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in love with my best friend

A

awrt

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2010
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I have had a female friend who I have been best mates with for the last 5 years or so. We were close friends for a while then during covid times as we were living close by to one another we spent more time hanging out on weekends, going out to gigs and spending time together (sometimes alone and sometimes in groups with other friends).

I am married and my wife who is also really good friends with my best friend. Our relationship has been rocky this last year but otherwise our marriage has been solid. I have never developed feelings for anyone else in the past and only been in love with her.

on the weekend I got really high on MDMA with my close friend and opened up about the rocky time I have been having with my wife. I don't know if it was a good idea. I felt at one point after we were about to kiss but turned away knowing it was a bad idea. we hugged a bit and chatted for ages. after the night it has clicked in my brain that I am in love with my friend and all I can think about is telling her how I feel.

I feel I should maybe tell her we can't spend time together much anymore but she will know something is up as we are best mates. should I tell her we can't spend time together and tell her the reason why. I don't know what to do - any input would be appreciated.
 
Be honest with your best friend, perhaps your just not cut out for monogamy, either figure out which one you like more, or ask them if their down for a thruple(not kidding, you never know, they might be down)
 
I know your trying to do the right thing, but thing is, you deserve to be happy too, alls fair in love
 
I really think it's a bad idea to realize that you fell in love with your good friend after having an intimate conversation with her high on MDMA.

I think these are just feelings, if not repressed, and you may be a bit confused due to your current fights/relationship.
 
I just discovered that if you are in love with her, be honest with her and make some efforts. You can download and make a playlist of her favorite songs or you can personally sing her favorite music!
 
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Just before this rolls on any further. This seems like a serious question from someone seeking serious advice for a deeply personal and intimate problem.

That’s what this sub-forum is actually for. So please give your best and most thoughtful advice.
 
hahha ok a threesome would work but doubt my wife is going to want to be in a poly relationship or have a threesome as she is straight.

I kinda wanted more serious advice about how I should proceed with my friend. should I tell her how I feel and that I want to spend a bit of time apart so these feelings subside?

I don't know what to do :(
 
I actually mean
awrt said:
hahha ok a threesome would work but doubt my wife is going to want to be in a poly relationship or have a threesome as she is straight.

I kinda wanted more serious advice about how I should proceed with my friend. should I tell her how I feel and that I want to spend a bit of time apart so these feelings subside?

I don't know what to do :(
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like I said then, who do you want more, Andy yes I’m for real, but being humorous about my realness
 
awrt said:
I feel I should maybe tell her we can't spend time together much anymore but she will know something is up as we are best mates. should I tell her we can't spend time together and tell her the reason why. I don't know what to do - any input would be appreciated.
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I think it is easier to develop feelings for someone other than your partner if the relationship is rocky. I suggest you try your best to work things out with your wife and you may find that the feelings for your friend go over time, this all seems quite recent after all and not worth complicating or ending your marriage over.

I wouldn't speak to your friend and say you can't spend time together unless these feelings go on for a long time (I'm thinking a year or more), maybe just see if you can naturally spend a little less time together (especially alone) and definitely avoid taking MDMA with your friend. Maybe take MDMA with your wife at some point instead?
 
Sorry to sort of joke OP (was only half joking, didn't realize there were 100% straight women, maybe try taking mdma with them both? Sometimes the feelings can be resolved just quashing the sexual tension) Its just i am sorry most of the world wouldn't let you love them both :( humanity is so weird. Tho honestly even if they would, it's not the best idea depending on the sorts of people.

Anyway, follow your heart. Sometimes something new is what you need/want. I just suggest breaking it off with your wife first if that is what you decide, hiding it is what is lame.

Edit: probably best you ignore my horrible advice lest you wind up lonely like me.
 
As someone who has never cheated on anyone or had reason to, I can't say I follow your train of logic.
 
iridescentblack said:
As someone who has never cheated on anyone or had reason to, I can't say I follow your train of logic.
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That’s good that you haven’t, but he’s not cheating, he realized he started to have feelings for her but he still loves his wife, so he didn’t act on his feelings. Life’s complicated man. It’s not his fault, what’s he supposed to do, avoid all females entirely? That’s the only way I can think of to completely ensure that you don’t catch feelings for someone else. And what about bi people? No friends for them at all?
 
I’m arguing that morality is not black and white as you believe it to be, but rather shades of gray
 
The situation he is in is unfair to all three parties, though when is life consistently fair? And as nobody is “bad” in this situation, we ought to have sympathy and compassion for all three, that is, if you consider yourself to be “good”
 
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