I'm suicidal due to life crisis and LSD is my only hope.

[BlueMerlin]

I'm hesitant to take testosterone on my own though SKL, I take some kind of pride in it as well, that I'm lifting weights without any supplements, other than protein powder, obviously my results are very slow, and having low testosterone doesn't help either.

My doctor is not convinced that my T levels are too low, they are still in the normal range, but not for a 33 relatively healthy man imo, so she won't prescribe me testosterone I assume.

I'm trying to eat more healthy fats, less carbs, lift even heavier, rest better, and trying to get rid of my belly fat completely, since visceral fat produces unwanted hormones, so far I'm not feeling any effects on my testosterone though.

I take zinc as well, but you say nothing helps, which I'm starting to believe since I don't feel any change, would you think taking testosterone supplements is my only option?

Sorry for the off topic, although I'm under the impression that the OP's not really paying any attention anymore, except for victimizing himself any further.

 

[SKL]

Testosterone supplementation is pretty safe. I'd recommend it if you feel it would help you. It helps me.

 

[BlueMerlin]

Ok, thanks a lot man, I'm considering it.

 

[ATriumphForHuman]

So think you're supposed to be a genius or a prodigy? That makes you an arrogant asshole.

No. That comment I responded to triggered my anxiety, because I worry about my intelligence level constantly. I was hesitant to post it because I was considering that I probably misread it, but my anxiety (OCD like symptoms) forced me to impulsively post it to further clarify what that person meant.

Why would I think I'm supposed to be super smart?

 

[SKL]

I don't buy this "triggering" nonsense at all. It is an excuse for avoidance of issues that need addressing. Perhaps my language was uncalled for, and I was actually planning to post this, and I will, mode or less word for word, but my point stands though I apologize for tossing around the word "asshole," and will expand a bit on my point. Why was I harsh? People with mental health issues need honesty on such points rather than coddling. If you believe that you are a failure if you are not a genius and do not have ideal relationships with women, or that you somehow inherently deserve such things, that's pathological and an issue that you need to work out, with professional help. You've clearly been coddled too much and are seeking out more of the same and it's precisely not what you need. Personally I don't really buy your scenario or the seriousness of your suicidality. You don't speak like a depressed and suicidal person but rather like a manipulative failed narcissist simultaneously seeking and rejecting help, which is pretty classic. I doubt that you've come here for serious advice but rather for some kind of validation, LSD seems like an arbitrary choice on your part but one which will garner you the most attention here. You said that you don't want to hear it but what you need is serious professional help most likely psychotherapy, perhaps lengthy psychotherapy, perhaps DBT, hopefully with a good therapist who specializes in these sorts of personality issues. I really hope you get it. Your type of issues are extremely challenging and healing will take a lot of work, but there is hope.

 

[ATriumphForHuman]

Okay, you're assuming things now.

People with mental health issues need honesty on such points rather than coddling.

People with mental heath complications are prone to taking things the wrong way. "Triggering" is one of the repercussions of this. After a while, you're right, honesty is important; but there is a way to be honest and at the same time, not judge someone or assume things about someone, which you did both.

If you believe that you are a failure if you are not a genius and do not have ideal relationships with women, or that you somehow inherently deserve such things, that's pathological and an issue that you need to work out, with professional help.

Dude, I don't believe me or anyone inherently deserves anything. Why would I be upset if I wasn't a genius? That's 1 percent of the population. I already admitted that my perception on young love was due to me mindfucking myself and is irrational bullshit. Besides, I wouldn't believe I am a failure of a human being if I never had a partner, or ended up a "virgin" for the rest of my life (which is a stupid fucking label anyway, and is meaningless for me to worry about.) Objectively, there's nothing wrong with being single, your self worth is not tied to that, I get that.

Personally I don't really buy your scenario or the seriousness of your suicidality. You don't speak like a depressed and suicidal person but rather like a manipulative failed narcissist simultaneously seeking and rejecting help, which is pretty classic.

You're seriously going to speculate that I'm narcissistic? Rather than just having a bugged brain that causes me to react in complicated ways? I'll just emphasize that it's hard to tell things through a brief story of someone's life and communication style over the internet. It's very easy to assume things here, which you did. I won't bother with the fact that I've been suicidal for three years, you won't believe me.

You said that you don't want to hear it but what you need is serious professional help most likely psychotherapy, perhaps lengthy psychotherapy, perhaps DBT, hopefully with a good therapist who specializes in these sorts of personality issues. I really hope you get it. Your type of issues are extremely challenging and healing will take a lot of work, but there is hope.

No more patience.

I'm done on this thread, it seems like everyone is misunderstanding where I'm coming from, and honestly; that's totally my fault, I should have realized nobody would because really, being isolated for 10 years escaping into your head building dreams that are bigger than you'll ever be, and not being able to emotionally handle that to the point of leaping to suicide over it..........yeah, it's hard to understand how that feels. It just isn't that easy for someone like me. I'm weak, I admit it. It was a dumb idea to post this thread. Not saying this to hate myself but because it's technically the truth. This was a dumb idea.

This will be my last post provided I don't run into something that sets me off so much I have to clear things up so the demons in my head don't fire up and go "SKL is right! You're a narcissist! You have your self-worth tied to women! You're wrong about everything! KILL YOURSELF!", like I had to here, to keep my self-esteem safe, and my self-skepticism at bay.

 

[Erikmen]

Testosterone supplementation is pretty safe. I'd recommend it if you feel it would help you. It helps me.

It helps me too! My doctor prescribed it to me and my quality life improved considerably.

 

[polymath]

I just turned 22, and I realized my life goals are fucking impossible, at least statistically. Luckily for me I have a fucking time limit attached to them, lol. A young long-term relationship is impossible for me. No one my age would ever be interested in a socially anxious, resourceless person such as myself, and by the time I fixed my problems and I'm ready, I won't be fucking young anymore.

You're a young person, and you seem to be thinking in a very black-and-white way about things. You seem to believe that if you can't find the love affair of the century right now, then you will never find any kind of love at all. Or if someone is not a genius then the only other alternative is to be stupid.

I have the Asperger's syndrome, too, and I'm a bit over 10 years older than you. I recognize many aspects about your thinking that are similar to what I had when I was younger. I suggest you read this thread from few years back where I described my development into an adult. I had a bad alcohol problem back then, and that addiction problem was probably largely caused by the fact that I was feeling like a failure in a way similar to how you do.

Like SKL pointed out, setting unrealistic goals in life and getting depressed when they don't work out is a narcissistic thinking/behavior pattern. The unrealistic goals might be related to one's perceived intellectual ability (like I tell in the thread I linked, I had fantasies of "inventing something that will greatly benefit all humanity"), or they may be about finding a perfect love, like what seem to be the case in your situation.

When you're 22 years old, there should still be lot of room for personal development, and that kind of unrealistic thinking can just be a temporary thing related to adolescence.

Psychedelics are not a magic bullet that will instantly turn someone into an "enlightened" person who has no psychological shortcomings. I used to believe something like that, too, before I had actually tried dissociatives and other hallucinogens, but after doing that I knew that it wasn't true. A bad trip is a very likely thing to happen if you take LSD or similar drugs in a situation where you have a lot of problems in your life.

 

[Transform]

I think the best advice has already been given and you've said you're done with this thread so I'm going to close it before it devolves. As others have pointed out, bluelight isn't a place to get advice on which drugs to take or where to get them.

Psychedelics carry high risks for those with mental health issues and personally I'd urge you to stay away from them. There is some good advice in this thread so I'd have a re-read if you find the time.