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Just caught my fiance cheating

187coopa said:
sigh...

got engaged during the winter been together going on 2 years, felt my gut kick in a couple weeks ago but ignored it. she made up some story about going to her friends out of town. but i knew she's been texting some guy that was just a friend supposedly messages would pop up occasionally recently. got the guys address and drove there after work and of course she was there at 10 oclock at night staying there.

I honestly want to kill her, strangle the life out of her as i watch. I took a better job selling cars, Became a father to a child that isnt mine loved that child just as much as i did her. and this is how i get repayed. I honestly dont think i'll be able to let another female in close enough, ive had trust issues since i was a child but been able to curb them to the side and ignore the feelings and use rational thought. But this is the last straw i think.

How can someone do that to someone they supposedly want to marry, love, see as the father of their child. we've had this talk to if you want someone else just say the word and we'll end things never thought it would actually happen or the slut would cheat on me. she knew that was the one thing i could not deal with that would send me into a relapse and been clean 3 years and bam killed a fifth of vodka last night and got some dope ate some blood pressure pills and fell asleep hoping to never wake up. Ive left the house packed my shit, cancelled the utilities and all other bills.
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Have you confronted her about this? Was she actually cheating? If she was cheating then don't you want to know why? I'd want answers... Or maybe I wouldn't because I might not like the answers I got.
 
Yes i have the hours, 1 mg daily suboxone, she thinks i get high on it but i dont n stressed this repeatedly but i guess the loneliness but i always texted her n saw her as much as possible we wouldn't go more than a day or 2 apart and any free time i devoted to her. I still love her n talked a lil. But pissed her off were gonna talk in a day or 2 supposedly
 
Pagey said:
it might be more beneficial to YOU if you talk it through with her at some point though
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Yeah, it could be cathartic to hash it all out once you feel like you can handle it. Wait 'til you cool off though or you're going to feel compelled to seize the opportunity to unleash on her and it's not going to be productive. Like I mentioned before, you might find that she had some very human reasons for sabotaging your engagement, and giving her a chance to reveal those to you might bring you some peace. I know that, for now anyway, it's probably easier to hate her for what she's done, and she can't really blame you for feeling that way... but in the long run, you might feel like a 'bigger man' for attempting to understand what she might be going through.

Just an afterthought (and it's probably too late for this anyhow) but I've always found that a stoic "I forgive you, but it's over" gets you off the hook for the relationship all the while locking in a permanent FWB; plus it feels good to blow somebody's mind from time to time. Oh well... sometimes you gotta rage.

(of course, it may be the case that she's simply a 'filthy whore' with loose hips, and, as everybody here knows, there's just no cure for that)
 
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I would just be glad to have found out that she was like that before marriage.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Still if drugs really fucked up your life, then the whole thing is not a good excuse to fuck up your life again.

I hate to say this but you are just gonna have to suck it up and stay strong.

I personally wouldn't take her back but I can't tell you what to do but it would be a foolish mistake.
 
Listen to everyone here, 187Coopa:

You're 26 years old. None of that destructive stuff is going to help you. Why let someone else fuck your life? and better yet, you found out NOW, rather than later.
Getting your hear broken a few times in your life is NORMAL. I had my heart broken many many years ago, I partied a lot and banged a lot of girls with NO goals for a girlfriend. After a few years, that wore off. Meaningless sex becomes blah.

I'm with a woman who is far better than anyone from my past. It was the right time and place for us to meet. She was suicidal months before we left... she is so happy that failed. Now we have a kid and we are both on top of the world.

YOU sound like a better MAN than most. You're 26 and you took in her kid? Wow. And if you can, let that child know - it has nothing to do with him. Sorry that it didn't work out. Trust me, he looked at you as a father.

Okay... I'm in my 40s. I've got a hot 30 yr old wife and baby. You're a very very YOUNG man with lots of time to meet more women, better women. If possible, without children.

Now, what works for me, doesn't mean works for you. OKAY! I never did drugs, I'm a social drinker. But my last broken heart caused me to party hard by my standards. I've also moved into the "open relationship" way of thinking. Realistically, us guys are ALWAYS checking out the ladies (and women look too). So by having full honesty and communication - we are a team. I do have sex with other women, but there are times when she says "NO", and I do it. We both have to be on the same page. We look out for each other. We respect each other. I don't do anything behind her back.

Having someone break your trust hurts. That kind of thing pisses me off. If my wife has sex with someone else without me knowing it, she's in trouble. We ask permission. Even when clubbing "Hey, I'm going to dance with some ladies - cool?" - so she knows where to find me and if she needs anything.

Good luck.
Remember, there are OTHER women out there.
 
(edit fails sometimes)

Statistically, almost 70% men and over 60% women will cheat on their partners. Those are not great odds... and yes, even the day before the wedding for a one last fling is cheating in my book. Hence, I went the open relationship route. We don't have issues with cheating. Her sucking another guy's dick last week is a non-issue with me. Her smoking a cigarette, is an ISSUE.
 
hmmm did she cheat with him or are they just friends?

is he gay?

it does sound like an episode of cheaters but at the same time its hard to be 100% certain

stop blaming other people for YOUR relapse. no-one makes you do anything. sorry but its true

they can trigger in you a feeling but where your behaviour goes from that feeling is down to you.

also a relapse caught in time and stopped BY YOU is much easier than a withdrawal all over again.
 
lesson learned in all this? TRUST YOUR GUT!

as it's been previously stated be glad you found out now. I once took back a girlfriend after she kissed another dude was a mistake cause she continued to cheat on me after that and I knew it stayed with her, used her cheating as a exuse to take drugs which ended up fucking me up so just let her go bro.

respect for taking in her kid, you really must really love her
 
OP, have you talked to her? If so, how did it go? You've gotten a lot of advice based on very little information, so maybe some feedback would be helpful. Either way, don't use this as an excuse to self-destruct. It's hard to see it in the moment, but there's an opportunity to walk away from this with your head up. When an experience like this 'ruins' somebody it's generally a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
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