I did acid again recently after a three year break. I did 2/3 hits and think it might be my last acid trip. Why? I'm just not sure what the point is any more. I'm a grownup now and I just need to get on with working hard.
Reasons it felt pointless:
- It was physically really unpleasant. I made the mistake of eating early, threw up and felt a bit better afterwards. But even aside from that, it felt TERRIBLE on my body. All my muscles ached badly from 2 hours in and it didn't go away until the next day after I had slept. I'm in no worse shape than I used to be, just a bit older.
- It simply made me inept. Stupid things were funny. They weren't wonderfully clever or creative. I found it impossible to interact effectively with people, felt foolish and wondered (without panic, but dispassionately) why I'd chosen to do this.
- Some visual effects were there, but I didn't find them interesting any more. When I first tripped and saw visual effects, I was stunned by the revelation that even the senses are subjective and there are no absolutes. But I know that know. What more is there to get out of it?
Two elements had more potential but I'm not sure they were worth the unpleasant side:
- I stared at a beautiful landscape for five hours watching the light change on it. This was the most satisfying part of the trip, but I'm not sure it really changed my life or offered new revelations.
- I felt very guilty during the trip for my lifestyle. There was almost a desire to give everything away and live as a hermit. Although I'm good to family and friends, in a broader way, I consume a lot and don't do enough to help others. I give cash, but I don't feel personally engaged in the lives of people who live differently. Acid felt like a particularly indulgent, selfish thing to do, a way of making life temporarily harder for someone for whom it's quite easy.
Most of this I already knew and helping "society" feels very abstract. I don't believe in revolution and artificially trying to be someone you're not (in my case) by joining some religious or hippy group. I believe in curiosity, creativity and study, hard work, careful assessment of problems and that the story of human progress is mostly incremental, hard-won improvements. I already have a job that involves an element of this (though during the trip I almost wanted to give it up) and I believe one's most important obligation is to treat the people you know kindly. So what am I meant to do with this "revelation"?
I'm just not sure what the point of tripping is any more. Do others feel the same? Did you ever feel this and then go back and get something out of it? And why is it so physically tough now?
Reasons it felt pointless:
- It was physically really unpleasant. I made the mistake of eating early, threw up and felt a bit better afterwards. But even aside from that, it felt TERRIBLE on my body. All my muscles ached badly from 2 hours in and it didn't go away until the next day after I had slept. I'm in no worse shape than I used to be, just a bit older.
- It simply made me inept. Stupid things were funny. They weren't wonderfully clever or creative. I found it impossible to interact effectively with people, felt foolish and wondered (without panic, but dispassionately) why I'd chosen to do this.
- Some visual effects were there, but I didn't find them interesting any more. When I first tripped and saw visual effects, I was stunned by the revelation that even the senses are subjective and there are no absolutes. But I know that know. What more is there to get out of it?
Two elements had more potential but I'm not sure they were worth the unpleasant side:
- I stared at a beautiful landscape for five hours watching the light change on it. This was the most satisfying part of the trip, but I'm not sure it really changed my life or offered new revelations.
- I felt very guilty during the trip for my lifestyle. There was almost a desire to give everything away and live as a hermit. Although I'm good to family and friends, in a broader way, I consume a lot and don't do enough to help others. I give cash, but I don't feel personally engaged in the lives of people who live differently. Acid felt like a particularly indulgent, selfish thing to do, a way of making life temporarily harder for someone for whom it's quite easy.
Most of this I already knew and helping "society" feels very abstract. I don't believe in revolution and artificially trying to be someone you're not (in my case) by joining some religious or hippy group. I believe in curiosity, creativity and study, hard work, careful assessment of problems and that the story of human progress is mostly incremental, hard-won improvements. I already have a job that involves an element of this (though during the trip I almost wanted to give it up) and I believe one's most important obligation is to treat the people you know kindly. So what am I meant to do with this "revelation"?
I'm just not sure what the point of tripping is any more. Do others feel the same? Did you ever feel this and then go back and get something out of it? And why is it so physically tough now?