• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators:

Mdma recovery! Please help.. anyone with similar experience ? Please! This is hell

Thanks JK25. I think Ihatenotfeeling had binged on multiple pills for a few days. I've been wondering how many people get LTCs from a single dose. Would you advise me and everybody else not to do MDMA at all, even if properly spaced out? I mean, do you think taking a single dose of around 120mg could potentially ruin your life, at least for a few months?

I understand that everyone reacts differently, what I can't wrap my head around (and as you can tell I have no knowledge of the neurophysiology involved) is how MDMA can deplete all serotonin in everybody that takes it but that most people feel fine afterwards. I don't understand how you can feel fine with NO serotonin.

Anyway sorry to ask these questions in your threat ihatenotfeeling. I really hope you're doing better. A lot of us take things too far sometimes, but the punishment here definitely does not fit the crime. I'm really sure you're going to recover. The worst thing about depression (whether brought on by drugs or just occurring naturally) is that there is no immediate relief from it. William Styron wrote very beautifully and clearly about this in his memoir of depression. It's such a terrible thing, to be in so much pain and to be told that relief is months away, when you need relief right this second! Believe me, I understand that all too well.


Let me share a little secret with you. I still drink 20mg Prozac capsules and have been every day for 13 years now because of what so many MDMA trips, 8-12 pills a night every weekend for 4 months did to me. I have never been the same. I now suffer from whatever the brain's influence on my experience of reality is having in making me "depressed" for lack of a better word other than quoting this psychiatric "science" calls it. But I'm up and down. Bi-Polar whatever you want to call it, one minute I am blowing thousands in 5 minutes on shit at the Sandton City Mall's Louis Vuitton store, I mean I even told them once just get me a size 9 of every shoe you have here and bought it all, fucking manic and all bug-eyed and hyped up on the Dopamine release...20 minutes later I was crying my eyes out in the car in the parking lot with my chauffeur throwing Valiums down my throat.

Dude, MDMA ruined me for a whole couple of years (also involved were outside psychological influences and variables like losing my high school first love ever among others), still the bruxism never went away completely and now since I clench my teeth mad. But you know what...those 4 months WERE THE BEST OF MY LIFE THUS FAR. I will not go back and do anything differently. MDMA is truly magical. Fuck Heroin as "the ultimate in pleasure that the brain can process". MDMA is the best. I tried to replicate a trip maybe 4 or so years ago. I bought 12 pills, drank 6 and felt NOTHING after 45min, drank the other 6. Yawned for the next 30 minutes and then just left it and went to bed. DUDE, on 3000mg of a phynelthylazine derivative stimulant I just fell asleep. It should not be medically possible.

So yes dude. Use MDMA, but use it on very special occasions with people you truly love. Don't overdo it and lose the magic, I've lost that magic and nothing makes me more depressed than thinking I will not experience my favourite drugs' effect ever again.

Use it and experience its magic, just don't lose that magic. I envy you, you can still have access to that state and I don't, really I am jealous.
 
JK25, we should have this discussion in a new thread if you'd like to make one, you could make it over in the neuroscience and pharmacology section as well for some more opinions

PLEASE all, apologies in advance for all the spelling and grammar nazi’s out there, this post is littered with more mistakes an OCD type would be able to psychologically process. I can’t type due to muscle twitches leaving me not able to operate a standard keyboard in any practical way, yes it is stimulant induced sporadic tension that is all thanks to a nice case of outer limb vasoconstriction induced by THE strongest stimulant synthesized yet, Methampetamine…also I am a lazy motherfucker and don’t give a fuck if my inaccurate Americanised use of an Orthodox Oxford English International Standard comma or hyphen etc. would be applicable. Fuck off, go read a dictionary on the shitter, it is time for the intellectual heavyweights to speak now

Ok so I'm going to start the thread and we can from there I'm telling you I wrote 20 minutes on four - five paragraphs with eyes closing from neuroleptics and I went into exact details regarding every aspect of physiology biology chemistry biochemistry pharmacology neurology you name it I went into precise precise detail to explain exactly how it works factually I went through double blind Placebo effective randomised human subject studies done in a few universities but the two most outstanding ones were the two research dissertations that I downloaded from the Oxford library archives on their pharmacology department.

so I'm going to start the thread and then we can elaborate on that ok? so I know I had a profile for long now but I never posted anything or used it other than to research for personal experiences of others. so what about you start the thread include me and then we can go from there or wait I think I will let me try to make my first thread I've never done it I'm new to posting but posting is very nice. it's for like minded people with like-minded interests not all the with like-minded intellectualism and knowhow but that is why the site is here so that people like you and I could elaborate further on any physiological biological and more complex doctrines of the effects of all molecular structures on the human brain as it's functioning now to have the body experience the mind in itself whereas the firing of trillions of neurotransmitters all at once create your physical reality as you experience it presently within these three dimensions with the 4th being time.

it's not relevant as time is not linear it is it is a spiral type of backwards Momentum formation of infinite Non-Destructive compression and it oscillates and in Universal esoteric circles time is actually more of a anti-clockwise feminine energy source field subjectively experienced effect of a Direction or slow spiral that falls into itself infinitely without affecting fractals or anything.

also the argument for the second law of thermodynamics have been Where all the sciences claim that the presence of entropy proves that time is in itself a Dimension and it is the 4th dimension which it is not. as it is only experienced by lower three-dimensional entities that experience three-dimensional space within the laws of fractality at the most basic macro- and microscopic levels of existence.

we experience time as linear because of the sequence that is the Formula 1: 618 and lastly you experience everything around you moving away from you and getting closer to you with the precise mathematical result that the golden ratio exerts on the subconscious level of the conscientious Observer at that specific time in space at that specific moment, time is a spiral it is not linear. where does Deja Vu come from? science would have you believe it is a relay or short circuit of a memory process just stored in the amigdyla and neo-cortex regions in the brain being experienced again because the memory neuro Pathways have not been set in well enough yet and that they overlap. this is in itself a ridiculous argument for deja vu.

Deja Vu is actually wear for a split of a second time falls into itself and you being ultimately the exact and geo perfect axis point for that inversion you experience yourself existing as you have always been and will always be forever into Infinity, because that is what we are.

We are parts of a source energy that extends throughout all of everything that we can comprehend to be existent and the source energy is the cause for the Big Bang and one day the great compression, as they would call it in some circles the day and night of Brahm, the day of Brahm is a day in the life of God as in 1 universal experience of billions and billions of years throughout all levels of all existent dimensional densities everywhere. When God "goes to sleep" it would be where all of formed everything starts to fall back into itself, and now God is experiencing night. When he wakes up another cycle starts and another big bang/expansion theory whatever starts all over again. We cannot comprehend the way that this has occurred always without a begging and goes on into infinity forever. It was always just THERE. We just ARE. there is no beginning and that is what I cannot fathom. How can all just BE...?

Oh sweet Jesus on a stick. Look at where I ended up, from a physiological observation and sympathetic support regarding experiences involving a synthetic amphetamine analogues to how time is irregular and it flows within itself as a spiral of infinite fractals on the micro and macro level.

again this just shows you Cotcha, that we have a lot to discuss. I do believe you would be one of the few where any doctrine subject-matter discipline or area of knowledge interests you and you would have a lot to bring to the table in terms of conversing regarding any source or form of universal data that humanity tries to break up into specific little areas and give it all a name such as a subject or two studied at university.

Sad really, someone would specialise in that precise and specific discipline throughout the entire day of their entire lives, if you love what you do it is obvisouly different. I won't be satisfied with that I get bored very very very quickly and lose interest in something if it doesn't stimulate me at all.

Cotcha, I would suspect and I think I'm correct in saying that you are one of a very few that falls within a 1% category of of the populous branded as gifted or for a lack of better word, genius. You would get a gold star and a lollipop for your performance when doing any and all forms of tests throughout psychological history that has been set up to test Logic motor skills memory et cetera…..it takes one to know one hey.
 
Thanks for the post JK25. I'm sorry you have suffered so much because of your MDMA experiences but am happy you can still appreciate the amazing times you had. I haven't abused MDMA but, if it's any consolation, have abused other drugs so I'm not sure the magic of MDMA is available to me. I've only successfully rolled twice and it felt really good but I didn't get the magic. I was off AD meds both times but maybe they've left a permanent inability to experience everything MDMA has to offer.

The way you describe MDMA is the way I feel about LSD. I abused the **** out of it when I was 16/17 and it has left me with lifelong problems. But still some of those trips were the most incredible times of my life, so now, so many years later, I look back with more fondness than regret. Strange huh?

I hope one day I can experience all MDMA has to offer. I have a thread about the last time I tried to use it which you will spot easily enough (MDMA Festival Fail or words to that effect).

Ihatenotfeeling - for what it's worth I think you're doing well and I can see an improvement through your posts, even if you can't see it yourself right at this moment.
 
Okay sounds good, let me know if you'd like me to start it

Go ahead buddy, got to get ready for bed...not as in sleeping just being in my bed for the night hahaha fuck sleep.
I'll see it up and running when I return, choose a topic for discussion and well get into some heavy mental stimulation.

Babu just ran my bath, he is turning over my bed as we speak...I just peeked down the voyeur one thing is missing, my bath time coffee isn't in my presence yet! Fucking kitchen staff, I called it for it about 17 minutes ago and still fuckall. Inept peasants I am telling you.

Also if I would to be too inept upon my return to actually fucking find this thread, as I will be railing hot Crystal off a hot granite plate in the bath, please may you kindly private message me a link or what have you.

Give me 30min max.
 
Damn jk now you have me scared I'm going to be like this for life.
I wouldn't let JK's stories mess with you too much, some people have mental illness that would have reared its head anyways (JK is apparently bipolar/manic and a bit psychotic honestly, no offense JK)

Pure anhedonia/depression after stimulant use is a different story, the outlook is really good - it just takes time unfortunately (sorry that you've had to hear that a hundred times)

Keep your head up and try to filter who you listen to ;)

Are you still managing to go on some runs?
 
I haven't really been running.. thanks to my joints popping and hurting.. my hip and knees started hurting after running a lot. I've been going on a 3 mile walk almost every day though. I'm trying to stay positive. Thanks for being supportive of my recovery cotcha. ?
 
Damn jk now you have me scared I'm going to be like this for life.

I've had problems following MDMA use, and they went away. I don't see any reason why they won't for you. :)

It's important to maintain perspective; a very small amount of people appear to have persistent problems, whilst millions of people use MDMA worldwide every year. Believe! :)

I haven't really been running.. thanks to my joints popping and hurting.. my hip and knees started hurting after running a lot. I've been going on a 3 mile walk almost every day though. I'm trying to stay positive. Thanks for being supportive of my recovery cotcha. ��

Cycling is a lot less taxing on your legs/knees etc. Also consider warming up and using decent running shoes. :)
 
Here's an update from me:

I'm completely off the Mirtazapine which means I'm unmedicated for the first time since this began.

I'm not perfect but I feel pretty normal most days now and have been experiencing the full range of emotion, only they are a bit underwhelming compared to before.

So yeah i've come from 100% anhedonia & nil emotions to normality.
 
I haven't really been running.. thanks to my joints popping and hurting.. my hip and knees started hurting after running a lot. I've been going on a 3 mile walk almost every day though. I'm trying to stay positive. Thanks for being supportive of my recovery cotcha. 
Walks are great, its definitely infinitely better than being on the couch all day. It may also take some pressure off the family situation if your mom sees that you're trying to get out and get the blood flowing too

Hows your mom been with this whole thing lately?


Some people have a lot of muscle tension problems during/after stimulants and with stress, there are particular muscles that seem to get kicked in with stress that then shorten and can cause joint popping and knee/hip pain. People can have a lot of success lengthening those muscles with these stretches, I recommend doing them a good couple of times a day

http://www.stretching-exercises-guide.com/images/adductors_long_sitting.jpg
https://breddydotorg.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/adductor-stretch-supine.jpg
http://www.tidewaterfitness.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/hip-stretch-main.jpg

Butterfly stretch is also a good one for knee/hip pain

Anywho, joint popping and pain often doesn't have much to do with problems in the joints themselves, its usually due to muscle issues

Hang in there, we're all rooting for you <3
 
I think so. Recovery really seemed impossibly unlikely for me. I really did experience this to the max and it took every morsel of my faith to keep going.

Edit: 'notfeeling, I'd recommend working on some serious long term goals. That's what I did. Started new tasks and objectives and actually turned my lack of emotions toward them. For instance, I noticed that although they were gone, my intellect had stepped up its game. So I've read ~18 big books on psychotherapy since this began which is the only reason I believed in recovery - after learning about the enigma of the psyche. It gave me reason to doubt my intrusive thoughts.

In addition, I continued my life in the same trajectory it was already going, which I sensed as dangerous at the time. But somehow my life has continued to improve externally as well.
 
Last edited:
I wouldn't let JK's stories mess with you too much, some people have mental illness that would have reared its head anyways (JK is apparently bipolar/manic and a bit psychotic honestly, no offense JK)

Pure anhedonia/depression after stimulant use is a different story, the outlook is really good - it just takes time unfortunately (sorry that you've had to hear that a hundred times)

Keep your head up and try to filter who you listen to ;)

Are you still managing to go on some runs?


A BIT psychotic??? Dude please, I am fucking crazy. As in literally, I am insane and I am aware of it for fuck sakes.

I don't responsibility for any of my actions and before a friendship is even initiated when new people are come across, the family's attorney and two witnesses for the new person in my life to sign an indemnity and foreclosure of right waiver even before we start going out or even before an official visit.

Sweet Jesus on a Stick you should have witnessed my last heavy case of amphetmine psychosis when I had the Johannesburg residence all to myself for 2 weeks, running all over the house with different styles of Techno blaring from each wing, wearing only a white and socks, throwing the staff with 2mg Xanor pills I kept in my socks, I don''t care what the staff think, they know Mr. Jacobus is nuts, they know me.
.
I was practically naked and awake and fucking out alone and avoided any form of outside commutation with anyone for 5-6days, went to buy more shit in the morning hours with my fathers 2016 S63 Black Series AMG and somewhere I hit a pavement or something because the nexr morning the bumper was missing, both left side weels' axes were bent beyond repair and somewhere I must have scraped a wall because of the huge scratches and missing side mirror.

Believe me or not I don't give a fuck, this wasn't even my worst episode!!! oh my fucking soul.
 
It's pretty much the same thing I've went threw but your may be more severe to the fact you may have abused way too much of it. I used for about a month and didn't feel the symtoms until after 2 weeks of not having it inside of my body, the feeling was so bad on how I felt it was like I was hallow and couldn't feel any emotion to anything around me it was almost if I was a ghost in another dimension don't know if that makes sense. I had from what I've seen on others is little to mild symtoms but my depressions depleted after about a week. I'm currently in my second week of feeling this and most of the worst symtoms i felt are gone and only a few remain with me. I'll get shortness of breath here and there which can be worrisome and not a good feeling at all. The longer it takes to come off these symtoms I'm guessing is the tail tail sign of how you've been abusing the drug. Stay off of everything including WEED, it will not help you in the least. It's best you keep to a strict diet so that you can best fit your body and come back to normal. From what I've seen many have gone threw this and it's all mental what you are going threw. Again the best bet is for you to stick to a healthy diet and try to keep yourself calm as possible so that you can recover as fast as possible. My best wishes in this annoying feeling.
 
Here's an update from me:

I'm completely off the Mirtazapine which means I'm unmedicated for the first time since this began.

I'm not perfect but I feel pretty normal most days now and have been experiencing the full range of emotion, only they are a bit underwhelming compared to before.

So yeah i've come from 100% anhedonia & nil emotions to normality.
Did u find it gave u any visual issues?
 
Top