Today I go an ultrasound and I'm only about 6 weeks along. I figured out I took mdma on the 2nd week and the 4th week of my first trimester. Tomorrow I have a phone appointment with a doctor and plan to ask him if he thinks any damage was done. I wouldn't dare use again while still pregnant... tbh even if he thinks the baby will come out fine, I still dono what the fuck I'm going to do.
I think you may be right. Something has got to change. Thank you for your kind words.
Touchbambi,
This will be a decision that you have to make, based on the information available and your values. Nobody else can really make it for you. The ultrasounds and other screening methods will even probably come back normal, as any major neural tube deficits during neurulation in the first several weeks of pregnancy that would be picked up by an ultrasound would likely not be the kind of damage MDMA causes. Rather, the type of damage it may cause would more likely be along the lines of cellular damage to neuroprogenitor cells in an area of the developing brain called the germinal matrix in the subventricular zone. MDMA has been shown to injure rapidly dividing cells, such as lymphoma cells, likely through DNA mediated damage causing chromosomal damage via free radicals. (
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21850491) For this reason, MDMA has been proposed as an anti-cancer agent, and in this case may similarly damage rapidly dividing neuroprogenitor cells in a fetus. This possibly MAY (or may not) show up as subtle changes seen in an ultrasound or in-utero MRI study when the brain is more anatomically developed in the third trimester of pregnancy. However, by then it may be too late to get an abortion.
After speaking to your doctor about his opinion of any possible damage and after doing your own medical research about the possibility of MDMA harming the fetus, you will have to make your own best guess as to what is best for you and the baby. If I had to be placed in your situation, I would analyze the situation as follows: if the doctor finds no obvious damage based on tests performed throughout your pregnancy, and the baby is still born with a neurological problem, then I or any doctor would not ever know if my baby's neurological condition was caused by my MDMA use or not. Perhaps the neurological condition was due to cerebral palsy unrelated to the MDMA, or perhaps secondary to chromosomal or genetic abnormality that would have occurred anyway regardless of the MDMA. Or perhaps it was because of the MDMA. I would spend my life never knowing if my baby's problems were my fault. Would I be able to handle this unanswered question? As the baby grows up and turns into a child and has difficulty walking or other motor problems, could I live with myself knowing that maybe, just maybe I was the cause of this? As the child grows into an adult, and his/her capacity to integrate into the social and professional world is limited by his/her handicap, could I bear the burden of knowing that by some chance, regardless of how small, I put this person who is now suffering into this world because of my stupid decision to do some drugs a couple times during pregnancy?
This is the analysis that you need to perform, based your personality and your values. Even if you assume that the chance of the baby having problems is small, you have predict how you will cope if that small chance happens and the baby has a neurological problem, never knowing if was because of the MDMA or something else. Would you beat yourself up forever wondering the answer to that question? Would you eventually forgive yourself if you assumed it was because of the MDMA?
P.S. Your doctor may not know anything about MDMA induced damage to a fetus, because most doctors are clueless about the damage MDMA can cause in humans, much less a fetus. I would print out the relevant articles and take them to a Maternal-Fetal Medicine specialist. You two can then decide the risk/benefits together.
I'm writing all this because I can imagine this is a painfully hard decision, and I wish you the best.
