bit_pattern
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2008
- Messages
- 8,128
You've got to be one of the most hateful, and ignorant people that I've met. I feel sorry for you. That's coming from a guy who spends his days hating, and fighting this hate. But go ahead, and hate me some more. It's your heart.
You're the one who dies.
What talents do you have, other than hating?
You seem to have a lot invested in this. To be honest, I don't know much about him. I guess I feel bad for him though. I can't imagine being in his position (well, these are words: i don't like to imagine being in his position, but i can imagine). It feels like I would be on fire. I-if I were him, would drop everything, and go to India or something. I don't know. Get away from his entourage. Get away from the industry. I guess I just see other stars have the same thing happen to them, too, and I don't see the people helping. People like you (and I guess me and them, but you do good example too) are a reflection of just how bad it is.
The human race has a lot of sickness through it. It manifests many ways. I'm also pretty sick. I try to reserve my judgment, because it flies enough already. It happens, and I am constantly pulling it back in, to try to understand the situation from a larger perspective... One that doesn't require so much energy expenditure, perhaps. I try to have stability. My compassion is selfish.
I was never Justin Bieber, as far as I know, but it's not hard to identify with people. I'm a person, and no matter what world you think you're in, there's not enough difference to have as much hate as you seem to have, permanently. I don't know. Maybe you are a super-identifier, or something, underneath some shell, and you're fighting it.
...I just read how he blamed his mother- it was a followup. I actually looked it up because I didn't know his mother was .. oh wait... see I don't even know... What already established artist? I have no idea. I would need to look it up. Done. Usher. I remember now. I honestly don't pay that much attention man. I really don't. I'm not that invested in this stuff. I don't watch any TV. I pretty much write in text files to my spirits and God all day, and I've had the same CD in my car for a few months. My life is delivering medication to old dying people, and chemo to people with cancer, organs, blood, labwork. When I'm not doing that I'm playing first person shooters, and smoking pot, or masturbating. I don't have any friends, and you're part of the reason why. So am I. Well, I've got a few, but I tend not to get too close to anyone. I see that I'm fake, and I know they're fake, so I'd rather not trick myself into believing that we're really friends, and get let down. But I still try to love others. I try to have compassion. And where I can, I try to help, even if sometimes, I go on my way. But I forgive myself for that.
I don't know.. where was I? He blamed his mother for the prescription meds. It seems the anti-depressants were Xanax, so dude, you were right! He was using them for fun! But also you were wrong, seeing as they are, as you seem to believe, recreational. I guess I can see that though, to be fair... I did enjoy the feeling. But I also identified it as not something I should be taking recreationally with any frequency. My ex was addicted to that stuff. Sad. But I, to show you how much I know about him, thought you were saying his mom was an artist. Not Usher. You just feed this stuff in.
Inadequate... yes. I am, to myself. I admit it. I have allergies to virtually every food I try. I have a diet of chicken and hemp seed oil, honey and goji berries, and water. I may be able to eat some other things, but it's hit and miss. I spend just about every day physically sick in some way, at one point or another. I have a lot of irritation from my allergies, constantly. I'm also sensitive to medications just the same. For three years my gallbladder was extremely painful, but I have somewhat corrected it through using a lot of vitamin C. I know you don't really care to really get to know anyone though. I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me. But I'm agreeing that I feel inadequate, in certain respects, and might wish for some other hand, in some ways, sometimes. I could do some good with some money... And power (not that I'd call what he has power, right now, I don't know), But I don't really want all that attention, like that.
As a child I had chronic ear infections, due to undiagnosed milk allergies. I am without a lot of hearing in my right ear, because I had these infections, which caused a tumor to grow inside that ear, and eat way at the bones, and fuck up the nerves. That took multiple 8 hour long or more surgeries to "fix". It would have killed me if they let it go, very likely. I also have another tumor growing on my spine, or next to, and it can be a pain in the ass, and it makes me a little insecure, because it's just ugly.
The milk allergy also caused me to stress nearly constantly on the john. i only went once every three days or so, and they were often "snakes". I had a hernia by age 12, and didn't get it fixed until I was 29, but I was active in sports, and sexually, within that time, and could still wrestle most opponents to the ground, pretty much anybody really, with a bulge poking out of my abdomen.
So yea, I have compassion for the sick. And I'd love to have the ease of access, to fix some of these problems. I see a guy like Bieber, and I think it's sad. I think it's sad that he has the access, and is now manifesting this great sickness (and so is the world around him, including you), and has no real experience, where I manifest the sickness "early", or throughout my life, learn about it, but the treatment remains very difficult, and slow.
I imagine it's very possible he's going down a dark road. Sometimes I want to be his friend. To be someone else other than... These lost egos.
I think he reflects a sickness in our world, like any sickness does. A weakness, rather. Sickness reflects a weakness. So I guess, I want to understand it. I want to understand him. I want to understand these people. I may judge and say some of the things you have (not quite as ugly, i think you're out to shock a little), but I'm not going to say them out loud. I'm not going to spread the weakness, like you. I try not to.
I had a love life once. Then I saw their names all spelled MASK when I put them together, and later found out I basically have to wear a mask wherever I go. Beyond this, there's a lot more to me, that you can't know. I have insight/perspective into illness that a lot don't get. So again, I try to have compassion, and I tend to look at things, uniquely. I don't really have a choice. I try to find the perspective to keep things going, and if I must tear it down, I want to know how to rebuild it. I may get really ugly, sometimes... I do. I'm racist. I tend to hate anything that's "not me", but my mind won't let me do that for long. I quickly identify. I realize, I AM Black. And quite Gay. And I fucked a transsexual once, and enjoyed it... But I wasn't satisfied like I am with a girl. But anyways. I've been a lot of places. I was a shy kid. I was a "popular kid" in school, or got to be. Senior year I was voted hottest guy in school by the cheer-leading squad, and soon got the girl I had liked since middle school. I had friends in every area. Nerds, "goths", jocks, fat kids that nobody really liked to be around, and the bullies that I beat in arm wrestling... I was a middle ground dude, and I have been that way since- or I try to aim for it. I identify with people. I try to understand them. NONE OF THEM are really that different, as you seem to be ... acting like. Your hate here, is self hate.
I guess I'm taking a polar stance to what you have- or trying to... Because you're so polarized against him. But when I read about it, like him blaming his mother, or just certain things that some of these stars do, I do look down on it. But it quickly just turns to feeling it's a sad situation.
I honestly didn't give it so much thought until I came here and saw all the hate, though. I just saw a guy, who is lost. I laughed a little, and said "come on dude! really?!". "I mean...". But your reaction deserves something a hell of a lot better. Some reason we're actually alive and have doctors that heal the sick. Ah! But I wasn't even paying attention to such details! I never pay that much attention to that. I tend not to put all the blame on one person. The weakness is in everything.
It's been really hard for me to write this. I don't know what to say to you. Feel free to come back and hate me some more if it helps, though. If you really want a donkey to pin the Jesus on, I'm here.
That was sooo worth the wait
