Living In Hell And Need Some Advice

[pintopowered]

Hi Guys, new member here, from the great cousin fucking' state of PA. I'm an addict, and I'm kinda at the end of my ropes, and don't have anyone to turn to, so I'm here seeking advice. Drug of choice is Oxys'. Started approximately a year ago, I had gone through dental surgery, and received a prescription from my oral surgeon. Low dose obviously, 5/325 (MMM tylenol). As i'm sure most of you know, the feeling was awesssssome. I had smoked plenty of tree in my younger years, and drank my liver out so much that when I turned 21 I didn't even have a desire to buy it or go to the bar haha. After I finished my prescription, a friend that I had lost touch with years ago came back into the picture, sure enough he had a hookup for these magical pills that make me so happy, focused and at the time what I considered a better person. It started at 10MG, once a day, every week the dose would go up more, but I only ever did it once a day, orally. Here we are a year later, and I want to cry to just telling the group this...but I'm currently at 230MG, in one shot. For the first time in my addiction, I doubled my dose several times last week. I was having a shitty, miserable day, and I know that's not an excuse, but I did it. Since then, I feel very weird, like my mind wonders off completely, like I can't focus on anything..... I don't know whats wrong all of a sudden but I'm terrified. I know I have a problem, there where a few times where I tried to quit cold turkey, and I couldn't do it. I bailed ship 2-3 days in every time. I need to ween myself off this bullshit once and for all. I'm married to a beautiful wife that knows whats going on after I confessed, she accepted it and is by my side to help. I also have 2 beautiful little girls, that love me very much and should have been my entire reason for living in the first place, not this. I have so many questions, and really nobody to turn to, I'm hoping I came to the right group, without judgement, I know I'm a fuck up, I just need help.

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Welcome PintoPowered, I'm moving this to SL-Sober Living, as I think you will be better served there. Despite the name it's a sub forum for anyone thinking about reducing their habit, quitting or staying clean afterwards. May Luck be bestowed upon you.

OD--->SL

 

[aihfl]

Have you considered an inpatient detox somewhere for a week to ten days? The reason I would encourage it is that you will be removed from an environment where pills are an option, plus you will be safely weaned off the pills and be medically monitored and made comfortable. You would also get cognitive and behavioral techniques to reduce craving through therapy sessions. If for whatever reason that's not an option, tapering down is the best bet, with someone else rationing your doses. Seeing a doctor would also allow access to comfort meds. And it's never a bad idea to give recovery support groups a try.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^Good advice, just make sure you do your research on any inpatient detox.

Some are amazing, others are cesspools of hell.

 

[SoCal424]

PintoPowered- Hi, I'm Dale. The advice everyone gave you above is great advice. A good inpatient facility gives you support on all facets of recovery as well as keeping you away from your supplier(s).

I would also suggest that if you are against doing inpatient recovery like me, then tapering off is the next best choice. With tapering, you'll feel a little withdrawal during the process and the withdrawal process goes slower. I don't know of any easy way off drugs, but I believe you can do anything you really want to do.

By the way, with your BL name in mind, are you confessing that you drive a Ford Pinto.

"When you can't change what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to it - that is where your power is"
Dale

 

[cj]

That's alot of oxy. The withdrawal isnt going to be fun no matter what just got too accept the misery which is easier said then done but possible. Inpatient is a good option or a Suboxone taper if you have access to that.

 

[EPL1]

Wow man you've got so much going for you and you have the werewithal to realize you need help. You're doing great my friend, you're way too hard on yourself though, EVERYONE makes mistakes. You're no fuck up. And yes you've definitely come to the right place, no judgment here. Here for you anytime. Hang in there.

Ash.

[QUOTE. I'm married to a beautiful wife that knows whats going on after I confessed, she accepted it and is by my side to help. I also have 2 beautiful little girls, that love me very much and should have been my entire reason for living in the first place, not this. I have so many questions, and really nobody to turn to, I'm hoping I came to the right group, without judgement, I know I'm a fuck up, I just need help.[/QUOTE]

 

[pintopowered]

Thank you guys for the kind reply?s and words of wisdom. I am going to my doctor today, and plan on telling him everything, I?m hoping he will help with some guidance on where to detox, I?m new to all of this and frankly, scared beyond a doubt. It took me a long time to realize I can?t do this anymore, I don?t want to lose the things in my life that matter most to me. I will keep everyone updated on what?s going on, I have never been big on faith however I?m praying I can fix this, I got myself into this mess and now I need to get myself out, I?m just glad to hear I?m not by myself and this is possible.

 

[EPL1]

pinto

No you're really not alone, we're all here for you. I'll check for your updates, I know you'll do great, you have a strong will and a desire to get better. And so you will.Thoughts and prayers headed your way too, everything helps!

Hugs,
Ash.

Thank you guys for the kind reply?s and words of wisdom. I am going to my doctor today, and plan on telling him everything, I?m hoping he will help with some guidance on where to detox, I?m new to all of this and frankly, scared beyond a doubt. It took me a long time to realize I can?t do this anymore, I don?t want to lose the things in my life that matter most to me. I will keep everyone updated on what?s going on, I have never been big on faith however I?m praying I can fix this, I got myself into this mess and now I need to get myself out, I?m just glad to hear I?m not by myself and this is possible.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Thank you guys for the kind reply?s and words of wisdom. I am going to my doctor today, and plan on telling him everything, I?m hoping he will help with some guidance on where to detox, I?m new to all of this and frankly, scared beyond a doubt. It took me a long time to realize I can?t do this anymore, I don?t want to lose the things in my life that matter most to me. I will keep everyone updated on what?s going on, I have never been big on faith however I?m praying I can fix this, I got myself into this mess and now I need to get myself out, I?m just glad to hear I?m not by myself and this is possible.

Does your doctor have a lot of experience working with substance use disorder?

Even a doctor who wants to help will be limited in how they are able to support you if they're not well versed in the local SUD treatment field.

Strongly recommend getting at least one second opinion from someone who specialized in treating SUD and mental health stuff.

Not trying to assume you have mental health stuff, just that people proficient in mental health treatment who are also versed in substance use disorder treatment tend to be a lot better than those only really exposed to substance use disorder treatment.

It is outstanding you're willing to get vulnerable about addiction with medical professionals. The sooner your can get some quality care the better. The only catch is that in a field like the recovery industry quality care isn't always the first, or even second or third, thing one finds.

I strongly recommend education yourself about the pitfalls and things to watch out for in the recovery industry.

What part of the world are you located in? We might be able to point you in the direction of some local resources.

 

[KraziKat]

Hello Pinto. I have detoxed off of that amount of oxy per day more times than I'd care to admit. It's no walk in the park, but there are tools that will help you immensely. As others have suggested, a taper plan is a great idea, however it is easier said then done. I was never able to do it successfully -- just didn't have the self-control.

Suboxone works really well, and you can do a short-term taper while avoiding suboxone addiction and withdrawal.

You can also look up The Thomas Recipe, which is a combination of various OTC meds and assorted products.

In my experience, the absolute best way to get off oxy is using kratom. If you are not familiar with it, please do some research. It is legal, natural and affordable, and in the right doses and with a quality product it will alleviate a good 80% of your withdrawal symptoms. Be aware that it is addictive in its own right, but compared to oxy it is en excellent harm reduction tool and is relatively benign. Jumping from oxy to kratom, and then tapering the kratom is a great plan.

 

[Larimar]

If you tell your doctor then you may never be able to get opiates again even if you need them and be labeled a addict or drug seeker in your file.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^I used to worry about that, and to some degree it is true (especially with how the laws seem to be changing).

However, after years of being fairly open with medical professionals about my experience of SUD/addiction, last year I broke my ankle. No problem getting pain meds, as was appropriate for that.

I wouldn't be too worried about this. When in genuine need, it's not hard to find someone compassionate and understanding enough to write a user/former user pain meds.

Harder to scam doctors? Probably, but that isn't a bad thing.

You'll be able to get opioids when needed.

 

[Larimar]

^I used to worry about that, and to some degree it is true (especially with how the laws seem to be changing).

However, after years of being fairly open with medical professionals about my experience of SUD/addiction, last year I broke my ankle. No problem getting pain meds, as was appropriate for that.

I wouldn't be too worried about this. When in genuine need, it's not hard to find someone compassionate and understanding enough to write a user/former user pain meds.

Harder to scam doctors? Probably, but that isn't a bad thing.

You'll be able to get opioids when needed.

Thanks good to know . I have panicked during withdrawal before and said I was getting on subs and my husband would say no then your insurance and doctor will know and it's on file forever . I just never wanted anything in file like this especially if you have kids etc

 

[pintopowered]

Hey guys just giving you an update, I wasn?t able to get a doctors appointment until tomorrow morning. I did dose twice yesterday, smaller amounts then usual but I?m still completely ashamed. I?ve been up and busy today and have been waiting as long as possible before I take anything, as of now it?s been about 18 hours since my last dose. I currently feel panicky, and very nervous, I keep having panic attacks and my heart is racing a million miles a minute, I?m so ready to be done with this....I want to live a normal healthy life and I?m terriefied I?ve caused permanent damage to my mind, I?m not sure what to say to the doctor tomorrow, I just have to man up and tell him the truth, all I can hope is that he offers me help. Thank you guys for all the advice given so far, if I don?t get prescribed painkillers for the rest of my life then I?m fine with it, the pain will just be a reminder that I?m alive and I beat this addiction once and for all.

 

[Runningfox]

Pinto
Pls dont be ashamed OF any of this. It's simply what IS. and it makes perfect sense you needed to dose the past couple of days. Simply making the decision to get clean does not take all need for the substance away magically.


I think going to your own doc n being honest IS the best option. Request they help you to taper down and is it possible that your wife can attend the appt with you? That way she can agree to be your support and the one who doles out your daily doses.

Now if you tell the family doc your current status and he or she recommends an impatient rehab then grab the opportunity! As someone stated above you will get alot of help there : mental physical and all the surrounding subjects willbe touched upon and after - care will be lined up for you as well.

I know it's an anxious and frightening time
I congratulate you on making this life saving decision for yourself and the 3 ladies you love most OF all.
Godspeed you to strength and peace. You'll succeed in this-- just be patient and honest . The beauty of the bluelight community is that we are a huge resource for information and support. .... others who have shared experiences, little home-care tips to share and the fact that there's ALWAYS someone listening : if you are up at 3 am stewing over things there is always someone here to talk to and lean on.

Good luck.welcome to the start of a Healthy and much longer happier life, as you move towards being a drug free YOU!

--- Fox

 

[pintopowered]

I can?t thank any of you enough for all the reply?s, it really does give me hope of beating this and staying sober for good. I had my doctors appointment today.....it didn?t go how I wanted it to, I should point out that I?m not very close with my doctor in the slightest and only seen him several times, my previous doctor retired. I got the feeling he really didn?t care, and said several things that bothered me such as ?your going to end up using Heroin? and ?Your never gonna beat this without Detox?, when I told him for the past week I?ve been cutting back, taking a daily vitamin, taking milk thistle to protect my liver, and pretty much dropped all caffeine use for nothing but smart water and Aloe drinks, he said ?your feeding yourself bullshit doing that? I was extremely upset because I wasn?t feeding him bullshit, I wasn?t trying to be a healthy addict,?I?m trying to not die from all the nasty habits using has made me do. The only good thing that came from this was that he said if I found a Detox center he would write a referral. I know that?s good news, but I?m still upset how he reacted to everything else, I wanted to leave with hope, not dismay.

 

[westbank23]

Hey bud,im sure you've received great advice so far but i want to let u know that i also fell in the same trap.
Started off with dental work and getting 5-10mg to me out on the streets buying 5-30mg oxycotins from a network of old people that i have made friends with(lol i just wanted there drugs and they wanted my money)..

Any ways i want to let u know that there is hope down the road.
Im on Day 6 cold turkey off of 150mg Roxys and 2mg xanax a day..
The first 4 days are super hard physically,after that the 5-10 days you'll have sleep issues but you'll feel better..

You need to try and bring your habbit down to 100-150mg and then jump ship to the sober life

 

[Jabberwocky]

I can?t thank any of you enough for all the reply?s, it really does give me hope of beating this and staying sober for good. I had my doctors appointment today.....it didn?t go how I wanted it to, I should point out that I?m not very close with my doctor in the slightest and only seen him several times, my previous doctor retired. I got the feeling he really didn?t care, and said several things that bothered me such as ?your going to end up using Heroin? and ?Your never gonna beat this without Detox?, when I told him for the past week I?ve been cutting back, taking a daily vitamin, taking milk thistle to protect my liver, and pretty much dropped all caffeine use for nothing but smart water and Aloe drinks, he said ?your feeding yourself bullshit doing that? I was extremely upset because I wasn?t feeding him bullshit, I wasn?t trying to be a healthy addict,?I?m trying to not die from all the nasty habits using has made me do. The only good thing that came from this was that he said if I found a Detox center he would write a referral. I know that?s good news, but I?m still upset how he reacted to everything else, I wanted to leave with hope, not dismay.

TBH that is not at all unusual. Most doctors don't know the first thing about recovery from opioid use disorder, let alone something like effectively transitioning off. Even doctors who supposedly specialize in addiction seem to more often than not have next to no clue what they're actually doing.

Is it possible to find another doctor?

Doctors who do understand the deal with opioid use will be understanding about why you want to get a second (or third) opinion, given how your doctor didn't listen to anything you tried to tell him/her.

University hospitals that have opioid specific chemical dependency/SUD type programs tend to be better than private practices, clinics or rehabs (this is a generalization though).

Likewise, perhaps you want to try switching to something like buprenorphine to help transition off?

I think it is going to be a really good idea for you to find another, more qualified medical professional to help support you through this major transition.

Please let us know how we can help. Especially with vetting any new providers you find.

 

[pintopowered]

Hey guys, I am indeed looking for another doctor, hopefully one that specializes in Opiod treatment or at least has experience in the field. The past 2 nights I have only dosed once each day, 210 mg. I know it doesn?t sound like much, but it?s a start, I did not seem to have any withdrawal effects other then an extreme difficulty sleeping, which has been normal throughout this anyway. I want to ask you guys something, one of my biggest reasons for quitting, for the past 2 weeks my head has been in a complete fog, every morning I wake up and I feel ?out of my body?, I forget things all the time and feel extremely unusual.... I am not having any kind of stomache pains or body pains however. My question is, what is the Oxy doing to my body? More importantly what is it doing to my mental health? Before all this, I was able to have a perfectly normal day, and felt fine. Now I almost act like I?m tweaking out, but it?s happening when I?m not even craving or withdrawing. I really wanted to talk to the doctor about this but he hardly said anything about my symptoms, I?m praying someone here has an answer, I get extreme hypertension from stress and I feel like my mind is rotting away, I?m so scared I want to cry.