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Scared I'm choosing life

flakrun

flakrun

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 5, 2023
Messages
69
I just flushed 2x 80mg oxy, as I know if I used it, this would make the pull even stronger. I only used oxy recreational for about 2 months, and started to crave it and think about it all the time. I would keep messaging people or look for dealers on social media apps, while I was thinking no! But it didn't matter, I continued my search nevertheless. I'm hoping I can STOP keep buying it, because I feel like it's dragging me in. It's very unexpected this would happen so quick, but holy those drugs are powerful in a physiological way I never imagined.

This is also a warning to people just messing around with oxy, and thinking they are fine. Suddenly it starts to creep up on you without even noticing, and suddenly you can't get your thoughts off it. Please have faith in me, that I can stay away for good. This is my personal experience, and others might be able to abstain from it. But for me, it's getting dangerous. Never had any abuse than weed before this. But I feel I have to make a REAL LIFE choice here. I need to stop now, or it will be too late. Pray for me please.

Any tips how I can stay true to my decision is very warm welcomed.
 
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Thank you - you are awesome taking time to reply and read my post. I will aim for the prize, and try to go and see some family to distract myself for now.

Thank you for the support!
 
good luck! don't make throwing away all that for nothing. If you don't get physical withdrawals, then its all mental and thats will power. After 2 months you should be more then fine to just hop off and find better activities like working out or socializing in one way or another cause most people who use drugs use them because they are alone
 
Just my thoughts right there friend. I even bought it today, but fuck the money, staying away is worth way more, no doubts! I do work out, but I'm very isolated. Makes me feel bad, and anoxius, so again you are right. I hope the cravings and impulsitivity will fade with time. It's so weird I set my mind to not buy, and the next thing that happens, is me messaging the guy... Like wtf. Thank you for the support, means a lot.
 
Try to Get some gabapentin for a few days so u can resist the first week of temptation, it helps alot.
 
nznity said:
Try to Get some gabapentin for a few days so u can resist the first week of temptation, it helps alot.
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Thank you for the advice. I might do if it gets too bad. Last time drinking a beer and smoking some cigarettes helped me relax a bit, which also contributed to making sure I wouldn't use, as I won't combine with alcohol (anxiety! is a win here😅).
 
flakrun said:
Thank you for the advice. I might do if it gets too bad. Last time drinking a beer and smoking some cigarettes helped me relax a bit, which also contributed to making sure I wouldn't use, as I won't combine with alcohol (anxiety! is a win here😅).
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Alcohol works too but when u comedown, the hangover is nasty. Lyrica/gabapentin works wonders with clonazepam/valium as needed.
 
So here I am again, relapsed on my 2nd day. I went and bought more. Did half, and now flushed the other half.

Going to stay with some family for weeks outside the city now, as I can't control this impulsivty. It makes no sense. My mind changes when I least expect it, and all the way to meet the guy, Im thinking I should not do this.

Let's hope staying with the fam will make it easier to control. So scared this is gonna keep happening. It's like my brain getting hijacked.... Will it ever get better? ...........
 
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Welcome to BL. Many of us have walked in your shoes. You will find a ton of love, support, advise { some good, some iffy}. I am a praying girl and will pray for strength, confidence, and for the Lord to place people in your life to walk with you through this. We need each other.
To answer your question, yes, it does get better. Stay hydrated, eat well, stay busy. I walked. A lot. I kinda felt like Forest Gump for awhile. But keeping my body and mind active was key.
How may times will you you stop and start again. Don't know... Maybe 2 times, maybe 6 times, maybe 20+, but eventually it will be the last time. Keep us posted. God bless you.
 
spammie nurse said:
Welcome to BL. Many of us have walked in your shoes. You will find a ton of love, support, advise { some good, some iffy}. I am a praying girl and will pray for strength, confidence, and for the Lord to place people in your life to walk with you through this. We need each other.
To answer your question, yes, it does get better. Stay hydrated, eat well, stay busy. I walked. A lot. I kinda felt like Forest Gump for awhile. But keeping my body and mind active was key.
How may times will you you stop and start again. Don't know... Maybe 2 times, maybe 6 times, maybe 20+, but eventually it will be the last time. Keep us posted. God bless you.
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Thank you so much, I really wish I didn't try that pill. I do walk a bit with my father, so I bet we must both be a part of the Gump family ;). About starting and stopping, the thing is I'm so very surprised on how fast this physiological addiction developed, I only used for 2 months, maybe 10 days each month really didn't see it coming. But I'm acting on this while I can, so yes the family is where I go to create some distance. God bless you, you are awesome.
 
flakrun said:
I just flushed 2x 80mg oxy, as I know if I used it, this would make the pull even stronger. I only used oxy recreational for about 2 months, and started to crave it and think about it all the time. I would keep messaging people or look for dealers on social media apps, while I was thinking no! But it didn't matter, I continued my search nevertheless. I'm hoping I can STOP keep buying it, because I feel like it's dragging me in. It's very unexpected this would happen so quick, but holy those drugs are powerful in a physiological way I never imagined.

This is also a warning to people just messing around with oxy, and thinking they are fine. Suddenly it starts to creep up on you without even noticing, and suddenly you can't get your thoughts off it. Please have faith in me, that I can stay away for good. This is my personal experience, and others might be able to abstain from it. But for me, it's getting dangerous. Never had any abuse than weed before this. But I feel I have to make a REAL LIFE choice here. I need to stop now, or it will be too late. Pray for me please.

Any tips how I can stay true to my decision is very warm welcomed.
Click to expand...
I lost my soulmate to this shit 4 months ago. She was the most amazing person. I know everyone says that when they loose someone but she truly was. She was the most loving, positive, brightest, warmest soul. She saved my life. I was 2 years sober when she passed. She left behind a beautiful 13 year old daughter. All for nothing. Theirs nothing in this shit; theirs no chance for happiness. Just the most bitter pain. Life is so beautiful, the last 3 years with that girl, were truly the happiest most content moments in my life. And now I’m back here. In this pit. Spent the last 15 hours pacing around my apartment trying to justify waiting long enough to take my klonopin with my 200mg methadone. Spend all my time and money on fake piss and RC benzos and worrying about losing my methadone. Hell on earth. Please chose life theirs nothing in this shit.
 
RuffSamurai said:
I lost my soulmate to this shit 4 months ago. She was the most amazing person. I know everyone says that when they loose someone but she truly was. She was the most loving, positive, brightest, warmest soul. She saved my life. I was 2 years sober when she passed. She left behind a beautiful 13 year old daughter. All for nothing. Theirs nothing in this shit; theirs no chance for happiness. Just the most bitter pain. Life is so beautiful, the last 3 years with that girl, were truly the happiest most content moments in my life. And now I’m back here. In this pit. Spent the last 15 hours pacing around my apartment trying to justify waiting long enough to take my klonopin with my 200mg methadone. Spend all my time and money on fake piss and RC benzos and worrying about losing my methadone. Hell on earth. Please chose life theirs nothing in this shit.
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Hey RuffSamurai.
So sorry to hear what you had to go through, and I can only imagine they pain you are dealing with. Life is unfair on so many occasions, and sometimes we simply can't control what happens, and defenitly not what happens to others. I can feel that you are in a lot of pain, and let me tell you bro, when time is right, you will drag yourself out of the hole you are in right now. I know you will get better as time passes if you just do your best. God gives the hardest fights to the strongest people, and I'm daym sure you must be strong, to come post here in my thread, while you are miserable yourself. I'm going to pray for you tonight, you can be daym sure I will. I'm 3 days off, and your words does a difference for a guy like me, so I'll take em. Maybe you couldn't save your soul mate, but YOU are helping to save me.

Trust in yourself, you are worth a daym good life my brother. BLESS YOU.
 
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I just want to say that it's a really, really good sign to reach out for help. I'm sure there are countless people who longingly wish they had a time machine so they can go back and stop using. Your situation is good because you're recognizing the addiction early on, before it wipes away your money, friends, and life overall. Thanks for fighting the good fight!
 
If you're not dealing with withdrawal symptoms absolutely do not start taking gabapentin or xanax or valium, there's no reason to and you would just be dipping in to another group of equally (if not more) addictive drugs for no reason.
 
AlphaMethylPhenyl said:
I just want to say that it's a really, really good sign to reach out for help. I'm sure there are countless people who longingly wish they had a time machine so they can go back and stop using. Your situation is good because you're recognizing the addiction early on, before it wipes away your money, friends, and life overall. Thanks for fighting the good fight!
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Thank you for your positive input bro. I'm dealing with anxiety, and this definitely plays a part in me being scared of getting addicted. At least this is the proof that anxiety can be good for you. Again thank you for the post. 5 days off today, craving a bit but hope I can keep it away.
 
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