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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Stimulants Meth - diplomatic but surefire way to get the house to myself

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Atelier3 said:
How did you get that idea? All the information provided in the thread indicates the two men in this situation are business partners with some common assets due to their former romantic relationship. There is nothing posted to suggest it is not a relationship of equals. Did I miss a bit?
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Indeed, the current house has three months left in a 2 year lease, which was paid up front 50 / 50 by both of us 21 months ago. It was his recent decision to get a place of his own and when one he liked came up he grabbed it. There was no discussion about partial refunds of prepaid, now unused rent and neither should there be. For the umpteenth time, he is free to come and go at the house I live in ("our house") as he pleases but rarely does since he moved, voluntarily, to his own digs. I honestly have no idea how this simple question about privacy management when high became so bent out of shape, including one commenter mentioning the suicide forums!
 
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I'm not sure either, honestly. I think a lot of people didn't really read your OP and assumed you're talking about lying to a spouse/romantic partner. I think your question was perfectly valid. You got some good answers too, I think, so I hope we were able to help. :)
 
Xorkoth said:
I'm not sure either, honestly. I think a lot of people didn't really read your OP and assumed you're talking about lying to a spouse/romantic partner. I think your question was perfectly valid. You got some good answers too, I think, so I hope we were able to help. :)
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Yeah, the fun of starting/getting involved in internet forums. The hyenas are never too far away. It was a simple question about privacy management, totally inoffensive, and one I thought would be relevant to many people on this thread. Not everyone lives alone or has no commitments of any kind or is open or regular with their drug use with the people they often see and that can make the prospect of getting high without interruption a little tricky, so it never occurred to me that I needed to write my entire autobiography to ensure there was no angry misunderstandings that came out of my OP. But yes, I did receive some constructive responses and they helped me think it through and come to what I think will be the best solution.
 
tweakerguy said:
This^^^
Logic dictates this as being the only right answer. Good luck.
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And, we're off again. MsDiz, scroll up about 4 comments to the part where I say:

"the current house has three months left in a 2 year lease, which was paid up front 50 / 50 by both of us 21 months ago. It was his recent decision to get a place of his own and when one he liked came up he grabbed it. There was no discussion about partial refunds of prepaid, now unused rent and neither should there be. For the umpteenth time, he is free to come and go at the house I live in ("our house") as he pleases but rarely does since he moved, voluntarily, to his own digs."

Always handy to read the entire thread rather than just a comment here or there, especially a comment such as the one you chose which was off the mark and which has already been addressed and corrected.
 
billyj said:
And, we're off again. MsDiz, scroll up about 4 comments to the part where I say:

"the current house has three months left in a 2 year lease, which was paid up front 50 / 50 by both of us 21 months ago. It was his recent decision to get a place of his own and when one he liked came up he grabbed it. There was no discussion about partial refunds of prepaid, now unused rent and neither should there be. For the umpteenth time, he is free to come and go at the house I live in ("our house") as he pleases but rarely does since he moved, voluntarily, to his own digs."

Always handy to read the entire thread rather than just a comment here or there, especially a comment such as the one you chose which was off the mark and which has already been addressed and corrected.
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I didn’t post that and you only updated the thread recently.

Fact remains, pay him what he’s owed for the house and take his set of keys. Change the locks, whatever.

You are an adult and you don’t need to tell anyone that you need space ffs. If you feel like you do then clearly there needs to be boundaries in place.
 
I dunno, I feel like this question is perfectly valid and rudeness/judgment is unnecessary. We want Bluelight to be a place where people feel welcome to post questions or seek advice. When this is the way members respond to new posters, that makes people less likely to want to join and post here. There are forums that died or nearly have, because they became known for new posters getting judged, so no one wants to post there. There are ways to say things that don't make people feel belittled and judged.
 
MsDiz said:
I didn’t post that and you only updated the thread recently.

Fact remains, pay him what he’s owed for the house and take his set of keys. Change the locks, whatever.

You are an adult and you don’t need to tell anyone that you need space ffs. If you feel like you do then clearly there needs to be boundaries in place.
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I updated it before you made your post that indicated that you hadn't read through the thread. I'm not trying to attack you, the simple fact is that I've explained the ENTIRE situation in detail already, making comments like yours redundant. Also if you'd read one of my more recent comments, you'd see I said that I'd come to a solution and was happy with that. In other words, this thread is kind of finished now, the question I posed in my OP has been addressed by some and taken WAY off the track by others, but overall there's no need for any more contributions in terms of addressing my dilemma. However, I await the inevitable random/aggressive/rude contributions that will no doubt continue to be added.
 
MsDiz said:
Sure fire way to get the house to yourself? Start paying for it all yourself. You are no longer romantic with your business partner, there’s no reason he should be paying rent for your property and his own. Tell him you want to move back to dealing with your own bills and having that space as just yours. It’s going to be healthier in the long run.

If that’s not something you wanna bring up just yet then just say, I want to be left undisturbed for a few days at my home. There’s no need for you to give an explanation because you’re an adult and you aren’t romantically linked any longer.
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What part of my response was belittling or judgemental? I offered an idea about paying for your own property and if you couldn’t do that then just simply telling your business partner you wanted space.

You are the one making mountains out of molehills. Seriously. Fucking hell.
 
Xorkoth said:
I dunno, I feel like this question is perfectly valid and rudeness/judgment is unnecessary. We want Bluelight to be a place where people feel welcome to post questions or seek advice. When this is the way members respond to new posters, that makes people less likely to want to join and post here. There are forums that died or nearly have, because they became known for new posters getting judged, so no one wants to post there. There are ways to say things that don't make people feel belittled and judged.
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Well for sure I won't be rushing to post another question here. I've posted sporadically in the past, replied to threads from time to time. I did recently call out a person for taking meth while pregnant, but I think that is a fair call in anyone's books and far removed from what I was asking about in my OP. But like I said a minute ago, the hyenas are never too far away, and they just live to do what they do. You can't escape them on forums like this, or even on Facebook etc.
 
MsDiz said:
What part of my response was belittling or judgemental? I offered an idea about paying for your own property and if you couldn’t do that then just simply telling your business partner you wanted space.

You are the one making mountains out of molehills. Seriously. Fucking hell.
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I'm not making mountains out of molehills, I'm just trying to field the scattershot responses that have flown at me since I posted a perfectly straightforward, simple question about privacy management. My home and work life situation is busy for reasons I've already stated in the thread. Somehow, responders - including yourself - have misread or not read key parts of the thread and as a result posted kneejerk responses that don't address my situation in any practical way or in some cases any way at all: telling me to change the locks (that was you), get my personal life together (it's perfectly well organised already, again explained in detail already and the fact that it's organised and structured is why I felt the need to post my simple question) or, in one of the more extreme cases, join a suicide support forum. Overall, this has been another bizarre experience on the internet.
 
billyj said:
I'm not making mountains out of molehills, I'm just trying to field the scattershot responses that have flown at me since I posted a perfectly straightforward, simple question about privacy management. My home and work life situation is busy for reasons I've already stated in the thread. Somehow, responders - including yourself - have misread or not read key parts of the thread and as a result posted kneejerk responses that don't address my situation in any practical way or in some cases any way at all: telling me to change the locks (that was you), get my personal life together (it's perfectly well organised already, again explained in detail already and the fact that it's organised and structured is why I felt the need to post my simple question) or, in one of the more extreme cases, join a suicide support forum. Overall, this has been another bizarre experience on the internet.
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I didn’t say to change the locks, someone else did. I quoted my original response again, read it post #52. I wasn’t judgemental or belittling at all.

You are being hypocritical though because you very much were both those things to that woman who’d asked about meth in pregnancy.

If you’ve got your answer ask for the thread to be closed or delete it. End of.
 
To be clear I was mostly referring to some of the replies from other people on the first page. it was also a general statement I felt the need to make. We've worked really hard over the years to make this place what it is and forums are dying left and right. I am simply reminding everyone to be polite. There are certainly cases where judgment is called for (like someone asking if they should keep smoking meth after they found out they were pregnant or something), but I'm just saying, it would be best if we didn't chase new posters away, given we're one of the last traditional forums still going.

I'm going to close this, as it's become unproductive. I will re-open later if the OP would like me to. If so please contact me billyj.
 
And in the future, let's try to remember that Bluelight is supposed to be a place where drug users can come to seek advice and information without being subjected to the judgmental attitudes that so much of society places on them (on us). I would like to think that we will continue to be that place for the duration, but we all have to make it so, it doesn't happen automatically. Consider this your collective friendly reminder to please be polite and respectful in your communications with others on this site. ♥️
 
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