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Just caught my fiance cheating

1

187coopa

Bluelighter
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
423
sigh...

got engaged during the winter been together going on 2 years, felt my gut kick in a couple weeks ago but ignored it. she made up some story about going to her friends out of town. but i knew she's been texting some guy that was just a friend supposedly messages would pop up occasionally recently. got the guys address and drove there after work and of course she was there at 10 oclock at night staying there.

I honestly want to kill her, strangle the life out of her as i watch. I took a better job selling cars, Became a father to a child that isnt mine loved that child just as much as i did her. and this is how i get repayed. I honestly dont think i'll be able to let another female in close enough, ive had trust issues since i was a child but been able to curb them to the side and ignore the feelings and use rational thought. But this is the last straw i think.

How can someone do that to someone they supposedly want to marry, love, see as the father of their child. we've had this talk to if you want someone else just say the word and we'll end things never thought it would actually happen or the slut would cheat on me. she knew that was the one thing i could not deal with that would send me into a relapse and been clean 3 years and bam killed a fifth of vodka last night and got some dope ate some blood pressure pills and fell asleep hoping to never wake up. Ive left the house packed my shit, cancelled the utilities and all other bills.
 
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I am really sorry to hear that man damn...that is heavy. I know it's not going to be easy but you have to let her go. Be happy you caught her before you were actually married. I know it hurts but you will find someone that deserves you. She obviously does not.
 
Sending big cyber *hugs* your way. I'm sorry that this has happened to you <3
 
I'm really sorry to hear that, I know it hurts. Of course, you could proceed under the silent assumption that you have earned a 'free pass' (edit: this is probably fool-hearty advice).

That said, my last girlfriend cheated on me and the relationship never recovered. On one hand, I had learned a life-lesson and realized in that moment that you can't possess another person... on the other, I haven't seriously dated anybody since (and it's been 4 years), so I think the experience may have left me feeling a little bitter. She and I still have great sex whenever we see one another, so now she's cheating on her boyfriends with me... I've never personally cheated on anybody I've dated, but the guilt still stings my eyes.

All in all, I know you're feeling betrayed, but it's best that you found out what she's about before getting married. It drives me crazy when people can't stick to a simple contract (If you love somebody and you've agreed to monogamy, then have a little conviction and don't fuck around, goddamnit). I hope you don't let it put you in too much of a rut. I'd like to think I can idealize open relationships at this point, but regardless, you deserve somebody who's considerate enough of your feelings not to break the contract.
 
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explain more. cos we can tailor advice to you.

as in from where to go from here and how to deal with the situation as a whole.

context is everything is terms of human relationships.
 
I'm sorry. :( ** hugs **

Like pofacedhoe said, explain more :) and hopefully someone here can offer some advice!
 
Cosmic Giraffe said:
Be happy you caught her before you were actually married. I know it hurts but you will find someone that deserves you. She obviously does not.
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As horrible as it is to think that practically at this time, it's true. Better to know now so you can move on to finding someone worthy of you than hanging around and finding out later.
 
move on ,she will never change.i have been married to a liar and a cheat for 21 years.its no fun.
 
got engaged during the winter been together going on 2 years, felt my gut kick in a couple weeks ago but ignored it. she made up some story about going to her friends out of town. but i knew she's been texting some guy that was just a friend supposedly messages would pop up occasionally recently. got the guys address and drove there after work and of course she was there at 10 oclock at night staying there.

I honestly want to kill her, strangle the life out of her as i watch. I took a better job selling cars, Became a father to a child that isnt mine loved that child just as much as i did her. and this is how i get repayed. I honestly dont think i'll be able to let another female in close enough, ive had trust issues since i was a child but been able to curb them to the side and ignore the feelings and use rational thought. But this is the last straw i think.

How can someone do that to someone they supposedly want to marry, love, see as the father of their child. we've had this talk to if you want someone else just say the word and we'll end things never thought it would actually happen or the slut would cheat on me. she knew that was the one thing i could not deal with that would send me into a relapse and been clean 3 years and bam killed a fifth of vodka last night and got some dope ate some blood pressure pills and fell asleep hoping to never wake up. Ive left the house packed my shit, cancelled the utilities and all other bills.
 
well fuck, that's rough. Where 's the kid? and are you sure she slept with the guy. (yeah I get it's still her bad for not telling truths. I'm assuming she told you it was a female friend?) Still, where's the kid?

Knock off the booze man. Only hurting yourself (though I guess right now that's what you want) but hey, have some caution. sorry your in this now
 
So so sorry to hear that, I can't imagine what you're going through :( sending lots of support! Please pop in and feel free to talk about it or vent if you want more help <3
 
That's terrible. It's tough to see something you put so much energy into building just disintegrate beneath your feet... especially when it seems like the person you love just threw it away like it was nothing. It sounds like she's having trouble seeing the gravity of the situation. She probably cares about you, but can't quite grasp the scope of what she did. And if it seems like she just brushes it of, that's most likely a defense mechanism geared at shielding her from the guilt of it.

Maybe it never registered what she was getting into and the commitment frightened the shit out of her so she sabotaged it unconsciously... it amazes me how often people seem to dive into something without really assessing the scope of it. Commitment is scary, but it's frivolous to be irresponsible with another person's feelings. Is she young? I'm just trying to understand what might have caused her to behave that way. I hate to think everybody who does something like this is just a complete piece of shit (because that would mean a HUGE percentage of us are pieces of shit and I don't want to accept that). Would it be easier if you knew she was reacting out of fear?.. I can never decide which is better. Sometimes it's easier just to hate somebody when they betray you like this.
 
im 26 she is 30. she is the one that pretty much wanted the commitment from the first time we started dating. I destroyed her engagment ring and left a note saying this ring is more worthy of a whore like you lol.
 
At least you're allowing yourself to vent. I always find myself attempting to remain stoic under those circumstances... it keeps things peaceful, but I always feel cheated of my opportunity to really fly off the handle - it's your right if you want it.

30 is old enough to know better. She should have enough relationship experience to know better than to bite off more than she can chew. I thought you might say she was 22, in which case I'd probably be inclined to advise against marriage in the first place. It's gotta be especially infuriating having been nudged into the engagement just to have her pull this shit. She sounds pretty irresponsible... and I generally shy away from passing that judgement for fear of being hypocritical. It took me 'til I was 28 to realize I wasn't ready to get married. It could have easily happened, though, and I would have been in a world of shit. Obviously you've seen her true colors, and hopefully you'll be able to take a step back and realize you've dodged a bullet. For now I think you've earned the right to rage a little.
 
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That sucks, man. I feel bad for you - and for the kid. You did the right thing dumping her on the spot and leaving (and shutting off your financial liabilities).
 
I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you want to give her a chance to explain? I mean, are you POSITIVE she cheated? Or I don't know.

It's rough, but don't throw your life away and get back into a hole. Your life is still worth living... you just got to keep pushing through. You said you got a good job selling cars--don't lose it on a account of her!
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you want to give her a chance to explain? I mean, are you POSITIVE she cheated? Or I don't know.
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I was kind of thinking that, but I assume you must be 100% positive considering your reaction - again, really sorry...
I do think it might be more beneficial to YOU if you talk it through with her at some point though? I dunno, my ex of over 2 years cheated on me for months at the end of our relationship and I never completely got over him until we'd properly discussed what had happened. Obviously it takes some time before you can be ready for a conversation like that though.
In the meantime I hope you can manage to surround yourself with friends and support and please, pleaase don't hurt yourself over her. It's never worth it.
 
187coopa said:
im 26 she is 30. she is the one that pretty much wanted the commitment from the first time we started dating. I destroyed her engagment ring and left a note saying this ring is more worthy of a whore like you lol.
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Stop with misogynistic language!
 
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