• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators:

Mdma recovery! Please help.. anyone with similar experience ? Please! This is hell

Yes I'm very stuck in my head.. it's a constant loop of im never going to get better, I can't do this, I have to die, and freaking out inside my head.. I can't relax and I just want to enjoy things and I know that's not going to happen for a long time... idk what to do besides kill myself. Most people say ssri don't help especially in the beginning of this shit. Which is the best ssri? Lexapro? They need to make shots that work faster or something.
 
Sounds like you've got a lot of rumination, continually having a conversation with yourself and thinking aloud in your head.

Benzos are commonly used for this, a lot of people have success with using them for LTCs and they are certainly worth trying seeing as you're that serious about taking your life.

They're not preferable to be on for years at a time, but they can get people through the shit times and work pretty quickly.

An example would be Klonopin.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
Sounds like you've got a lot of rumination, continually having a conversation with yourself and thinking aloud in your head.

Benzos are commonly used for this, a lot of people have success with using them for LTCs and they are certainly worth trying seeing as you're that serious about taking your life.

They're not preferable to be on for years at a time, but they can get people through the shit times and work pretty quickly.

An example would be Klonopin.
Click to expand...

Just to chime in since I take Kpin like twice a week

Benzos indeed do help, I would not rule them out just bc you do not feel as anxious. I have had good results with it EVEN for the more depressive like symptoms.

But either way go to the hospital and tell them what meds you are on.

Wellbutrin increases adrenaline!!

You are not the first to go through this stuff.

Also there are other medications besides the usual SSRI/wellbutrin/benzos/etc......

And some of the other ones can indeed work faster . Theres tons of meds out there.
 
Last edited:
My mom is wanting to put me on benzos.. if I have to stay on them for a year or two to try and get through this then so be it. I tried a valume last night but it didn't help just knocked me out after like an hour or so. What other meds are there besides ssri that work faster ? If I make it till the 22nd I'm having him switch me to an ssri like lexapro I guess
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
My mom is wanting to put me on benzos.. if I have to stay on them for a year or two to try and get through this then so be it. I tried a valume last night but it didn't help just knocked me out after like an hour or so. What other meds are there besides ssri that work faster ? If I make it till the 22nd I'm having him switch me to an ssri like lexapro I guess
Click to expand...
mirtazapine works in like a week, and it's great for sleep. Sometimes Bad for HPPD though, but I don't recall you suffering from visual issues so you should be all set.
 
I have the over adrenaline feeling too and didn't sleep literally for 2 weeks in the beginning....I still have that over adrenaline feeling but it's a hell of a lot less a year later and my sleep is much much improved. I thought about taking my life too....but I'm glad I didn't. Take the benzos for a couple weeks and see how you feel, millions upon millions of people do or have. I took remeron for 3 months in the beginning as it was the only way I could sleep. I don't suggest meds in beginning if you can avoid it, but I had to.
 
Can't you get the doctor's appointment asap? I don't know how the us medical system works but I would just get this done immediately today or monday whenever it's possible. Go to a private doc or whatever.

Meds are always trial and error but OP doesn't sound like she's capable of waiting med free. Everyone seems to have their own opinions on the meds mainly based on their own experience. I've stayed out of that on purpose but seeing as wellbutrin does not help would other drugs affecting the noradrenergic system? Like mirtazapine, even if it has some serotonergic effect also.

Maybe an SSRI (citalopram, praoxetine/paxil, fluoxetine/prozac) and a long acting benzodiazepine while waiting for the effects? I don't know and I don't want to give suggestions in this because it's all very invidivual.
 
Yeah I'm not trying to make suggestions, just thoughts based on my experience. We're all different.
 
What if I destroyed the receptors in my brain ? Ssri wouldn't help then.. and it would take years for those to grow back and when they do they arnt even in the right places... I'm fucked.
 
^Receptors are recycled and replaced all the time, but if you take a drug that increases neurotransmitters like serotonin or dopamine, your brain can compensate by desensitizing those receptors.

Some people then have a comedown until the receptors re-sensitize, which in the case of amphetamine seems to take a fair while but it does always consistently happen.

For the time being, a lot of people have anhedonia on stimulant withdrawal until their brain reaches homeostasis again.

Hang in there. We hope you feel better soon, we are all rooting for you...
 
Time is the healer here i think.Give it a while longer and then seek help from qualified doctor ect.Hope you soon get your life back xx
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
Really don't think I can hang in here much longer..
Click to expand...

are you exercising at all? if not you should start jogging every day for at least 20min or lifting weights. it will be hard at first but after a week you will start to enjoy it.
 
I was going on two walks a day and I got a gym membership but I have no motivation my mind is just set on killing myself so I don't even want to try anymore.
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
I was going on two walks a day and I got a gym membership but I have no motivation my mind is just set on killing myself so I don't even want to try anymore.
Click to expand...

Do you realize how pathetic it would be to leave your family suffering and mourning your loss, ending a life because of a few pills that left you feeling strange for a few months? There are people out there who suffer immense pain everyday and still carry on. I´m in the same situation as you, no emotions whatsoever. plus insomnia, which you don´t seem to suffer from. But I want to see where this is going, if I can get back to an acceptable level. You should do the same. Try your best to snap out of this, exercise will help you immensely with that. Why the rush, see where you are in another year or 2 and if you find it unacceptable still, you can contemplate suicide then. But after 4 months?
C´mon you can´t be that weak!
 
Last edited:
Yes yes I am that weak. Glad your not but I am. This is miserable.. I can't live in misery just because it will hurt my family. I don't feel strange this is pure misery.
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
Yes yes I am that weak. Glad your not but I am. This is miserable.. I can't live in misery just because it will hurt my family. I don't feel strange this is pure misery.
Click to expand...

It's okay to be weak and it's okay to be miserable. Don't wait to get better! You need to sit down and learn to meditate. Everything you need is right here, you just can't see it.

C'mon what do you want to talk about? I've been through this exact shit and I had suicidal thoughts. The very intrinsic, basic vitality of life was utterly gone for me. It was fucking miserable, but you know what, I really didn't suffer that badly. Pain ≠ suffering.

howlowhowlstheowl said:
If you can just wait the anhedonia will fade. Gradually it will dull down to a flat feeling of just constant boredom and apathy. First emotions to come are usually the bad ones anger, irritability, anxiety etc. And then windows of happiness come, only to go away again. But in time they get more and more common. I've read so many recovery stories and my own past experience too even tho it was caused by a different source the damage was still to the same serotonin system.
Click to expand...

^This is exactly how I experienced my recovery. I didn't believe anyone on here who said the same at the time, you get stuck with the roughness of the experience, it seems so real, so permanent and your thoughts about suicide seem so real and you align yourSelf with them.

Every minute you don't act on them but just recognize them as thoughts and the anhedonia as just anhedonia you increase your mindfulness. If you make it through this you'll be more grateful for life than ever before.

P.S. I relate to every one of your posts. Everyone on this board has been highly insightful and you really should read the past few days of advice carefully. But at least try some antidepressant medication. Mirtazapine IMO. It's pretty much the doctors' go-to anti-d prescription in the UK, they hand it out 'like candy'. In spite of this, I selected it very carefully based on research. It's fast acting with a pretty short half life meaning it goes out of the system quickly once you come off it.
 
Last edited:
Mirtazapine was no sweat coming off it either, very mild, although I was only on a few months, but all my doctors said it's a mild med
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top