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Is my father a racist? My white dad made me lose my Native American boyfriend.

Marla1976

Marla1976

Bluelighter
Joined
May 19, 2018
Messages
176
I am of mixed heritage. My father is French Canadian and my mother is Puerto Rican. In November 1996 i started dating this Native American guy. He was full blooded Ojibwe from Minnesota. He was 3 years older than me In March 1997 my dad found out my boyfriend was Native American. He immediately became outraged and upset at me. He told me that i had to stop dating my boyfriend . That i was embarassing myself and my family with my actions. He said my boyfriend wouldn't be able to do anything for me.
My mother asked if she could see a picture of the guy I am dating.

Now, I'm not saying I was... anxious to show a picture of the guy I was dating, but I had a nervous smile the entire time.

The fake smile as she said "Oooooooooh! He seems nice!" made me sick to my stomach. Regardless of how much I already liked him and the great things I said about him, no, all I got out of my mom was warnings. "You know, you gotta be careful! They might just wanna date you because they wanna use you for money!"

"Are you fucking kidding me? He's a fucking person and I'm very fond of him and I'm going to date him and, hopefully, continue to date him because I like him very much. I don't give a fuck what you think about him or what bullshit racist reasons you give me for not dating him, I am -not- concerned about whatever fake bullshit you spew telling me that it's not supposed to happen." I even accused my father of racism, but he just said "How can i be racist? I married a Puerto Rican woman."
.


I didn't listen and continue to date him for about 6 more months. But my mom and dad had stop talking to each other. Me and my dad had stop talking to each other all because of this. So finally in September 1997 i gave in and broke up with him in since i didn't want to break my family apart. .

Maybe it was for the best. This guy my Native American boyfriend was kinda violent with other people. He was physically violent towards white people. He kinda hated white people.He was just angry at white people. He didn't like when people called him “chief". He always said that white people are living on the land that they stole while forcing them to live on reservations that are some of the worst land in the country. He always said that Columbus was a terrible human being and the fact that he is still celebrated should offend anyone living in the United States. He said that Columbus was an imperialist, racist invader who began the conquest of a people and a land. He was not so lucky to have good parents. His mother was abusive, his father was in prison, he grew up very poor.


I mean I’m barely scratching the surface here but based on how he grew up, you’d expect him to be the worst kind of person.
But we had a damn near perfect relationship. Never argued, were always excited to be with each other. He considered me part Native American, because of my Puerto Rican heritage. He always said that Puerto Ricans are Tainos. Often people would make fun of him, use racial slurs towards him, so he fought and beat white guys up at times. After we broke up, in January 1998 he beat up a guy to a pulp, so he spent 6 months in county jail. I felt responsible for that. February 1999 in Cleveland Ohio he was arrested for burglary. He was convicted. He spent 3 years in prison. He got out in February 2002. About 3 years ago i have got in touch with him. We had a conversation on FB. He lives on Leech Lake Indian Reservation, Minnesota. He is married with Native American woman. They have 4 kids, 3 boys,1 girl. He seemed happy.


It bothered me for such a long time. I blamed my father for racism. But is my father a racist, or he just wanted to protect me? Maybe he wanted to save me from making a bad decision. My dad absolutely hated my Native American boyfriend. He always wanted more for me (and probably a white guy - my husband is white).
 
I don't know, it's us probably not because of racism in a sense but the clash of cultures between native Americans and Caucasians specifically.

The history between the two isn't pretty and the boyfriend would have his attitude with fair reason based on historical events (and Caucasians might just think he is after money as native Americans and reservations, not a well off people really).


It's something to take into account in mixed race relations and if anything to have a united front with family and friends. They can be reassured by both people that there's no race related issues and move on from it, maybe stopping talking to your dad was not the right thing to do, just keep the door open and they see their fear of you getting hurt was baseless? Too late now but the pressure from race related angst can be handled (or better yet avoided if you partner up same race as what ended up happening ).


It didn't work out but it's just life, can't really do much about it. Native americans are quite attractive imo.
 
Pluggle said:
I don't know, it's us probably not because of racism in a sense but the clash of cultures between native Americans and Caucasians specifically.

The history between the two isn't pretty and the boyfriend would have his attitude with fair reason based on historical events (and Caucasians might just think he is after money as native Americans and reservations, not a well off people really).


It's something to take into account in mixed race relations and if anything to have a united front with family and friends. They can be reassured by both people that there's no race related issues and move on from it, maybe stopping talking to your dad was not the right thing to do, just keep the door open and they see their fear of you getting hurt was baseless? Too late now but the pressure from race related angst can be handled (or better yet avoided if you partner up same race as what ended up happening ).


It didn't work out but it's just life, can't really do much about it. Native americans are quite attractive imo.
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Maybe my father just wanted the best for me. I was in my early 20s at the time. I broke up with my Indian guy because of my dad and it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I have struggled with that. I know I made the right decision in the long run. leaving someone you deeply love is the fucking worst. We did everything together and boom. All ties were cut. I know I did the right thing for me but I still feel like I abandoned him. It's really hard realizing someone just isn't right for you; there's nothing you can do or say to ease the pain of knowing that, on a fundamental level, it won't ever work longterm, but that same knowledge can also be really liberating.
 
draculic acid69 said:
Sounds racist.
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I guess my father is racist/prejudice without realizing it. I guess he is racist and, at the very least, prejudice. I love him and I know he loves me; he's been good to me. He will always mention race when describing a story or someone he met, but especially when there are negative connotations. It's subtle (most of the time), but he takes extra caution around black people. But on the other hand he married my mother a Puerto Rican woman. Also he really gets along with my mother's whole family.
 
Was he overprotective of you to that same level with any (particularly Caucasian) other boyfriends?
 
Marla1976 said:
Maybe my father just wanted the best for me. I was in my early 20s at the time. I broke up with my Indian guy because of my dad and it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I have struggled with that. I know I made the right decision in the long run. leaving someone you deeply love is the fucking worst. We did everything together and boom. All ties were cut. I know I did the right thing for me but I still feel like I abandoned him. It's really hard realizing someone just isn't right for you; there's nothing you can do or say to ease the pain of knowing that, on a fundamental level, it won't ever work longterm, but that same knowledge can also be really liberating.
Click to expand...


Yeah he probably was just looking out for you as he wouldn't have seen him as you did, being your dad.

My dad was same about my ex husband, he is Phillipino but looked very Maori and also very much like a crim (and he was one lol) so dad made things very difficult for us until we married.


Then he thought the guy us a keeper and treated him like a son.


Then surprise surprise a very messy divorce.


Parents just want what's best but adult kids don't obey them so can get rough for them.




And...yeah dad's racist as he's old too.
 
FuckinAcidMan said:
Yeah this is kinda a textbook definition of racism. Its usually more subtle than people would think.
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But on the other hand he married my mother a Puerto Rican woman. Also he really gets along with my mother's whole family. I guess my father is racist/prejudice without realizing it.
 
maybe your father is like mine, we're both white, he claims not to be racist..... and earlier at dinner in a restaurant, reffering to my coke plug he asked me without a single damn care aloud " so you see the n**ger lately?" and as you can imagine how embaressing that was... atleast yours is alittle more discreet about it...............
 
Why should your father be ok with someone who "kinda hates white people" sleeping with his daughter?
 
Zonxx said:
maybe your father is like mine, we're both white, he claims not to be racist..... and earlier at dinner in a restaurant, reffering to my coke plug he asked me without a single damn care aloud " so you see the n**ger lately?" and as you can imagine how embaressing that was... atleast yours is alittle more discreet about it...............
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See what's weird is he probably doesn't see that as racist he was just asking you a question from his perspective. It's a dissonance in attitudes across time.
 
Pluggle said:
Yeah he probably was just looking out for you as he wouldn't have seen him as you did, being your dad.

My dad was same about my ex husband, he is Phillipino but looked very Maori and also very much like a crim (and he was one lol) so dad made things very difficult for us until we married.


Then he thought the guy us a keeper and treated him like a son.


Then surprise surprise a very messy divorce.


Parents just want what's best but adult kids don't obey them so can get rough for them.




And...yeah dad's racist as he's old too.
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My father had thrown a lot of horrible comments at me, saying that I am shaming him for life, and ultimately I had two options .

I could either leave them for good and continue to go about my life my way, but there would be little to no chance of reconciliation as the consequences would be severe , or I could leave my Native American boyfriend (who I really did picture a future with and could see us getting married). So i gave in and broke up with him in since i didn't want to break my family apart. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I have struggled with that. I still feel like I abandoned him.
 
Well your Dad is French Canadian. I would say this is outward projection of self racism.
 
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