them all!

(P.S. I do think that she still finds you attractive because you said she always initiates sexual acts and teases you.)

Thing is, when i try to take control, its like she doesnt like want too. Like she almost doesnt like it even though she asks me too. Like you said, I know her limits, and its basically there from the get go. Thats what blows my mind and why Ive stopped trying to get intimate anymore. As Phliper stated, you cant expect someone that likes sex to stay in a relationship with someone that doesn't . Id like to think shes not joshing me when she said Im really good at it, but it almost doesnt make sense. Id think if that were the case, than she would enjoy having it you know? And that she would want too. Even something spontaneous like the shower, or the car or something. Maybe a weekend getaway with some wine like you said could do the trick. Or when nobody is home. I should be able to find some time hopefully to get something going.

 

[Frankthetank41]

I really think you should do that. Takes the pressure off her - no blue balls for you - and personally I find it super hot to watch a man play with himself, so she might join ya... x

If and when the time comes Lola, Ill keep give you an update haha Definitely something new Ive never tried. But there is a first time for everything!

 

[phliper]

Gotta be careful with that jerking off move man, it can come off as desperate and that isn't sexy. You usually have to be in a pretty secure zone to get the team wank down.

Next time she does the "You're too [whatever]!" try saying, with a sly grin and a bit of machismo, "Maybe, but this is about me, not you. You don't like sex, remember?". Be playful, not mean. No means no!!!! but a lot means "maybe, if you work for it" and you should know a "NO!" after 2 years together. If you get a "NO!" go make a sandwich, watch some tube and start thinking about who your next gf will be.

 

[Frankthetank41]

Gotta be careful with that jerking off move man, it can come off as desperate and that isn't sexy. You usually have to be in a pretty secure zone to get the team wank down.

Next time she does the "You're too [whatever]!" try saying, with a sly grin and a bit of machismo, "Maybe, but this is about me, not you. You don't like sex, remember?". Be playful, not mean. No means no!!!! but a lot means "maybe, if you work for it" and you should know a "NO!" after 2 years together. If you get a "NO!" go make a sandwich, watch some tube and start thinking about who your next gf will be.

Haha! I like that. I will go with that one. Thanks for the advice Phliper! Much appreciated

 

[pokepoke420]

Is she on drugs by any chance? Never rule something like that out.

Was she abused as a child, sexually? These are things you need to take into consideration before really getting mad.

A lack of sex IS something that can end a relationship though.

 

[pofacedhoe]

She started to smoke weed a few months ago with her friends and I told her I don't date girls that smoke (I think it's a big turnoff). Stop, or I leave. And she did stop and hasn't done it since.

for someone who wants sympathy over your girlfriends lack of sexual desire for you, you yourself show a lack of tolerance.

if someone said to me- you can no longer drink beer because i find it a turn off, i would find that level of domineering control freak attitude a turn off

has the sex gotten less since that ultimatum? sometimes how attractive someone is to you is a reflection of how you feel about their personality

weed makes me horny as hell so missed opportunity there

it also makes rubbish sex seem quite good. it heightens sensations enough that it can seem like the other person knows what they are doing whereas sober it would be obvious they dont

 

[Frankthetank41]

for someone who wants sympathy over your girlfriends lack of sexual desire for you, you yourself show a lack of tolerance.

if someone said to me- you can no longer drink beer because i find it a turn off, i would find that level of domineering control freak attitude a turn off

has the sex gotten less since that ultimatum? sometimes how attractive someone is to you is a reflection of how you feel about their personality

weed makes me horny as hell so missed opportunity there

it also makes rubbish sex seem quite good. it heightens sensations enough that it can seem like the other person knows what they are doing whereas sober it would be obvious they dont

We're very tolerant of what we Do. But going into the relationship, she knew that I didn't date girls that smoke. Clearly at the time, it was fine. But then she started and I wasn't going to, for a lack of better words, lower my standards. I told her she knew and that if she continued, then I did not want to continue to date her. When I wrote the previous post I should have elaborated more on the matter so I apologize for that.

As for what happened her weed phase, she told me she was high as a kite and just wanted to sleep both times. Now that mention that though, hmm. It was during Christmas her weed phase started, and just a little bit after that, few weeks...? her funkiness started happening. I should bring that up to her though. Good point

 

[pofacedhoe]

well it doesn't make everyone horny but at least two stoner girls i know have game that would put any man to shame. they're very light smokers though

personally i couldn't tolerate constant teasing- its would just get on my tits. best of luck

 

[dopemaster]

Has anyone brought up medication. I personally can atttest to SSRIs killing my sex drive dead. Alot of stuff like anti depressants, mood stabilizers, ssris, snris, and stuff like that can mess with your hormones.

Im on chronic pain maintainance and that fucks up my labido. I still want to fuck though. I dated a woman who was also on chronic pain maintainance. We sometimes had to plan sex around are dosing schedules to some degree. We are both opiate addicts. But that really fucked up our sex life and probly led to us breaking up, plus her habit was getting worse quick. Being an opiate addict can really fuck up your sex life. Alot of woman I have sex with are opiate addicts as well, because Im a junky.

I know this is awful but I stopped having sex with a woman to get her to move out. Its a possibility. It did work. She cheated on me and I packed her shit and left it out in front the house. She really needed to go. I dont need to explain it right here as its irrelevant to this dicussion.

Maybe you need to spice things up. I would make sure that when you did have sex it was good. She might need a good hard fuck. Id take all that aggresion from not fucking and rock her world.

I honestly would have tried to adress the issue and asked her whats up and if anything was wrong.

Maybe you need to take charge and iniatiate sex. You say she is turning you on. Maybe you need to flip the scrip and push her buttons and leave her to hot and bothered. Its all about finding the clitoris sometimes.

If you cant fix things, you can choose to leave her, its your life, but if you like her as much as you seem to Id try to figure out what was wrong and restore the passion back to your relationship. You might even have to go as far as talking to her about it seriously. I hope this helps you.

 

[missmeyet?]

Great posts, missmeyet?. Well put.

Thank you dear.

 

[double ewe]

if someone said to me- you can no longer drink beer because i find it a turn off, i would find that level of domineering control freak attitude a turn off

has the sex gotten less since that ultimatum? sometimes how attractive someone is to you is a reflection of how you feel about their personality

that was my thinking too. it sounds like there was a point where her attraction to him diminished significantly (her "just find somebody else" statements sound like someone who has checked out of a relationship), and it wouldn't surprise me if that coincided with him telling her what she is and isn't allowed to do in her free time.

 

[Corazon]

There's never been an issue with past abuse, relationships:family life. I'm only her second boyfriend and she lost her virginity to me (which blew my mind cause she's one hot mama jama haha) but we've been good to each other and respected her for that.

Have you had other sexual relationships before her? And if yes, were you the one initiating the sex most often or your partner?

You are only in your early 20s once. Everyone is different, but you may want to find an additional gf or two.

 

[Frankthetank41]

that was my thinking too. it sounds like there was a point where her attraction to him diminished significantly (her "just find somebody else" statements sound like someone who has checked out of a relationship), and it wouldn't surprise me if that coincided with him telling her what she is and isn't allowed to do in her free time.

Personality is the first thing I look for in a young woman. If I love being around her, I want to take things farther. If I get the feeling it'll turn sour, I wont bother to pursue anything. So yes, we definitely click there. But the weed was out of nowhere, and as I stated before, I told my girlfriend in the beginning of the relationship that thats a big turn off for me. She agreed. But then she did it. I do understand people change, but for her to suddenly close up like that (if its the reason this is happening) wouldnt make too much sense to me. Especially for this long. She can do whatever she'd like, but shes always known about the smoking issue.

 

[Frankthetank41]

Have you had other sexual relationships before her? And if yes, were you the one initiating the sex most often or your partner?

You are only in your early 20s once. Everyone is different, but you may want to find an additional gf or two.

Yes, I had sex with one girl a little bit before meeting my current girlfriend.
Originally it would waver back and forth with initiation. I began to let her make the move because I dont want her to feel pressured to do anything. She gets very defensive over that stuff and the slightest "push" or "heavy kissing" is too aggressive for her. Idk about you guys but if we're having sex, I WANT TOO HAVE SEX. That crazy shit haha. I love clicking on that emotional level with her with the "making love" sex, but a good hard fuck is always wonderful as well haha. I guess we're not clicking sexually. But the more feedback I get from everyone it seems like throwing in the towel would be the thing to do at this point. Ill have a final talk with her about this in the near future and if it doesn't change anything, I suppose thats gonna be my cue to leave.

 

[Frankthetank41]

Maybe you need to spice things up. I would make sure that when you did have sex it was good. She might need a good hard fuck. Id take all that aggresion from not fucking and rock her world.

I honestly would have tried to adress the issue and asked her whats up and if anything was wrong.

Maybe you need to take charge and iniatiate sex. You say she is turning you on. Maybe you need to flip the scrip and push her buttons and leave her to hot and bothered. Its all about finding the clitoris sometimes.

If you cant fix things, you can choose to leave her, its your life, but if you like her as much as you seem to Id try to figure out what was wrong and restore the passion back to your relationship. You might even have to go as far as talking to her about it seriously. I hope this helps you.

Man, after being neglected for so long, if I try to leave her all hot and bothered, Im not sure if Ill be able to contain myself haha! Ill have to do that though...if and when the time comes -__- Im going to have another discussion with her about this in the very near future, and if it doesnt change anything...time to go. We're not clicking sexually/shes not on my level anymore and I think thats a big issue. I think a relationship can only go so far without being intimate with one another. Im beginning to see my girlfriend as just a friend because theres no romance or love making or physical activity happening. and Im getting extremely tempted to go out and about with other girls. No douchebag here though so Im keeping it in my pants. But again, I might have to throw in the towel pretty soon here.

 

[Serotonin101]

We humans, As animals, need to feed our carnal desires to be happy. This includes lust. Don't suffer when there's no need my friend. You'll be doing what's best for both you and her so don't worry.

 

[Foreigner]

I was in a no-sex relationship for 7 months while I waited patiently for my partner to get over his issues. It never happened, and the sexual frustration started to become channeled into other issues. In the end we were fighting a lot, and it just fell apart.

It might not be the case for all people, but most people require intimacy to strengthen bonds in a relationship, especially in the formative stages. I think, whatever the reason, you are better off ending it and finding another relationship where sex isn't so hard to come by. I know people want to sympathize with your girlfriend and hone in on the problem, and I have compassion for her, but if you've reached an impasse then there's not much point.

I will never have a celibate relationship again. If I detect any reluctance around sex that is long-lasting, I'll end it before it can even begin. I have sympathy for people's issues but if it's so hard for them then they shouldn't be in an LTR, at least not with me.

 

[Cadamec]

 

[Frankthetank41]

Update
Well, i ended up talking to her. I basically merged all of these ridiculously awesome answers together I received and I told her how I felt. She again freaked out but I told her what needed to be done and what we should do. I brought it up in a very constructive and calming manner and did my best to be civilized. It began turning into a heated argument because she thought I was being, for a lack of better words, pushy/forceful...? Its been 5 days since the talk, then yesterday she texts me: "babe, we HAVE to fuck this week. My medical procedure (donating an egg to a family) is this week and we wont be able to bone for 10 days -__-" Almost talking like we do it on the daily and the following week will be a death sentence. I just reply with "ok haha that sounds good lets do it". But Im smarter than that and know its not gonna happen. She goes in for this thing on sunday, and my little sister has a party tomorrow with her little friends. And its a sleepover haha. SO, it looks like in the very very very near future, Ill be single and ready to mingle. Thank you so much for the comments/suggestions. I honestly couldn't have gotten better advice from a better group of people and ultimately I know that Im doing the right thing. Thanks everyone

 

[T. Calderone]

Maybe she sent that text because she knows you're unhappy with the status quo. Sorry it's not working out though.
Sometimes you have to cut your losses and walk away, hard as it seems. Wish you luck Frank!