Need advice, tips, support from those who have recovered from prescription pain meds. I have tried unsuccessfully several times. I felt determined to do this yesterday. Ran out, didn't seek. Went to bed feeling confident. Now, at about 36 hours I am feeling the effects and my resolve is weakening. This stuff has really fucked up my life. I am in a cycle I have to get out of, but when I try I feel so physically sick and deeply, darkly disturbed emotionally that I end up going right back to the temporary fix.
It's complicated by the fact that I do have chronic pain that isn't even touched by otc stuff. But I can't regulate my use of prescriptions so I am just screwed.
I primarily want to hear from those who succeeded without rehab, although I suppose hearing from those who realized they needed it would be an answer I needed too. The way my life is set up I will pretty much lose everything if people around me find out I am an addict.
I need success stories. I need help just getting through the next hours honestly.
Detoxing from opioids is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I did it at an
inpatient detox center. They gave me a choice between buprenorphine or methadone. I chose methadone. I was inpatient for seven days. After that I did a thirty-day inpatient rehab. I think I could have made it without the rehab, but there's no way I could have stopped without medically supervised detoxification. (I am a practicing Buddhist and can't do the god thing that has to happen for twelve-step programs. I went to a Buddhist-oriented rehab in California. It was a solid decision on my part and I'm grateful I had the resources to pull it off.)
I detoxed in October of 2017. They started me at 20mg of methadone and tapered it down to zero over seven days. It was one of the worst medical experiences I have ever had (I've had nine major operations and have been dealing with HIV for over thirty years). I felt like I had a bad case of the flu (runny nose, uncontrollable sneezing, nausea, diarrhea, body aches, inability to sleep...). After detox, I chose to hire a 'sober escort' to accompany me to California (I live in New England). My insurance covered a seven-day detox but refused to cover a rehab. I paid for the rehab out of pocket.It wasn't cheap but it was only a matter of time before I overdosed or died from some other addiction related problem (incidentally, I started with a prescription pain killer and then went to heroin). I got out just in time to dodge the fentanyl trend became the problem it is today. Fentanyl seems to be contaminating everything these days. Even pills that look legit can be tainted if one is buying them on the street.
After rehab, it took me almost a year to begin to sleep normally again. The most valuable resource I've had since I detoxed is my friends. I also meditate. I don't do twelve-step program/meetings for a host of reasons (there are other options available these days, like Smart Recovery, Refuge Recovery, Recovery Dharma). Connection to a healthy community, to nature and connecting with silence through meditation.
If one is truly, physically addicted, I don't think there is any way to detox from an opioid addiction without going through a significant amount of dope-sickness. October 2017 thru roughly April was difficult, but what choice did I have? It was only a matter of time before it killed me. I 5'11" and currently weigh 150 pounds. When I checked into detox, I weighed 118 pounds. Opioid, benzodiazepine, and alcohol detox are potentially dangerous (benzos and alcohol can literally be deadly if not medically supervised and opioids can be dangerous if one has a history of seizures/neurological problems.
I still use cannabis but I have been to two funerals in the last couple of years that were from unintentional overdose on fentanyl because the product they were getting was tainted with fentanyl.
I don't currently attend any kind of meeting. Now that I have kicked heroin, the fentanyl issue keeps me away from using opioids again. I'd prefer not to die if I can avoid it.
I sincerely hope you can find your route to an opioid free life. A life free from opioids is a
MUCH easier life. I hope you can find freedom and happiness.