I'm convinced I'm going to relapse tomorrow....

[Snafu in the Void]

I've been sober for 76 days from opioids...

I was sober from alcohol for nearly 10 days, I'm fucked up now.

Now I've convinced myself I'm going to cop some H tomorrow because I'm drunk. God give me strength to avoid it. I nearly died twice ~3 months ago. Seriously fuck me.

I'm begging I wake up tomorrow sober and forget this drive to relapse ever happened. Wishful thinking.

I don't even know the point of the post. Talking to a bunch of strangers. Fuck me.

I've been crying the last few days thinking about all the seriously fucked up shit I did to myself and my family to get high over the last 17 years. Some I've posted here, but the most fucked up shit I haven't mentioned to anyone (which is the shit that makes me cry).

It's OK for a grown man to cry.... right?

Good luck to me.... I'm no warrior... I'm a victim....????? I tell myself that I love myself but it's a lie...

Now I'm scared to go to sleep.

I like giving advice on other people relapsing... I'm just a hypocrite.

 

[Deru]

All of us are warriors, we fight daily battles with our demons most people couldn't even fathom. It's good to vent, and please keep posting if you need to. One day at a time, you can get through this. Tomorrow is a new day. I have faith in you brother, don't give up the good fight. I've been through the depths of hell with my opioid addiction, it really is better on the other side. And you're so close to 90 days, man, I promise you it gets so much easier at that point for some reason.

 

[TripSitterNZ]

To even get clean means your a strong person. We have all done our fair share of fucked shit but we are all human and never had a manual to this crazy world. Life can be hard but take it day by day you have came this far don't give up. everything is worth it once you get further into sobriety.

We can't change the past but we can change the present to fight for a better tomorrow.

Its okay to cry i do it at least once a week as life dawns on me.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Sorry Bros I had an emotional breakdown last night. Feel strong now. Not today heroin!

 

[empeebee]

Feel strong now

For you Snaf

In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail

No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my name, I've changed my face
But no one wants you when you lose

Don't give up
'Cause you have friends
Don't give up
You're not beaten yet
Don't give up
I know you can make it good

 

[onebattleatatime]

Just be aware that alcohol lowers your inhibitions.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm voting for keep drinking and stay sober on the opiates. Stay brother.

We've all done things were ashamed of, do a fifth step on that shit if you have to.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i remember massively stressing out that cos i'd had a drink i was gonna score a dark. i think its cos of the way NA drum that into you, and for some people it literally is one drink and you've got a needle in your arm. its scary as fuck. put me off drinking except around people who i know i can't get away from to score, and never to the point of intoxication.

that shit that is making you upset is your brain processing thing you haven't processed due to drugs. its fucking awful and if you've been using 17 years straight unfortunately you have a lot in the post. about the same as you into recovery, i had exactly the same, something would hit me, i'd be floored by it and in tears. within 24 hours of managing to stop crying over that the next ting would hit me. it was fucking relentless and i thought it'd never end, but it did. i still get upset about that stuff, like friends passing and the pain i've put people through, but i've actually felt it now, so the initial upset has finally been done, years late.

 

[empeebee]

i remember massively stressing out that cos i'd had a drink i was gonna score a dark. i think its cos of the way NA drum that into you, and for some people it literally is one drink and you've got a needle in your arm. its scary as fuck. put me off drinking except around people who i know i can't get away from to score, and never to the point of intoxication.

that shit that is making you upset is your brain processing thing you haven't processed due to drugs. its fucking awful and if you've been using 17 years straight unfortunately you have a lot in the post. about the same as you into recovery, i had exactly the same, something would hit me, i'd be floored by it and in tears. within 24 hours of managing to stop crying over that the next ting would hit me. it was fucking relentless and i thought it'd never end, but it did. i still get upset about that stuff, like friends passing and the pain i've put people through, but i've actually felt it now, so the initial upset has finally been done, years late.

How many years?

 

[Jabberwocky]

i assume you mean how many years after things happened did i actually feel them? that depends on how long ago they happened relative to when i got clean.

 

[fugme]

i hope you're doing better now