Thanks for the info. I'm almost 4 months in now, although I retriggered my symptoms twice severely, hence where I am now. Each time i retriggered them they got worse. Brain zaps are like jolts of electricity and a flash of light in your head that jolts your whole body. And at least for me, they are followed by strong painful sensations in your feet and hands. I'm not sure it's damage but the brain is definitely thrown out of whack. I just hate to use other drugs, especially ADs since I've already screwed up my system so bad, but I had to do something lol.
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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)
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rorymullan
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- Jun 19, 2016
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How did you retrigger your symptoms?
I can drink alcohol and smoke weed with no real ill effect. Cocaine heightened anxiety temporarily, tbh I wouldn't do it again.
I still had eye floaters and some sleep disturbances, but I retriggered the worst symptoms by drinking and smoking heavily for 2 nights, 3 weeks after the horrible come down from MDMA. Had a few zaps and tinnitus after the retrigger. Was feeling a bit better, then I retriggered them again through self-service sex (TMI sorry lol) 1.5 week later around July 7. Been real bad since, albeit slightly better then I was, but not much progress at all in the past month.
How bad was the cocaine anxiety? Fully blown panic like the type you were getting at work?
Mine was/is incredible. Needed 25mg Valium the first day, probably 20mg over the second, and have had 2.5mg to lunchtime today.
If it wasn't for the benzos I'd be in an asylum by now. But by god, the last thing I want is a benzo dependence. I'm hoping this will just fuck off ASAP. It's pure anxiety - all my other LTC symptoms are as per usual.
For those reading, please let this be a lesson to you - my Doc said no stimulants and I was careless and am paying for it in spades now.
INeedsomeanswers
Greenlighter
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Just checking in.... I've not had anymore panic attacks and I'm starting to feel much better with minimal anxiety. I'm wondering if another user was right and maybe I'm just having a harsher than normal come down lasting a few weeks only? It's been almost 3 weeks and I'm finally gaining weight back and wanting to eat... I still have some trouble with getting too nervous but usually I can talk myself down. I've stayed away from caffeine and alcool but I was wondering how much longer I should avoid it? I'm sorry I know these are dumb questions I ask but I don't want to set myself back and I honestly don't have anyone else to ask at this point. I have more good days than bad and I'd rather everyone who knows that I had a bad comedown just think I'm totally fine now.
Good job INeedsoeanswers...just checking in too...so I'm a month in since my cocaine set back (and 4 months since the first humongous panic attack). The full panic attacks which resurfaced have completely subsided, still lingering anxiety but here are my symptoms:
- Moderate apathy (I'm capable of doing stuff: work, social gatherings, watching rugby, going to the cinema and I can laugh when I find something funny, but I still do everything with the anxious thoughts on my mind and as such I am struggling to really feel much enjoyment)
- DP/DR (Still don't feel like myself and occasionally think I am going mad, but much better than it was)
- Insomnia (I can get to sleep fine, but I'm waking up 2 hours early each night and find it hard to go back to sleep. Getting out of bed in the morning is a real effort)
- Fear of the future (I still do think I might be stuck like this)
- Brain fog (I sort of picture drilling into my head and finding saw dust. I feel like I have regressed mentally, until I actually do a task like excel at work and then I realise I haven't turned into a child)
- Physical symptoms (pins and needles, headaches and fatigue)
- Obsessive thoughts (what if I hadn't done all the drugs, was I exercising too hard after it, when will this fucking end, why don't I feel like myself etc.)
- Bursts of energy (particularly at 5.30 when I leave work. Tunes on in the car, I have a full on boogie for half an hour. I take solace in these being sings of my brain turning back on).
I'm probably at 50-60% of my old self and when this started, I could barely function. The memory of myself propped up against the wall in the work toilet praying I wasn't going to die cracks me up now.
However, I have reached a point where I am considering taking time off my office job. I'm fairly convinced that working hard 9 -5.30 in an uninspiring office is slowing down my recovery. Have other people found this easier if they have had a job that gets them in the outdoors with a physical aspect to it? People on here talk about mindfulness /exercise and I wonder if I found a job which got me out and about would help me focus on the moment and get some exercise, rather than sitting at my desk ruminating about my anxious state of mind and eating cake when it's someone's birthday?
- Moderate apathy (I'm capable of doing stuff: work, social gatherings, watching rugby, going to the cinema and I can laugh when I find something funny, but I still do everything with the anxious thoughts on my mind and as such I am struggling to really feel much enjoyment)
- DP/DR (Still don't feel like myself and occasionally think I am going mad, but much better than it was)
- Insomnia (I can get to sleep fine, but I'm waking up 2 hours early each night and find it hard to go back to sleep. Getting out of bed in the morning is a real effort)
- Fear of the future (I still do think I might be stuck like this)
- Brain fog (I sort of picture drilling into my head and finding saw dust. I feel like I have regressed mentally, until I actually do a task like excel at work and then I realise I haven't turned into a child)
- Physical symptoms (pins and needles, headaches and fatigue)
- Obsessive thoughts (what if I hadn't done all the drugs, was I exercising too hard after it, when will this fucking end, why don't I feel like myself etc.)
- Bursts of energy (particularly at 5.30 when I leave work. Tunes on in the car, I have a full on boogie for half an hour. I take solace in these being sings of my brain turning back on).
I'm probably at 50-60% of my old self and when this started, I could barely function. The memory of myself propped up against the wall in the work toilet praying I wasn't going to die cracks me up now.
However, I have reached a point where I am considering taking time off my office job. I'm fairly convinced that working hard 9 -5.30 in an uninspiring office is slowing down my recovery. Have other people found this easier if they have had a job that gets them in the outdoors with a physical aspect to it? People on here talk about mindfulness /exercise and I wonder if I found a job which got me out and about would help me focus on the moment and get some exercise, rather than sitting at my desk ruminating about my anxious state of mind and eating cake when it's someone's birthday?
For myself, symptoms were extreme anxiety, brain cloud, depression, overall "zombie" state feeling, as if I was watching myself behind my eyes observing that I was not my normal self. I previously was a easy going funny dude. It's hard to pinpoint the exact time of recovery, some symptoms went quickly, for me, the anxiety. However, the overall zombie brain cloud lasted a while. I'd say I was not feeling my entire self for a year and couple months. Perhaps it was attributed to letting go the feeling, paranoia, and blame of messing up my own brain. I think I just stopped thinking about it. I led a 9-5er job the whole time and it was hard at the beginning, but back to loving going to work. Feeling normal again today. I think I might have a different recovery road however, since I've read some users being sensitive to other stimulants. I've drank caffeine, drank alcohol and done occasional cocaine that has had zero comedown. I think they were more effective before the MDMA comedown. The MDMA by far was the worst of all. Anyways, it's all bad, and I'm just thinking about sticking to occasional booz from now on. Good luck y'all with recovery! Time, exercise, buddies and diet is the way I went, no other remedies.
And I did speak with counselor once every two weeks for a year, it helped open up. He seemed to think it triggered a depression within, maybe he was right, but still, the other symptoms were unexplained. The effects are obviously not well known, and it does affect a lot of us in different ways. My friends can take it like champs, zero comedown.
rorymullan
Bluelighter
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- Jun 19, 2016
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Not that bad, not comparable to the first MDMA anxiety. But I had almost fully recovered at the point of taking it.
It's been a few days, I wish you well. Reckon it'll pass
I'm dealing with it all by trying to practice mindfulness - but to be honest the anxiety gets well and truly out of hand and I have to turn to benzos.
Is there anything to show that riding out the anxiety and panic attacks drug free will make them pass quicker than with benzos, or that benzos hinder recovery?
I want to be benzo free (am very frightened of dependence / withdrawal) but these panic attacks are worse than the early ones and I simply can't deal without them. Hopefully if it's only a few more days that won't be a factor.
Is there anything to show that riding out the anxiety and panic attacks drug free will make them pass quicker than with benzos, or that benzos hinder recovery?
I want to be benzo free (am very frightened of dependence / withdrawal) but these panic attacks are worse than the early ones and I simply can't deal without them. Hopefully if it's only a few more days that won't be a factor.
Awesome!! If I was in your spot, I would avoid it until you feel 100 percent better for 6 months. Might be overkill but I know that Caffeine completely f'd me up for a month when I was feeling at about 70 percent.
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nightElf
Bluelighter
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- Mar 13, 2015
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How about a VERY LOW dose? Like, less than 0.25mg. I used that for 6-8 months, and it REALLY helped me. And I did not get addicted or got the need to raise the dose.
INeedsomeanswers
Greenlighter
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- Sep 9, 2016
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When we all went to dinner last night I ordered a drink but after one sip I gave it to my boyfriend to finish. I got that wave of nervousness and kept thinking I was just going to screw it up again. I hope this doesn't last for ever and I can actually participate again but if I'm still nervous I know I have to listen to myself and wait. Guess we'll see where I am in 5 months... how have you been fnono33? Any more progress?
Good for you. Yeah, I thought I was ready for coffee and I clearly wasn't. I think it's good to play it safe. Very very safe. Right now, I've been stable at about 65 percent for the last week or so. No serious panic attacks, no vomitting, no rashes. Just dp/dr, mild hppd and insomnia. At night I will get shooting pains in my right arm. A symptom that started after the caffeine.
Good to hear Fnono. Glad you're making progress. How has the trazodone been? I'm going to ask my neurologist tomorrow about it. Have you had to take it every night?
It's been...Ok. I think I would get a lot less sleep without it. But, it's not a cure for the insomnia. I take it with melatonin and that seems to get me 5 to 6 hours a night. I wake up about 2x a night. My concern is that it's not the natural way but my life is tolerable. So I'm going to stick with it for a bit.
INeedsomeanswers
Greenlighter
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- Sep 9, 2016
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I had a conversation the other day about people, myself included, about ways to deal with stress or depression or anxiety. My friend told me there were two ways to reach the top of a mountain.. you can climb.. or get on the helicopter. Sometimes you need a little help.. today was a bad day for me in this waiting process but I'm going to hope that tomorrow will be better. Even if the medicine isn't the natural way.. if it's helping you to get sleep then it's doing good for you.. stay on the helicopter and let yourself get rest and then you'll be strong enough to make that climb naturally.
unless the meds just make us worse in the long run! That's my biggest fear....I'll become dependent on them for sleep then I'll be worse off than if I just tough it out.
Came across this study today....states that people with low serotonin appear to be susceptible to loud noises, which I definitely am now. Also states when people go on SSRIs that they're tolerance to loud noises goes up...interesting.
Hey 5-6 hours is good progress. Melatonin is relatively natural I'd say, there's plenty worse things. Trazodone seems like it has minimal withdrawal issues as well, I'd say your on the right path.
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