Lasting impacts of heavy LSD usage. Emotional damage?

[DeadElvis666]

So from the age of 15 till about 19 I took tons of acid and really heroic doses. I mean like 10-20 hits probably about 5 days a week during my peak, and maybe a total of around 400-500 different nights of tripping major ballsack. But that's just a guess. It could easily be around 1000 times. I really have no idea. But it was a lot. After that I abused a multitude of other drugs, and overall I feel like I came out of it all pretty well, or at least without many noticeable repercussions. But sometimes I think the LSD messed with my emotions. Years ago I read an article that basically said people who use a lot of LSD can develop emotional problems later in life. Sometimes I feel like my emotions are much more intense than they are for other people. Almost like having BPD or something. Like when I'm happy, I'm so happy I could fly and when I'm sad, I'm so sad I feel like dying. And my emotions can flip rapidly from one to the other. Unlike bipolar, which goes in bigger waves and cycles, my moods seem capable of flipping instantly, more like BPD. And it isn't like I'm suffering from a chemical imbalance either. My moods and emotions are the direct result of my environment, but everything just seems to have the volume turned way up. Other people seem to have a pretty even and balanced temperament and mood, but I live on a rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows. It feels like my emotions are way more powerful than everyone else's. I can't really control it either. Particularly feelings of happiness and sadness seem extremely amplified. I don't really get angry or anything. I had anger problems as a kid, but I guess I grew out of it. Now it's just the swinging pendulum of joy and sorrow. Has any other mega-tripper noticed this? Any scientific data that could support this? I'm sure serotonin is part of it. I also used MDMA heavily for several years, as well as a really heavy N20 addiction which lasted for years and nearly killed me.

 

[Clocktower]

With the drug use you've described, it's certainly possible.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

People often times naturally develop emotional problems as they get older, esp. heavy abusers of drugs.

I guess it's possible that LSD could have contributed to some of it, but honestly anyone who feels the need to dose acid 1,000's of times over a 4 year period probably has some issues independent of the drug

 

[CrypticArc]

I think the MDMA is more likely to cause you emotional problems than the acid

 

[Foreigner]

LSD can have long-term deleterious effects in heavy users, but it's hard to classify. It taps such a wide spectrum of receptors that one can't say for certain what caused what. What stands out about your post is the age you started using, during a formative stage in development. I would not recommend LSD at all for the under aged, not because of morals or some shit, but because it has a greater tendency to affect permanent, long-term development.

Hard to say though because how do we know if you wouldn't have developed BPD or depression anyway? A lot of mental health issues first show signs in adolescence, with recurrence in adulthood. But because you've used a lot, it's hard to separate the variables. There's also the fact that people who tend to be drawn to substance use may be self-medicating on some level, in an attempt to correct an imbalance that already exists.

It's the chicken and the egg really. Maybe you'll never know for sure, but the question is, what do you want to do now? You have this altered brain but that doesn't mean it's useless or you're disabled. It means you see the world differently, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

What I do believe is that the brain is resilient and can heal. It might heal in a different configuration than you started out with, but it can heal. Part of it has to do with how you frame your experiences. If you view the mental changes of your LSD use as negative and devastating, then you're going to spiral. I used LSD heavily for two years in adulthood. I definitely see the world differently now but I would not trade the lessons I learned for whatever downsides were caused. For me, LSD was a fast track to wisdom. Maybe you just haven't arrived at the gold yet.

 

[Bluuberry]

You stripped off all your filters over and over again, of course you experience emotion more intensely than a normie! It doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's about channeling that energy and keeping it flowing through you. You know from tripping - if you're having a negative experience, just acknowledge it and move on to the next thing, transform it to positive energy. It's just life.

I also think the MDMA abuse is much more detrimental than the L. Even just a few months of rolling once or twice a week on (tested) MDMA did some serious lasting damage to me. There's not really any solid research on this, and with polydrug abuse thrown in it's hard to point the finger at any particular compound.

It's so true what Foreigner said about the brain's ability to heal. There are many ways to heal each of the systems that are likely burnt out in your brain. We can even change our gene expression through our habits! There's tons of hard scientific evidence about what I'm talking about. Lifestyle changes (self care), exercise, and excellent diet will help a lot with burn out from doing too many drugs. Then there's herbs you can add depending on what you're trying to fix. Tonic herbs to regulate Qi (life force) and relieve adrenal fatigue; ginseng root, licorice root, astragalus root are some examples. Milk thistle seed can clean and regenerate your liver cells, and a healthy liver has a LOT to do with your emotions. That's just the tip of the iceberg as far as herbs go..

There are also a lot of medicinal mushrooms that could be of great use in recovery. Extracts of Lion's Mane mycelium have been proven to increase plasticity of the brain. This means improved memory and learning, a preventative against dementia and Parkinson's; basically makes it easier for your brain to form new pathways between synapses, which is a great thing. Many mushrooms are also great at detoxifying the body, which will lead to healthier emotional and mental states.

I think you should look at your experiences as positive and work from where you are. Keep building. If you're not feeling well then there's a lot you can do to feel way better. Let me know if you want any specific recommendations. I feel a bit shitty after a decade and a half of polydrug abuse, but I feel better and better every day that I really truly work on myself.

 

[DeadElvis666]

I'm ok with everything. Right now I'm super happy and in love, so with my crazy over-amplified emotions, it's like I'm soaring on the high of being blissful and in love. So it certainly has it's benefits. But a year ago when I was grieving the loss of my best friend, my (ex) girlfriend left me, and my beloved pet died, I spiraled into a depression threw me into a world of alcoholism and suicidal thoughts. I fled to a random city, locked myself in a hotel room for 6 weeks and went on a destructive spiral of hard drinking. I turned into a horrible caricature of Bukowski, sleeping with random sluts and trying to drink myself to death. So I guess when it's good, it's great and when it's bad, it's horrible. But I think I tend to live my life in extremes anyway, the incredible highs and lows are much more interesting than a life of mediocrity. But it's easy to say that now because I'm soaring on cloud 9, spending all night smoking H and having sex with the woman I've been infatuated with since high school. She was not just my #1 crush, but more like an obsession. She grew up in my home town, and she was always the hottest and most desirable girl in the scene. Everyone wanted her, but my obsession was on a whole different level. I basically stalked her until she finally agreed to go out with me, and then we fell madly in love. It's been just amazing. Waking up every day next to the girl I've been obsessed with my whole life and having her look into my eyes and tell me she loves me... right before she drops to her knees and sucks my cock. It's like being in heaven. So I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering if this is something other people have experienced. I can't be the only person who's emotions got all whacked out by drugs.

But regarding LSD, my experiences were overwhelmingly positive. It was a really amazing time in my life and I definitely attribute much of the wisdom, creativity and independence I've developed over the years to LSD. Acid really made me into the person I am today, and I'm actually quite happy with my life. It opened doorways that I never thought possible. But I can't help wonder if my intensity, passion and extreme emotions are the result of prying open my third eye at such a young age. As Hunter Thompson said "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me."

 

[The Shadow Self]

I can tell you that extensive use of LSD can, in fact, have seriously deleterious effects on your psyche. I know it from first hand experience and have seen it happen in others. Of course, if your predisposed to mental health issues, the synergy between the two is of concern. But yes; after years of taking shitloads of LSD, I found that I was profoundly depressed, and convinced I had destroyed myself with the drug. I had also, at that point, become dependent on tripping (heavily...with heroic doses) and preferred the psychedelic state to the sober one, and wanted to flee to it as often as I could. It all ended with me stopping my LSD use for a LONG time, years, and after some time, I definitely began to recover from the effects of taking so much LSD. It was a dark time in my life, and as a cautionary tale, let it be known that like other drugs, many people live through "eras" of the use of the drug in which you think, "I can do this forever and be OK", which is simply denial. Like any other drug, it WILL catch up to you, if abused, and send you reeling to places you'd rather not go. I remember times, back then, that I contemplated suicide because I couldn't imagine living my life in such torture. Years later, after getting multiple degrees, establishing a good career, having a family, etc., I do dose here and there without an issue. But again...buyer beware.

 

[Ismene]

I doubt it's got anything to do with the LSD - it's completely eliminated from your system after 24 hours no matter how high your dose. As for the other drugs they all wear off in a very short period of time. This idea that "I took MDMA 3 years ago and I'm still suffering from it" is bullshit. Whatever's causing your problems I'd look at what you're thinking and doing today rather than a drug you took last year.

I think the serotonin theory of depression has been debunked as an urban myth.

 

[The Shadow Self]

I hear you, Ismene. But yeah, well after many years of tripping hard, and experiencing what I did, I felt markedly better once I stopped taking it and essentially recovered. It's no secret that the effects of psychedelic drugs can be profound, especially when abused, and what can happen as a result may not be completely understood within the context of serotonin or dopamine reuptake, etc. So, the MDMA I did last year may not be fucking me up, the LSD that I took, often more than once a week, for many years, most certainly did. The Mechanism of action may not be fully understood, but I don't think that the lack of studies of schedule 1 drugs helps us understand their effects on the human brain at all. It's like saying that you can take as much of anything you'd like, and that there'll be no unintended consequences one way or the other, predisposition to mental illness or otherwise. So having said that, the effects of the insane amounts of LSD I was doing, regardless of how quickly it was metabolized, were profoundly psychological, so from a reductionist point of view, there was some neurobiological connection to this, LSD present in the body or otherwise, and whether or not these effects could be specifically tied to known neurotransmitters or not was a whole other question. I doubt that many people can give an answer to that at this stage of the game.

"Hallucinations and other effects of hallucinogens are however very complicated experiences. They are not simply a part of a cause and effect system in the brain, where hallucinogenic drugs act on serotonin and cause hallucinations. Instead, hallucinogenic drugs act initially on the serotonin system, which sends into motion, a pattern of complex action potentials and activity. Other neurotransmitters may be involved in these activities as well. The effects that inputs and outputs have on each other in this system as well as the pattern of action potentials mediated by hallucinogenic drugs help to cause many of the complex changes that allow hallucinations to happen. (B.L. Jacobs, "How Hallucinogenic Drugs Work") Scientists continue to do research to determine the exact effects that hallucinogens have on the serotonin receptors and to answer any questions that they cannot yet answer."

 

[Solipsis]

Depression or emotional damage may not be purely 'neurotransmitter depletion' or other chemical imbalance related effects, for reasons Ismene gave... but your mental state is balanced by a lot of things, including the effects experiences have had on you. Even if it is way extreme to call it PTSD, consider that trauma from the confusion or existential turmoil etc may - with such heavy use from early age - have chronically influenced your psychological development.

If there are issues from that development that become engrained, depression or emotional issues may be a secondary effect from that.

However, very quick emotional changes like fast cycling bipolar or similar affective disorders don't seem to be likely to arise from such psychological developmental problems. Because what I just described is a causal effect, while quick cycles of mood point to instability, not purely caused by quick cycles of positive and negative experiences during say your day or week. But merely triggered.

The mind in many ways tries to readjust and balance activity and in most people this is very resilient though it may take time and proper care for recovery from heavy problems.

It seems like it would be hard to overcome this balancing potential, but especially if you are a more susceptible person, and also especially with such serious onslaught of drugs on balance - this apparently happened. If there was any weakness, perhaps not that big, such excessive abuse would 'exploit' that weakness I guess.

 

[Wutang_Forever]

I think it is a balance issue. Work on grounding yourself through exercising both your mind and body. Healthy living is a good way to a healthy mind
I always go for a good workout after a strong trip, helps integrate the experience and calms those intense emotions. Also read some good books, I'd recommend Slaughterhouse 5!

 

[Ismene]

I felt markedly better once I stopped taking it and essentially recovered

Agreed if you're tripping on acid more than once a week you're going to notice some effect on your noggin - but did it take you long to get over it once you stopped? I wouldn't have thought it would take that long to get back to normal once you'd had a month or two off.

 

[swisscurrie]

LSD can change your personality and outlook on life but there isn't any evidence that it changes anything in your brain.

 

[Kaleida]

If you really heavily abused LSD, MDMA, nitrous oxide, and "a multitude of other drugs", then it's fairly ridiculous to blame the LSD alone. The MDMA and nitrous alone seem much more likely to cause lasting emotional problems. The fact that you were young when you started this also probably plays a huge role.... Your mind would not have been done changing drastically at the time even if you never used drugs.

However, the reason I came here is to say that it is not true that there is no evidence that LSD changes your brain. Here are some scientific studies on the matter.

An Animal Model of Schizophrenia Based on Chronic LSD Administration: Old Idea, New Results

Chronic administration of low doses of LSD (>3 months, 0.16 mg/kg every other day) induces a behavioral state characterized by hyperactivity and hyperirritability, increased locomotor activity, anhedonia, and impairment in social interaction that persists at the same magnitude for at least three months after cessation of LSD treatment. These behaviors, which closely resemble those associated with psychosis in humans, are not induced by withdrawal from LSD; rather, they are the result of neuroadaptive changes occurring in the brain during the chronic administration of LSD. These persistent behaviors are transiently reversed by haloperidol and olanzapine, but are insensitive to MDL-100907. Gene expression analysis data show that chronic LSD treatment produced significant changes in multiple neurotransmitter system-related genes, including those for serotonin and dopamine.

Chronic LSD alters gene expression profiles in the mPFC relevant to schizophrenia

Chronic administration of lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) every other day to rats results in a variety of abnormal behaviors. These build over the 90 day course of treatment and can persist at full strength for at least several months after cessation of treatment. The behaviors are consistent with those observed in animal models of schizophrenia and include hyperactivity, reduced sucrose-preference, and decreased social interaction. In order to elucidate molecular changes that underlie these aberrant behaviors, we chronically treated rats with LSD and performed RNA-Sequencing on the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC), an area highly associated with both the actions of LSD and the pathophysiology of schizophrenia and other psychiatric illnesses. We observed widespread changes in the neurogenetic state of treated animals four weeks after cessation of LSD treatment. QPCR was used to validate a subset of gene expression changes observed with RNA-Seq, and confirmed a significant correlation between the two methods. Functional clustering analysis indicates differentially expressed genes are enriched in pathways involving neurotransmission (Drd2, Gabrb1), synaptic plasticity (Nr2a, Krox20), energy metabolism (Atp5d, Ndufa1) and neuropeptide signaling (Npy, Bdnf), among others. Many processes identified as altered by chronic LSD are also implicated in the pathogenesis of schizophrenia, and genes affected by LSD are enriched with putative schizophrenia genes.

These studies cover giving LSD to rats every other day for a few months, so I have to imagine that DeadElvis666's claimed use of about five days a week over a course of four years could absolutely fall into a similar categorization of use. At that rate, I would say it's very possible that the LSD could have had some lasting effect on his brain.

I think it's important to remember that just because a drug is safe to take responsibly doesn't mean that it's going to be totally harmless to take as much as you want... and this extends even to the classic psychedelics.

 

[CrypticArc]

I think the serotonin theory of depression has been debunked as an urban myth.

Source? I believe you, but I want to rub this in some people's faces.

 

[TheBlackPirate]

^Part of this is normal. Most psychotropics influence the structure of the brain if taken regularly. These long term structural modifications cause non-desensitization mediated tolerance. Other examples are SSRIs and and benzodiazepines. These adaptations reverse after discontinuation. Obviously discontinuing benzodiazepines suddenly has unpleasant effects. The odd detail is the fact discontinuing the LSD didn't immediately influence the abnormal behaviors. I imagine with time these behaviors eventually dissipate. Perhaps this could hint at a large amount of what causes some mental illnesses. Getting back to my previous observation the discontinuation of LSD didn't immediately influence the abnormal behaviors, I wonder what causes that response?

I have dosed psychedelics daily over long durations. Stopping suddenly resulted in feeling different a few months. Eventually I felt 100% normal again. With NBOMe this was terrible. With other psychedelics this was less severe. In either situation tapering my dose when discontinuing was beneficial too.

 

[Ismene]

Source? I believe you, but I want to rub this in some people's faces.

I think there's a good Ben Macyntire "bad science" column about it but the thing that struck me was the new generation of anti-depressants work in exactly the opposite way - they DECREASE the amount of serotonin in the brain and you feel less depression. Go figure.

 

[atara]

Did you also have mood swings while you were on LSD? Did you experience mood swings in the few days/weeks following an LSD experience? Or, did LSD seem to inhibit mood swings at all? Have you ever taken LSD to deal with a negative mood?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions it's possible. Otherwise, I don't think it's too likely. If you're recently in a new relationship it's normal to be pretty happy; if your friend dies it's normal to grieve. Those are just more extreme situations than you'll encounter most days.

I think there's a good Ben Macyntire "bad science" column about it but the thing that struck me was the new generation of anti-depressants work in exactly the opposite way - they DECREASE the amount of serotonin in the brain and you feel less depression. Go figure.

What SSRIs do to serotonin transporters is roughly akin to putting a compression sock on a muscle that's throbbing involuntarily. The amount of serotonin in the brain varies with the hour of the day and the body makes more whenever it pleases -- at least it's more accurate to talk about overconsumption or underprodution than saying "low serotonin" which is sort of treating it like a fuel or something (it isn't). All we can really say is "it affects certain signalling cascades somehow".

 

[ShroomySatori]

Where will dwelling on the past get you? The present day is here for you to develop less insane habitual tendencies. Were you expecting your youthful and developing mind to be left unaffected in any way by all those powerful drugs? Maybe a life lesson will flow out of that mayhem.