is this really how you thought your life would be?

[ella123]

Party,drugs,booze. Yeah I know it sounds really cool and it is for the most part fuking auwsome for me personally some of my hapiest moments have been when I'm off my head with a few good mates. But me for example I think I expected a bit more of myself than just getting smashed as the highlight of my life, nothing else can compete with the feeling of being completly smashed. Which leads to my question, I guess do u guys have any plans for the future, did u start using for fun and now don't know how to have fun Without them? Or a u totally fine with a firm grip on what your doing, I wonder cause I know some people not just me that are deeply
DIsapointed with the way their drug use is afecting there everyday life..................
Ps guys what did u wanna be wen u grew up? me?...... a chemist lol

 

[jenkem]

I just try to get the best of both worlds and stay healthy. You can still be extremely successful and get fucked up a lot, especially in your younger years. You've just gotta moderate and be disciplined, yo!

 

[clipses]

I just try to get the best of both worlds and stay healthy. You can still be extremely successful and get fucked up a lot, especially in your younger years. You've just gotta moderate and be disciplined, yo!

I agree. I exercise daily, I eat stupidly clean and healthy and I work my ass off in school and to keep myself sane I enjoy myself through psychoactive substances. I keep everything balanced. Everything in moderation is how I live.

Same, I wanted to be a chemist too but science isn't my strong suite. I am now on my way to selling out my soul and disregarding my moral compass to become a lawyer. (I'm actually naive enough to believe I can help people). I don't actually know when I'll stop using, and go clean. I can't see it happening heh, better living through chemistry!

 

[WarChild]

Man, great post, i think about this regularly. I've just entered my 17th year of regular drug use (initally 4 odd years of weed only and after that a free for all on everything apart from smack). Meth is my drug of choice, no question. I agree that moderation is key. Further to that, harm reduction is also key. You can do so many things to reduce the impact drugs have, and its a shame that info isn't more mainstream. EG Taking L-Tyrosine after amphetamines. Sadly though i've spent (wasted?) so much money over the years.... i would probably have bought a house by now with the cash i've smoked/snorted/eaten.

My level of use has varied dramatically from near daily, through to being totally sober for up to 6 months. But once I get the idea of meth in my head, and I am able to score it, there is VERY little that will stop me. I suppose on average my use in the last few years has been once every 5 or so weeks. I come down hard these days, so I really need a monday and tuesday off work, and lots of benzos on hand to deal with it all.

It is a bit sad but NOTHING compares to a good meth high. Even sex. Meth is as good as it gets for me. And that doesn't go away, even when i'm not taking it for long periods of time. Everywhere I go, every single day, no matter where I am or what I am doing, meth is in the back of my mind (a monkey on my back, if thats the right saying). I CANNOT go to nightclubs or parties where meth is being taken - it sends my anxiety into overdrive and ALL i want is a hit. And every time I have meth it is always a blast, regardless of all other factors. I would say I am addicted to it, but don't take it every day, if that is possible. I have tried my best to forget about it but it just hasn't happened yet. It fills a hole inside me that nothing else does. I'm wired now and its just great. Haha. I've been considering getting some counselling for it... hmm

Having said all that I have a good life. Regular relationships, work full time in a rewarding and satisfying job, live comfortably, great friends and family, good health. And I have gone through a lot of drug related problems so I now know how to keep my use safe and under control these days.

No way is this how i thought my life would be. I often wonder where i would be if i hadn't smoked that first joint or had my first pill or whatever.... but what ifs are pointless. I am happy and things are good. Enough said.



Cheers!

 

[Anon54]

when i was younger I used to enjoy getting complately smashed. expecially with alcohol & pot. I have some pretty good memories using mdma. acid the few times i used it was amazing. Meth was always great while i was on it but the come downs I just couldnt take. Nothing worse than the next day after getting on meth, drinking & smoking till ya pass out & having to deel with feeling skethy, dehydration & realizing how much money uve gone through.
I dont do party drugs no more. drinkings not worth it. when i drink now I feel sick for days.
now that im a little older Ive been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. even before i started taking drugs i was different to most ppl. always got in trouble at school & couldnt concertrate on tasks. Atleast I was motivated back than.

I regret doing so much partying now. binge drinking the most. i smoked alot of pot when i was younger & although it's not as bad as alcohol pot isnt the harmless drug ppl make it out to be here on BL. Take a look at the life, & friends u had before u got into pot which made ya happy just to be bored.

now, im not interested in getting smashed I just want to feel normal & calm.

pot these days isnt so bad but i dont enjoy it like i used to. just makes me quiet & think to much. I actually thought it was healthy for me when i was younger. well it is suppose to be bronchial dialator & I have asthma & atleast it has no hangover but Im sure it does cause paranoia sometimes. The later ya start smoking pot the better cuz if ya do it while ya brains still developing it can really change the life u could have had.

I cant drink nearly as much as I used to when i was younger. I still binge drink occationly. but i consiter that as being 12 beers. I could drink way more than that when I was younger & recover twice as much as I do now.

now im interested in benzos & opiates. there was always something wrong with me & getting smashed every weekend when I was younger didnt help & has turned out to be bad for the long run resulting in me now taking anything that will just help me relax & not be anxious & stress about every little thing in my life.

I take an antipychotic now just to sleep. I take handfuls of valium & am a fairly regualar codeine user. I was taking oxy quite often for a while & tried h a few times. really bad idea for someone who suffers from depression/anxiety but it didnt get me as smashed as though nights going out in town getting plastered druhnk, dancing the night away. Now I just take drugs in an attempt to feel normal. that's all I want is to just have the mindset I took for granted when I was younger

Ive had 250mg of temazepam tonight & have actually got quite a nice effect on my 2nd attempt with PST tonight using 1g of seeds. so it's nice to feel normal for a change but the way i feel nowisnt as good as what i felt all the time before I started smoking pot & drinking

I think cigarettes have caused me the most health problems. I used to be able to run a few kms easy. now I dont even bother with excercise.

I wish I would have saved getting smashed for only realy special occations & not just because it was friday night.

I hope younger ppl read my post & think to themselfs about the long run. it's cool to like taking drugs but its not cool to need to take drugs.

 

[Dr Phibes]

Excellent post Ella123.

I have had some excellent times with drugs, Not Just getting off my face and thinking things are good, but they actually instigated goodness.

I have been a sound engineer and roady. I have met junkies like Stevie Nicks and Elton John. Musicians (and really nice people like kate Cerebrano). Could go on but I wont. To clarify, these were only a few but I got to meet some of them for a minute then be snubbed and others gave a shit. Deborah Harry and Kate Cerbranao are really nice people despite Kates religion.

The Ramones are cool. I don't care how drunk they are.

I like being alone though. Yes, contradictory but when I was young I wanted to be a Lighthouse Keeper. Still do.

I am an accountant now: I say this with tears in my eyes

Drugs have helped with the good and bad times.


Ella123 is now my favourite poster for getting everyone to open up. I am sure more will follow

 

[psytaco]

You have to be able to find a happy balance between partying/drugs and the rest of your life. There have been times when the partying for me has gotten a bit out of control. smoking weed everyday when I was younger to the detriment of my school work. doing pills and speed most weekends for about a year put me in a messed up headspace later. I was addicted to valium for a short period. And just recently whilst in south america I was doing too much coke (by the end, prob 4-3 times a week), with some pretty horrific comedowns.

But for the most part, I keep things to moderation. I drink now and then and pretty much always when I'm with friends. I trip a few times a year and have a very strong respect for psychedelics. occassionally (at least when in Australia) I will take some MDMA or speed and have a big night, but dont do it regualarly anymore due to the cost and because it isnt as enjoyable if done regularly.

However, despite all the above, I'm in a longterm relationship with a beautiful and amazing woman. I've got two degrees. In good physical and mental shape. And just got back from 7 months overseas. so life is pretty good. I enjoy drug use, but I believe its not a particularly important component of life. there are other much more important things that are alot more fulfilling.

 

[SpiritFolk]

Yeh just repeat what a lot people said - it's all about balance and practicing self control.

I also try and set myself boundries like for instance never buying more small quantity of certain drugs like benzo's or meth as I know I will keep going daily until all of the substance has been consumed. I also stock up
on psyches and weed, that are always nice to have lying around the house.

I had bad bad years and a lot of trial and error, but have my own place, fiancée and moderately successful career growing. To answer the OP question
, I actually thought I was going to rich and famous by now when I was bout 5 yrs. Things didn't work out but I have no regrets and thank god everyday for what I have now in life.

 

[Busty St Clare]

I have never been one to be satisfied to "get smashed" and have always believed that life should include drug use but my life should never be solely about drugs. I have always had a strong work ethic though and believe you can play up but the next morning you still have to get up. I see using drug use as an excuse a sign of weakness. As I approach 40 I have a fantastic family, work mon-Thur in a profession where I am highly regarded, live in a water front apartment and spend my spare time doing what ever I want. In my life I have travelled the globe, played professional sport, trained with the all blacks and witnessed them win two world cups, climbed volcanoes, watch sunsets and sunrises on beaches and atop mountains, drank fine French wines, eaten fresh seafood I'd caught myself, viewed priceless works of arts from Picasso, Matisse, michelangelo and Rodin, the Chinese warriors and many other wonders of the world, sailed in pristine oceans and harbours, seen a double rainbow and made love to several beautiful women. If my life ended today I would be disappointed I would miss sharing these things with my kids but it would be greedy to say I needed any more.

My only regret is only a few of my friends still use in moderation. A few have lost everything and blame their partying life styles when they were younger. Some just burnt out and feel they have done it ll and now it is time to try something else. Personally I have always viewed drug use as just another of life's simple pleasures. I have also learnt to read my body and have discovered what drugs my body likes and which dont work. Now days I drink for the taste and the buzz not to get drunk. I realise I can't mix red wine with other drinks, or that nothing good comes from drinking until you can read the bottom of the bottle, as a result I can't remember the last time I woke with a hangover. Likewise I discovered the real cause of comedowns are not the pills but the lack of sleep. I no longer drop at midnight and dance until day break. I prefer to drop early and be home in bed making love by 1am, waking by 8am with a great afterglow. Weed doesn't put me to sleep and doesn't make me social so I choose to smoke only during the day when I garden. I have also learnt to never be the only one naked when on acid.

I had a pretty clear idea what I wanted in life when I was a kid and although I never played fullback in a test match or drums with Prince I don't think 10 yr old busty would be too disappointed with where I have taken him.

 

[Jakeperson]

Yeah this is pretty much how I imagined my life to be when I was a kid.

 

[spacejunk]

yeah, i love my life.
i chase my dreams and drug use doesn't get in the way of those dreams.
having said that, i'm not part of the drinking culture or the mainstream party scene.
i do whatever the hell i want, and that is important to me, i'm not burdened by the expectations of others or obsessed with doing what everybody else does, or thinking how they think. i'm stubbornly autonomous, and proud of that.
i might use a lot of drugs, but i don't think they've had a terrible effect on my existence. i know my mind and my body well enough to know my limits.
drugs didn't stop me getting a university education, nor did they prevent me from being able to blend in with normal society when required. i don't advertise that i'm an addict, or tell anyone that doesn't need to know - i'm not stupid about it.

i have a fantastic job, a wonderful girl, a cool apartment and more great friends than i ever have time to see.
played in lots of bands, made albums, played hundreds of shows and am honing the craft of songwriting, a skill i always wished i could learn. it took years, but it's been my main focus lately.

i'm living the dreams i always had, so yes - this is really how i thought (hoped) my life would be.

 

[ella123]

hey guys im glad your liking the thread, its intresting to see how fellow drug users are coping with..just day to day life i guess.

Everywhere I go, every single day, no matter where I am or what I am doing, meth is in the back of my mind (a monkey on my back, if thats the right saying). [

/B]this is kinda how i am, it used to be an every weekend thing i did when i went clubbing to have a bit of fun and unwind, but now any excuse will do alone in my room/before work/, weekdays i dont even need to use in a social setting anymore. just wenever i get the urge i guess. its ALWAYS on my mind

I wanted to be a chemist too but science isn't my strong suite. I am now on my way to selling out my soul and disregarding my moral compass to become a lawyer. (I'm actually naive enough to believe I can help people). I don't actually know when I'll stop using, and go clean. I can't see it happening heh, better living through chemistry!

yeah to be a chemist is pretty crazy you gotta be really dedicated to it, although a lawyer is in the same catogory i think in terms of smartness and such, good on ya,if i ever need a lawyer ill hit you up lol

You have to be able to find a happy balance between partying/drugs and the rest of your life. There have been times when the partying for me has gotten a bit out of control.

yeah i completely agree easier said then done though but unless you want to end up giving up your entire life to drugs i guess this really is an absoulute must, {finding balance between the two}

And busty good on ya man you seem like you have been through a bit but have finally got it all worked out, thats tops!!!

 

[ella123]

Yeah this is pretty much how I imagined my life to be when I was a kid

jake are u being serious?? i cant tell lol :D but if it is more power to you!

i do whatever the hell i want, and that is important to me, i'm not burdened by the expectations of others or obsessed with doing what everybody else does, or thinking how they think. i'm stubbornly autonomous, and proud of that.

spacejunk thats great your like that i wish i wasnt so...not really obsesed but just worried what others think of me and my drug use, even my freinds,
Its funny a couple days ago a freind of myne called me, it was a weekday, she also does drugs but strictly weekends, she could tell i was completly off my head i didnt think it was that noticable at all hmmm anyway she was completly disgusted with me that i was using on a weekday oh my goodness!!! she basically told me i was a junkie and that im a complete loser for using by myself,alone at night. she couldnt understand why??? shes now not talking to me and refuses to speak to me unless i stop using by myself. this to me is a bit silly i can understand the reason for it if i was iving heroin and she was scared id od or something but wat the fuk guys?? lol dont really know where im going with this hahaha just throwing it out there i guess :D

 

[Busty St Clare]

Divorce fucked me emotionally and financial far more than any drug could

 

[PsiloSubNaut]

Divorce fucked me emotionally and financial far more than any drug could

I'm in the same boat as Busty. I haven't been married but, failed relationships would have taken more of a toll on my life than my habitual drug use. If drugs are banned, love should also be banned. Love has caused way more social problems and deaths than all drugs combined.

Fuck I've wasted a large % of my life getting high. It has definitely had some detrimental effects on my life but, for the most part, the good has outweighed the bad.

I'm a better person for doing certain drugs, other drugs have heavily fried me or caused some seriously detrimental habits over the years. Sometimes leading to bouts of depression/anxiety. I wouldn't change a thing though. Doing drugs has allowed me to meet many open minded people like myself. They have given me direction in life and inspired me to be a better artist/musician. My respect for others, creativity and knowledge would be a fraction of what it is today, had it not been for psychedelics. Booze, stimulants, weed, benzos and opiates have caused some problems for me over the years but, they have also helped me to get through some tough times in my life.

I know that when something bad happens in my life, like losing a loved one, a job or having a failed investment for example. I have used depressants and also stims to get through the worst of it. I never completely block out anything, I think it is dangerous to completely block out anything in life. You should always deal with situations in life, it can just be soothing to smoke a bit of cannabis, have a drink or do some benzos or opiates when you get a call to tell you a friend or family member has died etc. Muscle relaxants and pain killers have also helped me to have a better quality of life by relieving physical pain (back and knee injuries) as much as they have helped sooth some emotional pain. I'm a terrible sleeper and most of my cannabis and benzo use is associated with wanting to sleep solidly and not for recreation. Cannabis really fucks my life up unless I keep it's use to nights and just before bed. It makes me comfortable doing nothing and that isn't a good thing for me or 99% of people.

If you use drugs to escape from reality, reality will catch up with you and give you one hell of a cosmic ass whooping. Use drugs as life enhancers, not to escape from reality. If it's no longer fun, costing you relationships or too much money, there is a good chance that you have a serious issue that you should try to deal with ASAP.

Drugs can enhance ones life and bring unimaginable pleasures to those who respect them.

Don't do drugs to escape life, do them to enhance life.

Know everything you can know about anything and everything that you wish to put into your body. Make sure you school up your friends, so that they aren't spoon fed dealer bullshit, that seems to be gospel in a large proportion of drug using circles 8)

 

[nobodyspecial]

Tl ; dr

 

[CrayZ]

some of my happiest moments have been off my head with mates too. I dont think there's anything to be ashamed of here. its as much to do with your mates as the drugs. (ie. off your head all alone can be good but...)

I probably could have done 'more' with my life without daily drug use but i'm actually doing ok. I seem to have stumbled along in life following my heart rather than my head and fluked it.

But i've never really set myself serious long-term goals, perhaps because of fear of failure, so I don't necessary feel I haven't achieved what I set out to 'do'. Although I wonder from time to time if i'd be any happier if i'd been more driven and succesful - probably not.

 

[my innerself]

This sounds like a TDS thread 

I always wanted to be a drug fucked alcoholic bogan when i was young so I guess I'm living the dream.

 

[ella123]

I wanted to be a motherfucking hustler, you better ask somebody! lol

lol cool!!!
i guess we all have our dark times in life, its how how we deal with them thats the main thing though we have just got to keep smilin i guess :D

Doing drugs has allowed me to meet many open minded people like myself. They have given me direction in life and inspired me to be a better artist/musician. My respect for others, creativity and knowledge

yeah i agree with this, i find most people that dont do drugs or have never done drugs tend to be quite close minded people in general. nothing against them though, we all have opinions.

But i've never really set myself serious long-term goals, perhaps because of fear of failure, so I don't necessary feel I haven't achieved what I set out to 'do'. Although I wonder from time to time if i'd be any happier if i'd been more driven and succesful

i have always had a huge fear of failure,and i hate it. if i set myself any goals or look foward to anything constructive in life then this leads to a chance of failing. i totally get what you said there. and i also think that if i dont try too hard in life then i cant say i failed. its a quite jaded view to have of life......but there it is all the best guys

 

[ella123]

[

QUOTE=my innerself;10246987]This sounds like a TDS thread 

I always wanted to be a drug fucked alcoholic bogan when i was young so I guess I'm living the dream.

[/QUOTE]

yeah i was gonna post it there but i kinda didnt want it to be all doom and gloom if you know what i mean, plus i feel like ive gotten to know my fellow audd users, so im really intrested in there opinions i guess.:D of course everyones story is welcomed :D
lol at drug fuked bogan though