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Meds My doctor is going to kill me

BourbonMac

BourbonMac

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 14, 2022
Messages
1,266
I've been on Valium for 2 years (as a random sidenote I don't know where the dark blue theme for bluelight went, I can't read what I'm typing) and, well, he cut me off cold turkey, it's been a week and the withdrawals are really hitting me and bad, really bad. Tremors, insomnia, restless legs. It feels like opioid withdrawal but 100x worse, and constant thoughts of suicide. He's ignored me for weeks, refills, and just general giving him updates on other things. I call the front office and they say ok we'll send him out a message, it doesn't matter. They sent it to the actual real doctor and not physician there and she didn't fill it either. I have slept 1 or 2 hours for the past 5 days except when I took 75mg trazodone the other night and it worked, but I had an all day hangover. I'd only slept 4 hours too. I took a shit ton last night and it didn't do anything, I slept 1 hour.

How long until this can kill me? Because I'm ready to just kill myself, this is fucking torture. I've been on around 20mg for the last year, mostly 15-17.5mg last year. Sometimes I'll take 25, very occasionally 30 since my tolerance is so high. I'd need probably 50mg to feel what 5mg felt like when I was new, but he's never been willing to up my dose. "10mg is too high a dose to take at once" oh so why do they have 10mg tablets then? Why do some people get prescribed 30mg a day and beyond? Get automatic refills? How do people find such good doctors? All of them have begun to completely ignore me and if I do die by my own hand, I've already told several people I know what the place is called so they can tell them how bad they fucked up, and I have told members of my family to sue them if I die. Ignoring a mentally ill patient for weeks and cutting them off a benzo they've been on for years.
 
Yeah that is complete malpractice. Sorry you are going through this I went through Xanax withdrawals this summer after a 10-20mg a day habit and it is not fucking fun. Things got better after two weeks, one week to go and you will be feeling less like wanting to chop your head off. The best thing that helped me was forcing myself to eat. High calorie low volume foods so it goes down easy like peanut butter and such. Your doctor sounds like a POS. Getting someone off benzos without a taper is sadistic to say the least
 
This REALLY infuriates me. I'm sorry for what you are going through OP. I trust doctors less and less these days, and when they give you a controlled substance it's even harder to trust them. I was once cut off from Klonopin cold turkey while doing a day program at a hospital for 3 weeks and I wasn't even aware I could have had a seizure. They lied to me and told me that I couldn't have a seizure or die from Klonopin withdrawal before that, which is wrong. I was lucky enough that somehow nothing happened, but it was a freak occurrence. I kind of think you should sue the shit out of this doctor right now, but lawyers aren't exactly cheap. I wish I could help, but I'd have no idea what to suggest. Keep your head up bud.
 
BourbonMac said:
I've been on Valium for 2 years (as a random sidenote I don't know where the dark blue theme for bluelight went, I can't read what I'm typing) and, well, he cut me off cold turkey, it's been a week and the withdrawals are really hitting me and bad, really bad. Tremors, insomnia, restless legs. It feels like opioid withdrawal but 100x worse, and constant thoughts of suicide. He's ignored me for weeks, refills, and just general giving him updates on other things. I call the front office and they say ok we'll send him out a message, it doesn't matter. They sent it to the actual real doctor and not physician there and she didn't fill it either. I have slept 1 or 2 hours for the past 5 days except when I took 75mg trazodone the other night and it worked, but I had an all day hangover. I'd only slept 4 hours too. I took a shit ton last night and it didn't do anything, I slept 1 hour.

How long until this can kill me? Because I'm ready to just kill myself, this is fucking torture. I've been on around 20mg for the last year, mostly 15-17.5mg last year. Sometimes I'll take 25, very occasionally 30 since my tolerance is so high. I'd need probably 50mg to feel what 5mg felt like when I was new, but he's never been willing to up my dose. "10mg is too high a dose to take at once" oh so why do they have 10mg tablets then? Why do some people get prescribed 30mg a day and beyond? Get automatic refills? How do people find such good doctors? All of them have begun to completely ignore me and if I do die by my own hand, I've already told several people I know what the place is called so they can tell them how bad they fucked up, and I have told members of my family to sue them if I die. Ignoring a mentally ill patient for weeks and cutting them off a benzo they've been on for years.
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Your doctor can be easily sued. Sue he ass and report him to medical or licensing body for your state. You can't abondan a patient on a drug he prescribed and then cut you off like that.
Especially a bezno. People die from that.
I get 30mg and refills, my doctor switched me to Valium after 6 years on Ativan( lorazepam) because I told I might want off benzos: He told me it would take 1year-1 1/2 years to get off all my meds, but the benzo's I think is the main reason. You're lucky to be reasonably young and Valium is one of the, easier one to get off, of. That said, is dangerous and possibly illegal on the doctors part, not to mention the pain and suffering. Easier, but still a nightmare. Is he crazy, that long and just cut off, of a benzo, that is medical malpractice. Hope you feel better
 
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Yeah I've considered suing. I mean fuck I can't keep not sleeping, it's just making me more mentally ill. It's making me angry, it's making me do things I would never do like some kind of monster. That's what the Valium stops, that's what it tames, the monster. The other day like a literal psychopath I took a knife and sliced at my arm like 50 times. I then went upstairs, broke down crying and laughing at the same time. I was truly losing my mind.
 
BourbonMac said:
I've been on Valium for 2 years (as a random sidenote I don't know where the dark blue theme for bluelight went, I can't read what I'm typing) and, well, he cut me off cold turkey, it's been a week and the withdrawals are really hitting me and bad, really bad. Tremors, insomnia, restless legs. It feels like opioid withdrawal but 100x worse, and constant thoughts of suicide. He's ignored me for weeks, refills, and just general giving him updates on other things. I call the front office and they say ok we'll send him out a message, it doesn't matter. They sent it to the actual real doctor and not physician there and she didn't fill it either. I have slept 1 or 2 hours for the past 5 days except when I took 75mg trazodone the other night and it worked, but I had an all day hangover. I'd only slept 4 hours too. I took a shit ton last night and it didn't do anything, I slept 1 hour.

How long until this can kill me? Because I'm ready to just kill myself, this is fucking torture. I've been on around 20mg for the last year, mostly 15-17.5mg last year. Sometimes I'll take 25, very occasionally 30 since my tolerance is so high. I'd need probably 50mg to feel what 5mg felt like when I was new, but he's never been willing to up my dose. "10mg is too high a dose to take at once" oh so why do they have 10mg tablets then? Why do some people get prescribed 30mg a day and beyond? Get automatic refills? How do people find such good doctors? All of them have begun to completely ignore me and if I do die by my own hand, I've already told several people I know what the place is called so they can tell them how bad they fucked up, and I have told members of my family to sue them if I die. Ignoring a mentally ill patient for weeks and cutting them off a benzo they've been on for years.
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Holy shit. wtf. All I can really say. It’s no guarantee it will kill you but it’s a huge risk and you already know that. Idk man. I guess you may need to go inpatient if you can and explain that your doctor didn’t taper you off a drug that has that can kill you.

I know it’s not ideal but neither is dying
 
What an enormous piece of shit. I hope he gets his karma. Sorry to hear about your situation.

All drugs should be legalized.

Something you can try is Amanita muscaria, which i think is legal where you're at and has GABA effects that should cover your withdrawal. It's not the season to forage for it right now but i think it's available online.
 
Mjäll said:
What an enormous piece of shit. I hope he gets his karma. Sorry to hear about your situation.

All drugs should be legalized.

Something you can try is Amanita muscaria, which i think is legal where you're at and has GABA effects that should cover your withdrawal. It's not the season to forage for it right now but i think it's available online.
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That’s actually a great idea. Amanita is great on gaba. Exceptional. I still suggest going inpatient for detox if you can. Sucks but I’m a little worried.

Kava may help too but idk I thought it was studied but failed I don’t recall exactly.

L-theanine might help a tiny bit. But doubt it would prevent seizures

Damn I got a bug ass bottle full of baclofen which I think would help. I don’t ever take it but I think it would help with WD. Idk tho. Wish I could help but can’t break the law ya know. And I live across the globe.
 
I take a lot of L-theanine and Taurine but that doesn't help. I've had to use extra Gabapentin and my script is about to run out. It's eligible on the 21st, which is like 23/30 days of the supply, and if my doctor finds out I ran out that early he'll cut me off that, too. Otherwise I have phenibut, but that's a lot weaker than gabapentin despite being able to get you more messed up
 
BourbonMac said:
I take a lot of L-theanine and Taurine but that doesn't help. I've had to use extra Gabapentin and my script is about to run out. It's eligible on the 21st, which is like 23/30 days of the supply, and if my doctor finds out I ran out that early he'll cut me off that, too. Otherwise I have phenibut, but that's a lot weaker than gabapentin despite being able to get you more messed up
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Gabapentin will help controlling any convulsant like activity and is mildly sedating.

Muscimol, The GABAergic compound in amanitas is a gaba agonist but it doesn't act at the same place on the receptor as gaba or benzodiazepines making it a very iffy proposition.

In order to increase glutamic acid decarboxylate which is the enzyme that synthesizes gaba you need to supplement with large doses of vitamin B6. 200 to 400 mg A day in the short-term will not hurt.

In order to increase the production of GABA, you need to supplement also with vitamin C and glutamine that amino acid. Gaba cannot cross the blood-brain barrier easily at all, however, glutamine is converted to glutamic acid which goes into your brain and gad enzymatically converts it to GABA.

Lastly, you can reduce Gaba transaminase which is the enzyme that metabolizes gaba. Lemon balm tea inhibits gaba trans animes which leads to higher levels of GABA.

It's going to suck.

Perhaps you could find a doctor that will give you chlordiazepoxide, otherwise known as librium. It's about half as potent as Valium but it has the same half life because it's got the same metabolite.
 
BourbonMac said:
I take a lot of L-theanine and Taurine but that doesn't help. I've had to use extra Gabapentin and my script is about to run out. It's eligible on the 21st, which is like 23/30 days of the supply, and if my doctor finds out I ran out that early he'll cut me off that, too. Otherwise I have phenibut, but that's a lot weaker than gabapentin despite being able to get you more messed up
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When I was tapering from 45 mg of Valium a day, l-theanine made things worse.

Taurine can actually cause neuronal excitability in certain areas of the brain.

Neither supplement helped.

Small doses of alcohol throughout the day however did help
 
BourbonMac said:
I've been on Valium for 2 years (as a random sidenote I don't know where the dark blue theme for bluelight went, I can't read what I'm typing) and, well, he cut me off cold turkey, it's been a week and the withdrawals are really hitting me and bad, really bad. Tremors, insomnia, restless legs. It feels like opioid withdrawal but 100x worse, and constant thoughts of suicide. He's ignored me for weeks, refills, and just general giving him updates on other things. I call the front office and they say ok we'll send him out a message, it doesn't matter. They sent it to the actual real doctor and not physician there and she didn't fill it either. I have slept 1 or 2 hours for the past 5 days except when I took 75mg trazodone the other night and it worked, but I had an all day hangover. I'd only slept 4 hours too. I took a shit ton last night and it didn't do anything, I slept 1 hour.

How long until this can kill me? Because I'm ready to just kill myself, this is fucking torture. I've been on around 20mg for the last year, mostly 15-17.5mg last year. Sometimes I'll take 25, very occasionally 30 since my tolerance is so high. I'd need probably 50mg to feel what 5mg felt like when I was new, but he's never been willing to up my dose. "10mg is too high a dose to take at once" oh so why do they have 10mg tablets then? Why do some people get prescribed 30mg a day and beyond? Get automatic refills? How do people find such good doctors? All of them have begun to completely ignore me and if I do die by my own hand, I've already told several people I know what the place is called so they can tell them how bad they fucked up, and I have told members of my family to sue them if I die. Ignoring a mentally ill patient for weeks and cutting them off a benzo they've been on for years.
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Life will be better once you are off of benzos. You'll get through this.
 
Look into getting some Selank. It has primarily GABAergic activity and it also works on serotonin and dopamine. It is available in a few forms but the intranasal drops are most effective. And, unlike benzos, there is zero psychical dependence\withdrawal associated with it. It's a prescription drug in Eastern Europe but in the west it's considered a nootropic.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Selank Administration Affects the Expression of Some Genes Involved in GABAergic Neurotransmission

Clinical studies have shown the similarity of the spectrum of physiological effects of Selank and classical benzodiazepines, such as diazepam and phenazepam. These data suggest that there is a similar basis of their mechanism of action. To test this hypothesis ...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
 
I don't think that it usually works in the end to get off of one drug while self-medicating with another. Definitely not good to introduce booze. Diazepam has a long half-life, but that doesn't mean it's safe to just jump off of it. I think sleep is very critical. I don't know about benzos, but you really do need to sleep.
 
I finally reached another doctor there, the only real "doctor" since they're all else physicians to fill the normal amount, so I was finally able to sleep. It was getting scary, though... I honestly thought I was going to have a seizure at one point, my tremors had grown violently out of control. Fuck. What a nightmare of a past week it's been.

As for life being better without them, not now. It would be hell anyway, months of withdrawal probably. My life was never really affected in any way when I went on Diazepam. I mean besides helping my anxiety, it didn't make any profound difference in my life is all I'm saying, and I only ever take it at night usually. My sex drive has gone down some, but I'll take that price, and it only really applies when I'm actually on it. Generally speaking, depression hurts my drive more than this.

So, will this doctor be able to keep filling it for me, I think it's probable. I had a med check follow-up, it was supposed to be with another guy but was with my physician. He said he was sorry and didn't get the messages which... doesn't make sense. I sent so many and even made new threads a few times. He's suggested I need to make a new thread just about every time or else he won't get the messages, I don't think that's true. I think he's just an idiot trying to convince me it is. The portal works the same patient or doctor in terms of the inbox, and anyway, I had made new threads for re-fills and always have.
 
The bastard is doing it yet again. Maybe he would've filled it but they canceled my appointment, I was 7 minutes late. The new policy is you can't be over 7 minutes late which is stupid. If I were 5 minutes late he'd already have been seeing another patient because I was told he was and that I was only a 15 minute appointment. I always take a half hour or more. And the dude takes 5-10 minutes just to get into my room anyway because he's always outside just chatting up with other doctors.

I began to take a little less in case this happened but it's been eligible for refill since Monday, he's ignored me all week. This was my only chance but those STUPID CUNTS said no you can't see him. I asked to talk to a nurse, they said they'd call back. They didn't so I called them back and apparently I can't speak with a nurse or doctor. I'm going to be put through withdrawals again all weekend. I stayed up all night not to miss this appointment, it's not my fault I had to walk, 30 fucking minutes away just to get there because my car needs repairs. And then I have to walk 30 fucking minutes back home, so angry.

I stormed out of that place and place kicking the door open and just giving that one cunt a nasty look as I walked out. I've never seen her before, she was really rude. I even asked, what if I just sit here until you close in case someone cancels, and they said low odds. I don't care if the odds are low I need to see him and it's not just about valium but about fluconazole, a wonder drug that helps my chronic tinnitus and ear plugging issues that I've tried a few times and want to take longer term. I did a month and got closer to fixing my ears than ever before. He isn't going to fill this unless I talk to him face to face and show him just how fucked I am. Fluconazole beats any antidepressants because it fixes the source of the majority of my depression, anxiety and OCD.

He hasn't responded to a single message all week. Like how can a doctor be this unreliable. That's why I needed to see him. I might as well go there again and just sit in the lobby until they call someone who isn't there.
 
Have you considered switching primaries? Sounds like it might be worth it. I switched primaries recently and my level of care increased tremendously
 
I've thought about it but I don't have great insurance, and may be on the verge of entirely losing it. This guy used to fill anything I wanted or needed, now he just ignores me all the time. He is kind of gay for me, he's always asking if he has to check the penis or testicles every time. Like hey man, if I did I would tell you, you don't have to ask. And then there was this point where he kept trying to get me to go to a local sauna to help with my ear ringing because hot showers help. I was OK with the idea until he started telling me exactly when he'd be there, what days and times and "maybe we'll cross paths." This does not seem like appropriate behavior for any doctor or physician. I've noticed over time that during periods he was ignoring me, I'd bring up the sauna and suddenly he'd reply.

Shit I just wanna die, today has been so horrible. Walking in freezing, windy weather after an all-nighter. Well I did sleep for like an hour, but that's the problem, I shouldn't have. Because I woke up at noon and realized I had to immediately walk. I felt shittier than if I would've just stayed up.

Thing is too, they all have problems, it sucks. They're like retarded or something. According to their charts I had my chicken pox vaccine in the year 1194. They've pulled me off all sorts of shit before and I've been through terrible withdrawals because to them, X antidepressant or Y benzo have no withdrawal because of the half life. Like dude you are going to kill me, you can't just act like a fucking BENZO has no withdrawals.
 
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