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Heroin My boyfriend relapsed

That's what my fear is. By being understanding of his addiction, I ended up being too lenient and accepting of his mistakes. He doesn't want to taper off too quickly because of his job, it's physically demanding and he doesn't want to be sick.

I've made it clear if he slips up again it's completely over. I can't and I won't put myself through living with an addict that doesn't want to recover. I also don't want to be that girl whose boyfriend steals from her and she just keeps making excuses for him. He's never taken anything from me by the way and currently has money of his own.

I know it's a disease but he made the choice to relapse. There is no excuse for that. He threw away almost a year of being heroin free. I just can't understand that and never will I suppose.
 
just remember you made it clear to him that if he slips up again that he won't be seeing you, or hearing from you, you wont be returning his texts. That he's never stolen from you is a good sign.

To me he sounds right on the line of diving into the deep dark abyss or stepping out into the sunshine with someone he genuinely cares about. I would gently nudge him to look at what happens to people that go down each path and which he'd rather be part of. he should be avoiding coke cuz coke and H people are often the same. now is not the time for him to sell on the DL, now is time for him to not even see that ish
 
Yes now is the time for him to live and not be a prisoner of his addiction. I'll stay if he keeps his word. I'm gone if he doesn't.
 
I wish you the best at this point: that your BF really want to be sober and can see for himself the consequences of continued use. You sound like a wise woman: i hope he appreciates that.
 
If i were you i would give him 3 days to clear his system and then drug test him. The only way you will know if he is staying true to his word. You may have to hold it for him too! Us addicts can be tricky when it comes to beating a urine test!
 
He used the taper off method and it seems to be working. He's now going through withdrawals but he described them as mild because he's been using Kratom to reduce symptoms. If I didn't know any better I wouldn't assume he's sick. He just has been more tired and has loss of appetite. He said he got the kicks last night but took some more Kratom and cough medicine to eliminate the discomfort. I'm hopeful once again that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Honestly i have been in the same shoes as your boyfriend. Like scarily similar to him. Girl i was with was not understandingnat all and it basically sent me deeper down the rabbit hole. I was completely willing to be done so i didnt lose her and she didnt care or i guess believe me which could be a direct result from me relapsing and being an addict. I was actually hoping she would be helpful to me and be a driving force in my recovery and just believe in me. I was ready but she wasnt and being the idiot i am i just used that as an excuse to fuck myself up even more. I am now just about ready to quit for good on my own, going to do it soon just mentally getting myself prepared for the sober life. I am really glad to read that you are supporting him because i could only imagine where i would be if my girl did what you did. Hope he keeps his word and that you two make it through this. Wish you guys the best of luck.
 
I'm glad you posted again. Please let us know how it's going.

One of the tougher things is you really want to resist feeling like your policing his use. It's a pretty fine line to walk because addicts are known to lie but you do want to support him if he's actually quitting. All I can suggest is hold your line with him.
 
I suggest you don't try to carry this responsibility by yourself. Addiction is a very powerful drive, and trying to overcome someone else's addiction alone is likely to leave you feeling powerless and inadequate. Try to convince him to go into rehab. Methadone can do wonders for someone who has the desire to quit, which it appears he does since he's already done it in the past.
 
If he fails recovery this time, don't quit on him please! Try methadone, it'll regulate his life, having to get to the clinic for dosing helped me get my routine back and feel normal-ish.

A medication assisted recovery is what I suggest should you two find that you just can't do this without medical support. It wouldn't be failure, it would be the progression of a medical condition (opioid dependence) that you've now sought out medical intervention to assist you. Bupe is an option too, but for treatment resistant and bad ass habits methadone kicks ass.

You're a great gal. I wish I had a woman like you in my life. ;(
 
Doesntlearn, without support all hope can be lost. As soon as I met him I started reading articles and forums daily about addiction. I wanted to understand and educate myself. He does tell me that without me he'd be worse off and I believe it. Not because it feeds my ego but because when you love someone they make you want to be a better person and I think you make better decisions when you have to worry about someone else. Yes he relapsed but he's much better than when I first met him. He was filled with so much anger, guilt and regret. i know I inspire him to do better and at the same time his soul is getting stronger and learning to manage all the emotions he buried for so long.
 
Tinker, I felt like that for awhile. Every time he went to the bathroom id ask what he was doing and if he admitted to using I'd ask how much and how much was left. He wasn't always honest and he did buy a few more bags that he didn't think I'd find out about. But now he hasn't used in 3 days.
 
Ozle, I wish I could say I've been strong and positive this month but I've felt defeated and depressed. I wanted to be strong for him but I felt helpless at times. I couldn't help but wonder about my future... Would I have to kick him out? How will I pay rent? What will I tell my family?

It's been difficult. I really think we are getting through it though.
 
Speedballs, I don't want to give up on him. He's honestly the kindest man I've ever had in my life and is often better than I deserve. So no, I won't give up on him. If he doesn't recover, our relationship may not last but I'll still mantain a friendship and be there for support.
 
My best wishes to you. What might help if if you bring someone else into the equation, so that you have some distance. A therapist? A family member that can support him? I just suggest that emotionally you can't be responsible for his sobriety. If he goes to rehab, which might help, perhaps you should consider some counseling or Anon as well?
 
I agree that you should talk him into going to some NA meetings. That would only serve to help you two. Tell him you think it would be beneficial to his situation and also you should 100% go with him and support him through it. I agree also that you do not take responsibility for him emotionally knowing if he relapses again that it is NOT your fault. I have faith in him though and the NA would help give him more support which could be the extra push he needs to continue staying clean. He doesnt need to get into the 12 steps and all that jazz if it isnt his thing but just going to the meetings can be so helpful especially when you are having a rough day or two or week and just need a little extra support staying clean and not falling back into old habits. Just mention/recommend it, in the end its up to him, but express your opinion and tell him you would go with him for support and that it couldnt hurt.
 
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