Mistakenly slept in hot car on ex

[Young_ile]

Hello, I've been lurking for quite a while and finally decided to make this post. I have been very paranoid that I might have severely damaged my brain from a stupid mistake. About 6 years ago during the first edc held in Vegas, I went all three days and did something really stupid and regretful. I mix rolled during those 3 days and slept in a hot car in Vegas heat for some of the time I was there. I did not think that was a bad thing and I have not used ecstasy much before the event. On the 3rd night I was with my gf and I did not roll a lot because i obviously wasn't feeling it and felt sick. We then went to a hotel and I smoked some pot and experienced strange behaviors. I might have been having brain zaps or seizures I am honestly not sure. i suffered from a burning/tingling sensation on the sides of my brain that night. When I got home I suffered from psychosis and developed gradios behaviors. I've been to the mental institute twice since then..lucky I'm healthy through physical exams. I'm worried that I now suffer from brain damage and will never be the same because of one event. Such a waste. I'm constantly lurking on bl on information regarding what happened to me and finally decided to make this post. I'm trying to get better. I suffer from hppd and bipolar disorder. I quite all substances, I was a heavy pot smoker. I developed crazy false beliefs and thought I was a god...I'm so ashamed as i lost many friends and hurt family members. I would appreciate any insight to my situation. I just hope I can get better and forget that one event.

 

[lightofheaven]

hello
relax ur fine, you need a real high dose of mdma together with other depressants to really do damage:D drugs do that, you are not the same man you were before...wiser? i hope.
why did you go to the mental institute? are u not functional anymore??
eat alot of artichokes and other green raw edibles, eating more drugs[in the ment. inst.] in my exp is the last thing you would want to try.... you dont put out fire with fire....

anyway dont do mdma kids, that shit is really dangerous even when its pure mdma :D

good to see u quit using all substances, i wish i had your willpower.

 

[Young_ile]

Thanks for your reply. I ended up in the mental institute because I was going insane thinking I figured out something special that would make me special(that's how blitzed I was) even had my friend drive me to fairfax district to proclaim I'm a special being. My friend couldn't stop me and my gf had to pick me up. Anyways I still didn't listen to anybody and thought I was the next big thing(crazy i know). I called the ambulance on myself while self medicating on weed and they put me in the mental institute. I was still crazy in the head but outwardly projected I was fine. Doctor diagnosed me with bipolar disorder(forgot which one) and I was out after a week. He thought me attending kateoke and singing Beatles meant I was fine but I was still out of it. I guess the grandios beliefs were my brain protecting itself from the damage. Doctor called it a manic episode. I mixed e pills I took around 8 mixed untested pills those 3 days. The 3rd day was with my gf and I felt like complete death I might have gotten SS. The seizure like symptoms and me seeing and "controlling" lights with my vision scares me but at that time I thought it was special. I was a wreck weeks after that causing havoc to friends and family. I'm feeling so terrible past few days as I came out of another manic episode. I thought I was the sun god And could give people powers( insane I know). Anyways any input helps.

 

[lightofheaven]

hey hey.... its not THAT crazy..mind is just playing tricks on you... it really is a defence mechanism....it means there is still something left to defend:D you should start worrying when its really calm and you are not urself... next time you have that mindset, just REMEMBER and ACKNOWLEDGE that its not real, have a good laugh about it and say nice try brain try:D...maybe you can use all of this and write a book of some sort? i would definatley read, you could be the next tolkien if you got it in you,why not :D

btw i had something similar like you altho my expirience was rather mystic...i really saw the future and talked with something after hunting it in a deserted house i stumbled upon after a five days speed+lsd+mdma in greece.
collapsed the sixth night to sleep for two hours, woke up thinking im in croatia, went home on foot..i was in greece.. the only time i couldnt tell hallucinations from reality. and i didnt really have nobody to tell me coz the people i was with gave up on the third day and looked at me like i had the plague... its not a good feeling i can relate...but even then after like fourty five mins i remembered its the fucking drugs man....fucking drugs......

 

[Young_ile]

Lol thanks for putting positivity in my dark situation light. I appreciate it. Coming out of a manic phase I'm in a dark deep depression and can hardly wake up and function. Hppd kills me when I'm awake. Speaking to my mother is the only therapy I have. When I'm alone it's terrible. Im getting brain zaps when I'm sleeping and wake up and start to sweat maybe over the anxiety of what just occurred. All of these issues traces back to EDC Vegas and not being on blulight before researching the consequences of binging and staying out of heat. It's Vegas for christs sake and sleeping in the car? I deserve my pain but it's still so regretful because i was a bright kid with tons of potential. I pray I can still finish college and take care of my mother who is currently taking care of me. I really feel like death is a decent option. I'm going to fight it but the pain sucks. I've read that bipolar people get worse over time especially if not taking meds so that's a bummer. I hope this may be anxiety and me thinking About the past that's manifesting into more depression and pain.

 

[lightofheaven]

did you know that there are really only a few mind doctors that really know what they are doing? most of them are charlatans tapping in the dark, only filling you up with drugs for shit that was normal few decades ago.. mind is soooooooooo incredibly powerful its like a mini ecosystem with a life of its own, his own rules of physics and all that...
dont tell anyone but, i think that there really are only a few brain conditions that REALLY need to get treated..
you need to change the way you think..its that easy..yet that hard. brain creates its own reality...
have you seen a bioenergetist to unplugg your chakras? i'd bet your solar plexus is pretty clogged

 

[Young_ile]

I used to think about chakras, energies, and enlightenment. When I was ok after my edc manic episode I did well and managed to have a good job for 2 years. I thought I became enlightened and was able to do all these special mudras that Taoist monks do. I recently dropped all that belief after my recent second manic episode. I became quite "buff" and everything was so well til recent. But my confusion came back, I thought i could control people with my shadow and body language. It's scary how far i got without anybody saying a word. I've spoken with cops crazy in the head and they thought I was ok. the brain really is powerful but I just want to be normal and i don't know what that is. I'm just in so much pain now and what's kept me going for the past 6 years thinking I'm enlightened has become crushed so I am a mess. I just hope to live a normal life and not be in so much pain.

 

[lightofheaven]

well maybe you can on a subconcious level.... im not really into all that but i do know stuff... and i have a hunch youve been getting doses of mcdonalds enlightment.... enlightment is a buzzword...it doesnt exist... enlightend people would not think that they are 'enlightend' ...they just are..
you can see it in their deeds..
youre just being played as you overly identify with these sort of things i think... use the knowledge but dont let it consume you.
raw knowledge can be dangerous too for a weak mind... been there:D
what you should do is a test to really see if you are not well...
a challenge....
learn about bushcraft...and go out there for as long as you can and see what happens..... find some indian hut and sweat it off :> good luck

 

[Young_ile]

I know I'm not because I would probably pass out lol. I'm glad that you are into that sort of spirituality as it is healthy for the mind. I've accepted that I'm just a small insignificant being in this huge world. The ecstasy binge is what triggered me into thinking I was something special. I just hope you are right about me being ok from being in the heat. I'm waiting for someone to say that sleeping in a car in hot weather coming down on ecstasy is hugely dangerous and that I should be lucky I'm not a vegetable. If I wasn't so healthy I most likely would have been found dead. I pray this is just a phase and I can and will get better.

 

[lightofheaven]

why wouldnt you be..i mean i know that it can cause problems, but that happens only in a very specific scenario in most cases.... a guy gets half his head blown right off, frontal lobe gone, works out he is just fine, problems with memory and anger control.. you eat a decent amount of god knows what fall asleep in a hot car and you think your brain is a mush? what a time to be alive.................. :>

 

[Young_ile]

Just the seizure like symptoms I experienced 2-3 times after the event. And feeling my brain burning on the sides especially really think I fried my brain pretty bad. I'm in terrible shape now and I trace it back to that event almost 6 years ago. I was doing ok but my delusions came back. I thought I was a special being not long ago. I did a lot of crazy things in front of my neighbors and the public that I'm so ashamed of. I'm more worried about my health then anything. I feel like I belong in a mental institute because of the constant pain and anguish I experience at home. It's scary just being awake sometimes. All I do is want to sleep. My body aches, I've recently been getting brain zaps while trying to fall asleep, my brain feels weird sometimes. Im taking it day by day. I just hope I don't do something stupid again like calling the cops and ambulance but I doubt it since I'm not smoking weed. I hope it's the guilt,anxiety,withdrawals, and depression from being so high up in my manic phase that got me like this. I hope I can feel a bit normal again. The only time I feel ok is when I'm being babied by my mother which is sad since I'm 26. Her touch makes me feel ok it's interesting. I feel like much of the synapses in my brain were damaged from the binge and the seratonin or dopamine don't know where to go.

 

[Young_ile]

That story you had in Greece sounds interesting. What did you hunt? lol yeah fucking drugs is right. I guess it's the voices mixed in with a certain event that triggers us to think something special is occurring. That's how my mania always began. Geez the mind is such nuts. I pray I don't lose my mind while being sober now.

 

[herbavore]

You have so much going on in your head--it sounds exhausting. I know that being bipolar is stressful but I have many friends that have managed it quite well over the years with varying degrees of medication (from daily to none at all). Try checking out the website of the Foundation for Excellence in Mental Health for resources to find mental health professionals that are not simply the pushers for Big Pharma.

It seems like you have gone 180 degrees from the delusional state of thinking you were a special being to feeling lots of shame and feeling bad about yourself and your prospects in life. Try to find a middle road in your mind. Also, investigate calming therapies like mindfulness and conscious breathing. I'm always amazed how fast I can get that flooded feeling in my brain when anxiety takes over and everything gets hyper-focused through the lens of urgency and doom. Consciously focusing on my breath and using purely rational thoughts against my mind's hysterical projections has stopped panic attacks for me. It's not that I never feel anxious anymore but I feel like I have a strategy to get me out of it when it happens.

What kind of therapeutic support do you have ?

 

[Tranced]

If you suffer from bipolar disorder then this type of behaviour and the associated anxiety was somewhat inevitable. It doesn't mean you've caused some kind of brain damage. You talk about "mix rolling" which I take it means mixing different brands of pills, as if this is inherintely bad. It isn't, and it doesn't mean you've caused some kind of brain damage, which I'd imagine you probably haven't.

Realistically, at the worst you probably mixed some empathogens/stimulants, or even just straight up MDxx. I've spent the last 13 years taking ecstacy and mixing empathogens, and I've only had a none MDxx pill once (a piperazine, I knew what it was). I've came out of clubs literally soaked in sweat from being so hot on pills, mixed numerous pills and empathogens, and I don't consider myself to suffer any kind of brain damage. Then I've known friends to have a latent mental health condition triggered by a single experience (such as a friend who suffers from bipolar).

Brain zaps are very common following MDxx use. Most people have them when falling off to sleep in the days and weeks afterwards.

Perhaps you should reconsider your spiritual practices in order to keep yourself grounded and balanced? What about the experience made you stop?

Seriously, it just sounds to me like you have anxiety about a bipolar condition which wa always going to rear itself, but was instead triggered by drug use. Focus on that and you will make more progress than worrying about brain damage.

 

[Young_ile]

You have so much going on in your head--it sounds exhausting. I know that being bipolar is stressful but I have many friends that have managed it quite well over the years with varying degrees of medication (from daily to none at all). Try checking out the website of the Foundation for Excellence in Mental Health for resources to find mental health professionals that are not simply the pushers for Big Pharma.

It seems like you have gone 180 degrees from the delusional state of thinking you were a special being to feeling lots of shame and feeling bad about yourself and your prospects in life. Try to find a middle road in your mind. Also, investigate calming therapies like mindfulness and conscious breathing. I'm always amazed how fast I can get that flooded feeling in my brain when anxiety takes over and everything gets hyper-focused through the lens of urgency and doom. Consciously focusing on my breath and using purely rational thoughts against my mind's hysterical projections has stopped panic attacks for me. It's not that I never feel anxious anymore but I feel like I have a strategy to get me out of it when it happens.

What kind of therapeutic support do you have ?

My mother is my main form of support. I got into some financial issues while manic and she bailed me out luckily. We weren't on good terms for the past few years but because of me realizing I needed help she's been very kind. I'm hoping time will heal and the depression will pass. Currently my hppd sucks and it's hard to get up but once I'm up I'm up(right now). I'm waiting for the school semester to start so I can have something to focus on besides my current mood and situation. I hope things don't get worse for me. I'm going through night sweats going from hot to cold hoping that's from the mmj withdrawals. It's been a week since I quit. Getting some brain zaps sometimes when falling asleep, not sure why that's happening since I've never really experienced too much of those. Anyways I will try to find a middle road and check out those websites. I will be rational so I don't become delusionally manic ever again, that is why I've decided to be sober and give up weed.

 

[Young_ile]

If you suffer from bipolar disorder then this type of behaviour and the associated anxiety was somewhat inevitable. It doesn't mean you've caused some kind of brain damage. You talk about "mix rolling" which I take it means mixing different brands of pills, as if this is inherintely bad. It isn't, and it doesn't mean you've caused some kind of brain damage, which I'd imagine you probably haven't.

Realistically, at the worst you probably mixed some empathogens/stimulants, or even just straight up MDxx. I've spent the last 13 years taking ecstacy and mixing empathogens, and I've only had a none MDxx pill once (a piperazine, I knew what it was). I've came out of clubs literally soaked in sweat from being so hot on pills, mixed numerous pills and empathogens, and I don't consider myself to suffer any kind of brain damage. Then I've known friends to have a latent mental health condition triggered by a single experience (such as a friend who suffers from bipolar).

Brain zaps are very common following MDxx use. Most people have them when falling off to sleep in the days and weeks afterwards.

Perhaps you should reconsider your spiritual practices in order to keep yourself grounded and balanced? What about the experience made you stop?

Seriously, it just sounds to me like you have anxiety about a bipolar condition which wa always going to rear itself, but was instead triggered by drug use. Focus on that and you will make more progress than worrying about brain damage.

I remember I drank sooo much the day before going to edc and taking ecstasy for 3 'days, I didn't even sleep much that night as well which could not have helped. What do you think about me sleeping in the Vegas heat coming down on ex while my body was beat up from heavy drinking from the previous night? Sounds like I'm worried too much about things I did in the past but i would just like to know. I stopped my spiritual practices and beliefs because of 'the manic episode that happened to me again. I feel like I can maybe start to hallucinate again if i wanted too and it ties back to the 3rd night in Vegas after all the binging has happened. I laid in the bed moving a ball of light with my mind which sounds horrifying to me now. I think I damaged my brain to be able to visualize something like that. Last night trying to sleep I had to fight myself to not hallucinate with my eyes closed and not start seeing lights and moving them with my mind. It's difficult for me to explain, my brain must have suffered greatly for this to happen to me. Feels So bad that one weekend got me messed up for such a long time. I do meditate and pray when I feel really bad, I hope to come out of this depression and to feel normal again. I want to be able to hold a job but right now i don't think that is possible.

 

[Young_ile]

It also hurts knowing that I think I had multiple seizures after that binge. Like one or two after the event and at least one more a few days after the event. I shouldn't think about it. Just want to know how much damage i could have done and whether or not it might be permanent.

 

[Tranced]

It also hurts knowing that I think I had multiple seizures after that binge. Like one or two after the event and at least one more a few days after the event. I shouldn't think about it. Just want to know how much damage i could have done and whether or not it might be permanent.

What makes you think you had multiple seizures? Can you describe what happened? What effects have lead you to thinking you had a seizure? Had you slept? How long was it from last dosing? And when in relation to this were you moving the light?

I'll come back to this and reply soon, my phone is about to die.

 

[Young_ile]

it was probably half a day from my last dose. I smoked marijuana and then laid down. At some point I kept feeling shocks through my brain and I just had the urge to move my fingers rapidly on my chest like mr. Burns when he says "excellent." It's hard for me to remember but I was conscious throughout. I didn't sleep much. I think after my seizures or severe brain zaps I started hallucinating seeing and moving the light. That's when my psychosis began as well.

 

[Tranced]

Are you sure that the seizure wasn't just being absolutely fucked on MDMA? When I take enough I tend to roll around with my jaw chattering and my eyes rolling into the back of my head. At this point hallucinations are a given, and I'd say that evidently it's a state which could trigger a manic episode.

Brain zaps are very common post MDxx. They are not indicative of a seizure in the way that they are with, say, benzo withdrawals. They appear to be harmless, which isn't the case with benzo brainzaps. MDxx ones are usually related to sleep paralysis, and weed can increase the chances of experiencing them after MDxx too. I've had them quite a few times.

Weed can also induce the sort of "pill hole" that I referred to in the first paragraph. It's pretty much what we aim for in the UK.