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March forward, and fear not the thorns... March 2015 Gettin' & Stayin' Sober Thread

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Totach, I would definitely have a chat with this boss. Tell him you're feeling super taken advantages of and that you guys should re-negotiate your terms of employeement since things have taken such a huge turn since your terms had originally been set.

So glad you're doing so well. Just think, you said you didn't want to get high over it, see how strong you truly are?! The old you, would have used no doubt. It just shows that our strength deepens as we do this shit!! Please Message me if you ever need someone to chat with. I may not post a lot but I am always around.

Keep going, you sir, are doing great things. ❤️✌️
 
totach said:
Thanx so much guys your positive posts help me so much
I feel really good this morning
I had a really crazy dream last night like I've never had before
I was in a helicopter that almost crashed and I was so scared to die that when it crash landed and I survived I started crying cuz I was so happy to be alive
I used to be belive that if I died in a way like that I wouldn't mind
To be honest I'm tearing just writing this I dunno why
That dream really woke me up I'm so glad I had it I really feel like I will cherish life a lot more after that dream
It was so real it was great
I'm off to work hope everyone has a wonderful day ;)
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I would be really happy to have a dream like that man.

I used to be like that, that I was scared of losing my life. I think it's the way to be. It makes people look a bit weak, but having that reverence for life, and respect for life is amazing. I've lost it. I don't know if I'll ever reattain it. I remember recently listening to someone who had a near death experience, and in the moment I remember noticing how emotional they were about it. I remember thinking how it must have tormented them, and what philosophical value this fear might have? Then I discovered it's an extension of our love of ourselves and life, and that's just it. It's a good thing.

It might seem like I'm somehow stronger or braver for being indifferent to living longer, but I'm saddened by it. I want to care. It's just hard when everything is depressing. Hobbes description of human nature is the way I see the world, and I don't think there's anything that is going to change that for me.

much love and respect man, keep up the great work! <3

I have 4 and 2/3rd months

totach said:
Hey guys so i just got back from work and i flipped out at my boss
I dont think i lost my job cuz i have.one.of his cars at my house
I just couldnt take it anymore.they are really abusing there power
When.i went for.my interview they said the hours were 10 to 6 and sometimes theres no work and.you stay home and sometimes there alot of work and you get home later
So this was my schedule this week
Sunday 10 to 9
Monday 10 to 12 14 fucking hours
Tuesday 8 to 11 15 hours
Today 10 to 10
Basically.hes a fucking liar and we agreed on a weekly salary not hourly so he abuses that
So today i finally lost it and said something thankgod thete.was another worker there to calm me down
Overall im fine tho i didnt feel like getting high.or anything so.im grateful for that
But i do need to find another.job im really not happy with this job
I honestly wanted.to get more clean time before i went looking for another job but i cant take another week with these people taking advantage of me
Its more that then the actual pay.i.care about
I like to belive that i am a fair person and i hate when people are not fair
Anyways thanks for letting me vent i needed to type it out
Goodnight evreyone ;)
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wow, man that's harsh.

If I was in your position, I would quit and go move back in with family or friends, or something.

When I am in recovery, things like that WILL set me off, and since you're in recovery, you should be thinking of yourself.

Can you afford to quit your job? Can you find another job easily?

Also it is "their power". I'm a writer and it pains me when people make this mistake.

If you're being paid salary and not hourly, just slack off. They want to make you work extra hours? Give them 8 hours of honest work, over 12 or 14 hours. That's what I'd do, if I didn't want to quit or couldn't support myself without the job.
 
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Thanks so much for the support guys like ive mentioned before you guys are my only support systen right now and you help me so much
Mylove- i am kinda scared to ask for anymore money or anything cuz i am greatful for the fact that someone would even take a chance on hiring someone with my backround
My job consists of alot of responsebility since i drive alot of new expensive cars
I did not take this job thinking id make alot of money
Once im clean lonh enough i hope my father will start talking to me again its bin over a year since we spoke
And then maybe i can get back into the family business
Or maybe my friends will trust me enough to start working with them
I would have great oppertunitys if i can prove to people im clean
The only thing that bothers me is i hate when people try to get over on me and i feel like they couldnt care less about my personal life
Its like they think my life should revilve around there business since i have no time for myself
I decided i will start looking for a new job asap cuz i really would like to start hitting the gym again
I really like the saying " If you dont work on building your dream you will work for someone to build theres" and thats how i feel and it sux
Thanx so much for your responses and the offer to chat with me ill be sure to take you up on that offer
What state do you live in?
I also wanted to ask you how you are doing with your SO if you dont mind me asking are you guys doing better?
Hey Captian
I always appreciate your responses
Like ive told you before i wish i could write like you
When i was alittle kid like 12 i remember one day i thought how im gonna die one day and i started crying
I was so scared as a kid i never knew what depression or anxiety was i mean i heard the words before but i did not understand what they ment
When i started with hard drugs at 17 is when i finally understood what depression was when i would try to get clean
That is when i started to feel like if i died it wouldnt be the worse thing to happen i never actually really wanted to die just wanted to feel normal again
Whats going on with your relationship?
Is it still making you happy?
I really miss being in a relationship looking forward to coming home to my girl used to get me thru many hard days
Im always wishing you the best captian and 5 months is amazing i hope to get there soon
So far im feeling pretty good and strong about staying clean i hope it stay that way
I have a day off today so im gonn go out and explore have a goodday evreyone ;)
 
My relationship is still going on. My partner and I argue a lot.

But I think it'll work out.

It's the 2nd relationship that is more than just sex for me.
 
Arguing is kinda fun in a weird way when you love someone it keeps the relationship interesting
Obviously not arguing all day evreyday but evrey now and then
Its nice that you say its not about the sex that means you really like this chick good for you man
I stopped counting days but i think im pushing two months in a week or so im excited
Maybe ill go to a meeting or something when i have two months
 
So great to hear you have a day off to rest your mind a little. I am in Virginia. About a hour and half south of Washington DC. He and I are not doing any better. It's done. There is a finalization this time that can just be sensed if you're around. I'm moving out next week. As crazy as it will sound, 33yrs old and this will be the first time I'll ever be taking care of myself. It's so empowering. I've been taken care of my whole life, first my family, then a 5yr relationship then most recently a 10 yr one. I can't wait to see what life has for ME!! Yes please hit me up if you ever want to chat.
 
Cap, looks like I'm just behind you. I'll have 5 months on the 2nd of April. Miracles I tell ya ?
 
It's time for me to quit, for real. It was time a year ago, but I'm so used to opiates being my security blanket. All I can think about lately though is how much they've taken from me. I'm really sad tonight, I keep crying :/

So I'm going to make this a detox weekend. I have nothing much to do for the next couple days, so instead of taking .5 I'm going to try to take half of that or even skip a day. Depending on how I feel the next few days I might even just jump and tough it out. I have to do it now, it's nearing the end of March and I wanted to be clean by summer, if I don't do it now that's not going to happen. No matter how scary it is or how bad I feel I need to just do this and get it over with.

Please wish me luck, I'm so down lately and just so messed up, I need to get off drugs and get my head clear so I can think and be myself again. I don't even feel like myself lately. I'm so tired of driving downtown to buy subs, of feeling sick, relying on opiates... I just need to stop.
 
Hello all. Just stopping in to wish everyone a great morning!
It's nice to be just over week clean. It's been forever. Still lazy, tired and depressed, but I'm glad the worst part is over.
AND IT'S SPRING TIME OFFICIALLY TODAY!! =D The change in season is making thing a lot easier for me.

Please wish me luck, I'm so down lately and just so messed up, I need to get off drugs and get my head clear so I can think and be myself again. I don't even feel like myself lately. I'm so tired of driving downtown to buy subs, of feeling sick, relying on opiates... I just need to stop.
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I wish you the best of luck, BlueSaffron! You can do this!

~Verri
 
myloveishim said:
So great to hear you have a day off to rest your mind a little. I am in Virginia. About a hour and half south of Washington DC. He and I are not doing any better. It's done. There is a finalization this time that can just be sensed if you're around. I'm moving out next week. As crazy as it will sound, 33yrs old and this will be the first time I'll ever be taking care of myself. It's so empowering. I've been taken care of my whole life, first my family, then a 5yr relationship then most recently a 10 yr one. I can't wait to see what life has for ME!! Yes please hit me up if you ever want to chat.
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good luck

I used to live in Richmond, VA (about 1.5 hours south of DC as well)

BlueSaffron said:
It's time for me to quit, for real. It was time a year ago, but I'm so used to opiates being my security blanket. All I can think about lately though is how much they've taken from me. I'm really sad tonight, I keep crying :/

So I'm going to make this a detox weekend. I have nothing much to do for the next couple days, so instead of taking .5 I'm going to try to take half of that or even skip a day. Depending on how I feel the next few days I might even just jump and tough it out. I have to do it now, it's nearing the end of March and I wanted to be clean by summer, if I don't do it now that's not going to happen. No matter how scary it is or how bad I feel I need to just do this and get it over with.

Please wish me luck, I'm so down lately and just so messed up, I need to get off drugs and get my head clear so I can think and be myself again. I don't even feel like myself lately. I'm so tired of driving downtown to buy subs, of feeling sick, relying on opiates... I just need to stop.
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good luck blue <3

Papaverium said:
Hello all. Just stopping in to wish everyone a great morning!
It's nice to be just over week clean. It's been forever. Still lazy, tired and depressed, but I'm glad the worst part is over.
AND IT'S SPRING TIME OFFICIALLY TODAY!! =D The change in season is making thing a lot easier for me.



I wish you the best of luck, BlueSaffron! You can do this!

~Verri
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congrats verri!!
 
Im sure you will do very well on your own
I am also used to being co dependent on both my family and my ex gf's since i wasnt single for over ten years
Just recently i learned how to do laundry and cook simple things since i was so used to them doing it
This is also my first real job out of the family business but i feel like this is all good for me and i am learning valuable leasons in life
I went to see focus today it is a really good movie if you havent seen it yet i really enjoyed it
Im off to bed got work in the morning i hope you have a great week and all the best in your new life ;)
 
Thanks guys. I have no idea what I took yesterday (sat), I had .5 and I tried to divide it into 2 little bits but it was just like, evaporating, lol. I probably ended up taking a little more than half of it. I'm at the point now where I can't tell if it made a difference, I already feel kind of sick and crappy so I don't know if I feel a little more sick or not today. Day's over though, I'm about to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow (sun) and do the same thing, half of .5 or the best I can measure.

Did ok mentally all day, actually had a pretty good day, but now it's nighttime, I can't sleep and its hard not to sit here and just overthink everything til I've convinced myself that everything's awful and not going to get better. Which is why I need to go to bed.

I didn't take the rest of the .5 tho, the crumbs are still sitting there. It would've been easy to tell myself "it's just a few crumbs", but it's also like, I know its not going to really do anything for me.

I'm ready for this to be over with. I will deal with the discomfort.
 
You got this blue that is the best way to do it in my opinion is to get down to the crumbs
It's good you understand there is no way to do this with zero discomfort it's all about doing it with the least amount of discomfort possible
Have you gone the Imodium route before once you jump off?
 
That's great Blue you are down to barely anything. Getting below 2 mg is the hardest to do usually, as subs have a 75 % binding affinity at 2 mg iirc. You are doing it! :)

Anyways, for anyone trying to completely jump off this is a course that has worked we used to use below, that really worked for many folks every 24 hours:

2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 1.5, 2, 2, 2, 2, 1.5, 2, 2, 2, 1.5, 2, 2, 1.5, 2, 1.5, 1.5, 1.5, 1.5, 1.5, 1.5, 1.5, 1, 1.5, 1.5, 1.5, 1.5, 1, 1.5, 1.5, 1.5, 1, 1.5, 1.5, 1, 1.5, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 0.5, 1, 1, 1, 1, 0.5, 1, 1, 1, 0.5, 1, 1, 0.5, 1, 0.5, 0.5, 0.5, 0.5, 0.5, 0.5, 0.5, 0, 0.25, 0.5, 0.5, 0.5, 0.5, 0.25, 0.5, 0.5, 0.5, 0.25, 0.5, 0.5, 0.25, 0.5, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 0.25, 0, 0, 0.25, 0, 0, 0, 0.25, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0.25, ZERO


 
Now I'm about 4.75 months clean from psychedelics. This next couple of weeks will be trying for me as I have cash for the first time in 4.75 months, and my dad is out of town for a couple of weeks. I've been thinking about going out to get molly and acid but I keep telling myself that I can't let my folks down, plus my dog needs me sane to take care of him. Plus all i really want to do these days is fall in love, and I'm doing well at getting girls' numbers and setting up dates, I feel like I'm so close to being able to get a chance to be in love again, and if I start tripping out on psychedelics again it's just going to shatter any chance at having a romantic life. I just can't trip or roll anymore. Better things lie ahead, like love, if I stay focused and stay clean
 
Hey snort congrats on the clean time
Its nice to see how you look forward somuch to being inlove
I dont know if you have been inlove before but it really id an amazing feeling
I threw away the love of my life cuz i couldnt stay off the dope
I have many regrets in my life but that is probably the worse one
Once you find yout soul mate it will be alot easier to not think about drugs
Keep up the good work and dont give in to temptation
I enjoyed reading your post it reminded how i miss that feeling
 
totach said:
Hey snort congrats on the clean time
Its nice to see how you look forward somuch to being inlove
I dont know if you have been inlove before but it really id an amazing feeling
I threw away the love of my life cuz i couldnt stay off the dope
I have many regrets in my life but that is probably the worse one
Once you find yout soul mate it will be alot easier to not think about drugs
Keep up the good work and dont give in to temptation
I enjoyed reading your post it reminded how i miss that feeling
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I can feel you on losing a loved one

I didn't lose my loved one; and I would have if I didn't quit this most recent time (oct 2014)

keep up the great work man.
 
24 more all you good people<3

644888358_1540685.gif
 
I'm 12 days today, and my boyfriend relapsed. This is hard :(
I'm trying so hard not to cave. I feel like I'm hanging by a thread right now, but I understand it's just a feeling and it will pass, like everything else.

Goddamnit.. I'm trying to stay optimistic though so I hope everyone has a great, and sober day from whatever drugs you are quitting! We can make it.

~Verri
 
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