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is phone sex cheating...

gr33n3y3z

gr33n3y3z

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2012
Messages
1,977
quick question, do you think having phone sex behind your partner back is cheating? Okay im asking this b/c my partner racked up quite a bill on sevral diffrent credit cards all behind my back i only found out b/c i found where he kept all the bills...what a dick! we have a 2 year old together and we have been together for about 5 years. I have talked to him about this but it still bothers me to the point where im not into having sex with "him" . What do you think, and how the hell do i get over this?
 
Personally, I would be extremely upset if my boyfriend was having phone sex. I would talk to him about it and have an honest discussion about how it makes you feel. If he doesn't respect that, then I would question things more. The fact that he kept it a secret shows that he probably knows it's not the right thing to do.
 
Thanks for understanding i know some people would say oh its just phone sex he's not going out and having sex but, still it's fucked up i gave him all of me until i found all those bills, i have had very open conversations with him about this. And with that said he slipped and did it again sometimes i think im with him cuz of the kid and thats no way to live. I hate the way this has made me as a g/f im not into the sex anymore, he turns me off when he talks to me sexualy, and i have major trust issues, and then sometimes i just dont give a fuck what he's doing b/c maybe i did loose my love for him. This has totaly made me a mess.
 
I think that having any sort of sexual relationship with someone who is responding would be cheating. Live cams as well, porn is chill in my mind because it's recorded.
 
Im a guys, i would love to sling my seed all over town, like any guy but i could never cheat one time i was at a gas station out of town and this chick was right there at a payphone and i could tell she was havin a hard time. Turns out it ate her quarters, which was all the cash she had and was locked out of her house and was trying to call a family member to come let her in. All i see is her smacking the machine like wtf. Then she sees me looking and asks if i could spare a quarter it just ate hers, i said here just use my cell. So she walks over to my car takes my phone calls a number a few times which she gets no answer. She hands back my phone and says "thanks and god damn it smells good in here" which she was refering to my weed which was stinking up the car. So i said why dont u smoke this joint that i just rolled with me and when we r done u can call one more time befor i have to leave. So we pull to the back of this parking lot and were smoking the joint. my arm is on the center consil and out of nowhere she starts rubbing her thigh against my arm and her whole attitude changed. The thing is i was just being nice i am madly in love with my fiancee, but i have always had alot of platonic female friends and i have never even had a serious thought of really cheating, but i did then. Then it hit me how would i feel if the roles were switched and it was her?! So right then i put out the joint let her make one more attempt to call her family and then politely told her i needed to be going. I felt horrible for it and nothing really happend so i went home and told my old lady i told her nothing had happend but that i had offered to smoke with her, she started comin on to me and i put an end to it. But to the point of the whole story is something that was instiled into me (raised in a house of 7 people and me and my dad were the only men) anything u wouldnt do in front of your significant other is cheating end of story.
 
I'm a guy and yes it is cheating. I bet he wouldn't like it if you were on the phone with someone else.
 
Yes, if ya got to lie about it, there's probably something not right.

Out of curiosity, was this something like a phone sex line or was he talking to the same girl or a girl he knows IRL? I think there is a difference in that respect. The former I see as something similar to catching him watching porn whereas the latter is more personal and intrusive on the relationship.
 
shishigami said:
I think that having any sort of sexual relationship with someone who is responding would be cheating. Live cams as well, porn is chill in my mind because it's recorded.
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Exactly what I was thinking.
 
I'm a guy and.. If he is paying for phone sex I don't think is cheating (at least not as bad as phone sex with an ex or with a phone-fuck-buddy)
 
Ya paid phone sex is like going to a strip club kinda... I never really got the whole phone sex thing i mean really it seems for lack of a better word...silly, but strippers can b fun but my old lady dont care she will motorboat tities with me lol cause its only cheating if u wont do it in front of them so its like the exact opposite cause she partakes....thats why she gots a ring on her finger lol
 
I'd consider it to be cheating especially if whoever you're involved with doesn't know it's happening and you hide the phone bills.

I tried it once with a guy I know but we had been watching each other via webcam and he lives out of state. We just used cellphones so it was free. We were not getting off together he was sort of directing me while he watched me on cam. It was OK at the time but not something I'd want to do all the time or all that much.

I also know people who are sort of addicted to phone sex or they really like it for some reason? I guess they remember when phone sex lines were very new in the late 70s and early 80s? Then again I know people who are big into going on cam with other people to the point where they'd rather do that or cyber/dirty text someone than have sex with their partner(s).

In the case of my friend's dad who is old and does phone sex with college aged adult women he meets online and he wound up getting a cellphone just for phone sex. This was a long time before cellphones went down in price and most people did not have them and used a land line instead. I remember one time being over at my friend's house in the late 90s and my friend's dad, and my friend's mom were arguing because he said he had to "Go out for a drive and 'make a long distance call.'" even though they had two land lines one for the house and one for a business and both had long distance. My friend found out about his dad being into phone sex and majorly secret fetishes since he'd snoop around on their computer and find sites about it, and I remember on weekends his dad would sit in the "Married but I love to flirt" yahoo chat room all day and call up women he met from there.

I also know other people who will get drunk or snort/smoke meth, they'll get horny, and call up phone sex lines.

Gr33n3y3z did you try telling him how you feel as though you can't trust him and how you're mad that he called lots of phone sex lines, or called someone up long distance, and racked up a large bill?
 
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I don't get any of it, and maybe this is just me being weird, but no physical contact with someone does not turn me on at all. I need that physical contact, touch, and just feeling that other sweaty body on you just turns me on thinking about it. lol
 
Lysis said:
I don't get any of it, and maybe this is just me being weird, but no physical contact with someone does not turn me on at all. I need that physical contact, touch, and just feeling that other sweaty body on you just turns me on thinking about it. lol
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EXACTLY sex is about physical intamacy unless u r a narcasist, it is about like u said sweaty bodies rubbing together, the smell and not like the smell of pussy which is great, but that smell like when they are gone for a week and u miss them, so you sleep with their pillow because it smells like them, that smell.
 
Fatjosh said:
EXACTLY sex is about physical intamacy unless u r a narcasist, it is about like u said sweaty bodies rubbing together, the smell and not like the smell of pussy which is great, but that smell like when they are gone for a week and u miss them, so you sleep with their pillow because it smells like them, that smell.
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aaaah yes. That feeling the day after, the bed after, the pillow, the text messages at work that make you giggle, the anticipation of doing it again, and it's those days that nothing can piss you off at all.
 
Fatjosh said:
EXACTLY sex is about physical intamacy unless u r a narcasist, it is about like u said sweaty bodies rubbing together, the smell and not like the smell of pussy which is great, but that smell like when they are gone for a week and u miss them, so you sleep with their pillow because it smells like them, that smell.
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In an ideal world I'd have a clone and then I could actually have sex with myself without just jerking off. Man that would kick ass, all the awesome of sex, all the awesome of rangrz, none of the annoying having to contend with lesser beings.
 
what do you mean by not having sex with "him"; op?

...kytnism...:|
 
Thank you all for all the replys this is helping me gather my thoughts about the situation , to answer a few questions that were asked yes i have had deep conversations about the long distance phone calls and that i dont trust him as far as i can throw him it seems that he has an answer for everything like "its not "me" its him, all kinds of bullshit you name it he's said it. And yes i do have sex with the prick, its just im not into it at all, ive always been a very sexual person aka "a freak in the bed a lady in the streets" its just after seeing the phone bills im turned off that he would do that to me like wtf is he talking about who the fuck is he talking to and why, and most of all when he's talking to me did he already tell some bitch this on the phone?...So yea im sexualy turned off from him and its all his fault....
 
Hugs, gr33n3y3z. It's OK to feel hurt and betrayed. Is he willing to accept, change and move on from this? Or does he just continue to deny it?
 
It really depends on the relationship, and what boundaries you have set.

Sometimes going to a strip club is cheating. Sometimes holding hands with another girl is cheating. Sometimes paid phonesex is cheating. It all depends on you. It's difficult to say, IMO, because in some relationships the boundaries are such that fucking other people isn't cheating. It's something you two need to discuss, and you need to determine if it crosses a line for you, and set a clear boundary. Every serious relationship needs a talk like this so shit doesn't get confusing, and the rules are out there for both parties to see.

Honestly, phone sex has never come up in one of these conversations for me. Shit seems... gross with all the stories you hear about nasty looking women being the sexy voices behind the phone.
 
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