Heroin My Heroin Experiment

[johdurt]

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting so bear with me please.
When I was relatively young I was introduced to oxys. I used them rarely when they came around but never exactly went looking for them and never ate more than 40mg at a time. When I got a bit older (second year of highschool) I stumbled upon an abundance of percocets. They percocets were fairly low mg (generic 5mg tecs) but eat enough and an opiate is an opiate. Eventually I was doing at least 5 or 6 a day for a period of a few months. Eventually, as usual, the scripts stopped getting filled and the poor children raiding the medicine cabinet were exposed to WDs for the first time. Mind you, the WDS were extremely mild compared to the average opioid user's. But it showed us little kids that this wasn't just fun and games.

Fast forward to one year ago, I came in contact with another consistent supply of percocet. I indulged cautiously knowing the risks and how to avoid them and continued on recreationally for a few months knowing how to avoid the WDs and dependancy. Three months ago I started using heroine. I was snorting / smoking .2 to .5g daily by then end of my run. 6 days ago I quit heroine cold turkey. Now mind you I was well aware of what I was doing. I knew I was getting addicted, I knew when I was, and I had gotten sick enough times in between to figure out that the withdrawal would be fairly severe. The kicker here was that almost all of this was intentional. I wanted to see how bad it really could get. And how good it could. There's nothing like being at the peak of WDs and the smoking till you nod and feel better than you ever have. I wanted to feel the rush and the crash and now that I'm nearing the end of my experiment I'm sort of reflective on the situation as a whole. I probably will use again but with the discretion and control to keep it recreational. Not sure why I felt the need to share this but I'd appreciate any feedback\input on the subject.
Truthfully, there is nothing I can see that is beneficial about heroine use. I have my demons just like anyone else and yes it shuts them up quite well, but ultimately it doesn't fix anything. Thanks for taking the time to get through this and I hope to maybe hear back on this

 

[johdurt]

Just finished reading a bit on ibogaine for withdrawlas. Decided to test the effectiveness of psilocybin for the similar purpose. Still feeling the ass end of the acute H withdrawals and just dosed around 2g of psilocybe cubensis. Feeling the initial effects already will update afterwards.

 

[mostly-human]

It sounds like you think heroin addiction is a game.

My thoughts and feedback are remind yourself to read this nonsense in 5 years time.

 

[mostly-human]

Also if you think you have experienced "severe" heroin WDs just from CT'n smoking a tiny bit each day for 3 months.

Oh my Sweet Summer Child

 

[tacodude]

0.3-0.6 grams is not a "tiny" amount to smoke and 3 months is more than enough to develop a dependency and from the sounds of what he enjoyed he was addicted to the effect.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Curious to hear how the mushroom experiment went. I can't stand tripping off mushrooms in opioid withdrawal, but apparently it helps some.

Same with LSD, I'd rather avoid any traditional psychedelic in opioid withdrawal.

NMDAr antagonists or iboga? Love those in withdrawal, but that's pretty much it other than comfort meds and/or a companion.

 

[tacodude]

It helps overcome pain without managing it in fact making it more noticable. That has always been my experience with psychedelics off opioids. Like the movements and stretches that are needed for a kundalini Awakening can taken if one lets go, but it might be really intense

 

[Coolwhip]

I probably will use again but with the discretion and control to keep it recreational.

I'm not sure just how bad your WDs got, but you won't be able to "use with discretion" and keep it under control if you ever touch it again; assuming you did experience a high level of WD. But given your usage history, I don't think your level of WD was as great as you think it was, it can be much, much, much worse.

It will only take 2 days of using before you are sick again. And if you use for even one night, you will wake up the next morning feeling like such shit(even if not flu-like), and with the high that comes with that first use after a period of abstinence fresh in your mind, it will be VERY hard to not convince yourself that its OK to use for just one more day.

I'm not exaggerating here, you can chip before you become dependant, but once you have there is no more chipping, you are either on or off. Use again, at all, and you will have to go through this all over again.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^there is some truth to that, but even opioid use is highly variable. This might have been your experience, it might also have been the anecdotal experience of many other people, but it isn't like a law of the universe.

 

[blxnc]

You should know better than to think using heroin for three months was just an experiment, especially after your experience with perc's. It sounds like to me you just want to put a pretty frame around your addiction and make it sound better than it really is or rationalize doing it in someway. Don't mean to sound harsh.

Addictive substances are not something you can just "do recreationally" here and there as if it's normal. You will be addicted until you stop, and there isn't much in between. I'm sorry to tell you.

It's very common that addicts (myself included) will say, that they have "control" over it and will just "keep using it" just "a little bit" here and there, intermittently. But trust me, this is still remaining on the same path to addiction as any other. This is just a way to rationalize your addiction and make it seem okay, or to even remain in denial that you are an addict.

Also keep in mind prolonged use as time goes on, you consecutively are increasing your risk of developing PAWS... I would recommend stopping sooner than later if you are ever planning on being sober later in life, to have a more painless live, and an easier withdrawal period.

Trust me, you are walking directly into hell... this isn't fun and games. This isn't a fun little experiment just for the hell of it. You are walking directly into a hell you will very very much regret stepping into and you may not ever return from. If you are capable of stopping now, stop now. Because in the future, it will be much harder, and you will wish you had stopped sooner.

 

[Runningfox]

Tacodude
Pls get some real professional help. . . Speaking as a person who has lost loved ones thru suicide, it's an awful thing and using it as a threat to try n get your way is not cool at all.
Please seek help IRL

 

[blxnc]

I have also lost loved ones to suicide and overdoses. Please seek professional help, there is a way out and it is not suicide. If you do not know where to look for help message me and I can give you options. Please talk to someone, even if it's me- a random stranger on the internet. But just know I will be directing you to a professional.

 

[Coolwhip]

^there is some truth to that, but even opioid use is highly variable. This might have been your experience, it might also have been the anecdotal experience of many other people, but it isn't like a law of the universe.

I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who has been seriously dependent on opioids, who can return to IVing heroin for 2 days straight and not suffer WD again(assuming they had the willpower to limit it to 2 days). I'm sure there is a small window for people in the OPs situation, where they experienced some WD and could pop some percs for a couple days and not suffer more WD than aches and a runny nose, but it would be a very small window and they would be limited to taking therapeutic doses orally to not re-engage dependency. So small that it isn't doing anyone any good to pretend it's possible to go back to chipping after being dependent.

 

[Rafayte]

You can be one or two months without heroin for kick out tolerance and after it smoke 0'3g once a month

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who has been seriously dependent on opioids, who can return to IVing heroin for 2 days straight and not suffer WD again(assuming they had the willpower to limit it to 2 days). I'm sure there is a small window for people in the OPs situation, where they experienced some WD and could pop some percs for a couple days and not suffer more WD than aches and a runny nose, but it would be a very small window and they would be limited to taking therapeutic doses orally to not re-engage dependency. So small that it isn't doing anyone any good to pretend it's possible to go back to chipping after being dependent.

All I'm saying is that it's highly variable.

I've used opioids like oral hydrocodone, codeine and oxycodone for a few days post major injection heroin dependency/use disorder/addiction without serious issue beyond the opioids messing with my mood for about a week following use.

Likewise, I've used injection and plugged heroin post heroin addiction/dependency/etc for two-four days without dependency/tolerance related issues. Again, the downside was that it screwed up my mood for about a week following use.

So I choose not to use opioids these days not out of fear of dependency or withdrawal so much as (outside of pain management) they mess with my mood in ways I don't have time for.

Of course, my experience is anecdotal too. The point is simply that there is serious variability. And that it isn't so much the drugs used (to a degree it is of course) as it is how they are used.

I do agree that it's a lot easier to fall into dependency issues for someone with a history of use disorder/dependency issues with same/similar substances.

 

[phuckingnutz]

He's not lying... It's hell...

"Dude, WTF are you talking about. I know from your posts lately that things are shit for you ATM, but telling everyone that you're "planning to OD next week" is a seriously fucked up cry for help since no one , to my knowledge, evben knows who you are other that tacodude, BL'er. I know i gave you some shit the other day, I give everyone shit, but are things really THAT fucked?
I am not so self centered as to think it has anything to do with me or this forum and maybe i am overreading your meaning, IDK.
You really ought to talk to some one...besides on this forum if things are that bad.

 

[Deemgd]

"Recreational heroin use" doesn't stay recreational for long. When I first started, I would party on it for 3 or4 days at a time with my boyfriend, staying nodding the entire time, and thenI wouldn't touch it again for 4 months. I used to tell people I was a recreational IV heroin user lol. I thought I had control cuz i would only binge and never use long enough in regards to days in a row and took long enough breaks in between binges that I didn't get sick when i stopped so I thought I was ok. I had friends that were smack heads and I would look on them in pity and awe of their lack of self control while they were prostituting and robbing for it and using all day every day and couldn't quit. Well quickly a weekend every 4 month turned into a weekend every 2 months than two weekends a month then before i knew it i was using it every day- and robbing my own grandmother and carjacking people at gunpoint even though I wasn't even getting euphoria off it anymore. Took less than a year even with month long breaks in between.

There's a reason people willingly destroy their lives, desert their kids, don't care if they're living on skid row over heroin- it's a feeling that you can NEVER replace in real life- not with your kids, sex, your freedom- nothing feels as good, even when it doesn't feel good anymore- you will keep using because the memory of how good it once felt will keep you chasing that high and losing everything and it never comes back, then when you want to quit you can't cuz of dope sickness. STOP NOW. Especially if you aren't to the point where you are shooting it. Cuz once you shoot for the first time you are really in trouble because that feeling is something like you've never felt and never will again and you will not be able to forget it No matter how hard you try. I've been clean from heroin for 10 years and I can still remember what my first time shooting felt like, and I still crave it when I think about it. The psychological addiction is much stronger than the physical one and being able to quit for 6 days is great but it will take YEARS of not using for the psychological side of it to go away.

You are in very dangerous territory and I wish someone would have told me then what I'm telling you now. It is not a game and please stop before you start shooting- because you will. Everyone says they won't but play with it long enough and you will, and then you'll understand why you are powerless to walk away from it but it will be too late. The guy who gave it to me the first time shot me up, and he had been on it for years so he knew what he was setting me up for, when using it quit being fun and my life was in shambles I would get so angry and wonder WHY he would set me down that path knowing the destruction it brings, and knowing what I know i feel obligated to tell you RUN LIKE HELL, I will not be like that guy and sugarcoat things for people and tell them it's ok recreationally. Sure you could be one of the few lucky ones who it's a phase for and are able to walk away before shit gets real, but with your history and love affair with opiates and increasingly seeking out stronger ones I can guarantee that won't be the case. Trust me it's not a chance you want to take. This stuff takes over your soul while you're not looking.

Please stay stopped otherwise you will be shooting it soon and like I said once you experience that feeling your life will never be the same and you'll wish you could go back. Another thing too is that once you've had heroin euphoria you will never get euphoria off of other opiates again. I didn't use any opiates at all for 7 years and then had to be put on Vicodin and morphine for a back problem and no matter how much I take I don't get any euphoria and worse than that they don't even help the pain because your mind remembers that heroin high and is expecting that feeling from other opiates and you'll never get it- and I take huge doses (500 mg Morphine sulfate and 200 mg hydrocodone together at once). Now obviously those doses are high enough to where I shouldn't be in pain but because my mind is expecting tree heroin high mentally I think they aren't working even when they are. Save yourself the trouble and don't ruin yourself for down the line if God forbid you ever need to be on painkillers because you will never feel like they're working no matter how much you take cuz you're still going to be running after That heroin buzz decades later, then you wind up like me blowing through your whole months' script in 4 days. It's a vicious cycle please just stop now you have no idea what you're messing with.

 

[Doper420]

There is no such thing as "recreational" Heroin use. Like said before, you can chip for a while but it eventually sucks you in. If i were you, while you're still fresh into the world of H, get out now. 3 months isn't shit compared to some people, sorry but it isn't. WD from sniffing dope isn't comparable to blasting WDs. It's not a game like mentioned. This isn't meth where if you just want to stop all you do is eat and sleep. This isn't cannabis. Heroin will take everything from you and give nothing back, except a casket if you're one of the unlucky ones. I wish you the best of luck and suggest you turn away from this now while you can. It's not worth it. Take it from a lot of us who have been dealing with this for years. Myself included. It's a nasty cycle of ups and downs. With more downs then ups.

 

[Charles2]

I entirely agree. Smoking is not comparable to IV - that is a fact, yes whilst a bit buzzy, no great rush. If you ever IV, what has been said above is true, you will never ever replicate that first hit. Ok the original poster is experimenting trying to guage the level of addictiveness. With a so called habit, it would ordinarily be quite easy to walk away from. The mere fact that you (any many others I have read on forums) are able to post to the internet, whilst in your so called "withdrawal", is rather surprising, and is a direct measure of your ability to function in some capacity. if you were in true withdrawal you could not even turn the computer on !!!!!
If you continue to use, and yes, you will use more and more and more before the needle is your last resort, and an escape from the pain you feel, as you are now addicted, and the only thing that will remove that feeling is that very first shot. It has been explained above, rather eloquently, the initial pleasure and ultimate downward spiral which is indicative of a full blown addiction. At the moment you are just walking through a meadow of wildflowers, albeit with some true ignorance in wanting to "TEST" yourself with regard to dependence. I remember reading somewhere "I walked towards the casket, just to get a view, and lying in that casket, I could not believe was you".

 

[Cracko]

Please please stop this "experiment" recreational heroin use is allmost imposible and speaking as someone who started a similar experiment allmost 15 years ago. It's not what it first apears, what you think are seveare WD now ! you will enevitabley come to wish for. Only the other day i was talking about this verry subject with a friend, his GF is just starting her own opiate rabitt hole. She has mild to moderate WD flu for a coupla days and is fine. However she seems to be falling into this Wonderfull/Terrible trap that heroin has snared on so many of us, very habbit is quicker to pick up runs outa controll quicker the use is more the depraved acts are more and more out there and every WD is ten times worse untill you become one of us depreved criminal, prostiue scum succers who will do things never dempt of and WDs that cannot be explained untill you have lived it. Please stop before you become as me. i can only write this cos ive had 80ml meth and just done a snow ball. who ever wrote earlier if you can type out a sensible post whilst you are going through servier WD boy you dont know where its @