Thanks for taking the time to write this man I really appreciate it.
First of all, yes, I absolutely am using the morphine to self-medicate. I have BDD and depression that fluctuates between moderate and severe.
I am approaching 30 and have never experienced sustained happiness in my life. Not even a full week. I'm sure you understand why I'm enjoying this morphine. It acts as a combo anti-anxiety/anti-depressant while also letting me sleep earlier, better and deeper.
I'm not naive - I know i am on the edge of a potentially slippery slope. But I find it so hard to care because I have essentially given up on conventional treatments (years of therapy and different meds).
For now, I am content with weekly/biweekly use. But you are likely right that at some point I will want to up my usage.
It's a very difficult position to be in.
Anyway thanks again for your inciteful comment. It seems like the community here is mature and supportive.
And irrespective of all this - sounds like I won't be able to replace the effects of morphine anyway (I'm not doing heroin ever), so I'm at a dead end.