My fiance has been doing meth behind my back...what should I do?

[synchrojet]

Ok, I'll take a stab at it. It's a guess.

Her fiancee wants her off of meth before they get married and he figured he could just gradually take a bit here and there and dispose of it, assuming that she is gradually doing it. He might figure he is helping her quit that way.

Good as any other guess I suppose. I'm off this thread.

 

[Timmmmmy]

for my final two cents, i am going to say CONCLUSIVELY that provided the substance has been synthed well, and it was pure (as pure as it was made of course) it can evaporate without a trace. i watched this happen with some stuff of mine recently, which was sealed in a bag, wrapped around a desicant sachet, and sealed in another bag, hidden somewhere there is no way anyone would have known where it was. it simply evaporated into the air without a trace. no residue or anything.

for such a pissy amount, why the hell would her fiance want to screw her over for that? its logic. nothing more.

 

[Morrison's Lament]

Ok, I'll take a stab at it. It's a guess.

Her fiancee wants her off of meth before they get married and he figured he could just gradually take a bit here and there and dispose of it, assuming that she is gradually doing it. He might figure he is helping her quit that way.

Good as any other guess I suppose. I'm off this thread.

You're so wrong. It now seems obvious to me that she is carrying the child of his brother, Ridge. In an effort to make sure she doesn´t inherit the wine plantation or the family home, her evil stepmother has been working with her fiance at sabotaging her reputation in the family.

Dr. Jesus Hernandez, having just recovered from his coma without the knowledge of Negro Kitty and now sporting a totally new face after the surgery, disguised himself as their housekeeper and stole the meth, in an effort to keep her off drugs long enough to discover the plot going on right under her nose.

Or maybe it just evaporated

--- G.

 

[alasdairm]

i decided to do some research on this issue and found the following (my bold emphasis):

"Methamphetamine produced clandestinely frequently contains large amounts of various solvents. One common type of solvent is Freon (frequently R-11 or R-113) which may cause a significant problem with the determination of the net weight of an exhibit.

This potential problem will be most significant with larger chunks of Methamphetamine, especially with packages as they come from the source laboratory. At room temperature any trapped Freon will, over a period of perhaps months, evaporate from the packages resulting in significant loss of weight. This process is not limited to Freon and may include other solvents such as acetone.

Clandestine Methamphetamine may contain as much as 50% solvent by weight. Therefore, in the process of drying out, such an exhibit could lose up to 50% of its weight from the time it is acquired until the crime laboratory analyzes it. Since this may cause various problems, including a question of integrity, it is obviously important that any Officers who are working Methamphetamine cases are aware of this situation.

Although an exhibit of suspected Methamphetamine might appear to be dry, it may still contain significant amounts of Freon. On the other hand, the presence of strong chemical odor does not necessarily mean that the sample is very wet and is prone to undergo a significant weight loss over time.

Additionally, different solvents will evaporate at different rates. Freon R-11 is easily evaporated and, therefore, can cause significant weight loss very quickly. Freon R-113 evaporates more slowly and may take longer periods of time to cause significant weight loss.

It is recommended that any evidence of this type be weighed in the presence of a witness and submitted to the crime laboratory as soon as possible after receipt."

some posters here are quite certain that NK's fiancee is stealing from her.

how they can be so sure, i really don't understand.

to me, the above, seems as likely, if not more likely an explanation...

alasdair

 

[Morrison's Lament]

Agreed! Excellent research, and looking more and more likely to be the cause of this whole thing. Although the ownership of the family plantations still seems a good motive to me

--- G.

 

[Negro-kitty]

Okay, so let me respond to some issues that have been raised.

First of all, LIV always is brutally honest (or at least what he considers brutally honest), so I can excuse his brutal comments. It's just LIV; he's just trying to help.

Now, when I first started dating my fiance, we did a fair deal of meth together (1-2x/month)...and I made it clear I didn't want him doing any without me. My fiance, while never truly addicted to meth, did use meth a few times a week for a period of several months. During that early part of our relationship I just mentioned, there were a few times that he used meth (like smoked it before work) without me and against my wishes. He told me about it all 3 times. I was VERY mad and made it quite clear (and smashed his pipe); and after that I always had our meth in my possession. I know that he can have issues with it thus I keep it.

But that was a couple years ago, as far as I know there have been no incidents since then, and until recently I actually have kept the stuff hidden (in a place he wouldn't find).

Now, this disappearing meth was in a place that he knew of, so it is not inconcievable that he would take it...what makes me think he HASN'T though is because he uses adderall periodically (maybe a few times a month). Also, I can literally SMELL when he's been doing meth. Also, I would know if he was up...yes, he has spent a lot of nights up lately but most of them on the adderall...he is in grad school and he's been very busy lately with various projects, so it's not like he's staying up for fun. He HAS been very tired the past few weeks but he's been taking some new meds and having major seasonal allergies...basically, I think I would be able to tell if he were using meth. I'm pretty observant.

Another thing -- he's horny when he does meth. Really horny. He hasn't been horny lately -- less than usual in fact. I'm positive he would be jumping me more if he were dipping into the meth.

Also, there is the fact that 1)he has never lied to me, about anything (that I know of) -- and recall he did tell me about the times he used meth without me and 2)I feel like I would know if he were lying (he's the type that would be a bad liar), and he sounded pretty truthful.

So while I still don't think he's at fault, I think that it is possible. And I appreciate the relevant input.

Now, more about the meth itself:

Again, sealed within drug baggies, that were within a larger sealed bag. Again there is the fact that only 3/4 bags lost most of their meth -- the other bag was entirely intact. I don't see how meth would be lost from some but not all.

We have had NO ONE over. Not a single person. We do not have a cleaner and we have not had anyone over to fix anything.

Also, I get the meth from a known source, I know the chemical route used and it does not involve freon. Also, I had this batch ( I tend to buy a good amount all at once if I know it's good) lab tested -- it was pretty damn pure, certainly in the 80%'s.

About the scale -- I think it is quite likely that the scale could have become un-calibrated, since I was weighing out stuff without out taring very frequently. Still, I have a very good eye and unless I were half dead I don't think I would mistake less than 20 mg for a full point (100 mg).

So yeah, I'm still at a loss. Unless freon is generated by the RP/I reduction??

 

[Love In Vein]

yes, he has spent a lot of nights up lately but most of them on the adderall...

Here's another thing... you consider it acceptable for him to use Adderall semi-regularly, but not meth. So, the obvious thing for him to do is lie and say he's just done meth.

Sort of like I would say "Oh, I just took two Percocets because my back was really hurting" which my girlfriend didn't neccessarily like but it was acceptable and the fact was that my pupils were small and my skin was pale because I was really on heroin.

he is in grad school and he's been very busy lately with various projects, so it's not like he's staying up for fun.

Hmm... taking meth seems like it would make all that work a lot more bearable.

He HAS been very tired the past few weeks but he's been taking some new meds and having major seasonal allergies...

Excuses excuses excuses.... everytime you come up with an excuse for him, there's bells going off for me because it's the exact same things my friends and acquaintainces have done as well as myself.

Another thing -- he's horny when he does meth. Really horny. He hasn't been horny lately -- less than usual in fact. I'm positive he would be jumping me more if he were dipping into the meth.

Guilt and self-loathing will kill a sex drive.

And you didn't mention it, but has he had an increased sex drive while taking Adderall? If he's taking enough to keep him awake, it should be all the same as taking meth.

Again, sealed within drug baggies, that were within a larger sealed bag. Again there is the fact that only 3/4 bags lost most of their meth -- the other bag was entirely intact. I don't see how meth would be lost from some but not all.

We have had NO ONE over. Not a single person. We do not have a cleaner and we have not had anyone over to fix anything.

Look, you just told yourself that if you didn't take it, he did.

Still, I have a very good eye and unless I were half dead I don't think I would mistake less than 20 mg for a full point (100 mg).

No, you wouldn't. You've definantly got enough experience with powders that even if you couldn't accurately guess the weight of a pile of powder, you'd at least be able to see a huge difference in size when comparing them.

First of all, LIV always is brutally honest (or at least what he considers brutally honest), so I can excuse his brutal comments. It's just LIV; he's just trying to help.

And yeah, sorry if I at all come off offensive. I don't know you and I really would rather not be interfering with yours or anyones relationship. However, at the same time I think it's unfair if you're so involved with a relationship with someone who has a problem and is hiding it from you. I'm reading this thread and just thinking "Oh man, poor girl".

Maybe there's some fluke and I am wrong. But seriously, there are all these bells going off and it's not just one or two signs.. but tons of them.

And if by chance you were to find out it was him taking the meth, don't look at it as he's a bastard he did something wrong against you. Look at it as he has a problem and he lied so as not to hurt you and probably keeps telling himself he's going to find a way to fix his own problem himself even though it will really never happen.

 

[geographic99]

When there were less drugs in the drawer than I thought there should be, first i would suspect everybody, then gradually I would usually remember doing them myself. Once in a while it really was my boyfriend though, or a house guest, or else the clean-and-sober guy who came to fix something or other, and decided to inaugurate his relapse with the contents of my stash drawer.

Other times drugs would magically appear with no apparent owner in sight. The 50 tabs of Vicodin 7.5/750 I found in my desk drawer 3 months after I got back from rehab. Or the 5 little grams of coke behind a book on the shelf, when I hadn't done coke in 2 or 3 years. Whose drugs were these? Why didn't they come and get them? Or the bag of heroin in one of the outer zipper pockets of my nylon duffel, discovered in Bangkok while re-packing, what was that doing there? This affter having carried it half way around the world and through several dozen customs and immigration checkpoints for at least 2 years. Somebody must have tucked that little glassine sucker in there as a nice little bon voyage surprise. Who's heroin was this anyway?

Closer to On=Topic:
In the movie "Permanent Midnight" the character played by Ben Stiller has been stealing the percocet from his good friend Owen Wilson's stash, while staying as a houseguest.. Owen Wilson notices all the percocet is gone, blames EVERYBODY but Ben Stiller, including the 12 year old next door. He decides the percocet has moved or been moved, decides to search his house for the missing tabs. At one point he decides method acting is the key to finding the missing meds. "Let's see, if I was percocet, where would I be hiding?" he says. (Excellent heroin addiction movie by the way).

Negro Kitty I am sorry for your loss, you have my sympathies. I like the evaporation explanation best, for the record.

 

[Negro-kitty]

I am so fucking naive.



So, he 'fessed up last night. Apparently he has used meth four times over the past semester. Usually on top of adderall which he said 'wasn't cutting it'. He actually said that he took it from this other vial I have, and that he doesn't know about the bags, but I don't believe that for a second now. I think he's just trying to weasel his way out of having lied to me the other day.

I felt sick to my stomach. So this has happened 7 times now (total). That's fucking unacceptable.

What do I do?

The only explanations are: he's an asshole, and he just refuses to follow my wishes, or he's weak, and can't help himself. Neither of those are particurily nice -- either way he is a loser, right?

He's obviously going to do it again -- I would be a fool to think otherwise. He says he only did it because he knew where it was and for a while I was leaving some wet stuff out to dry. I don't think makes it any more excusable. I mean, how do I know that if that stuff hadn't been around, that he wouldn't have sought some out elsewhere? How do I know that he won't do this in the future.

This is really fucked up. I need some input and some advice. He was definitely pretty torn up last night, I know that he is sorry...but I feel like a damn fool for being so trusting and letting this happen again. Apparently, my method of taking him on his word, and him just going along with that, totally failed.

But he's not an addict, per say, I mean he doesn't use all that frequently (at least from what he has told me), and that I am actually sure of. But clearly he has no willpower when it comes to meth. That scares me. He said that he wasn't using it recreationally, just to get work done, but that's no better in my eyes.

I should have known; LIV is always right. And I made too many damn excuses in that last thread...

Suggestions, comments, what would you dos welcome...

 

[two wobinas over the cuckoos nest]

why does he have to be on such a short leash? why can't you both sometimes do things on your own? i think you are just as selfish as he is and that's the reason you want him to tell you when he does it. because you want to do some too.

 

[BellababE]

Im sorry kitty, you have my best wishes with the situation....

I hope that things turn out ok for you and your fiancee, I really do. Meth makes people do crazy things, I know it has made me not be entirely truthful with my actions when I used to do it. People feel like their actions are justified, and that they arent lying because they think they will tell you eventually.

I would give him some time, because obviously you two love eachother very much if you plan on spending the rest of your lives together. But take some time to think things thru - maybe talk about why he felt he couldnt ask you for it? Discuss the situation as a whole, you never know, it may solve some additional underlying issues in the relationship. Good luck....

Bella

 

[Negro-kitty]

Actually, I *DONT'* want to do a lot of meth, but I don't like him doing it without me, because I see meth as *our*drug (since we did it together so much in the early part of our relationship). He has the same request about me and ketamine (he considers it a special drug that is 'ours' the way I consider meth). In fact, some friends of mine whom I had not seen in a long time asked me to spend the evening with them doing ketamine and I turned them down, stayed home by myself while my fiance was out with HIS friends smoking weed. So it's not just me who has requests...

Edit: Thanks bella, yeah, I do understand that meth makes people do crazy things, but I don't know if I want to be with someone who can be that controlled by a drug, you know?

 

[Morrison's Lament]

My relationships are alywas short, turbulent, and end badly. So I'm not sure if this is advice or a firm "don't do what I did"

I never allow anyone to have any say over my drug use. It's a psychological issue from my past, it reminds me of my mother and I just cannot handle that in a girlfriend. I know, issues

However, it seems he has asserted control over YOUR use, with ketamine, so that in my mind gives you every right to be as angry with him as he would be with you had you violated that trust. Not only that, but actually lying to you is obviously totally out of order, even though I probably would have prolonged a lot of my relationships if I didn't have a huge problem with telling untruths to my significant other. Still, mistrust is poison to a relationship, absolute poison, and he should have realized the grave implications of his actions before he decided to violate your agreement and then lie to cover it up.

That being said, I have lied before to cover my addiction, and to this day I have problems thinking of it as lies. To me it's still a different category, it was NECESSITY, I had to get high and I knew I couldn't if I was honest about it. I'm getting the feeling you don't know the full extent of your fiance's drug problem. I have personally hid very serious drug abuse from people I was living with, and have known others doing even more drugs with even more clueless partners. In most cases they are not experienced with drugs, while you are, so maybe it's not the same.

However, you'd be surprised how easy it is to cover up a drug problem without actually lying much, and it's even easier to convince yourself that drugs are so necessary that anything you say to stay on them is justified. I know in my head that lying about drug use is lying, but I still can't totally associate it with lying about other things, which I despise and never do.

Anyway, I'm rambling now, but I wish you the best of luck with this situation. Whatever you do, don't be rash. You obviously love this man, and have trusted him untill now. One incident, especially related to a weakness with drugs, should not necessarily cancel out years of feelings and history.

You're a great person, and I feel for you going through this. PLUR, comrade

--- G.

 

[groovee]

That totally sucks, my last relationship ended when she neglected to clue me in on a particular affliction she had. I was lucky though.

Speaking of relationships, you could probably get better advice over in that forum. Unless you want to listen to just us, I got nothing....

 

[diatribe]

Yeah, this should probaly be moved over to SL&R now, as it has nothing to do with drugs anymore.

 

[alasdairm]

Re: I am so fucking naive.

So, he 'fessed up last night.

i'm sorry to hear that. i guess you guys need to talk.

it's reassuring, perhaps in some small way, to know that now you have solid evidence on which to base your decisions.

alasdair

 

[Halo 99]

drugs will make you do fucked up things...but so will love.

i don't think anyone on their board can tell you what to do. something the 2 of you are just going to have to work out.

don't worry. things get rough and if they didn't you wouldn't apreciate the good.

sorry i couldn't be more help full

 

[Thelazer]

I see nothing good in this one. Once the trust is broken, it's hard to go back to the way it was. When drugs come into play, it's 3X's as worse and when someone's addicted, it's just plan out bad.

Sometimes love hurts, I think this is going to be one of those times. You'll be better off without him, keep your head up.

Jay

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

Negro-Kitty....

I really feel for you on this one, and I'll explain why a bit later.

But the first thing I'd like to say is, this is not a drug problem. It's a trust problem.

I read all of your posts on the previous pages and if you inserted "women" or "money" instead of "drugs", you could have been talking about my ex. All the things you said about knowing when he's lying, and trusting him completely... his denials, his sneaky behaviour... this man has a problem with reality, not substances.

You might have to face the possibility you have a compulsive liar on your hands. Compulsive liars do not believe they are hurting anyone, hence their ability to construct completely believable explainations for their actions. They truly do believe they have done no wrong because they are used to justifying their actions to themselves and are wrapped up in the world they have created.

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it just means that the WAY you thought he loved you is not the way it really is.

I'm no psychologist but I do know from experience of dealing with a compulsive liar that it could be anything - money, drugs, affairs, stories about their past even bizarre, irrelevant things - that they cannot help themselves and it's a very, very hard habit to break.

I hope I'm wrong about him. But only you can tell that.

Have you caught him out any time before telling stupid, made-up tales about things and brushed it off, thinking it doesn't matter, or there's no point making a fuss about it? Love and faith can make us overlook thousands of pointers to the truth. That's not a fault of yours, because trust is a wonderful thing to have. But love can override your instincts.

You have to decide now to what extent this problem has developed and whether you're willing to stick with him to sort it out. The drugs is one thing - you said yourself he's not an addict and I doubt that's your real issue. But the lies - and the fact you now know he's capable of such deciet - is.

I think you'll probably decide to worth through this, from what I know of you. If that's the case, count this as a good thing - a LUCKY thing - that he's fallen from your pedestal now, and not when you were already married. Your eyes are opened now. You now need to re-construct your image of him based on what you know is reality - including all his faults and weaknesses.

Both of you need some kind of councelling, and I'm suggesting this strongly. Even if you drag him along telling him it's "for you", and he does it only to keep you, that's fine. But he needs to realise the extent to which he's damaged your trust and learn ways to change his behaviour in the future.

I wish you all the best of luck sweetheart. You are a strong, strong girl and I know you'll get through this.

(((((((((((((((( many hugs ))))))))))))))))))))))))

SLM xox

 

[Prinsesse]

I think the main point is they agreed he would not use it w/out her and then he lied about it. Over and over. I don't think it's a matter of being kept on a short leash especialy if they are getting married.

As for advice...you know him better than most of us...do you feel he's truthful most of the time in other areas? Could this incident have been brought on by him being over stressed? I'm not excusing it by any means, it was wrong. I think it's something you guys can get past, however if it became a regular occurance or you found out he has ben untruthful in oter areas..I would start to worry if I were you. This could be just a one time mistake for him or maybe one of many that just leaked out. Either way, I sincerely wish you the best, and hope you can get past this and live the life you have planned on living.