• 💊 OTHER DRUGS 💊 Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads 1 Notable Threads 2
    Dangerous Combos Addiction Support
    Emergency Services Benzo Guide v.1
    Addiction Stories Scary Case Studies
    Biology, Pharmacology & Drugs 101
  • Select Your Topic Then Scroll Down
    Alcohol Bupe Benzos
    Cocaine Heroin Opioids
    RCs Stimulants Misc
    Harm Reduction All Topics Gabapentinoids
    Tired of your habit? Struggling to cope?
    Want to regain control or get sober?
    Visit our Recovery Support Forums

Stimulants Meth aftershock and strange Coffee symptoms

H

hungryman52

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 25, 2017
Messages
58
I smoked, ate and shot meth and some heroin for quite some time, I have been sober for 2 years now, minus 2 small incidents which I hugely regreted directly after.
The first one it had been just over a year and I snorted two lines, I was up all night and then had to work the next day coming down and I hated every minute of it, there was of course the initial high I was awake talkative and happy enough, but then as I was walking home I was so angry and disapointed with myself and then I couldn't sleep and I had to go to work the next day with no sleep and coming down off what I know was some terrible quality meth as I had never had a comedown quite like it (dry mouth, sweaty palms, teeth grinding, a ponding headache, extreme anxiety and the want to vomit).
The second time was maybe 2 moths later and I smoked it (A huge part of my addiction had been the ritual of smoking, I still get jittery thinking about rolling the bowl and blowing out that huge cloud of smoke, OMG I feel the cravings!!!) once again I was awake and talkative, I drove home and got into bed with my girlfriend and told her what I had done, she wasnt particularly bothered and kinda wanted to fuck me as I can go for hours when I am high and she met me when I was still high. I was so angry and disapointed with myself again, that and I was coming down off what was evidently once again some of the worst shit I had ever had. (thats what I get for sharing in someone elses stash 2 different people, same location). I was unable to perform due to how angry I was with myself, to the disapointment of my girl who proceeded to massage me and other thing to try and calm me. Luckily I did not have to work the next day this time and this knowledge ironically helped me to sleep it off before daylight. once again I was horribly anxious dry and sweaty and I just wanted to die to be totally honest.... or shrink into a small hole and never come out again my self esteem was so low and I just wanted it to end. Both times I was heavily inder the influence of alcohol so I am sure that was part of why I felt so crapy the next day.
I have avoided meth since and I have had no will to do it, I still want to roll a bowl and blow out that glorious cloud, but I no longer crave the feeling meth brings me after the last two times. Although I don't really have an addictive personality... other than alcohol I seem to be able to start and stop anything, I quit smokeng maybe 4 months after I quit meth, I still smoke a cigarette every couple of weeks or so sometimes for a week sometimes not for a month, it really depends on who I am around or what I am doing. Heroin for me was pretty easy to drop as I only smoked it and I rarely ever smoked it as I don't really like downers... at all, no pills, no heroin, no weed, no xanax.
Anyway back to the point, now I am sober I drink like a fish.... so I guess im not sober.... although I am now down to a sixpack a night for the past three days. Since I stopped smoking meth I have noticed my ability to remember things is severely diminished, even simple things like what I was just talking about a few seconds ago, sometimes my girlfriend says I talk to myself and when she asks me what I was talking about I have 0 recollection of what the fuck I was doing, its like I just drift off sometimes. It is incredibly hard for me to focus on anything for more than half an hour, (my sex drive hasn't changed much, if at all though, which is good I guess) my vocabulary has diminished immensely and words I used to use regularly are as good as gone forever to me, by mid day I am completely brain dead unless I drink a fuck ton of coffee which brings me to the second and shorter half of this already longer than was expected post.
Coffee, coffee, coffee it brings me back to life, I can stay focused alert awake I am able to remember things it puts a spring in my step and keeps me alert like I used to be, infact it makes me feel like I am high on meth, but then I have a horrible comedown I get anxious sweaty palms, sick to the stomach, and I mean really anxious, like I just can't sit still and the longer I fight it the more anxious I get till I find myself practically tweaking out around the house, the first few times I actually thought someone had spiked my coffe with meth and still when I am coming down I get paranoid about somebody having spike my drink with meth, even when I buy coffee from starbucks. I know it is irrational, but I feel like I am coming down off meth so much that even now I am wondering if I keep getting unlucky with where I am getting my coffee. I am even grinding my teeth. and fiddling with a tennis ball every time I stop typing to think (i just realized it).
I need coffee in order to function like a normal human beeing but the comedown is killing me, its almost to the point where I may as well just be smoking meth, I even feel like I need to hide myself away when I am coming down cause I feel like people might think I am high on meth. I can't sleep and I have to drink myself to sleep. It feels like an endless cycle.
My question is, does anybody else suffer from this, is there a good replacement for caffeine? Am I doing something wrong? WTF can I do to get my life back? I just want my brain to be the way it was, to be able to recall facts right away and keep up with a conversation for more than a couple of minutes....
 
wow thats a long post, I am gnna leave it liike this for now but I will probably just remove the 2 paragraphs about the last two times I smoked so people can actually finnish this without falling asleep.
 
Well I found it interesting enough to read the whole thing so props on the writing. I didn't even have to go back and re-read anything which is saying something because my attention span is that if a goldfish anymore.
I'm wondering if you're experiencing something similar to what I believe happened to me. Not with meth though, with an antidepressant. I know it sounds like it couldn't possibly be similar with the MAJOR difference in those drugs but hear me out. About 2 maybe 3 years ago, I was put in mirtazapine for depression. I noticed almost right away that it was causing me to wake up to a panic attack every morning without fail. At the time, it was the first antidepressant I was put on to even come close to helping my depression so I decided it was worth the trade off (I was wrong). I stayed on that shit drug up until a few months ago. Even though I stopped taking it and it should be out of my system, I still wake up with a panic attack every single morning. The only sense I've been able to make of it is that the drug trained my brain to automatically wake that way. As though my brain thinks it's just a natural part of waking up. Does it make sense to say, "my brain thinks"? Anyways, do you think it's possible that this reaction to the come down of any stimulant had become a sort of natural reflex? Might at least be worth entertaining the idea. And if it is, I would assume (and hope for my sake as well) that that would mean it will fade with time. Well good luck with this. I hope you get through this soon :)
 
Huh thats an interesting theory. it makes sense that long periods of repetition would cause your brain to be programmed to react to certain things in certain ways. If that is the case I wonder what the time period for recovery would be, I assume it would differ from person to person and drug to drug, but I wonder if maybe it could be permanent, or at least incredibly difficult to overcome. Like PTSD, something I suffer almost daily, I clung to the drug world almost to my death. I made alot of mistakes and went through some intense shit. I was even tortured and shown my grave literally. There are certain movies, like gang movies, movies about drugs, or dealing, or even mentioning drugs can give me intense flashbacks of all the stupid shit that happened, sometimes I lay awake at night with these immages flashing through my brain for hours. Hence why I drink myself to sleep.... I see no way of overcoming this issue other than simply avoiding anything that stimulates these flashbacks. In the case of feeling like I am coming down off meth I would have to avoid all stimulants... and you would have to avoid waking up or sleeping maybe we should switch places you smoke meth and I take Mirtazapine. Just kidding.
But the thought that this could be a form of PTSD is not good. As far as I understand overcoming PTSD takes some intensive therapy, something which I have no will or money for. Not to mention avoiding coffee for me is like avoiding beeing a functioning human beeing.
In your case avoiding waking up is like avoiding beeing alive. Your case does really sound like PTSD, I don't know about your brain beeing trained to wake up in this way, but maybe the fear of waking up to a panic attack is causing you to wake up with a panic attack. Thaat sounds like an incredibly difficult cycle to break. I wonder if maybe eating some weed consumables just before you go to bed would help your brain to stay calm, (Consumables can last for hours, long enough for you to wake up a little buzzed but still able to function the next day) I am not a fan of weed for recreation, (like I said I am more of an upper) but its medical properties are undeniable.
Now that I am thinking about it all (at 2am, waiting for my coffee high to die down and wondering why the hell I decided to try not drinking any alcohol tonight). I wonder if maybe understanding that this theory is infact the problem and then telling yourself over and over when you wake up, that you are panicking because you are afraid of panicking, almost like a mantra. Maybe if you try that every morning just repeat it to yourself in a way that makes sense to you. (I have only had 2 real panick attacks where my joints locked up and I was unable to see clearly or think clearly, or breathe, but I remember I was able to repeat why, why, why, why over again in my brain) I guess a panick attack is pretty much you going over something in your brain over and over and you break through once you break the cycle... or pass out.
So my point is I know it wont be easy, but maybe if while you are suffering from your panick attack yoou just repeat to yourself something like "I am only panicking because my brain thinks I should" or something that make sense to you and maybe you can train your brain to accept this as a truth and overcome your morning attacks... after some time....
I am still grinding my teeth, I don't know why I feel so high. It really feels like someone spiked my drink with meth, my heart is beating so fast and loud I can hear it and my mouth is dry no matter how much water I drink and my plams are sweaty and I can't stop fidgeting, maybe I just need to repeat to my body that I am not high on meth and it will chill the fuck out.
Well thank you for your reply, it gave me alot to think about.
 
So I drank a couple cups of coffee today in preparation for an interview and I am still grinding my teeth, I have chills and I am sweating like a madman, I am trying to tell myself it is all in my head, but it feels so real it is hard. I was up all night after drinking coffee and got 2 hours of sleep, I am now awake and aboslutely wired after drinking more coffee and I just realized it is 2 pm and I havent eaten anything since lunch time yesterday, (when I drank my last cup of coffee from starbucks) and I am not even hungry. is my mind associating stimulants so strongly with meth that I am Literally creating the same shit naturally that my body creates (or meth induces) when I smoke meth? I even feel more talkative and whereas before yesterday, I felt as though I was going to fail at my interview for sure, I have over 1 day and a half memorized over 50 drinks (bartending job) they want me to mix drinks for the interview and I am unsure what drinks I will be asked, so I just memorized all the major drinks and their variations.
Something that would be impossible without caffeine normally and right now I would be shooting myself down and giving up before I even began the interview, now I am sitting here feeling like I got this and even fantasising about fucking the manager who is a sexy little asian chick, just my style.
This is not me sober, or even drunk, FUUUUUCK I AM TWEAKING SO HARD!!!! oon coffee, it is making me want to go back to smoking meth, now I remember why I loved it so much, I typing at 100 miles per hour and thinking faster and I feel unbeatable and horny as shit......... I was even parked downtown and I had the urge jerk off to some porn while I was sitting there in my car.... What the fuck is going on?
 
well no matter how much coffee I drank, I failed miserably, the first drink he asked me for I had never even heard of and then I told him what drink I could make and he wanted me to make it in half the size cup with an extra ingredient I had also never used in the drink before. I am in such a bad place right now. My girl is off getting high im fucking failing at life I am afraid of driving because I have 2 warrants for FTA's and im feeling kinda like I may as well just get caught and go to jail and let them take care of me, what else am I going to do with my life? I just wanna go get high, I don't even want to get high to be high I just wanna get high because I know it is destructive.
 
Also can a mod move this post, I see alot of posts with serious threads, about injecting muscles and falling out on H. I don't know where this should be, maybe SOber living or something.
 
I didn't think to try to talk myself out of the panic attacks. I usually just try to distract myself the best I can as I wait for it to calm down. I'm going to try your suggestion. I've got to find something that will at the very least, shorten the panic attacks because by the end of it (they can last up to 4 hours) I'm so exhausted that it's hard not to fall back asleep which just starts the cycle over again. I do have PTSD already so I guess it would be possible that this experience has added to it. From what you've disclosed and all you've been through, it sounds like you might have it too. If you can't afford therapy, there are a lot of colleges/universities​ where you can see a therapist for free. They are students so they won't have as much experience as you'd probably want and need but some people just have a knack for that sort of thing so if you ship around a little, you could find someone that suits your needs. I'm planning on using shrooms as an antidepressant/anxiety medication. I'm going to take as if it were prescribed. Once every six months. I had great results from them years ago and the only side effects were amazing and beautiful so I figure it's a better chance that I'll be able to get my mental obstacles under control than if I continue dumping a bunch of iffy chemicals on my brain. I wonder if it would help with your situation. Have you ever done shrooms? And was the L experience you said led to all this your only experience with hallucinagins? If you've never had a good experience with them, maybe shrooms wouldn't be a good idea. I would guess your brain could create meth like reactions to stimulants. Our brains are already so complicated, I imagine adding drugs to that comes with endless possibilities. Meditation could be benefitial to both our situations as well.
 
I ersonally loved and still enjoy my L experience. I also really enjoyed my shroom experience. L actually helped my girl quit heroin, microdosing, no trips or anything, just once a weak half of 1/8 of a hit just to get her receptors working properly again. I think you getting off prescription drugs and doing this is probably going to be incredibly benneficial. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...ealth-save-marriage-psychedelic-a7547576.html
the link may not have anything to do with your situation, but it is pretty interesting all the same. I wish all the best to you.
 
For all intents and purposes, you might still be coming down, not necessarily still have any meth lingering in your body, but more so in a stage of physiological recovery. I more or less know how you feel, and from my experience the same negative effects surface time and time again sadly. It's good that coffee helps it does for me also and its more self-limiting. If you don't use things like anxiety and sweating etc will balance themselves out. Give yourself some time away from it imo
 
Go to a doctor and try Wellbutrin SR at a low-dose and cut the coffee out.
 
I just realised I missed your post about not doing well for your bartending interview. I'm sorry it didn't go as you hoped. It sounded like you were pretty confident and excited about it. I hope you don't let it push you in the wrong direction. I think if you give yourself time in sobriety, you'll be able to come out of this mental funk you're in. (Easier said than done I know) and maybe it's not a bad thing if you've been struggling with alcohol as well?
I'm going to check out the link you posted in a minute. I don't know much about micro dosing so I want to be able to really focus on the article and I won't be able to do that until I tuck my kids in bed here in a minute.
I think cutting the coffee out for a while might be a good idea. I had to stop drinking any caffeine for over a month because it was playing off of some horrible anxiety that was triggered by er morphine. Fuckin weird right? Cutting coffee out of my life was not easy by any means because I was drinking at least a pot a day so I totally get that it's hard to even entertain the idea.
Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about getting sober with you?
 
It's a really long story and I am currently quite drunk and I haven't eaten anything all day so I am not gonna get inyo it too much, but I actually met her and we were both getting high, she found me in a garage covered in bandages and my face all swollen up and I took her out to dennys with the last couple of dollars I had left on me. After alot of time and effort we both got sober, but she has always been the one pushing to go back, she always wants to be drinking even when I am trying hard not to. And if presented with drugs in her face while I am not around she always says yes, without fail. I though maybe we had moved past this somewhat and she went up to visit her parents, I made her promise me not to even talk to anybody from those circles. First day she contacted one of them. I happen to know that this one friend would never dream of getting her high again, and I would trust her with my life and my girlfriend. I was right, but this was the first break of trust. Then the next day they had a few drinks together her friend fell assleep and she drunk drove to one of the worst ones she could have possibly come into contact with, she may as well have just drove to a crackhouse because it's full of drugs and drug users. Then she calls me and shes spun out as fuck, this was the day before yesterday. a day and a half before my interview when I should have been studying drinks instead of trying to work out if I wanted to break something, vomit or cry and feeling all the emotions all at once. I think the word would be anguish. After everything we went through to get sober, 2 days alone without me after 2 years of me watching her carefull, I finally trust her and she got fucked up. I told her if she did this it was over between us, and all her shit is actually sitting in garbage bags right now. She cried so much and begged me and said I was the only one she ever wanted to be with and she was stupid and blah blah blah..... I know she is terrified of life without me, if you knew where we came from you would understand. I wanted it to be over, but I care for her too much to knowingly let her just go back to drugs without me to pull her out again. If you are interested in slighty more backstory and how unhealthy our relationship truly is. Check out the thread (opiates) Possible brain damage from falling out not ODing or something along those lines. I am not a good person, I know that, but I am at a loss of how to fix it. right now I am trying to drink myself to sleep, my favourit passtime, I am actually kind of suprised how well I am typing right now.

Anyway, asking her to get sober with me has already been done.... apparantly not very well though.... I just wish she could be soberand want to be sober as much as I want to be. before my meth habit I had really bad drinking habit and I would drink a handle of rum every day along with some Jameson and some beers and then wine for bedtime. and I would be fully sober functioning if a little orenery human beeing. I told her this when she started wanting to get alcohol after she got off heroin, but she just didn't give a shit. kicking alcohol was one of the worst things I ever did in my life. I would rather be tortured again than go through that shit again, it didn't help that I was in a car the whole time either... Luckily through force of will I am able to keep my drinking down to somewhat acceptable levels, but I nearly fell off the deepend not too long ago and I ended up doing Jail time for it and fucking up my car. and then when I got out she had a bottle of vodka sitting ther waiting for me. what am I gonna do after three months of jail say no? I don't fucking thik so, I see Jameson whiskey in the supermarket and my heart feels like its going to pop and my eyes just can't get away from it and I have to just walk away and tell myelf I am beeing retarded. It is so fucked up that alcohol is legal, but drugs that could actually help people are illegalized... fuckin politics. I was so counting on that interview going well, I was basing my whole fucking beeing and self worth and existence on getting this fucking job, I was speeding the whole way home and driving erratically jst hoping some cop would pull out and pull me over and take me to jail where I belong. I am so self absorbed in self pitty right now it is fucking pathetic..... I dunno what I have even been typing.... whatever ill post it and read it tomorrow and laugh I am sure...

oh yeah, cutting the coffee out, probably would be in my best interests I think, but without it I am an unfocused mess, I am sort of scared without coffee cause I can't think or remember anything. I am suprised that coffee was causing you anxiety from morphine, sorry I didn't fully understand this part "I had to stop drinking any caffeine for over a month because it was playing off of some horrible anxiety that was triggered by er morphine." I am probably just a little drunk to understand, but for some reason this ones not coming through the fog. I probably need more coffee hehe. Just kidding. I think. I do worry about what I have done to my poor little brain though... g0to, this is kind of what I feel like is the case, that somehow I never psycholgically dealt with me addictionand I just left it hanging by only cutting out the physical part of actually doing the meth.... and now I am paying for my negligence... D1nach, I am not sure what that means at all, but I am going to google it and get back to you. and JBrandon I appreciate your input but I trust doctors and perscription meds less than I trust a good dealer to sell me quality meth. The pharma companies are truly evil and I don't trust them at all....

Can "falling out" but not overdosing on opiates cause brain damage? name of post
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Wellbutrin SR 150mg is the only thing that kept me from killing myself or hardcore relapsing. It's not like an SSRI, it's more or less just an extremely mild stim.

The relationship with your girl, well, only you and her can figure that out but from the outside it sounds like you're majorly codependent.
 
I am sorry I have autism which causes problems communicating. Maybe this might help. If you want more of a explanation or dont get a term you can always ask me. Just say "Aye WTF is a nACh?"

Anyway viagra and cialis increase erections by actings like a key that fits in a lock called PDE.

The lock PDE has many slightly different but almost identical looking holes. Each variation can be numbered PDE1 PDE2 ... PDE10 ect.

When you but viagra in it pretty selectively go in pde5. Just like say a lock in your car once you put one key in the hole is occupied so you cant put in a different key at the same time. Thats kind of how viagra works it goes in and inhibits the lock from working properly.

When you inhibit pde5 it increase blood flow to the penis and relaxes it

Caffeine while not as selective still inhibits all pde locks pde1-10 so that includes 5 like viagra therefore making you hornier due to increased blood flow to the penis
 
Well I understand being connected to someone for so long that you almost feel responsible for their life. Things got that way with my kid's dad. I did eventually leave him though because we were just feeding into each other's addictions and, like your situation, I wanted sobriety and he didn't. He would say he was quitting drinking with me and literally minutes later, someone would offer him a beer or a shot and he would take it. It was hard to leave him but I'm so glad I did now. I'm sure there are a few number of people that have been able to work their addiction without having to steer clear of other addicts but it seems really rare. I had to completely stay away from alcohol. I missed weddings, birthdays and baby showers. My brother and sister in-law begged me to come to their baby shower and I just couldn't do it. I even stopped going to the grocery store for a while because it was extremely challenging to pass by the beer isle. I've been sober for 2 years now (besides a couple slip ups) and I can pass the beer isle at the grocery store and even go to a liquor store for moving boxes but I still won't go anywhere where people will be drinking. It's hard to turn down important events for people you're close to and it's hard to cut people out of your life but when it comes down to it, this is YOUR life. You only get one and you deserve to live it with meaning. It's ok and sometimes necessary to be selfish and put yourself first. Especially when it comes to your physical and emotional health. I don't think whatever damage you've done to your brain is irreversible. It could take a while to heal depending on the damage that's been done but it's worth the time and work imo.
It sounds like you've been through hell. I think you deserve happiness. And try not to be so hard on yourself. I don't think bad people struggle with any level of guilt and remorse. Half the things you have discussed in this post wouldn't bother you at all if you weren't a good person.
About the morphine anxiety thing, you weren't too clouded to understand it. I just didn't really explain it. So, when I am on er morphine for too long (about a month or so) it causes me to go into extreme anxiety. I've had that reaction to it twice, a couple years apart. And it's not withdrawal because this last time it happened two days after my dose was increased. It sent me into such an extreme panic attack that I was sweating, I felt like I would pass out if I stood for more than a few seconds and my heart was pounding so bad and so painful that I thought I was about to have a heart attack. I went to the ER and they refused to believe that it wasn't withdrawal. Well I stopped taking it but my anxiety levels were so high for a month or more after and drinking coffee just intensified the anxiety.
I don't trust the prescription psych meds either. I've never had a psych med work and they always seem to add to the damage. I know a couple people who have found a prescription that works so maybe I'm just not wired right for those types of meds. I did know a couple people who started taking Wellbutrin after getting off of meth and they were both happy with that med do maybe there's something to it? Idk. I had trouble even typing that because I really don't believe in that shit but some people think it's been helpful to them.
Anyways, I'm gonna look for that post you told me to read. I hope you start to feel a little better soon. Stay strong:)
 
Meth probably up regulated NE production and created more adrenergic receptors.

Just stop using caffeine.
 
I wouldn't say that is a problem with your autism, or lack of communication, more just assuming that I would know or work it out... Or at least that was what I thought. You responded before I googled it though, so thanks for that, plus the way you explained it was quite easy to understand and I feel as though google is often far too vague. Although you have left me curious, if coffee is nonselective pde1-10, what are the other 9pde? How many different things can coffee fuck about with in my body? probably dependent on which receptors have been more abused? Sorry if what I am saying doesn't really fit with what you are saying, please understand this is entirely uncharted territory for me...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top