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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

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Just had a thought that needs to be posted here.

Gotta keep this thread positive. People are coming here, reading this, plenty of lurkers id imagine. It's summer in the northern hemisphere, festival season, I can imagine that a lot of people now are on horrible comedowns, maybe worse than what they've experienced before.

But some of the talk on this thread is enough to give anyone an anxiety disorder. It isn't going to take much to tip the balance. That's how anxiety starts. Your thoughts start creeping you out, you don't know why you feel like shit. You start looking for an explanation and before you know it you're doomed.

This doesn't have to be the case though. I think for the benefit of people unfamiliar with an LTC it's probably best not to let them know about it intimately huh?

Your thoughts dictate your life. You could be homeless with a no legs, and still be happy. And you can be young, rich, and successful, yet be miserable as fuck. It really doesn't depend on circumstances, it's what you make of them,

If you've decided you're fucked, if you've decided that MDMA has destroyed your life, then it will be made so.

If however, you decide that you're just stressed, if you've just been going through a bad time, that drugs are sometimes a bad idea, you'll pull through it. That will happen. It's not a question of if but when.

But at the end of the day, you have control over either outcome. You do have control over your thoughts to some extent, and you certainly have control over your reaction to them.

I don't wanna see people being tripped out by this thread. Keep it real. No one on here is fucked. I haven't seen anyone who isn't going to recover. The recovery rate is 100%. Unless you decide to end it yourself. But why would you do that?

I've been watching videos of mystics recently, Indian sadhus, monks, holy men. If you want evidence of the supreme power of the human mind just watch a few YouTube videos of these guys and you will have it.

There isn't a force in the sky that dictates your life. There is however, a force in your head that is vastly more powerful. Treat it with the same respect you would treat an all powerful diety because it basically is. If you fill it with darkness you will live in darkness. If you fill it with light, slowly but surely, that's what your life will be filled with.

Science has proven time and time again that your thoughts determine your life, so if you're going to guard against anything, guard against negativity.
 
Went to my neurology appoinement this morning she went on about the anxiety side and sayed she would give me a mri scan of the Brain, I asked if I could have a pet scan and she sayed she has never had access to that and hasn't heard of that been given ?..
 
Strangestuff said:
I don't mean benzos. There are things like Clonidine (works on adrenergic receptors, blocks adrenaline), propanarol(b blocker), Buspar, lyrica or gabapentin, etc
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For my initial symptoms (brain zaps, insomnia, twitches), my neurologist gave me lyrica. I don't think it helped much, tho, but I took it for 3 months.
 
Mmn I'm one the people on here that really abused MDMA. So not the one who did 150mg and started crying about a LTC. Anyway I'm close 100% for several days. Means that I'm able to function fully. I wish the rest of BL'ers good luck!
 
Vikingdancer said:
Mmn I'm one the people on here that really abused MDMA. So not the one who did 150mg and started crying about a LTC. Anyway I'm close 100% for several days. Means that I'm able to function fully. I wish the rest of BL'ers good luck!
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You're not a neurologist, you can't tell anyone that a brain can't be changed severly with only 150mg, neither can you laugh about it. If you feel the need to do so on the internet while discouraging everyone at the same time, do it. I'm saddened to see your LTC did not make you a better person, but who am I to judge, good luck to you too.
 
me2point0 said:
You're not a neurologist, you can't tell anyone that a brain can't be changed severly with only 150mg, neither can you laugh about it. If you feel the need to do so on the internet while discouraging everyone at the same time, do it. I'm saddened to see your LTC did not make you a better person, but who am I to judge, good luck to you too.
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Although it might not seem like it, vikingdancer is right. People need to stop being so serious. MDMA is not going to severely change your brain. If it had, we would know about it right now from the collective effort of countless people who have had every type of test under the sun.

It's not good to blow things out of proportion. Yes, MDMA can sevey skew your perception of reality and in large doses is not good for you. But then again, neither is too much caffeine, bacon, sunlight or even water.

Yes, medical professional are not all knowing oracles. But people should trust their word. They have trained for years to do the job they do. If they tell you it's anxiety, chances are, it is. I know from my placements in medical settings that anxiety causes all manner of physical symptoms. Yet people refuse to be told it's just anxiety. Believe me, once you finally get over it, once you finally decide your brain is just playing tricks, you will start making serious recovery progress.
 
ShortTermExpert said:
Although it might not seem like it, vikingdancer is right. People need to stop being so serious. MDMA is not going to severely change your brain. If it had, we would know about it right now from the collective effort of countless people who have had every type of test under the sun.

It's not good to blow things out of proportion. Yes, MDMA can sevey skew your perception of reality and in large doses is not good for you. But then again, neither is too much caffeine, bacon, sunlight or even water.

Yes, medical professional are not all knowing oracles. But people should trust their word. They have trained for years to do the job they do. If they tell you it's anxiety, chances are, it is. I know from my placements in medical settings that anxiety causes all manner of physical symptoms. Yet people refuse to be told it's just anxiety. Believe me, once you finally get over it, once you finally decide your brain is just playing tricks, you will start making serious recovery progress.
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Does anyone know anything about mri scans ? Will this be able to detect any damage done by mdma abuse if any
 
I guess. But for the mri many people did some on other forums with this ltc. nothing shows up
 
Ok honestly people are focusing on MRI and "brain damage" too much still.

The real cause is unknown and is probably related to neuroendocrine and immune system stuff. It is impossible to get an anxiety disorder out of nowhere when previously healthy otherwise. Either way, no irreversible damage is done and the psychological treatments also impact the neuroendocrine/immune system stuff so thats why people are able to recover with that alone even without testing that stuff although you can.

Ecstasy impacts the whole body not just the brain. It impacts the immune system too and nowadays anxiety/depression are being linked to inflammatory states so its possible that somehow this inflammation has run rampant after the use of E.

Basically you have predisposing genetic/biological/psychological factors for this LTC. And to fix this stuff you probably have to fix these factors in some way. But thinking "i am damaged permanantly" is not the way to go about doing so. Logically, is it really possible to have this for the rest of your life?? Its only temporary,
 
Strangestuff said:
Ok honestly people are focusing on MRI and "brain damage" too much still.

The real cause is unknown and is probably related to neuroendocrine and immune system stuff. It is impossible to get an anxiety disorder out of nowhere when previously healthy otherwise. Either way, no irreversible damage is done and the psychological treatments also impact the neuroendocrine/immune system stuff so thats why people are able to recover with that alone even without testing that stuff although you can.

Ecstasy impacts the whole body not just the brain. It impacts the immune system too and nowadays anxiety/depression are being linked to inflammatory states so its possible that somehow this inflammation has run rampant after the use of E.

Basically you have predisposing genetic/biological/psychological factors for this LTC. And to fix this stuff you probably have to fix these factors in some way. But thinking "i am damaged permanantly" is not the way to go about doing so. Logically, is it really possible to have this for the rest of your life?? Its only temporary,
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Am not saying a lot of people don't have anxiety here, but having problems with vision, problems with numbers struggling to do the easiest sums surely that's not all due to anxiety.
 
Hello guys. Just want to share my story regarding my little recovery from MDMA and Ecstasy abuse.
For me, I could not just throw the withdrawals away. Withdrawals are withdrawals. I have to deal with it. You have to deal with it. I still am anxious, I still have problems to find the right words to say. Sometimes I am too confident about the words I wanna say, but it turns out wrong.

I find that the veeeeeeeeeery best way to recover is to exercise. I went to gym, I walked, I ran, I did everything I could on the treadmill, trust me you have no time to feel anxious. I do not know about others, but it works well on me. I went back home, I was proud, I was tired thus I had no time to be depressed. It's just that I have stopped going to gym, the anxiety came back. Not always, but enough for me to hate this feeling. I am not being cliche, but turning yourself to God is also a right choice. I dwell with my sober friends, and I also make time for my family because honestly drugs owned the time I had during those days.

Not only I suffered from anxiety, I also had trouble to understand simple things. I am a student, I had quizzes and assignments to do but I was struggling like hell. My brain just told me that I could not think clearly, and it was so painful seeing your friends did the work as easy as ABC. BUT IT WAS ALL MINDSET. My brain also told me that I could do better, so I did. Now I manage to get my shits together, see, day by day I am getting better. I assume we're all currently in the same boat, so guys, I wish you luck in whatever you're doing!
 
Strangestuff said:
Mhmm. I'm sure its not all "anxiety". Anxiety is one of the LTC symptoms but for sure the LTC is somewhat different than a regular general anxiety disorder at least at its worst. The vision stuff though is probably anxiety. When you get anxious, your muscles tense up and that includes the eye muscles. Also derealization is probably linked to that.

The cognitive stuff though could be severe anxiety but its probably also linked to some physical stuff going on in your body. That could definitely be neuroendocrine related. Especially related to severe HPA dysregulation.

Are you sure you have tested EVERYTHING? I've given a whole list of tests on here before but I doubt that has all been tested by your medical professionals. I remember 4 months into my LTC my pregnenolone/progesterone levels were extremely low and undetectable. Now about 1 year later my pregnenolone/progesterone have rebounded to normal levels. These are both precursors of cortisol. One member here-- PMZ was helped by pregnenolone supplementation. Look up the basic steroidogenesis chart and test everything on it. Progesterone and pregnenolone both act on GABA receptors indirectly. You should always test this stuff before trying any supplementation.

I remember I had such horrid brain fog out of nowhere at the beginning of the LTC. Reading itself was so stressful.

Test for adrenal fatigue (unrecognized by the mainstream medical community--although it is real and just named badly). ZRT labs has a test for saliva cortisol/DHEA-S.

Its honestly sad that this isn't part of the usual workup by doctors and that is cause most drs don't really know about HPA problems. Doctors are meant to find clear "diseases" and if they cannot find a disease state then they say "nothing is wrong". This is real but its not a "disease" and there is no diagnosis for it. This falls under "functional" issues and doctors aren't trained in med school for "functional" problems. If you ask them to test hormones and the hormones come under "normal" ranges they will refuse to do anything even though things may still be off technically. You need to get to your pre-LTC hormonal status to recover but unless you did a test then its hard to know. So thats why you need to go for optimal levels. Otherwise the ranges are so wide since they are meant to detect DISEASES (which you don't have) and thus the dr calls you "normal" even though you aren't.

The MRI stuff and whatever the neurologist is doing won't find anything though. That is meant to find clear neurological problems like tumors or injuries, etc which you obviously don't have.

TLDR: The cognitive issues you have like you said are probably not just anxiety and you may have a legitimate reason for having those issues that is unrelated to just being "all in your head". Test your pregnenolone, progesterone, cortisol, testosterone, estradiol, DHEA-S, LH, FSH, ACTH. Also encourage you to seek out an anti-aging hormone specialist (or a hormone clinic--NOT a run of the mill endocrinologist) who deals with these "functional" things daily. Conventional medical drs have no clue. My "LTC" happened in the span of a day 1 month after my use and I remember having my memory totally messed up my brain fog and I couldn't concentrate at all and the problem was found to be endocrine. And "normal" ranges are so arbitrary that they mean almost nothing

eg) range for pregnenolone using Labcorp is <151. So if you are <151 you are deemed "normal" but in reality your pregnenolone should be at the top so around 150. At one point, my pregnenolone was really low at like 20 and my GP said "normal" but hell no it wasn't. Or range for progesterone in men is 0.0-1.4 so a low value is basically normal cause you can't be negative. Cortisol range is like 4.0-20.0 or something so its very very wide.
These adrenal tests are often meant to detect tumors and other diseases which is why doctors can't interpret it properly. In a tumor or adrenal hyperplasia, your hormones will be wayyy above the range so these tight ranges work for that.
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Anxiety is one of the worst things in the world I've expeirenced it before but it's nothing like what's been Goin on through this ltc there's not really a time Where my vision has been normal it's just lines constantly like I'm in some sort of dream.

The cognitive side of things is really out of control honestly it's so so bad I'm normaly really good with coping with things but being stuck in this brain fog state is just making my life hell

You really seem to know what your talking about and understand a lot more than my doctor does I asked my doc what bloods I got done he sayed it was basically an mot of the body hormones liver kidney etc

I agree with you also on the mri I asked for a pet scan but my neurologist sayed she didn't have access to pet scanning which a don't really understand but anyway. She didn't know anything about Mdma so was hard for her to relise what's actually happening or what could be affected

ive been feeling like this for too long and always posting negative things on this which arnt helping me or anyone else so it's time to start being positive wether it's anxiety or somthing else that needs treated i hope everybody eventually makes a full recovery and is in good health.
 
@ryan

Your welcome haha ive done quite a bit of research into this and talking about my own personal experience. I remember trying Clomid and although it didnt cure me due to side effects from E2, I experienced full recovery in literally 20 days. Then it backfired and I had to get off it but I was still better than before since the transient relief sort of calmed me down. I basically was convinced it was all hormonal which helped me control some of my worrying/obsessing.

An mot? Had to look that term up and apparantly its a UK thing. So I'm assuming you are from the UK and have to deal with the NHS and all?

Just wondering cause this makes all the difference when it comes to this hormone stuff. Its hard enough to get the right tests and the proper diagnosis in the US but oh man from what ive heard from other forums the NHS is even harder and will just push antidepressants

This isn't to discourage you--its more to make you aware of that fact that in the UK its much harder to get hormone treatments and the right tests. Though it is still possible I am not sure where to order blood tests yourself in the UK.

Again, Most drs there are even worse than the US in interpreting the hormone results in relation to the LTC symptoms. See if you can find an anti-aging specialist.
 
Strangestuff said:
@ryan

Your welcome haha ive done quite a bit of research into this and talking about my own personal experience. I remember trying Clomid and although it didnt cure me due to side effects from E2, I experienced full recovery in literally 20 days. Then it backfired and I had to get off it but I was still better than before since the transient relief sort of calmed me down. I basically was convinced it was all hormonal which helped me control some of my worrying/obsessing.

An mot? Had to look that term up and apparantly its a UK thing. So I'm assuming you are from the UK and have to deal with the NHS and all?

Just wondering cause this makes all the difference when it comes to this hormone stuff. Its hard enough to get the right tests and the proper diagnosis in the US but oh man from what ive heard from other forums the NHS is even harder and will just push antidepressants

This isn't to discourage you--its more to make you aware of that fact that in the UK its much harder to get hormone treatments and the right tests. Though it is still possible I am not sure where to order blood tests yourself in the UK.

Again, Most drs there are even worse than the US in interpreting the hormone results in relation to the LTC symptoms. See if you can find an anti-aging specialist.
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Yea am from Scotland the nhs is terrible And your right they do keep telling me to take antidepressants ....

See without any treatment or test is there anyway I could make a recovery through time ? I keep tryin to feel positive it's so hard I don't feel one bit normal and now that I've seen my neurologist there really nothing else I can do ...
Feels like this is forever.
 
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Thats the good news here--even though it may be hormonal and related to HPA issues, you can still use psychological techniques (CBT, meditation/breathing, etc) to treat this. ultimately, the endpoint of this is psychological and your psychology itself influences hormones (mind-body connection). Thats why people have recovered using psych methods. Cause even the hormonal route isn't a quick fix with all the tuning up.

Along with that some physical stuff that you probably have to do is take the right supplements and exercise. Supps like vit D, B12, magnesium, adaptogens, etc

I'd always urge you to test the level and get a diagnosis from a dr but if pregnenolone is available OTC for you, you can try and see it it helps the brain fog. Best form is MLM or transdermal (eg--life flo preg).

The psych meds technically also serve to balance out this HPA axis. So theoretically, those can help too but of course this is more trial/error and more risky to make it faster.
 
Strangestuff said:
Thats the good news here--even though it may be hormonal and related to HPA issues, you can still use psychological techniques (CBT, meditation/breathing, etc) to treat this. ultimately, the endpoint of this is psychological and your psychology itself influences hormones (mind-body connection). Thats why people have recovered using psych methods. Cause even the hormonal route isn't a quick fix with all the tuning up.

Along with that some physical stuff that you probably have to do is take the right supplements and exercise. Supps like vit D, B12, magnesium, adaptogens, etc

I'd always urge you to test the level and get a diagnosis from a dr but if pregnenolone is available OTC for you, you can try and see it it helps the brain fog. Best form is MLM or transdermal (eg--life flo preg).

The psych meds technically also serve to balance out this HPA axis. So theoretically, those can help too but of course this is more trial/error and more risky to make it faster.
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How is your pregnenolone levels checked is this just a blood test ?
 
People need to get off of this website, even though you feel alone in the world with what you think is going wrong with you. Honestly, not coming on this website is probably the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Let yourself move on, let yourself recover. At the moment, my anxiety has nothing to do with the drugs I took last year, but I know it started a whole other anxieties too, but the drugs, I'm over it. It happens.
 
me2point0 said:
You're not a neurologist, you can't tell anyone that a brain can't be changed severly with only 150mg, neither can you laugh about it. If you feel the need to do so on the internet while discouraging everyone at the same time, do it. I'm saddened to see your LTC did not make you a better person, but who am I to judge, good luck to you too.
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Dude your symptoms has NOTHING to do with MDMA. Just put that sentence in your mind and get yourself some AD's. 150mg MDMA only one time what a joke LOL.
 
Vikingdancer said:
Dude your symptoms has NOTHING to do with MDMA. Just put that sentence in your mind and get yourself some AD's. 150mg MDMA only one time what a joke LOL.
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Ok this is definitely a bit harsh. But--The symptoms are not 100% related to MDMA its cause your body couldn't compensate for the stuff MDMA caused. MDMA was the thing that tipped you over into HPA issues. That's what I keep getting at on here is that instead of focusing on MDMA focus on what you need to do to get your body back into homeostasis.

When you are heavily anxious--your start looking for some explanation and the thing that comes up is "MDMA" even though at this point what you need to do is fix the things that prevent your body from recovering. Your body wants to recover but it won't recover until you take care of your poor vit/mineral status for example.

@ryan

And yes pregnenolone can be checked through a simple blood test. I highly doubt your dr checked it--its not a very common test at all. From looking up what a "mot" is its just basic tests. If you are guna get that tested you might as well also test progesterone, DHEA-S, cortisol, testosterone. Without testing the whole steroid tree its difficult to get an interpretation.
 
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