MDMA is a drug of false promises

[Foreigner]

I realize this is more of an SLR question, feel free to move it there. But I'm more interested in my context-specific questions about MDMA.

So... my relationship ended recently, and one of the revelations that came up was that a lot of what fueled the passion was my partner's MDMA use. We would take it every now and then together, and while on it he would proclaim grandiose truths to me, we would even have wonderfully intimate times together. But now, as the relationship fizzles, he admits (after I pointed it out) that most of his biggest declarations and promises were made while high.

This is a repeating pattern, I'm noticing. When I was a lot younger and into the rave scene, I would make 10 friends in one night, have really cool conversations, felt like I belonged, exchanged phone numbers, and then a couple days later when I called people up they couldn't even remember my face, let alone my name. I always felt that MDMA was a drug that created false sincerity, but now that my relationship has deflated because it has finally been revealed that at least some of the love was a product of hot air, I feel really sad. The feelings weren't fake for me... I'm capable of feeling true love, which is why when I do MDMA I don't feel that much more heart centered. But my partner... it turns out it might've given him false feelings toward me, generated in the heat of a high, which he extrapolated on in his sober states. We did have genuine connection, but maybe not as strong as the MDMA made it seem.

Has anyone here ever experienced this kind of thing? I'm grieving heavily right now, but the sociologist in me wants to know more. I wouldn't say our relationship was drug fueled at all. I barely even smoke pot these days, and we did MDMA only a few times. But I do really recall that he said some pretty deep, important, and serious (love related) things to me in those states, and I took him seriously. Was that a mistake?

Should we really trust people who are high with our vulnerability, with our hearts? My experience so far has not been good... drugs make relationships more illusory than they need to be, and they seem to obfuscate feelings and add unnecessary confusion. If my partner didn't really want to be with me, wasn't into me, or couldn't really love me in the mutual way I was looking for, then why did he use MDMA to try and take him there?

 

[Kittycat5]

When asked while sober, did he say that the statements made were simply drug fueled mumbo-jumbo or did he still feel that he wants to live up to the expectations you felt he was setting?

I am often accused by my wife of not conveying my love for her (even though I deeply love her) but it is often while under the influence that I am more willing or able to make the grandiose statements as your partner did. But while the things said may be aided by drugs, even while sober I try to do my best to make good on these promises.

 

[terarc]

My fiancé and I had known each other for a few years, but first fell in love whilst on MDMA. I think the MDMA made the already magical feeling of falling in love many times more powerful to the point that it almost felt god-like. I had a couple of MDMA and a few psychedelic experiences with her in the space of a few months and I think riding the afterglow of these, and the honeymoon phase of the relationship, combined to generate a feeling very hard to live up to since the grind of reality hit back in force some months later. Due to financial, social and living changes we are both now in worse places in life, and this combined with being away from that drugged out afterglow makes it feel like our relationship isn't as healthy, even though the feelings around the time of our drug use were artificially amplified anyway and we certainly don't love each other less. For this reason I think MDMA and relationships is a combo to tread carefully with, although I have to thank it for bringing us together in the first place. I think once we've both found stability and happiness with our individual lives again we will get out of this phase.

Don't know if that helps, just my experience.

 

[PotatoMan]

i love that you mention this but i feel sorry for you.

This has been proven with the entire "PLUR" bullshit. The famous saying goes "PLUR till the Molly gone"

And now it has been proven to you. Even Diplo, a big EDM DJ wants nothing with PLUR and all its false promises. cuz that's exactly MDxx. It's sad but its a drug and it's artifical love and nothing more. FUCK PLUR and MD-love it's all a lie.

 

[luxray]

i love that you mention this but i feel sorry for you.

This has been proven with the entire "PLUR" bullshit. The famous saying goes "PLUR till the Molly gone"

And now it has been proven to you. Even Diplo, a big EDM DJ wants nothing with PLUR and all its false promises. cuz that's exactly MDxx. It's sad but its a drug and it's artifical love and nothing more. FUCK PLUR and MD-love it's all a lie.

You've read one persons experience, and one persons experience does not prove anything. My experience is a complete different experience, but I'm not to say my experience proves anything. People are different and have different experiences.

I never feel artificial love whilst on MDMA. I never feel love towards random people, I feel empathy, and I'm interested in getting to know people, I see beauty in them, but never love unless it's already there.

For me MDMA brings out the feelings I already have, but it also makes me see past flaws in others. For me it has helped me become more tolerant towards others and to listen to them. It has made me love the fact that people are different and that people are weird. My social anxiety is almost gone, because I (with the help of MDMA) realised that people mostly are good.

 

[PotatoMan]

Im just attacking the idea of PLUR. not mdma use. i love mdma as it's the most euphoric drug ive ever taken but what happened to the OP is how i feel about PLUR

 

[BlueBull]

You've read one persons experience, and one persons experience does not prove anything. My experience is a complete different experience, but I'm not to say my experience proves anything. People are different and have different experiences.

I never feel artificial love whilst on MDMA. I never feel love towards random people, I feel empathy, and I'm interested in getting to know people, I see beauty in them, but never love unless it's already there.

For me MDMA brings out the feelings I already have, but it also makes me see past flaws in others. For me it has helped me become more tolerant towards others and to listen to them. It has made me love the fact that people are different and that people are weird. My social anxiety is almost gone, because I (with the help of MDMA) realised that people mostly are good.

That's almost exactly what I was going to reply. I've never said anything during a roll that I did not mean afterwards as well, MDMA just helps me in expressing it, pushes me a bit to express it. I usually don't take an interest in people that I didn't already have a bond with beforehand. For me it just amplifies what I already feel, but it doesn't create false feelings. If I make some huge statement or promise to my girlfriend or to a friend during a roll, I always make sure to confirm it when I'm sober again, because I actually meant it, and I want them to know that

But everyone is different. For some people I know the love MDMA induces is artificial and the statements they make during a roll aren't really heartfelt. Sorry you had to go through that

 

[szuko000]

I had an experience like you in a sense when I first started rolling. Back in 2009 when I was 23 I had rolled less 5 or so times so nothing too much the experience was still very magical. I went to an electronic music festival with a girl from high school and we were to meet a few of her friends there. So we get there I am rolling and having a great time. I meet one of her friends we both roll together spend the night dancing and having a great time I basically fell in love with her. I had not felt that way about a girl in years at that time so I fell hard like I was 16 and just kissed my crush or something and I met her that night and hung out with her that one night. She came to my college with our mutual friend and we both got really drunk and she made out with me which only further complicated things and made them worse.

The end of the story is me randomly calling her out of the blue and telling her that I really liked her and wanted to go out with her. She obviously said no I mean she had a boyfriend and I met her like 2 times total. Looking back on it of course she said no I was some random guy basically, she literally said "(my name) where is this even coming from? We are just friends..." god that was embarrassing lol.

My point is like you I think it was all because I met her rolling and that made me interpenetrate everything even my own feelings. Sure i may have developed feelings eventually but they went from 0-60, I basically feel in love with her in some 6 hours at the show, probably would never have happened like that without MDMA. And the whole thing lead to a massive downward spiral of drinking and depression, it was not as easy to take as it is to type out now that it is forever ago and i can laugh about it.

But i wouldnt go as far as to say "f this plur f that love" those ideas made the scene seem magical like together we had discovered the secrete to universal love and understanding. It may have been fake in some ways but that was so magical and beautiful I wouldnt want it to go away. Even if it is fake experiencing universal love, where it feels like everyone at that place loves everyone, will probably only happen because of mdma. I will never base any sort of true emotions on rolling and rolling with my current partner of 4 years is more of a bonding experience, it is not any basis for our relationship.

 

[PotatoMan]

I don't care how you feel on Molly. We are much different drug users than the average joe. More advanced in knowledge and HR. PLUR was a movement that started before the rave scene and MDMA. I'm all for peace love unity and respect. But what plur now means is going to a music festival and popping M, exchanging kandies and artificially feeling a love that's in the air since everyone else is radiating serotonin.

Now, if MDMA didn't exist and the DOC in raves was simply alcohol then PLUR would have never seen the light of day in a rave.

Because of the youth taking "M" they believe in this plur feeling that to me is a blatant fad and the energy and love that really should be there only exists because of a massive flood of serotonin. It's destroying the real purpose of the movement and the OP is a prime example of what happens when you believe in this artificial empathy.

We shouldn't wait to go to a god damn rave to behave in a loving manner. We should be living PLUR every day and you cannot say that ALL ravers leave the rave learning this love and practicing it because by then the serotonin is gone and the meaning of PLUR destroyed with sadness and irritability. And the week after all they think about is the next one and PLUR disappears until then.

 

[SpaceSquirrel]

I've never said anything during a roll that I did not mean afterwards as well, MDMA just helps me in expressing it, pushes me a bit to express it. I usually don't take an interest in people that I didn't already have a bond with beforehand. For me it just amplifies what I already feel, but it doesn't create false feelings. If I make some huge statement or promise to my girlfriend or to a friend during a roll, I always make sure to confirm it when I'm sober again, because I actually meant it, and I want them to know that

This. I personally never experienced any of the "inappropriate bonding" I had been warned about or any other false feelings. My people filter isn't altered, I still know exactly who I want to connect with and who I want to stay away from. MDMA just enhances positive feelings I already have and makes them easier to express, something I'm not all that good at when sober. If that stuff didn't kinda cut my IQ in half while it lasts I feel it'd just turn me into a perfect version of myself. And I experienced numerous times that the bonding that occurs during a roll is indeed real and lasting.

But apparantly that isn't the case for everyone and I'm sorry to hear about your breakup.

 

[Kl519]

This is a common occurrence among mdma users, mostly to those who are young and inexperienced. In fact, it's one of the defining characteristics of mdma compared to any other drug.

It's funny because my current gf and I became really close after dropping together a lot. With a certain group of friends many years ago, I'd say that a lot of our friendships were based on mdma, raves/parties and other drugs. This is what led to friendships being "fake." To put it bluntly, I don't talk to most of them anymore because we literally had nothing in common except raving, rolling and doing substances. Only a few of them but that's because we were friends before any of us dropped together. Except for my gf, ironically, who I did meet because of mdma.

It's almost the opposite situation of the OP because when we dropped all those times, neither of us said anything to each other about how we felt. We were close friends more than anything else, so we'd do those simple things like chill, talk, lightshows, go out to dinner and movies, etc. Basically, we had many other experiences and interests outside of just rolling and that was probably the key. When you're on E and it becomes the basis (instead of an enhancement) of your feelings, then that's the wrong foundation to start from.

Unfortunately, it is all too common to "fall in love" when one is rolling because of that flood of serotonin. But back when I last went to a massive/rave, it seems like most are in it for that one night anyway.

Edit: As for myself, I haven't been through what the OP experienced. But I've seen this happen to some people, and ya they were young and naive. It's all good though, you live and learn.

 

[AcidOctopus]

i love that you mention this but i feel sorry for you.

This has been proven with the entire "PLUR" bullshit. The famous saying goes "PLUR till the Molly gone"

And now it has been proven to you. Even Diplo, a big EDM DJ wants nothing with PLUR and all its false promises. cuz that's exactly MDxx. It's sad but its a drug and it's artifical love and nothing more. FUCK PLUR and MD-love it's all a lie.

I still fuck with PLUR. I'm not like most people who only are PLUR when they walk through the event gates & then drop it at the gates when they leave. It's a damn good thing to practice & keep in mind if you ask me. What's so wrong with wanting to promote Peace, Love, Unity & Respect??

 

[tripnnface]

I still fuck with PLUR. I'm not like most people who only are PLUR when they walk through the event gates & then drop it at the gates when they leave. It's a damn good thing to practice & keep in mind if you ask me. What's so wrong with wanting to promote Peace, Love, Unity & Respect??

fukx ya! as a kandi kid i fully support this statement !

 

[PotatoMan]

Hey im all for plur but not what the movement means now. like i said it's just kandies and serotonin love. if ur not like those people then word but the movement is losing it's meaning IMO

 

[AcidOctopus]

For sure man. Completely understand.
Hell, I'm pretty sure most people at events don't even know what PLUR is anymore. I've had to explain it to quite a few people.

 

[Kl519]

Ah ha, for real. A lot of people at events don't even seem to like EDM or the rave scene. It's like an X rated Disneyland to them.

Well, at least from what I've seen in SoCal.

 

[luxray]

I'm so happy to live in a place where the people that attend events are great, loving people. Peace, love, unity and respect - it's just there. I experienced it on my first event, and it was such an eye opener. I had never heard the term before. It's not about the term, it's about what people do, how they act, how they treat each other.

 

[JWills20]

I'm so happy to live in a place where the people that attend events are great, loving people. Peace, love, unity and respect - it's just there. I experienced it on my first event, and it was such an eye opener. I had never heard the term before. It's not about the term, it's about what people do, how they act, how they treat each other.

What kinda events are you going to?

 

[luxray]

What kinda events are you going to?

Mostly psytrance events Usually have to be on a list to attend.

 

[AcidOctopus]

I've found Underground events to have the best vibes. If it isn't super advertised to everyone & their mother then you usually get a crowd that's actually experienced a real rave vibe.

Motive Events used to be that way. I think they are slowly starting to become real popular again though & it's bringing that crowd that's looking for an excuse to get fucked up.