Mushrooms did something really weird to me

[ox1234]

Hey all,

I'm currently working my way out of a crisis that happened to me last year. I decided to take shrooms for the first time with a friend, the trip started off fun with lots of cool visuals, then I remember within the space of a few seconds, I had this immediate feeling of dread wash over me, what followed was 4 hours of hell. I was panicking, crying and hoping it would stop. I can't actually recollect specifics in the trip, except that I couldnt escape it and was asking for reassurance off my friend. When the trip finally wore off I calmed down and went to bed. I noticed some minor anxiety before sleeping but nothing major.

I woke up the next morning and went to work, felt relieved to be feeling ok again. Within minutes of setting off I began having really bad stomach sensations going on, I then got to work and had a severe panic attack, followed by a feeling of dread the rest of the day. This process repeated itself for 3 weeks straight. At one point I felt like I didnt want to be alive anymore. This then happened repeatedly for about 2 months, some days i would wake up 100%, then something would worry me and i'd slip back into this depression.

I spent the next 6 months on anti anxiety medication, which definitely blocked out most the symptoms. I recently tapered off those and everything seems to have come back.

So what keeps happening is that I keep flipping between feeling 100% for weeks, then dipping into severe anxiety and depression. Each time I will make a full recovery then I will be 'triggered again. Things that trigger me seem to be stuff that really worries me. Like hearing people talk about deaths, mental health etc. I've never reacted like this in the past, and feel like I'm living in fear of the next panick attack.

I've been reading online and see this isn't unique to me. Does anyone have any experience with this? Have I unearthed some childhood trauma that I've been surpressing? Or is it all related to the bad trip? With it now coming up to 1 year since this happened I still feel like theres something unresolved, and not sure If I should be looking to find out what this is with my therapist, or just to move on and forget..

Thanks!

 

[Beenhead]

I must say, especially with Mushrooms, this is very very rare. Not that you had a difficult experience, but that the negative effects lasted so long.

It sounds like you were quite traumatized and suffer from PTSD of some sort, so sorry to hear about this. I think you should keep the bulk of your healing between you and your therapist. A lot of times with PTSD, the symptoms such as acute anxiety attacks may be able to be kept at bay with medication, but with out working through your feelings will any real healing unfold.

Such as, what was it about the trip that scared you so deeply? The fear of going insane, death, or was it forcing some thoughts and feelings on you that you were not ready to face?

 

[ox1234]

Well you know what, I don't remember seeing anything meaningful to be honest, just simply the fear of going insane. the visuals became so vivid I felt like I was struggling to work out what they were. What I do remember is I was wrestling with the trip, before becoming completely helpless and hoping my friend would calm me down. At one point I even had to leave the room as I couldnt stand him being there anymore.

It was nearly a year ago, so I think I may have been able to recall more back then, but working out what exactly happened was too traumatic for me. I've only recently started looking back into this without it making me panic.

I have had a similar experience on weed in the past but this only lasted an hour. And I was smoking quite alot in the lead up to this trip. I've not done anything since.

I'm off the medication now and seeing a therapist. So im hopeful I can at least work this out so it's not having such an impact on my life.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

Yeah it sounds like psychedelic induced PTSD. I had this kind of experience when i first started smoking weed and a some synthetic cannabinioids.

You need to give yourself some sober time, taking psychedelics, including weed, will likely just make this worse. You can recover from this just don't give up.

 

[ox1234]

Thanks for the input,

Yeah major life changes have been made. One thing it has made me realise is that when I am having my good weeks, theyre fucking really good. Like I appreciate just being happy in the moment and not constantly thinking about my next move.

Just wanna see some progress as ive had about 5 2-3 week long episodes since last year where I get triggered and thrown back to square one.

 

[Doclad]

I identify with you.

I had a mushroom trip (3.5 g dry) with my wife who traumatized us for a while. We did not have a bad experience, the problem was later. We would feel a state of tremendous depersonalization, sometimes we delirious in the same way that someone who has a high fever raves.
After this trip we could not take certain drugs: drinking a little alcohol would trigger these symptoms and cannabis would cause us a lot of anxiety.
Sometimes, walking through my city, despair and unreality seized me, and I felt that I could go crazy at any time. They were very strong and brief outbursts.

I remember that I had to take my wife to the hospital because she suffered a panic attack after drinking two beers.

Little by little, this unpleasant sensation was diminishing, but it took a long time to disappear completely. I think this happened because we could not integrate the experience well the following days due to certain unexpected events that caused us stress. Or maybe there was a chemical change in our mind that caused it? I don't know.

Mushrooms feel very unstable for me. If I want to have fun I prefer any synthetic analogue.


DocLad

 

[Pfafffed]

While not common, I've heard accounts of people experiencing similar adverse effects after a psychedelic experience. I wish I could say I knew what was responsible, or how to treat it. Most people find that it resolves in time, for what it's worth.

Here's some wild speculation: we know that psychedelics promote neuron growth in the brain through downstream effects on BDNF (brain derived neurotrophic factor.) This produces a window where ingrained habits can be more easily changed, which is one reason they are helpful for some in treating addiction and resolving old trauma. However, it stands to reason that new trauma experienced during the experience could be more easily encoded in the brain due to its high susceptibility to remodeling. Similarly, if cannabis had caused adverse effects on you in the past, maybe those effects could be rendered more persistent if they cropped up during your experience as the pathways responsible were reinforced during the period where your brain was more plastic.

 

[ox1234]

Quite possibly!

I do remember that the trip started to head south very very quickly. As if this feeling was locked inside my brain for some reason. There wasnt actually a thought that triggered the panic during the trip, it just happened.

I just find ot weird how I can do got a few weeks or months feeling great, then someone brings up a mental health topic which immediately sends me into panic.

I have a slight feeling that there may be some unresolved trauma as a childhood thats been unlocked here, as i asked my mother about this recently. Although i have no recollection of this at all and not sure if its something worth trying to get to the bottom of with my therapist when i see him next week.

 

[Volsam]

ox1234, I highly recommend devoting some of your time to learn meditating techniques and / or try to sign up for cognitive behavior therapy or Gestalt therapy. You can self-learn that as well, I like doing so by myself.
Also, start a diary, write every day, all your interesting thoughts. Your therapist might have recommended it for you already.

Unresolved child traumas are easily pushed out by stronger psychedelics, I've had it happened few times as powerful cathartic experiences, once taking acid together with my mom - it was incredible how much we were hiding!
Funny how our minds block certain memories from our conscious access in pursuit of our protection of seemingly dangerous thoughts but those "blocks' realistically affecting us all our lives, until we deal with it and dissolve them in the light of radiating awareness...

 

[Doclad]

Volsam, do you take LSD with your mother? That is incredible.

When I was a teenager I wanted to take MDMA with my parents because I had the feeling that it would open us up and we would share a fantastic moment. They did not want to and in addition they took me for a madman.

A shame.


DocLad