May Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs April Showers bring May Sobriety

[CfZrx]

It feels good reading everyones triumphs! I too finally got clean about a month ago. Well I tapered down to my prescribed dose, so I'm done with needles it seems I attend AA, and I had to re-write some steps to suit me or go crazy w/ the HP stuff. Step 2 - Came to believe that yoga and meditation could restore me to sanity. Step 3 - Made a decision to turn my day over to yoga and meditation when I wake up, and any time I feel crazy. Good luck all

 

[simco]

@Oly, thanks for the kind words! For what it's worth, on the education front, your plan sounds really good and not at all bizarre. The only thing I'm unsure of is whether you'd really need the bachelor's in nursing if you complete at MS in counseling. I've been looking into similar things, and it requirements vary from state to state (I'm pretty sure you're in the US), but in many places, the counseling MS would be all you'd need to get set up with a nice, meaningful career. Just my 2 cents... obviously, you know what's right for you.

 

[P0kemama]

Happy Memorial Day, BL'rs!

I am such a dork, but I don't care... I am grateful I did not ever have to go and fight for our country, so I appreciate those who do/did... especially coming back all addicted and shit. Sim and Oly: I like the ideas regarding furthering education tossed out here. As one who has her MS in counseling, I can say the job opportunities have been decent, but the pay is not that great... my friends who have bachelor's in nursing, make much more money in my state. I guess it is important to figure out if the $$$ factor is important or is it the actual career itself??? I could never be a nurse, needles and blood make me uncomfortable, and so counseling is a better fit regardless of the pay. A couple of people I have met who have both nursing degrees, and counseling training, with certification in addiction have set up businesses doing seminars and workshops, and seem to be very well respected and have a lot of opportunities. You have some very good ideas there Oly... I think you are on the right track!

 

[phactor]

Just want to throw this out in general:

NA/AA/CMA/CA/GA whatever program it is, the people there are not there as doctors. What they say should not be put and held in the same light as the opinion of your doctor. NA is a lay organization full of lay people. When I go there I am an "addict" only, I am not a "social worker" or "therapist". That is what I am when I step into the office of my job.


Also, NA is not a "Jesus Cult" or "Christian" or "Religious". I am none of those things and NA is what works for me. I used to get pissed off when somebody would talk about "God" as there higher power. Now I realize I was just pissed off at myself. I don't care what someone uses as their higher power now. Why? Because they let me have my higher power, which is essentially "humanities potential and The Universe we are in".

As for me, I am starting my 9th step and have made two amends today. I was supposed to go visit the GF in her new sober living house in the city. She decided she wanted to spend the week doing things with her roommates and people she met in recovery. She decided this at around 5:30 the day before I was supposed to leave. I was fucking pissed off and really upset. I have accepted it, decided to visit my family and now understand her reasoning. Do I agree with the action? No. I do not. I feel like she should make some time for me considering I have stood behind her since she went back into treatment. But that is out of my control and I cannot change that. In the long run, this will be a short "blip" on the screen. Maybe this was supposed to happen and I was supposed to make my amends. There are things that my girlfriend "covers up" for me.

And of course, she decided to change her mind and I got to see her Saturday night and Sunday during the day. She doesn't know up from down right now and I know how that goes. I have been there myself and still sometimes go back to it.

So all in all it worked out, I made it home and refocused on the steps and made some amends and I got to see the GF. Oh yeah, I went to tons of meetings when I was down (one day I needed two meetings in one day which was the first time in 8 months).

1 Year and 17 days totally drug free.

 

[phactor]

My job is not the sort of place where you can be as new as I am and just be like, "Hey I'm a heroin addict and I need to take a month off to go to rehab" lolno. I do have support irl too, but I find this forum to be immensely useful anyway.

Just make sure you keep your priorities in check. Jobs do not keep many people clean. Believe me, you are not the first person to think that you will straighten out for some type of responsibility. However, that is not to say you will not and more power too you if you do. Just realize that this is going to get harder and harder for you to do (detox). I did the whole on and off thing for years and years and it sucked.

My GF relapsed and had just started a new job, but her getting clean is more important. There are more jobs out there for her to get when she is ready, but she might die if she starts using again. She went to inpatient, partial hospitalization and is now in a sober living facility (which is really fucking nice). She is doing much much better though. Like best I have ever seen her do. But she had enough experience to know that she was literally in a life or death situation once she relapsed. That being said she kept doing it for awhile (like 2 weeks)... crazy but that makes total sense to me.

 

[phactor]

lots of interesting discussion about NA on this thread. i think my earlier posts sounded more negative about NA than i meant them to. like several others, i *do* find meetings and the literature very helpful. i've gone to at least one meeting a day since i started trying to kick (almost two months). i read a lot from the basic text. as other have said, NA isn't perfect, but nothing is. and it's the only game in the buttfuck-nowhere town i live in. also, i think it's better than many of the other options.

i guess the peace i have to make with myself is that the fetish that many NA members promote about clean time (total abstinence) may not be realistic for me, at least for now. i realized that i was finding it really aggravating to feel like i wasn't getting anywhere b/c i couldn't rack up clean time.

"Clean Time" is not a fetish, it is done to show the newcomers that the program does work. It does keep people clean. When you are just coming in its very difficult to comprehend getting clean, let alone staying clean.

I urge you to keep going. Just so you have some connections if you do decide to get off of everything. I was a huge substitution person. In fact, you can see tons and tons of evidence in my past posts here. I was always going to finally learn to "control it". Because I literally could not conceive myself using. Now it is hard for me to think of using and not being clean. Time changes.

For me it took a lot of work and treatment. Yes, this time I didn't go into treatment but had I not, I would not have known where to go after I finally surrendered.

 

[xburtonchic]

I get what you're saying, phactor, and I agree with most of it. I know what my priorities are.

But you gotta understand also that I've been mostly unemployed the past two years because of my addiction. my last job was at a freaking gas station. I know what it is to be broke and be an addict and desperately want to be clean and to keep trying and failing over and over. believe me, I get it. and I never in my wildest imagination even entertained the idea that when I DID finally start working again, it would be at a place like this. having a stable full-time job with benefits AND good pay at a place where, while workplace politics exist, it's largely a team environment and everyone gets along. And for the first time in a very long time, I'm proud of something that *I* accomplished. While networking and connections were largely involved, *I* got this job. I reached out and did the networking, I owned the interview process, I made it through the probationary period without (somehow, thank God) managing to get myself fired. it feels fucking GOOD, dude.

I can promise you that my priorities are in place. Getting clean will always be first and foremost above everything else, ALWAYS, but it doesn't hurt to have these things in my life that I don't want to sacrifice. It's motivation for me if nothing else

I appreciate your presence and wisdom on these boards phactor

 

[Smoky]

Congratulations everyone! !

9 months exactly today! 25th of August '14 I made a decision to live again.

 

[totach]

Still clean I have over 100 days now no opiates of any kind including subs and done and no Benzo
I really must find a new job this week that is my goal it's about that time
I'm a little down today tho cuz it's my dad's birthday and it hurts not being able to call to say happy birthday
It'd bin almost two years since we last spoke I miss him a ton
Hopefully as long as I keep doing the right things in life we will be friends again
Happy memorial day to everyone!!

 

[snortmdma]

3 weeks and 2 days without any psychedelics. I still smoke weed, but that to me is not a problem. But I am grateful for my semi-clean time, and hopefully I'll be sensible enough to never use hard drugs again.

 

[phactor]

I can promise you that my priorities are in place. Getting clean will always be first and foremost above everything else, ALWAYS, but it doesn't hurt to have these things in my life that I don't want to sacrifice. It's motivation for me if nothing else

I appreciate your presence and wisdom on these boards phactor

Oh of course it does! There are so many things I do not want to lose if I use nowadays its almost uncountable. The great thing is that "trend" grows even more with time.

Oh and thank you, I appreciate it. Being here helps me a lot, hopefully it helps others as well.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

"Clean Time" is not a fetish, it is done to show the newcomers that the program does work. It does keep people clean. When you are just coming in its very difficult to comprehend getting clean, let alone staying clean.

I wanted to say that I'm not in a program, and that I don't really believe in the power people ascribe to NA/AA.

It's just important to state how long you have clean, because to many drug users, it seems impossible to quit. I don't know many people who have been able to quit. However, I know many people who are still using, or who have relapsed. I know others who have died. I know very few people who have stayed clean long-term.

 

[xburtonchic]

sooo close to one week I can taste it ;p the time isn't even going by horribly slow!! but that's probably because I've made myself stay busy the last few days. and suboxone. that's obviously helping too.

I feel strong in my resolve though. I expect it to get worse from here once the Sub is gone but I'm willing to go thru it. It helps knowing exactly what to expect. Suboxone withdrawals are oh so predictable, they're like clockwork it's ridiculous. I'll run out on Wednesday most likely, so I'm using my paycheck to stock up on things like vitamins and Gatorade and good food and other awesome things that help withdrawals. My plan is basically to flush my system as much as possible so that HOPEFULLY I can get through the worst of whatever withdrawals I get from the Sub during the weekend and be fine to go back to work on Monday. I'm probably being too optimistic on the timeline but optimism never hurt anyone lol

so yeah. bring it on day fiiiive :D

and much love to everyone else, to those who made it another day and the ones still struggling

 

[simco]

"Clean Time" is not a fetish, it is done to show the newcomers that the program does work. It does keep people clean. When you are just coming in its very difficult to comprehend getting clean, let alone staying clean.

Thanks, phactor. I understand what you're saying, and it helps. I'll definitely "keep coming back." For me, the issue was mostly psychological. And it's definitely not any kind of dealbreaker.

After quite a while of feeling weird at meetings, I realized I felt weirdest (and most frustrated) when issues of clean time came up--especially as people lined up to get keytags. Obviously I don't give a fuck about a keytag. But it was dispiriting to sit quietly doing the math in my head that always yields near 0 time for me. That makes it feel like you're not making any progress, when that may not in fact be true.

Don't get me wrong: all this is totally on me. I'm proud of the folks who were able to claim whatever tags they got. It's amazing to me. I was just relieved when I realized that it was an issue for me, in terms of keeping my spirits up.

 

[phactor]

Sure, well NA is a program of complete abstinence, many (including myself) view any type of using as "active addiction". I had my favorite drugs, but I would abuse the shit out of any. Also, behaviors is a big part of the program. I have to be careful with money, gambling, relationships etc etc.

It really isn't about the keytag, its about the milestone.

Of course you are making progress, but I found that even when I was "just drinking" that I was still out of control. I would have times when I would only be drinking 2-4 beers at most a night but guess what, my life totally revolved around those drinks. Mind you, I wouldn't have said this at the time. I didn't realize that till later.

Have you tried quitting everything before? If so and you struggled, are you willing to go get some extra help (detox and some type of treatment?). Honestly, very very few make it without some type of treatment.

But I want to emphasize you are making progress and I can guarantee you that many people sitting in the rooms are in the same exact situation as you are.

 

[phactor]

It feels good reading everyones triumphs! I too finally got clean about a month ago. Well I tapered down to my prescribed dose, so I'm done with needles it seems I attend AA, and I had to re-write some steps to suit me or go crazy w/ the HP stuff. Step 2 - Came to believe that yoga and meditation could restore me to sanity. Step 3 - Made a decision to turn my day over to yoga and meditation when I wake up, and any time I feel crazy. Good luck all

Hey those steps sound just fine, personally I do not even think you had to rewrite them. Sounds like Yoga and Meditation are your HP as you describe it. Both of them are certianly greater then yourself. IMO you are good to go?

Also, I just started getting back into my daily meditations. I was a fiend for them when I first got clean then I kinda let up. I would do NA's 3rd step prayer "Take my will and my life, guide me in my recovery, show me how to live" but that was it.

http://jftna.org/jft/


"
May 26, 2015

The Power in the group

Page 152

"Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us...We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God."

Basic Text, p. 24

Many of us have a hard time with the idea of a Higher Power until we fully accept the depth of our own powerlessness over addiction. Once we do, most of us are at least willing to consider seeking the help of some Power greater than our disease. The first practical exposure many of us have to that kind of Power is in the NA group. Perhaps that's where we should start in developing our own understanding of God.

One evidence of the Power in the group is the unconditional love shown when NA members help one another without expectation of reward. The group's collective experience in recovery is itself a Power greater than our own, for the group has practical knowledge of what works and what doesn't And the fact that addicts keep coming to NA meetings, day after day, is a demonstration of the presence of a Higher Power, some attractive, caring force at work that helps addicts stay clean and grow.

All these things are evidence of a Power that can be found in NA groups. When we look around with an open mind, each of us will be able to identify other signs of that Power. It doesn't matter if we call it God, a Higher Power, or anything else-just as long as we find a way to incorporate that Power into our daily lives.

Just for Today: I will open my eyes and my mind to signs of a Power that exists in my NA group. I will call upon that Power to help me stay clean.
"

 

[Captain.Heroin]

sooo close to one week I can taste it ;p the time isn't even going by horribly slow!! but that's probably because I've made myself stay busy the last few days. and suboxone. that's obviously helping too.

I feel strong in my resolve though. I expect it to get worse from here once the Sub is gone but I'm willing to go thru it. It helps knowing exactly what to expect. Suboxone withdrawals are oh so predictable, they're like clockwork it's ridiculous. I'll run out on Wednesday most likely, so I'm using my paycheck to stock up on things like vitamins and Gatorade and good food and other awesome things that help withdrawals. My plan is basically to flush my system as much as possible so that HOPEFULLY I can get through the worst of whatever withdrawals I get from the Sub during the weekend and be fine to go back to work on Monday. I'm probably being too optimistic on the timeline but optimism never hurt anyone lol

so yeah. bring it on day fiiiive :D

and much love to everyone else, to those who made it another day and the ones still struggling

I'm rooting for you

 

[xburtonchic]

Thanks C.H. You've always been an awesome friend

I know I have a way to go before anyone is able to actually believe I have a chance at beating this, but that's alright. I know that's my fault for always being like "I'm getting clean let's do this!!" and then relapsing two days later. Right now tho I can say with 100% honesty that the thought of using is not appealing to me. The cravings come and go, they're there, I just don't have any desire to act on them. That could all change tomorrow, but for today I'll take it

 

[ezekech]

Tramadol since 1 1/2 years, codeine for 5 years before that. Large doses.
Clean since 3 days. No tapering. Hard beginning of withdrawal the first two days, tremors,
restless legs, near hallucinations, profound tiredness. Rosea rhodiola since yesterday night
and all the forementioned symptoms are gone. I am seriously bluffed as I didnt expect to be efficace to that
level. Did anyone had an experience with it? Needless to say that I am terribly glad..

 

[snortmdma]

I just want to say I am grateful for another day passed without using psychedelics. It's so good to be not tripping, I never want to see another hit of hard drugs again.