MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

[snmfmy]

Lurker here. A few months ago I mixed weed, adderall and mdma all in one night. Mood wasn't right, and all of a sudden I became extremely paranoid and then had my first panic attack ever. I wanted to throw myself in front of a car because it was so bad. I then started to not believe anything was real, questioned reality and said some really dumb shit to close people around me.

Afterwards, I experienced depression for about 2-3 weeks that eventually resolved itself. What I was left with was severe anxiety, and an exacerbation of my OCD, which I didn't even know I had. For 2 months, I lurked on these forums, and tried to do everything to "fix" the issue. Taking ashwaganda, I kept exercising a ton, taking supplements, and I believe that my healthy lifestyle was slowly but surely fixing the issue. Every morning my anxiety would be really bad and then got better by around 6:00 PM.

I eventually realized that mornings were bad because of heigtened coritisol levels that dissipated through the day. I eventually got a pysch and got onto buspar, which helped, but the progress was slow. 2 months later I was going through personal issues and eventually went a couple of days without sleep. This is what messed me up.

The insomnia I had for two days made my anxiety worse causing MORE panic attacks, and I ended in the ER a couple times. I had a ton of brain fog, severr anxiety, depersonlization, extreme guilt and shame, you name it. I talked to my psych and they put me on lexapro almost immediately starting at 5mg the first two weeks and then 10mg. After 4 weeks, today is the first day where I've felt completely normal. I had to use klonopin for the first few weeks to bridge over, and I'm still combating insomnia with trazadone. But I see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's only been 4 weeks since I started lexapro, and before this I had never in my life been on any type of serious mediciation.

With other people who have tried Paxil or Lexapro, I would recommend trying this route as well if you have insurance and access. I've been researching quite a bit, and finally decided on trying an SSRI which did help me.

In my observations, if you're a person thats dispositioned to high anxiety, the initial panic attack can change your serotonin re-uptake, and cause heightened anxiety and panic. Once you have your first panic attack, you're going to have more unless you address the symptoms. I'm not discounting the people who fixed this without SSRIs, as I was also doing this. But it seems like Lexapro sped up that process considerably. I feel like I still have a long way to go, but I haven't felt this normal since before I experienced that disastrous night.

TLDR:
I developed a panic disoder. I treated it with an SSRI, its been 4 weeks and today was the first day since that day where I felt normal. Also, sleep is VERY important in recovery. Please prioritize your sleep.

So were you on all these medications prior to this episode? And by all these medications I mean trazodone, Clonazepam, basically everything but the Lexapro?

Where is your evidence that panic attacks affect serotonin reuptake?

 

[snmfmy]

This thread seems kind of dead so I am not sure if I will get a reply. Here is my story though:
A few months ago back in September I did some MDMA crystal. I'm in the US and I obtained it from a domestic DN source with good reviews. It was purple tinted mostly clearish white crystal advertised to be imported from the NL. I honestly did not test it but I have done MDMA before a few years ago and the effects felt roughly the same. Anyways I did about 150-200mg in a night, starting with 50mg then I did another 100mg then a little tiny more probably like 20-30mg. My scale was not perfectly accurate so thats why I gave a range estimate but I know I def didnt exceed 200mg in a night. I didn't have any noticeable issues after the first roll. Fast forward a month and I did 100mg again and this time the roll felt weird and speedy with almost no euphoria like the first time. I thought maybe it just lost the magic because I only waited a month. Anyways I still didnt feel bad even after this second time. A couple weeks later I did some coke with a friend, an extremely small amount maybe like .2-.3, and that is when everything went south. I got way too overamped on the coke and had a really bad comedown. Ever since then I started having severe anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. I was smoking weed daily at the time so I quit that because it started giving me panic attacks. The panic attacks slowly went away and I was left with just severe anxiety among other symptoms which I will list here:
- Severe anxiety / depression / anhedonia
- Heart palpitations
- Head pressure
- Numbness / tingling in legs / arms
- Pain in my right leg
- Muscle twitching
- Nausea
- Insomnia
- Lack of appetite
- Lack of sex drive

It has been 2 months now since I last rolled and a month and a half since I did the cocaine. At first I thought maybe weed withdrawals were having an effect on me but I ruled that out as it has been over a month since I quit smoking. I know that my current state has something to do with either the MDMA or cocaine I did, or maybe a combination of both. Some theories I have had are either than the MDMA was contaminated with heavy metals or the coke I got was cut or laced with something else. I dont really know but I just want to feel better. I feel really awful everyday and I am losing hope. I have thought about suicide multiple times. I hope someone reads this and can give me some hope although the thread seems quite dead now. Thanks for reading.

So you don't think it had to do with you smoking weed every single day and then stopping while in the middle of a cocaine induced anxiety ridden depressive episode? That couldn't be it at all?

The MDMA was not contaminated with heavy metals. That was your tuna fish sandwich or your sushi.

 

[neveragainneveragain]

So were you on all these medications prior to this episode? And by all these medications I mean trazodone, Clonazepam, basically everything but the Lexapro?

Where is your evidence that panic attacks affect serotonin reuptake?

I was on none of these medications before this episode. I am on Trazadone because my panic attacks(from the episode) gave me insomnia. I was on clonazepam because I needed to treat the panic attacks when ramping up on Lexapro.

I am saying that I developed a panic disorder and severe anxiety from the episode. I also became super OCD with guilt and shame. Anxiety/OCD/Panic are all signs of lack of seretonin. Lexapro is known to treat these symptoms, so is Paxil. I went to my psych with treating the symptoms. I tried the wholistic way + BuSpar for two months and never came close to how I'm feeling now.

 

[snmfmy]

I was on none of these medications before this episode. I am on Trazadone because my panic attacks(from the episode) gave me insomnia. I was on clonazepam because I needed to treat the panic attacks when ramping up on Lexapro.

I am saying that I developed a panic disorder and severe anxiety from the episode. I also became super OCD with guilt and shame. Anxiety/OCD/Panic are all signs of lack of seretonin. Lexapro is known to treat these symptoms, so is Paxil. I went to my psych with treating the symptoms. I tried the wholistic way + BuSpar for two months and never came close to how I'm feeling now.

Well you said exacerbated OCD disorder that you didn't know you had.

At least you're not one of these people that just blames it on MDMA.

I think perhaps people that have high anxiety shouldn't mix weed and adderall and what they think is MDMA.

 

[neveragainneveragain]

Well you said exacerbated OCD disorder that you didn't know you had.

At least you're not one of these people that just blames it on MDMA.

I think perhaps people that have high anxiety shouldn't mix weed and adderall and what they think is MDMA.

Once you have one panic attack, you're much more likely to have more. In my case, I induced my first panic attack, which created severe anxiety, which trigger more panic, and creates a loop. Like others here have said, you need to treat the symptoms to stop the loop. How you do that is up to you. For me and others, Lexapro and Paxil have helped.

 

[snmfmy]

I was on none of these medications before this episode. I am on Trazadone because my panic attacks(from the episode) gave me insomnia. I was on clonazepam because I needed to treat the panic attacks when ramping up on Lexapro.

I am saying that I developed a panic disorder and severe anxiety from the episode. I also became super OCD with guilt and shame. Anxiety/OCD/Panic are all signs of lack of seretonin. Lexapro is known to treat these symptoms, so is Paxil. I went to my psych with treating the symptoms. I tried the wholistic way + BuSpar for two months and never came close to how I'm feeling now.

You Have a script-Happy doc. Trazodone for insomnia when prescribing clonazepam already, okay. Klonopin works for insomnia and anxiety. That's what it's for.

And you were trying holistic but taking buspirone? The doctor said I'll start you on buspar?

 

[snmfmy]

Once you have one panic attack, you're much more likely to have more.

Actually most people who have a panic attack never have another one.

I'm glad you're getting help for your affective disorder and at least you're one of the people that identifies that drugs exposed it but didn't cause it.

 

[neveragainneveragain]

You Have a script-Happy doc. Trazodone for insomnia when prescribing clonazepam already, okay. Klonopin works for insomnia and anxiety. That's what it's for.

And you were trying holistic but taking buspirone? The doctor said I'll start you on buspar?

First of all, you need to relax. Lol

Stop invalidating peoples experiences. Klonopin is a benzo and extremely addicitive. It is not for long term use. Thats why lexapro is used to treat the anxiety for the moderate or long-term. Trazadone is an off-label prescription for insomnia which isn't known to cause physical dependence.

The drugs ABSOLUTELY did cause it. It induced my first panic attack and I havent been the same ever since. You need to stop invalidating peoples experiences just because it doesn't align with yours.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

Actually most people who have a panic attack never have another one.

I find this going against all the common sense. Do you have any study to refer?

You might have experience of isolated panic attack or some friend having had single event. But that won't be good proof.

 

[snmfmy]

First of all, you need to relax. Lol

Stop invalidating peoples experiences. Klonopin is a benzo and extremely addicitive. It is not for long term use. Thats why lexapro is used to treat the anxiety for the moderate or long-term. Trazadone is an off-label prescription for insomnia which isn't known to cause physical dependence.

The drugs ABSOLUTELY did cause it. It induced my first panic attack and I havent been the same ever since. You need to stop invalidating peoples experiences just because it doesn't align with yours.

I never invalidated your experience.

You're exact words were "exacerbated my OCD I didn't know I had".

 

[snmfmy]

I find this going against all the common sense. Do you have any study to refer?

You might have experience of isolated panic attack or some friend having had single event. But that won't be good proof.

"Up to 35% of people Will experience a panic attack in their life"

Panic attack

Without treatment, frequent and prolonged panic attacks can be severely disabling.

www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au

"Lifetime prevalence estimates for panic disorder in US adults range from 2.0% to 6.0%"

Panic Disorder: Practice Essentials, Background, Etiology

Panic disorder is characterized by the spontaneous and unexpected occurrence of panic attacks, the frequency of which can vary from several attacks per day to only a few attacks per year. Panic attacks are defined as a period of intense fear in which 4 of 13 defined symptoms develop abruptly and...

emedicine.medscape.com

If having a panic attack predisposed one to having panic disorder, there will be a lot more than 2 to 6% of people having a panic disorder when 35% of people have at least one panic attack.

Simple mathematics.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

I am saying that I developed a panic disorder and severe anxiety from the episode. I also became super OCD with guilt and shame. Anxiety/OCD/Panic are all signs of lack of seretonin. Lexapro is known to treat these symptoms, so is Paxil. I went to my psych with treating the symptoms. I tried the wholistic way + BuSpar for two months and never came close to how I'm feeling now.

there is very little good proof of different conditions being consequence of altered neurochemical levels. But they definitely sometimes are and it may be good choice to treat yourself with stuff that alter those levels if they are observed to work.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

If having a panic attack predisposed one to having panic disorder, there will be a lot more than 2 to 6% of people having a panic disorder when 35% of people have at least one panic attack.

Simple mathematics.

Surely there could be set of people that have infrequent panic attacks but not enough to have panic disorder or get diagnosed with such.

 

[neveragainneveragain]

I never invalidated your experience.

You're exact words were "exacerbated my OCD I didn't know I had".

People pre-dispositioned to Anxiety are also pre-dispositioned to OCD. I didn't know I had OCD sypmtoms until after the whole episode, which made the symptoms MUCH more noticable.

"Up to 35% of people Will experience a panic attack in their life"

Panic attack

Without treatment, frequent and prolonged panic attacks can be severely disabling.

www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au

"Lifetime prevalence estimates for panic disorder in US adults range from 2.0% to 6.0%"

Panic Disorder: Practice Essentials, Background, Etiology

Panic disorder is characterized by the spontaneous and unexpected occurrence of panic attacks, the frequency of which can vary from several attacks per day to only a few attacks per year. Panic attacks are defined as a period of intense fear in which 4 of 13 defined symptoms develop abruptly and...

emedicine.medscape.com

If having a panic attack predisposed one to having panic disorder, there will be a lot more than 2 to 6% of people having a panic disorder when 35% of people have at least one panic attack.

Simple mathematics.

You're not listening.

Again, I had NEVER in my life had a panic attack until that incident. Within a span of 3 days after my insomnia incident, I started having them every few hours until I had to go to the ER.

I had never had a panic attack until that day when I took those drugs. My anxiety baseline increased dramatically after that whole episode. Fear starts to fuel those new PHYSICAL symptoms. All the fears you've had before that you could just brush off now add FUEL to that anxiety, which induces panic. Its a feedback loop that gets worse and worse, unless you fix the symptoms, which is the anxiety. If you can treat the physical symptoms of anxiety, then you can start to decouple the thoughts you have with those physical symptoms. This breaks the feedback loop and breaks the panic disorder. Whether you do that with SSRIs or other methods is up to you.

 

[neveragainneveragain]

Hello everyone, just checking in.

Ive been better for near enough a year now ever since using Paxil (Paroxetine) for ~2 months. @district9 has been advocating for it but no one listens. I had a huge thread in which I logged my journey, but I’ve deleted it since.

My working theory is that somewhere during the consumption of MDMA you had a panic attack which induced all these symptoms. Something about it knocks the central nervous system out of order and it gets stuck in a fight or flight response. I’ve seen several TikTok’s of people this has happened to without ever doing MDMA so I can only trace it back to the initial panic attack(s), and in retrospect, this condition isn’t as rare and unique as I thought it was.

I’m so good now I can’t even remotely remember the hell I went through. You’ll all get better given the right circumstances, mindset, and antidepressant. Namely, the antidepressant that worked for me was Paroxetine. Don’t overthink and delay trying it, just go and get it. You’ll notice a difference in a matter of a couple days.

As a side note, if you’re wondering why recovered people don’t come back here and that gives you anxiety (this was me too), it’s because when you’re better you get busy with your life and you don’t want to go back to anything that reminds you of your suffering. But I feel obliged to since I’m better now and I don’t want others to be in that place I luckily escaped from.

I absolutely agree with this. Lexapro has nearly gotten me back to normal after 4 weeks.

 

[snmfmy]

People pre-dispositioned to Anxiety are also pre-dispositioned to OCD. I didn't know I had OCD sypmtoms until after the whole episode, which made the symptoms MUCH more noticable.


You're not listening.

Again, I had NEVER in my life had a panic attack until that incident. Within a span of 3 days after my insomnia incident, I started having them every few hours until I had to go to the ER.

I had never had a panic attack until that day when I took those drugs. My anxiety baseline increased dramatically after that whole episode. Fear starts to fuel those new PHYSICAL symptoms. All the fears you've had before that you could just brush off now add FUEL to that anxiety, which induces panic. Its a feedback loop that gets worse and worse, unless you fix the symptoms, which is the anxiety. If you can treat the physical symptoms of anxiety, then you can start to decouple the thoughts you have with those physical symptoms. This breaks the feedback loop and breaks the panic disorder. Whether you do that with SSRIs or other methods is up to you.

I never discounted what you have experienced.

I will challenge people when they make statements that are unsupported by the evidence.

You hear people say "once you have a panic attack you're more likely to have more", but the numbers and the science says that not the case.

The overwhelming majority of people never have another panic attack, otherwise, 35% of people would have panic disorder because 35% of people have at least one panic attack.

The numbers actually show somewhere between 10% and 20% of people that have panic attacks and up developing panic disorder (about 3% to 7% of the general population)

I'm not minimizing what you've experienced, I am not saying it didn't happen.

Even in the post I'm directly responding to you say

" I didn't know I had OCD symptoms until after..."

A reasonable person would take that to mean that the whole episode exposed some pre-existing OCD behaviors.

Yes, people with OCD are predisposed to anxiety, and people with anxiety are predisposed to panic disorder.

Yes, there are instances where drugs induce panic attacks.

The instances where drugs cause panic disorder are vanishingly small. The instances where drugs expose panic disorder or contribute to an exacerbation of OCD/ anxiety etc. Are many and frequent.

I would also caution against blaming it all on MDMA which you are not certain the substance actually was because you didn't have it laboratory tested.

Furthermore, the most common substance that exacerbates, uncovers, or contributes to the development of anxiety disorders is marijuana. Marijuana causes panic attacks, frequently, much more frequently than MDMA does.

In fact, the use of marijuana almost doubles your likelihood of developing panic disorder

Marijuana Use and Panic Psychopathology Among a Representative Sample of Adults

This study examined the relations between marijuana use and panic attacks and panic disorder using a large representative survey of adults (N = 5,672; 53% women; M[age] = 45.05 years, SD = 17.9) conducted in the United States (). After adjusting for ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

I will challenge people when they make statements that are unsupported by the evidence.

everything will never be supported by evidence, even if it was correct.

 

[snmfmy]

everything will never be supported by evidence, even if it was correct.

I never said that I would challenge everything. But virtually everything can either be supported by evidence or falsified by evidence.

I will challenge things that are unsupported by the evidence.
Or falsified by evidence.

No consensus. I say so.

I don't challenge people on their experiences.

Most people take statements people make as authoritative and correct, even though more than half the time people don't know what the fuck they're talking about and just make shit up.

 

[elgoucho9]

This is the seventh version of the MDMA recovery stories & support thread. Is anybody wondering where the previous version went?

Well, there's a story to that. Sooo... I accidentality deleted the former version of this thread whilst merging posts & then trying to delete a post which predated the first post in the thread. Yeah, whooops. Apparently vBulletin does not understand or like this. My deepest apologies! Anybody wondering where your posts went... well, they were merged into said thread, which is now gone. Sorry, silly me, etc etc.

So this is version seven of the MDMA Recovery stories and support thread. ALL posts relating to MDMA recovery and LTC go here. Seriously, all of them. If people see a post on LTC, please direct them to this thread/report the thread so I can merge it. We get an overwhelming amount of LTC posts, and it would really help if people knowing they go in the LTC thread became a thing.

Sorry again to anybody who lost a post!

@Tranced saved bluelight. He did it by plugging MDMA infront of an indidgenous group of knife-point rapists.

The situation reached its peak when they had him wear a blousse, skirt, high heels and lip stick. And teach sex education in primary school. He went by 'Marilyn', and claimed his reason for taking up sex ed was he wished for a role in a Stanley Kubrick movie and "knows the score", he HATES the term "woke" and will do "anal" on command.

 

[elgoucho9]

You are disappointed in an accident?

Like that time you were disappointed Klaus Schwab was only 5.4inches