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Most bizarre/fucked up/hilarious sex situations you've been in.

S

silverman

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 3, 2011
Messages
32
In celebration of my new found bachelorhood I would love to hear the kind of sex stories that you may trade with your friends over a few beers.
Ever been involved in a drunken threesome with a teacher from your high-school years?
Have you ever found out the hard way that the hooker you picked up was pre-op tranny?
Ever actually performed one of the colorfully described terms you may read about on Urban dictionary?

You get the idea.
 
Really only one sticks out in my head.
When I was about 17, I was at a party, drunk and tripping on shrooms. This girl that was sober wanted to hook up.. so we went into the room, and my friend and another girl were in there hooking up, so we started doing the same thing on the same bed. My friend and his chick left and went to a different room lol.. so me and the girl started getting prepared to bang. Foreplay lasted a few minutes if memory serves me right, so I threw on a condom and began to bang her missionary. My pants were still kind of on, cause I couldn't really get them off, with hormones surging, shrooms interacting, and alcohol dictating..

While I was banging her I felt her grabbing my ass, at least I thought that's what she was dooing.. till I felt her hand go down my back pocket as she tried to steal my wallet. Once I realized what she was doing, I stood up, and a family guy quote popped in my head.. and I yelled "OH NO SHE DI'INT!!!!" in a black persons voice, and stormed out of the room without another word to her. Don't trust sober girls, they're just trying to take advantage of you.

Other than that, just getting walked in on I guess.
 
I was 17 years old. Me and 2 friends were outside of a local movie theater just walking around as there were shops as well. There isn't much to do in the town I grew up in so this is one thing we did in our spare time. We ran into these 2 chicks and got to talking. We'll call them C and K, my 2 friends I mean. K has a girlfriend so he leaves as he knows C and myself are about to pull some hijinks. C also has a girlfriend but he cheated on her many, many times. He's a shithead for other reasons which is why I'm no longer cool with him but that's another story.

The girls invite us back to one of the girl's places to drink saying we could drink whatever of her dads liquor.

So we drive over to her place with the girls. I start slamming back shots of Crown Royal because shit, its free, right? Well, C says we should play Truth or Dare. He dares the cuter of the two to sit on my lap after taking her shirt off. She does. The other girl dares C to STICK HIS DICK IN A HOT DOG BUN...and so he does while I run to the bathroom so I can avoid seeing C's dick. I come back out and he dares this chick to EAT THE HOT DOG BUN...and she does.

Well anyways, C dares me and this chick to go back to the back bedroom so we do. We start messing around and then we start fucking. C walks in on us fucking and says "We need to go dude, I was supposed to meet my gf." I was like "okay C, give me a minute, I'll be right out." I resume fucking her and then I look back up. C is standing there quietly watching, just smoking a cigarette. I yell "C, GET THE FUCK OUT!" and it startles him and he walks away.

and that's how I lost my virginity, no lie.

Later we find out he got head from the other chick. He's a shithead though for real, the stories I could tell about him...

I have other funny sex stories as well that I will post eventually.
 
I was blowing my boyfriend in his car, as he was driving, when a cop pulled up next to us. I didn't know this, so I though he was being an asshole and forcing me to deep throat him when he held my head down and wouldn't let me up until the traffic light changed...
In a bar, a girl spilled her drink on me and licked it off my leg... Alll of my leg... In front of the whole bar, including her father, who was the manager.
I flashed a girl, only to realize LATER that I had a class with her. She cracked up when I wore my beads to that class..
My boyfriend wanted to do anal on me, and didn't give me time to get "cleaned up" first. I DID NOT shit on his bed... He just literally f$@ked the shit out of me... (I was humiliated, but it was pretty freaking funny, to him at least)
 
_mistresspoppy_ said:
I was blowing my boyfriend in his car, as he was driving, when a cop pulled up next to us. I didn't know this, so I though he was being an asshole and forcing me to deep throat him when he held my head down and wouldn't let me up until the traffic light changed...
In a bar, a girl spilled her drink on me and licked it off my leg... Alll of my leg... In front of the whole bar, including her father, who was the manager.
I flashed a girl, only to realize LATER that I had a class with her. She cracked up when I wore my beads to that class..
My boyfriend wanted to do anal on me, and didn't give me time to get "cleaned up" first. I DID NOT shit on his bed... He just literally f$@ked the shit out of me... (I was humiliated, but it was pretty freaking funny, to him at least)
Click to expand...
You sound like my type of girl.
 
My partner aimed my cock at my face as I was ejaculating once, thinking it would be funny, it fair shoots out.

It wasn't funny :| well maybe, but I didn't enjoy it.

I once fucked a big lass I met off facebook, in a car in a forest once, while I was pilled up. She was like a foot taller then me and huge, but I gritted my teeth and got the job done. I felt ashamed of myself afterwards... not because she was fat, just that I just on the spot decided I wanted to have sex with her so rang her up and she just came. Then again, I did have an ex gf give me a blowjob on the train. Realised some creepy dude had been watching through the gaps in the seats the whole time.
 
Girl scratched my penis with her teeth and then we fucked.

Unknown to us my penis began to bleed copiously into her vagina and even when she discovered the blood she didn't realize it was my blood but thought she had her period. I also didn't know until I went to bathroom.

Next day I go to the doctors to look at my penis and he asks me was you having sex with a fat girl and he also had a trainee from the university with him have a look at my penis.
 
Uhhh, I sneezed and the "Rabbit" dildo that my girlfriend was using on me popped out of my vagina... it hurt like a mofo :( But it made for some lulz.

No, that's not how I got my screen name :sus:
 
Girlfriends mom walked in on me and her daughter banging another girl. My girl was going down on her and I was at the top of the bed with my dick n her mouth. The room was really small and the bed was right by the door so when the door opened and me squatting at the head of it I was staring the mom straight in the eyes. And I lived with this woman. I look down and the chick hasn't even taken my dick out her mouth shesbjust staring at me w the biggest eyes I've ever seen. It was all good tho. Didn't get to finish.

Had a threesome w same girl and another chick but I had shot way too much dope and my dick was worthless. Poor girls went down on me for like an hr and nothin happened. I wound up eating more pussy and ass that night than I care to admit.
 
Sex in church was great. Met up with this chick at youth group while grown ups were in a sermon. We fucked in the bathroom and didnt really plan out the escape when we were done. We had no idea the adults were done so we walked out of the bathroom together still trying to straighten our clothes and hair out (my tie was undone and i was tucking my shirt in). There was that awkward silence as i booked it out the door (i dont even go to church lol, i just went with her that day)
 
I (female) was getting fucked from behind on my kitchen table and trying to smoke a bowl. As i was lighting the bowl I lit my bangs on fire too!
 
Serotonin101 said:
Sex in church was great. Met up with this chick at youth group while grown ups were in a sermon. We fucked in the bathroom and didnt really plan out the escape when we were done. We had no idea the adults were done so we walked out of the bathroom together still trying to straighten our clothes and hair out (my tie was undone and i was tucking my shirt in). There was that awkward silence as i booked it out the door (i dont even go to church lol, i just went with her that day)
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Lol that is too funny. I have to try that, the thrill sounds exhilarating.

That makes me recall one instance with my X.
We were at my Aunts and it was my nephews birthday and all his little friends were around. We banged on the table of my Aunts bathroom and went out like nothing happened.
 
he fell off the bed :D tumbled right off in the middle of sex and did like a flip off. we both laughed our butts off then got back to it

Another time i was getting fuckd hard by my bf at the time when we hear footsteps.. he forgot he had a house showing that day n the realtor let herself in with an elderly couple LOL clearly they did not buy the house!

Once I was with a new guy and we were just messing around.. unknown to him i was doped up.. he got so turned on he started GROWLING and i do mean growling like some type of jungle animal and wouldnt stop. I couldnt stop laughing. we never spoke again
 
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Not exactly bizarre but I lost my virginity on a water bed which I thought was cool

and another time I was over this chicks house and her parents were supposed to be gone for like another hour but they came home early and we were like scrambling to get dressed and just managed to get cleaned up as they came in and acted like we were watching a movie. But her Dad blew his nose and when he threw it in the trash can he saw a condom wrapper and just held it up and was like "I havent used one of these in years" and both of her parents just gave me the evil eye and she fessed up to everything and it was super awkward. I just pulled a "oh wow its already 9 o clock I should really be going" and went to shake her dads hand but he just looked at me and said "get out".

we kind of stopped hanging out after that
 
My ex fiance lived off a busg street. Her front door led right into the living room. Her mom was supposed to be gone for another hour or so we got to it on the living room couch. We heard the back door open (parking is in the back) and my girl ended up pushing me out onto her front porch, 3 steps from the sidewalk and another 3 steps to the busy street, butt ass naked during rush hour traffic. Had to run through a couple yards in my boxers carrying my clothes. To say i got a few strange looks and some car horn honks would be an understatement.
Another, um rough, experience was i was getting head from my ex fiance while i prepped my shot of h, i wanted to cum and get the h rush at the same time. All i remember is cumming, shootin the dope, and woke up sitting with a crotch full of ice and snow (pants and boxers still around my ankles) cuz i od'd lol.
Another incident was i was getting head from the samw girl while waiting on the dope man. Next thing i know hes knocking on the window, grinning and giving me the thumbs up. He said, and i quote, "dayum whiteboy you sure know how to git it" and handed me the dope, pants and boxers still down, and i drove off. Me and that girl (my ex fiance) had some interesting times. Thats not counting all the weirdness of having sex while peaking on a high dose of lsd.
 
I know there's been a few funny ones but I can't think of any off the top of my head.

Probably the weirdest one was about 3 years ago when my friend "P" called me up and told me that he had these two hot chicks with him that were down to fuck. I was at my friend "D"s house (just gotten home from a big party and we were pretty drunk) so I said yeah bring them on by. Well he shows up and one is a tank, and the other is pretty damn cute but just barely legal so I felt kind of pervy. Aywho to make a long story short me and P managed to pawn the beastly one off on D who took one for the team (to this day he claims nothing really happened but every few months he lets out some more details) and were in the other room undressing the other one. She had told me when he went to the bathroom that he creeps her out but I seemed like a nice guy. When he came back the second he put his hands on her she ignored him, turned to me and grabs me by the collar and said "put your dick in me" just like that. I kind of gave P the shrug and said you heard her dude, this ain't a threesome so I'll see you later. He was so pissed that he got up and left, or so I thought. A solid half hour later my friend D sticks his head in (it was in his living room after all) and I hear him say "what the fuck" so I'm thinking it's not like we're being quiet what did you think was going on in here gtfo. So I turn to look at him and he's not looking at us but he's looking towards the corner where P is still sitting in a chair watching intently. We all kind of told him to get out and that he's fucked up. He called us all assholes runs to his car so fast that he left his booze and sweatshirt and burns out of the driveway. Next intermission I took I called him and told him thanks that's really cool I've never had a pussy delivery before and asked him if he was expecting a tip lol. Dude was not happy for a while after that and still is weird about introducing his girls to me even though I have absolutely no game at this point.
 
RecklessWOT said:
I know there's been a few funny ones but I can't think of any off the top of my head.

Probably the weirdest one was about 3 years ago when my friend "P" called me up and told me that he had these two hot chicks with him that were down to fuck. I was at my friend "D"s house (just gotten home from a big party and we were pretty drunk) so I said yeah bring them on by. Well he shows up and one is a tank, and the other is pretty damn cute but just barely legal so I felt kind of pervy. Aywho to make a long story short me and P managed to pawn the beastly one off on D who took one for the team (to this day he claims nothing really happened but every few months he lets out some more details) and were in the other room undressing the other one. She had told me when he went to the bathroom that he creeps her out but I seemed like a nice guy. When he came back the second he put his hands on her she ignored him, turned to me and grabs me by the collar and said "put your dick in me" just like that. I kind of gave P the shrug and said you heard her dude, this ain't a threesome so I'll see you later. He was so pissed that he got up and left, or so I thought. A solid half hour later my friend D sticks his head in (it was in his living room after all) and I hear him say "what the fuck" so I'm thinking it's not like we're being quiet what did you think was going on in here gtfo. So I turn to look at him and he's not looking at us but he's looking towards the corner where P is still sitting in a chair watching intently. We all kind of told him to get out and that he's fucked up. He called us all assholes runs to his car so fast that he left his booze and sweatshirt and burns out of the driveway. Next intermission I took I called him and told him thanks that's really cool I've never had a pussy delivery before and asked him if he was expecting a tip lol. Dude was not happy for a while after that and still is weird about introducing his girls to me even though I have absolutely no game at this point.
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Best one so far hahahahaha



Weirdest one for me was trying to have sex in a car while tripping on LSD. I was trying to get it in and just busted up laughing thinking what the fuck am I doing
 
I've got a fucked up story...I was fucking this guy in the back of my coupe (I'm a female). I was laying down n he was on top mish style, my head was above the arm rest area and the longer and harder we fucked, the more I got slammed into the door and the arm rest thingy was basically behind my neck. My neck was slamming into it for the whole sesh and it hurt like a bitch, (plus I was drunk n high as fuck so I knew it was bad that I was feeling such intense pain). When we finished and I went to sit up my neck literally felt like it was separated from my body, he freaked out when I turned around to show him - my neck was like stuck forward. Long story short I had to go to the hospital and it turns out I herniated 3 discs.....while getting fucked.

Pretty hilarious...I think of that dude everytime my neck hurts now.
 
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