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Is this my last acid trip and does it teach you stuff or is it just bullshit?

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BigOlBug

Bluelighter
Joined
May 4, 2008
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38
I did acid again recently after a three year break. I did 2/3 hits and think it might be my last acid trip. Why? I'm just not sure what the point is any more. I'm a grownup now and I just need to get on with working hard.

Reasons it felt pointless:
- It was physically really unpleasant. I made the mistake of eating early, threw up and felt a bit better afterwards. But even aside from that, it felt TERRIBLE on my body. All my muscles ached badly from 2 hours in and it didn't go away until the next day after I had slept. I'm in no worse shape than I used to be, just a bit older.
- It simply made me inept. Stupid things were funny. They weren't wonderfully clever or creative. I found it impossible to interact effectively with people, felt foolish and wondered (without panic, but dispassionately) why I'd chosen to do this.
- Some visual effects were there, but I didn't find them interesting any more. When I first tripped and saw visual effects, I was stunned by the revelation that even the senses are subjective and there are no absolutes. But I know that know. What more is there to get out of it?

Two elements had more potential but I'm not sure they were worth the unpleasant side:
- I stared at a beautiful landscape for five hours watching the light change on it. This was the most satisfying part of the trip, but I'm not sure it really changed my life or offered new revelations.
- I felt very guilty during the trip for my lifestyle. There was almost a desire to give everything away and live as a hermit. Although I'm good to family and friends, in a broader way, I consume a lot and don't do enough to help others. I give cash, but I don't feel personally engaged in the lives of people who live differently. Acid felt like a particularly indulgent, selfish thing to do, a way of making life temporarily harder for someone for whom it's quite easy.

Most of this I already knew and helping "society" feels very abstract. I don't believe in revolution and artificially trying to be someone you're not (in my case) by joining some religious or hippy group. I believe in curiosity, creativity and study, hard work, careful assessment of problems and that the story of human progress is mostly incremental, hard-won improvements. I already have a job that involves an element of this (though during the trip I almost wanted to give it up) and I believe one's most important obligation is to treat the people you know kindly. So what am I meant to do with this "revelation"?

I'm just not sure what the point of tripping is any more. Do others feel the same? Did you ever feel this and then go back and get something out of it? And why is it so physically tough now?
 
Why do you feel you have to "get something out of it"?
I take drugs to get high and laugh at stupid shit and sometimes during all this I will think of things that I normally might not and possibly change a behavior or two as a result, but if all you want is to be shown some deeper side to life, I think that stopping is probably a good thing for you because you're probably in for a lot of disappointment.
I, too, am a grownup now, but that is a good reason for me to trip, to remind myself not to take life or me too seriously.
I think that if you do trip again go into the trip with the idea of having a little fun and don't expect too much.
As for the body-load you describe, maybe you were so uptight and tense that you caused some of it...? Either that or your acid wasn't very clean...IDK.

RELAXAXAXAXAX....:)
 
When people mention heavy body load on LSD I tend to think that it was probably something else and not actually acid. I have had unpleasant physical reactions when tripping before but usually it's just a little stomach upset, almost always when I am first coming up on the drug, but it isn't completely unpleasant. Never had muscle aches or anything like that which I noticed, especially lasting into the next day. As far as feeling inept and awkward in conversing with people, well, yeah it can happen but perhaps you were just being too critical on what you expected from the dose.

There have been times where I felt incredibly lucid and other times where I have felt way out there, depending on dose but also mindset beforehand. It could be that you are just over it as you say. Maybe you are too attached to your reality as it is now since you have worked so hard to achieve it and become who you want to be. The drug made you feel like giving up your life, perhaps because you realized how insignificant it all really is in the grand scheme of things? And that is not a revelation you want, because it isn't relevant to the way you have grown to know yourself. You don't have to do anything with it, since it is in no way applicable to your current self as you see it.

We get what we want to get out of all experience. Drugs can only show us other versions of reality and ourselves, but it is up to us to make the changes if we want to change for better or worse. Only you can attach meaning to the abstract.
 
While it's always possible of course (although a little to a lot less possible when it's tested product) that it is something else than LSD... apparently actual pharmaceutical LSD has been known to give people nasty trips including the physical part. This does not only screw with the shitstorm that was the Dirty Acid FAQ thread that especially at the start involved a lot of people suspecting that impurities in LSD are responsible for the variance in dirty or clean feeling trips.... it also suggests that it doesn't have to be fake acid to be physically unpleasant. And body / muscle aches also don't particularly seem typical for fake acid RC possibilities nor atypical for LSD itself.

Look for other factors that together would support the possibility of it being something other than LSD (of course ideally always reagent or lab test) like duration being markedly different than it should be.

Some trips can range from uneventful to unpleasant (without being what most people would describe as 'bad trips'), it doesn't have to be your fault and isn't necessarily so easily avoided. Set and setting certainly can matter hugely, but still: on occasion I've had nasty trips that were quite hard to find blame for directly.

It's hard to conclude very many things from a single trip. Just like it is hard to say with confidence whether your reaction is representative of how you react on average nowadays.

If it convinces you that all things considered even the positive effects don't really appeal to you all that much anymore, that's probably different. Of course it is possible to have changed or matured in a way that for you means you are over tripping or at least partially... definitely not saying that liking LSD is immature! But it is a fact that it is associated with a certain phase (just looking at the age of trippers statistically). There are fair reasons for that, and it means not everyone keeps the same amount or same type of interest in a drug like LSD throughout life.

It's not really fair imo to be dissatisfied with a trip not changing your life though, you can't expect it to always be a blessing like that.
 
I guess you guys are right, but also maybe I wasn't writing clearly. I didn't necessarily mean that I expected one trip to make me to go and live as a hermit or find god/the Buddha/the great divine spaceship in the sky, but just that there would be an intense experience of my surroundings and the world. I've tripped in a lot of strange places, and each time it hasn't changed my life per se, but has created a set of experiences and memories that are still extremely vivid to me, including the hilarious parts, and therefore meaningful and worth doing. I think it was that feeling I was looking for that was missing and I found that absence strange.

The physical discomfort really got in the way. I'm reasonably confident that it's not adulterated, as it's from the same sheet I used to take years ago and it's been stored in a covered jar in the fridge. But maybe. I actually have another source now so I guess I could compare.

Anyway, thanks for the replies.
 
I've found that diet prior to an acid trip has an intense effect on the body load felt. I was tripping just the other week with my buddies and while three of us had no body load whatsoever, and were happy as larks, one was doubled over in gut pain. He'd been drinking a lot the week prior and hadn't eaten well, whereas I had been eating less meat/more veggies and watching my general intake. It's no guarantee of a pain free trip, but I do believe it helps.
 
Last edited:
BigOlBug said:
So what am I meant to do with this "revelation"?
Click to expand...

Moral of the story is, guilt-tripping yourself about not contributing enough to society is a pointless exercise. Looks to me like you're already doing everything you can to make the most of your life.
 
BigOlBug said:
I did acid again recently after a three year break. I did 2/3 hits and think it might be my last acid trip. Why? I'm just not sure what the point is any more. I'm a grownup now and I just need to get on with working hard.

Reasons it felt pointless:
- It was physically really unpleasant. I made the mistake of eating early, threw up and felt a bit better afterwards. But even aside from that, it felt TERRIBLE on my body. All my muscles ached badly from 2 hours in and it didn't go away until the next day after I had slept. I'm in no worse shape than I used to be, just a bit older.
- It simply made me inept. Stupid things were funny. They weren't wonderfully clever or creative. I found it impossible to interact effectively with people, felt foolish and wondered (without panic, but dispassionately) why I'd chosen to do this.
- Some visual effects were there, but I didn't find them interesting any more. When I first tripped and saw visual effects, I was stunned by the revelation that even the senses are subjective and there are no absolutes. But I know that know. What more is there to get out of it?

Two elements had more potential but I'm not sure they were worth the unpleasant side:
- I stared at a beautiful landscape for five hours watching the light change on it. This was the most satisfying part of the trip, but I'm not sure it really changed my life or offered new revelations.
- I felt very guilty during the trip for my lifestyle. There was almost a desire to give everything away and live as a hermit. Although I'm good to family and friends, in a broader way, I consume a lot and don't do enough to help others. I give cash, but I don't feel personally engaged in the lives of people who live differently. Acid felt like a particularly indulgent, selfish thing to do, a way of making life temporarily harder for someone for whom it's quite easy.

Most of this I already knew and helping "society" feels very abstract. I don't believe in revolution and artificially trying to be someone you're not (in my case) by joining some religious or hippy group. I believe in curiosity, creativity and study, hard work, careful assessment of problems and that the story of human progress is mostly incremental, hard-won improvements. I already have a job that involves an element of this (though during the trip I almost wanted to give it up) and I believe one's most important obligation is to treat the people you know kindly. So what am I meant to do with this "revelation"?

I'm just not sure what the point of tripping is any more. Do others feel the same? Did you ever feel this and then go back and get something out of it? And why is it so physically tough now?
Click to expand...

What I have highlighted above speaks quite a bit to me. This is not in direct response to your intended questions, however I feel it necessary to comment.

Don't forget that becoming an adult is a balance. You are shaming yourself because of a socially perceived and constructed image of what an adult should be. Being an adult does not mean sucking the passion, fun, and most importantly, love, out of your life. Not to equate LSD solely with those aspects of life, but to show one little manifestation and occurrence of the pattern created by the identification with roles. My best friend in the world had a 2-3 year phase of telling me he was done with psychedelics for good, there was no point, that part of his life was over, it was time to be an adult and part of the working world, etc. etc. As you yourself repeat now. So ask yourself, what is the common denominator there? A mass constructed, perceived, and perpetuated idea of what being responsible looks like. Use your own personal discernment, be yourself! You know what's best for you more than anyone else ever can, and you can take that to the bank. Know yourself. Repeated for thousands of years because it is the key. Know yourself and no-one else can ever tell you who are and thus keep you from you. People don't join spiritual traditions and "hippy groups" because they're trying to be someone they're not. They join like minded communities because they've at one point or another realized they actually don't know who they are at all. It's simply a search to find the truest and deepest self one can. If you had thoughts of leaving your job it's probably because you should. Which doesn't mean you just up and leave, but make plans for something new. Listen to your own judgment. LSD has no purpose if you won't listen to what it allows your deepest selves to bring up. That's what you're after! Don't feel guilty for taking LSD when you don't do much for others when it's the one thing putting it in your face. Whether you believe in synchronicity and everything happening for a reason or not, take the opportunity to grow from it.

You got this, man. You feel guilty about your lifestyle, change it. It's taken me four years to get rid of most of what I didn't like to see about my self. You're being given a huge opportunity and blinking sign pointing at where to go. Change your lifestyle whether it's how you spend your time, where you work, how you eat, how much you consume substances, how you spread love to those around you, or how much you contribute and produce in general.

Good luck on your journey my friend <3
 
psy997 said:
You feel guilty about your lifestyle, change it.
Click to expand...

I somewhat disagree. I think you all, including BigOlBug, are getting your wires crossed a bit.

If LSD makes you feel badly about yourself, which it often will, the point isn't to change into a holier person. LSD isn't showing you that anything is wrong with you. Quite the opposite -- it's showing you that you have a latent self-esteem issue, which is bubbling up when LSD makes it difficult to repress. The point is to realize that you're a good person, and there's nothing to be ashamed of! The only reason you're putting yourself down is that, in your formative youth, your parents, mentors, and friends filled your head with nonsense fairy tales about how you should properly behave.
 
TheAppleCore said:
I somewhat disagree. I think you all, including BigOlBug, are getting your wires crossed a bit.

If LSD makes you feel badly about yourself, which it often will, the point isn't to change into a holier person. LSD isn't showing you that anything is wrong with you. Quite the opposite -- it's showing you that you have a latent self-esteem issue, which is bubbling up when LSD makes it difficult to repress. The point is to realize that you're a good person, and there's nothing to be ashamed of! The only reason you're putting yourself down is that, in your formative youth, your parents, mentors, and friends filled your head with nonsense fairy tales about how you should properly behave.
Click to expand...

Interesting point. I never looked at that that way. You might very well have a strong point.
Anyway might be possible that sometimes there is actually something wrong with us, something that if we don't change might be in our way towards happiness. Everybody has some kind of dark side which is probably better not let buried in our unconscious. I think deep enough we all know what IS us and should be accepted and what is just things we can improve. Access to this deep knowledge is rare though.

Something along the lines of the Serenity prayer: ''God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference''

Anyway I cannot deny my own self-esteem issues so that might be very well influencing my point of view.
 
Discernment as to whether it's a self esteem issue or a true issue with lifestyle is definitely needed. Good that both sides have been mentioned :)
 
Yes, I think that both things can occur. Sometimes there is some aspect of our personalities that does not work for us or that we understand is something we should move past because it is not the best way to be (I had these when I was younger and psychedelic realizations/confrontations with the truth led me to better understand myself and fix some of these things). But sometimes your neuroses are coming to the surface and then we have the opportunity to understand that we are experiencing a neurosis, and it is not real and can be let go. TAC's examples are great... perhaps you begin to feel like you're a bad person and are going to hell, but then you realize that this feeling is simply a deep-seated guilt instilled by religion, and since it is not your own issue but something instilled in you by a well-meaning but misguided person/people, it can be released so it no longer affects your self-esteem.
 
psy997 said:
What I have highlighted above speaks quite a bit to me. This is not in direct response to your intended questions, however I feel it necessary to comment.

Don't forget that becoming an adult is a balance. You are shaming yourself because of a socially perceived and constructed image of what an adult should be. Being an adult does not mean sucking the passion, fun, and most importantly, love, out of your life. Not to equate LSD solely with those aspects of life, but to show one little manifestation and occurrence of the pattern created by the identification with roles. My best friend in the world had a 2-3 year phase of telling me he was done with psychedelics for good, there was no point, that part of his life was over, it was time to be an adult and part of the working world, etc. etc. As you yourself repeat now. So ask yourself, what is the common denominator there? A mass constructed, perceived, and perpetuated idea of what being responsible looks like. Use your own personal discernment, be yourself! You know what's best for you more than anyone else ever can, and you can take that to the bank. Know yourself. Repeated for thousands of years because it is the key. Know yourself and no-one else can ever tell you who are and thus keep you from you. People don't join spiritual traditions and "hippy groups" because they're trying to be someone they're not. They join like minded communities because they've at one point or another realized they actually don't know who they are at all. It's simply a search to find the truest and deepest self one can. If you had thoughts of leaving your job it's probably because you should. Which doesn't mean you just up and leave, but make plans for something new. Listen to your own judgment. LSD has no purpose if you won't listen to what it allows your deepest selves to bring up. That's what you're after! Don't feel guilty for taking LSD when you don't do much for others when it's the one thing putting it in your face. Whether you believe in synchronicity and everything happening for a reason or not, take the opportunity to grow from it.

You got this, man. You feel guilty about your lifestyle, change it. It's taken me four years to get rid of most of what I didn't like to see about my self. You're being given a huge opportunity and blinking sign pointing at where to go. Change your lifestyle whether it's how you spend your time, where you work, how you eat, how much you consume substances, how you spread love to those around you, or how much you contribute and produce in general.

Good luck on your journey my friend <3
Click to expand...

Great post. I am an adult, 33 years old, and quite successful enough for me. I work a job where I make plenty of money to sustain myself and produce something for the world, and for years I was stuck in this mode that was instilled in me by my father (out of love and concern), where I felt that any time I wasn't seriously focusing on making more money and having the things I am "supposed" to have, and being serious and "focused", I was being lazy and immature. Psychedelics and critical thought helped me to understand that it is also important to have fun in life, to do things I am passionate about, to love and enjoy life and be excited by it, to maintain that inner child, that is, that sense of wonder and newness about the world. As a result, I now work from home at my job, support myself, and I work hard enough to do that but I also follow my passions, which center around art, particularly music, and I devote my non-work time to developing my music and putting it out into the world for people. I have a lot of fun, I go to music festivals, I take psychedelics, I hang out with my friends and have very close and enriching friendships, I spend a lot of time in nature and hiking and camping. I feel youthful and I am excited to wake up every morning, my job does not dominate my life, and I do not believe it should. I have the things I need, a house, a car, food, some money saved, enough resources to buy equipment for my music and fix my car, etc. I have love, joy, and fulfillment too. My family may look at me as if I am struggling, but I do not feel like that at all, I have what I need and I am self-sufficient. I would rather have what I have a thousand times over than not have many of these things but have more money and focus more on a career that does not bring me all of the things I need in my life to be happy. I don't know exactly what I am going to do every day of my life, I ride it out by being open to new experiences while maintaining the things I need to do to keep my life the way I want it. It's not irresponsible, it's in fact the most responsible way I can be... I'm responsible to myself and what I want in life, not to someone else's idea of what my life should be.

It's been a process that took basically my entire twenties, but I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to live the way I do.
 
It sounds like you have a strained relationship with hallucinogens or drugs or at the least, acid, especially given your guilt and need to say "I'm an adult," as if to imply adults can't or shouldn't do these things, and let me ask you: why? Why would ou think this? Why would you repeat it? Is this even your belief? or did aomeone else do a good job pf hammerig it into you? Why would you assume it has any merit, especially given that some of the richest and most brilliant adult minds in the world use the stuff, including the worlds most innovative engineers and tech people?

Not liking the physical unpleasantness i can easily understand, but More than anything, it sounds like you have quite a few hard lines and fears drawn out in your mind, and for those who have a hard time "letting go" or those that feel a need to control too much, well, hallucinogens are typically more nightmarish for these types, but I don't think this is fully accurate for you.

I don't feel that way in the slightest (you asked), but I only take such sacraments with good company in ritualistic settings, typically around bonfires in the deserts and mountains - and there has never been a lack of inspiration or further understanding, but again, i credit that to intelligent company in line with a primal setting and being at one with our animal nature and the infinitely repeating patterns of the universe.

All this being said, I think the acid is fine, but what we have left to question is your relationship with it, but human beings often have a hard time facing up to the hard questions and truths, myself included of course :)
 
I'll add that psychedelics are in fact for adults... I don't think kids should be using them.
 
Xorkoth - off topic - I like the little description you gave of your current station in life. Sounds really human scale.
 
Yeah I think people can be more like that, but it's hard to shake off conditioning. I look at my dad and brother, and they've got more money than I do, but they struggle every day with anxiety and feeling like they want more time to devote to themselves. When I look at them on an average day, they do not wear smiles. I just really think it's important to remember what's really important in life. It's important to be able to support yourself, yes. But to buy into the culture of "live to work" is so tragic to me. Why do you have to get "serious" when you grow up? It makes no sense to me. Be you, and don't be afraid of that. Don't make yourself a cog in the machine, spending yourself so someone else benefits and you reap the material scraps thrown to you, and mistake those for fulfillment. Make your own machine. :)
 
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