The SWIM thing bugs me too. Seems retarded and pointless, and I can't imagine why anyone would want to censor or limit free speech concerning harm reduction and the like (although SWIM is not naive to the reality that there are those assholes out there who would), but seeing as how i just signed up with blue light, i''ll follow the rules.
SWIM is 29 years old, 5'11, 190 pounds, has used every mind altering substance under the sun since he was 13 using every route of administration, is a seasoned drug user, recovering alcoholic and heroin addict who hasn't drank or used (any of the really nasty stuff that would make SWIM's life fall to pieces within a matter of weeks) in 3 years - SWIM is just qualifying himself here as someone who knows what it feels like to get high, and to take something and be disappointed and know it's not doing what it's supposed to.
SWIM has taken ecstasy in various forms, probably about twenty times in his life, and while his friends have been rolling around on the carpet touching themselves and one another, telling each other how much the love each other and so forth, he has sat there frustrated feeling like he drank a few shots of espresso and took about 10mgs of Adderall. SWIM has taken pills on a number of occasions that he knew were SERIOUSLY legit, evidenced by the reaction of others around him who took the same thing and were blasted into outer space. he has taken them whilst on SSRIS and whilst on no medication whatsoever with the same reaction. His pupils have always swelled up to the size of pennies, evidence to the fact that MDMA was most definitely in his bloodstream, just not doing what it was supposed to be doing re filling him with love, euphoria, and an overwhelming urge to dance. SWIM has taken MDMA on an empty stomach and on no psych meds, and then when it didn't "work," taken more and more (obscene amounts) with practically no results. Most recently (perhaps a year ago?), SWIM plugged two .15g (or .015g, whatever it is that goes for 20 bucks) gel caps of molly (stuck them up his ass) that had quite a reputation for being the most pure and potent thing around at the time. SWIM was riding the subway 20 minutes later when they kicked in and nearly had an anxiety attack from the physical symptoms normally associated with rolling (heart fluttering, jaw trembling, massive pupils like flying saucers and the like). This was the most SWIM ever got out of MDMA, which wasn't much: felt a little bit amped up, strange, pleasant sensation when touching his skin, felt a little horny and rubbed one out, then went about his day feeling more or less normal.
SWIM has never had this adequately explained to him by psychiatrists, drug connoisseurs, etc. and has searched for literature in the psychopharmacological community to explain this phenomenon without any luck.
So, SWIM is curious about a few things:
1. has anyone else out there been able to definitively determine that they are an MDMA non-responder, or know someone who is? and if so, have they found a remedy to the situation: for example, combining it with something that potentiates the effects, changed the set and setting, taken it during another period of their lives when they were doing something differently (like altering their diet or being in better physical / mental / emotional / spiritual shape) and found that it worked when certain variables were altered?
2. does anyone know of any MDMA analogues that have worked for people where MDMA has not?
3. any other thoughts / ideas / diarrhetic stream of consciousness that might lead to SWIM having success with the drug
Thanks.
P.S. Some related facts, thoughts, theories, and hypotheses:
1.SWIM has suffered from chronic depression (along with generalized anxiety). we know that this is usually associated with the neurochemical serotonin, which floods the brain when MDMA is administered. maybe SWIM's brain just doesn't have the serotonin on reserve to flood his brain? seems far-fetched, but anything is possible
2. building on the hypotheses stated above. SWIM has had unusual experiences with LSD, which also acts on the serotonin system in a different way. specifically, when SWIM takes LSD (which works just fine for him) if he takes it within the same week it has little to no effect. SWIM is aware that this is normal, that the brain needs a day or two to reset for most people before they can really trip their balls off again, but this is especially pronounced with SWIM. he knows people who can take it two days in a row and trip two days in a row. when SWIM takes LSD twice within a span of up to two weeks, the second time he can take 20 hits and not achieve the same effect he got with 2 or 4 (literally). it's like there's a ceiling, and whatever chemicals were available to his brain to rocket him into the fourth dimension are now gone. what i'm getting at, i suppose, is that this seems to point to a deficiency of SOMETHING. what exactly, SWIM isn't sure. could this be related?
from the info mentioned in items 1 and 2 after the postscript above, and all the other anecdotal evidence mentioned before, friends have remarked that SWIM's brain is "wired strangely" or made remarks such as "you've got something weird going on with your brain chemistry." SWIM's response to that is "no shit" but a more specific explanation would be appreciated and valuable
Thanks again.
