Help! I'm a suicidal mess

[Lysosomalstorage]

You seem to have some OCD/anxiety problems have you considered the headaches are made worse and self perpetuated from overthinking and stress? Tension headaches can be quite painful and entirely brought on by stress.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

I am not hasty to diagnose people over the internet but this whole topic reminds me of my OCPD, which with I made and still persist to make, my physical medical condition so much more difficult than it would be for many other people

I am not willing to explain the whole figure to everyone but in case of curiosity, feel free to PM

 

[BourbonMac]

If I live to 2024. There's genuinely a chance I won't, it goes beyond tinnitus or chronic headaches. This is why for the time being, I'm completely devoted to just obliterating my brain with DMT as many nights as I can. I want to know how close it is to really go crazy from that, not everyone reaches that point though. I'm just rather self-destructive about it I suppose because I don't really care, it's like I'm trying to give myself a psychedelic lobotomy, completely re-wiring my brain forever. This is a risky and probably not very realistic plan.

I do need a psychiatrist regardless, my last one and I ultimately didn't see eye to eye after awhile. But it won't matter if my ears especially don't get better. The headaches suck, but slightly less than the ringing. You can at least treat pain.

One thing does help, a lot: kava kava. Problem is, after around 2 months of taking it, my skin has a horrible reaction to it every time now, even if I back off for awhile. A lot of kava users just moisturize the fuck out of their body because it's kind of inevitable but some people are lucky enough to never get it. This is literally the only thing that helps my tinnitus and it helps a fucking lot.

I see an ENT in 10 days who will consider tubes for my ears. Right ear is likely still infected, I'm only 5.5 days into the antibiotic dosewise and I basically have to quit. Today, my stomach got absolutely destroyed by it, I got this horrible vomit metallic flavor in my mouth, it was horrible. I'm skipping tonights dose and will try one more tomorrow without a probiotic because probiotics themselves can cause G.I upset. I took this antibiotic before without probiotics and was fine, I got the metallic taste on like, the last day.

 

[BourbonMac]

You seem to have some OCD/anxiety problems have you considered the headaches are made worse and self perpetuated from overthinking and stress? Tension headaches can be quite painful and entirely brought on by stress.

Yeah they're not as far as I'm aware. I wasn't having a very stressful day when that headache hit. Today was horribly stressful the entire day and my head's been fine.
I do think maybe a chiropractor could help. I've often noticed my neck feeling stiff when these headaches present, but it's hard to say. I eliminated my wisdom teeth. I just don't know why they came back at all, they were my sinuses at first, and turns out they never were from my wisdom teeth. I got surgery in May 2022 and after that, no headaches or tinnitus. Tinnitus came back bad sometime after the first week of August, by the middle of the month I was in mental breakdown mode after a strange trip to the cape with some friends who I've mostly outgrown (also had an extremely intense and negative shroom trip that left me with HPPD for 2 months). Most people wouldn't have managed that trip as well as I did, I think.

I have C-PTSD so maybe that's somehow a factor. Skeletons everywhere, cartwheeling, kaleidoscopic skeleton patterns moving all over the place, things flashing colors. I didn't plan this trip at all, which was my first mistake, but I also was the only one tripping alongside my other 3 friends who weren't, so I felt very isolated and overwhelmed by the whole experience of being dragged around to do functional things like shoot hoops or go to a restaurant. And it just went on and on, 12 hours at least until I was clear headed again.

Then right after that my oldest brother was getting married, I just felt like I was being dragged around like a zombie. I'm an introvert so I'm easily overwhelmed, so this whole thing with going to cape cod, coming back, relatives coming in, wedding rehearsal, wedding, post-wedding, it was just draining me. I was hospitalized briefly in September and was generally very stressed in October, though I did spend time with family in Nebraska and while out there, anything that bothered me here, such as the tinnitus, didn't matter as much.

The headaches began in late November, the exact same period they struck in 2021, starting with a pulsating pain from my wisdom teeth that migrated upward. This really turned out to be due to my maxillary sinuses being so overfull that they were pressing down on the roots of my molars hard. Soon enough other molars would hurt, feeling like they could just pop out of my gums from the pressure. It's very strange, I mean my wisdom teeth themselves likely hurt the most because they're the closest to the sinuses but still, for this pain to come back at the exact same time a year later is fucked up. Mind you, August through this period I wasn't having headaches and was often immensely stressed. June and July I was at so much peace with my silence, summer, new sinuses that let me taste and smell 100%. Life was good, too good, it's like somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn't last.

That's how it was in 2021 before my headaches got bad. I had tinnitus then, but it was 50% less than what it is now, and that was really the only issue I had. I was largely habituated to it and it didn't bother me that much. But I had this feeling, like "something is brewing" and by the night of Thanksgiving it presented itself, the horrible headache, just as it did the following year. The only difference is that my headaches actually went away before I even got surgery. I'd take like a few Tylenol and 1 aspirin if I had a mild headache and that was it. I can throw everything at a bad headache now and it won't do much. DMT does reduce headache pain by a lot though, and caffeine in the mix as well. Ultimately I'm really not sure what the fuck is going on or how unreal it is that I began to have headaches exactly at the same time period. I wasn't even that stressed around the time at least compared to prior months.

One thing is certain though. These really, really bad headaches only seem to strike if I have intense sleep paralysis episodes. Not always, but the only time I've gotten them is after these, and I wouldn't need to nap after work if I'd just go to fucking bed earlier. I have to experiment with this, fix my sleep so I get 6h30m at least and skip the naps. I've been part time for awhile so I let that be an excuse to get less sleep and just nap it off later. My body basically doesn't even allow this anymore though, I'll reach a half sleep and that's where these horrible episodes of sleep paralysis stem from. This didn't really begin happening until around November either. Of all the supplements I take, the only thing I could think of that could maybe be fucking up my sleep rhythm is valerian root.

 

[BourbonMac]

Well my ENT appointment was today and, well... the results weren't good. She was nicer than the other ENTs, but had no idea why my ears are ringing, bringing up depression and anxiety and shit. Yeah, sure, then why haven't I had it my whole life? Why do I get it worse stoned when I'm my least stressed? Why was I able to get stoned all the time for over a decade without it affecting my ears?

No fluid was found in my ears. My practitioner all this time has been insisting that it's fluid based on the fact that showers and Flonase help. Well, helped, maybe there was fluid, there certainly can't be now. A shower will reduce the volume of my right ear but it won't make it go away anymore, and the left ear is a ticking timebomb.

The only option now is acupuncture, and that could cost me up to $500. I've spent basically the whole day wondering what the best way out is, and I was thinking a heroin overdose. Only problem is I know nobody with it. I realized that unless something even worse were to happen, I just can't go through with jumping off a building or making myself roadkill. The building would probably kill me, but I know of someone who jumped from really high and somehow managed to survive. I'd try and land on my head to be sure, but what if I didn't? I'd rather go out in a pleasurable way. For now acupuncture is the final shot I have and there's no science behind it. For some people it somehow helps, for many it doesn't to anything for any condition.

She mentioned eustachian tube dysfunction as a possibility. Well no fucking shit something is wrong in there. I have to wait 2 months for a hearing test, why the hell can't you just give me one? Or I'll see if my other ENT would give me another test. My previous results were inaccurate because my tinnitus randomly disappeared during the test. 7 fucking months of it being this bad, 8 months since it really started coming back. I'm at my darkest hour, obsessed with the calm before the storm that was last June and July post sinus surgery where my tinnitus was 100% gone. I had it mildly to an extent all my life, assumed it was normal and everyone had it. Nope, I literally heard nothing, total peaceful silence. I'd legitimately cut off one of my feet to get that back if it meant my tinnitus would never go away. I'd fucking do it myself.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Shit. Please stay with us. We care!

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I’ll say this again man and then I’ll drop it. I do understand the need to self medicate. I do it myself with “light” substances these days.

But frequently using DMT is likely not helping you. I’ve said that earlier but the reason why I’m saying it again is because I failed to mention that there are so many reports of people using DMT and it either making their tinnitus worse or giving them tinnitus when they never had it before.

I am not saying that it caused it for you but I am saying I don’t think it’s going to get any better with how often you are using DMT.

I used to use hard stimulants to self medicate and now I just use something less harmful and to where I have good mental health and I can function normally. So I’m not saying don’t do drugs. I’m just highlighting that your tinnitus will very likely not get better while using DMT at the frequency you seem to be using it.

And I’m suggesting finding an alternative substance that you can use more frequently without it having as much of an impact on your well being. Then maybe just use DMT every blue moon. I’m not saying it’s a bad drug. I’m just saying I don’t think it’s helping you at the rate that you seem to use it.

There are so many anecdotal reports of DMT causing tinnitus. I take that with a grain of salt because they are anecdotal reports but when you have that many people reporting it then it makes me think it is the cause of their tinnitus or worsening tinnitus. Again I’m not saying it caused your tinnitus but I don’t think it’s helping.

Why not try going without DMT for a period of time and test it out to see how your well being is during that period? I know it’s hard when it’s a tool to help you cope right now, but I just really think you should try it.

Much love man and I really hope you feel better soon.

 

[jasperkent]

Every person's situation/suffering is unique to that person, so I will not attempt to give you advice.

However, I feel compelled to share a tiny bit of my own experience.

At various points in my life I have been suicidal. I've made detailed plans for my demise-- a sure thing, no chance of a botched job. I've come very, very, very close a couple of times. The most recent episode was a little over a month ago

Obviously I never went through with it. Every single time I have looked back later and been grateful that I did not do it.

That's all. Just had to say that.

I wish you well and I hope you somehow find some kind of relief/peace/contentment or whatever it is you need.

 

[BourbonMac]

I’ll say this again man and then I’ll drop it. I do understand the need to self medicate. I do it myself with “light” substances these days.

But frequently using DMT is likely not helping you. I’ve said that earlier but the reason why I’m saying it again is because I failed to mention that there are so many reports of people using DMT and it either making their tinnitus worse or giving them tinnitus when they never had it before.

I am not saying that it caused it for you but I am saying I don’t think it’s going to get any better with how often you are using DMT.

I used to use hard stimulants to self medicate and now I just use something less harmful and to where I have good mental health and I can function normally. So I’m not saying don’t do drugs. I’m just highlighting that your tinnitus will very likely not get better while using DMT at the frequency you seem to be using it.

And I’m suggesting finding an alternative substance that you can use more frequently without it having as much of an impact on your well being. Then maybe just use DMT every blue moon. I’m not saying it’s a bad drug. I’m just saying I don’t think it’s helping you at the rate that you seem to use it.

There are so many anecdotal reports of DMT causing tinnitus. I take that with a grain of salt because they are anecdotal reports but when you have that many people reporting it then it makes me think it is the cause of their tinnitus or worsening tinnitus. Again I’m not saying it caused your tinnitus but I don’t think it’s helping.

Why not try going without DMT for a period of time and test it out to see how your well being is during that period? I know it’s hard when it’s a tool to help you cope right now, but I just really think you should try it.

Much love man and I really hope you feel better soon.

I'm not using it much at this point. I realize I'm wasting much of it when I take it if I work the next day because it's during the peak plasma of my Valium dose. About 4 hours after dosing I can break through.

I have heard of people developing tinnitus after DMT, but I did it for a month straight last summer post sinus surgery (which cured my tinnitus) and never had any ringing even while tripping. It was well after I'd run out, 2 weeks or so that it started coming back. I've actually noticed during trips it reduces my tinnitus which I don't fully understand. For awhile during the comedown my right ear goes totally silent, even if I use a very small amount it can reduce it in both ears.

So I guess I'm the exception. THC is what really exacerbates it and may have caused it in the first place but I can't be sure, I've been getting high for 12 years. While I did splurge last summer after a 5 month T-break (where I still had tinnitus, just milder than when it started to get worse in August, September), it didn't ever cause me any ear ringing until the middle of August. It's really unfortunate with THC because I'm addicted and it's the best medicine I have for anxiety. But unless I quit I can't know if my tinnitus would clear up, likely not, but how could I know? All I do know is that increasing use did seem to make it worse. But at the same time, many nights I'd do more than usual because I'd be more depressed or anxious than usual and suddenly the next morning is quiet, this happened many times. At one point in January my ears were much better and I did overdo it and by the middle of the month my left ear was worse than ever. But then sometimes I'll get high at a friends house and it doesn't get worse, there's really no pattern here.

Ear ringing is a common side effect of getting high for a lot of people anyway, like 1 in 4, so it probably just worsens what I already have. You don't really hear of stoners getting eustachian tube dysfunction. You do hear of ear problems with Gabapentin use though... it's pretty ototoxic, so is ibuprofen, and I've used pretty large amounts of both, especially the ibuprofen for months. I'm weaning off the ibuprofen and haven't had any chronic headaches so far, I've taken just 600mg today and was averaging 1600mg. On Easter I was so fucked I needed 2400mg and it never did anything, so there could be an element of medication overuse headache or something like that.

And yeah it doesn't matter if it's dabs, weed, edibles, they all exacerbate the ringing. So it's not even a matter of inhaling or pressure in the ear. I never feel fullness, I just have the chronic tinnitus, paralyzed eardrums, sometimes dizziness, occasional throbbing ache and feeling like something is moving in my right ear particularly which is the loudest one. I also hear crackling/popping every time I swallow especially in the right ear. Apparently crackling sounds are normal but why don't I get that in my left ear as much? There's also a crackling sound when I put my tongue behind my throat only on the right, and occasionally it does get "clogged" if I blow my nose too hard or something. I've often had silent periods spiked by burping or swallowing in the past. When I burp, it's like I feel this pressure against my right eardrum.

I'm going to try and get a hearing test done sooner somewhere else, but they want to do an MRI and my insurance won't approve of it. I was waiting on one anyway for August 21st, it was scheduled in December... this was just for the headaches, neurologists are very backed up around here. It's fucked up, I've been in pain for months. An MRI just to detect ETD? Sounds like I need a 6th opinion, at this rate... There has to be other ways to diagnose it.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I'm not using it much at this point. I realize I'm wasting much of it when I take it if I work the next day because it's during the peak plasma of my Valium dose. About 4 hours after dosing I can break through.

I have heard of people developing tinnitus after DMT, but I did it for a month straight last summer post sinus surgery (which cured my tinnitus) and never had any ringing even while tripping. It was well after I'd run out, 2 weeks or so that it started coming back. I've actually noticed during trips it reduces my tinnitus which I don't fully understand. For awhile during the comedown my right ear goes totally silent, even if I use a very small amount it can reduce it in both ears.

So I guess I'm the exception. THC is what really exacerbates it and may have caused it in the first place but I can't be sure, I've been getting high for 12 years. While I did splurge last summer after a 5 month T-break (where I still had tinnitus, just milder than when it started to get worse in August, September), it didn't ever cause me any ear ringing until the middle of August. It's really unfortunate with THC because I'm addicted and it's the best medicine I have for anxiety. But unless I quit I can't know if my tinnitus would clear up, likely not, but how could I know? All I do know is that increasing use did seem to make it worse. But at the same time, many nights I'd do more than usual because I'd be more depressed or anxious than usual and suddenly the next morning is quiet, this happened many times. At one point in January my ears were much better and I did overdo it and by the middle of the month my left ear was worse than ever. But then sometimes I'll get high at a friends house and it doesn't get worse, there's really no pattern here.

Ear ringing is a common side effect of getting high for a lot of people anyway, like 1 in 4, so it probably just worsens what I already have. You don't really hear of stoners getting eustachian tube dysfunction. You do hear of ear problems with Gabapentin use though... it's pretty ototoxic, so is ibuprofen, and I've used pretty large amounts of both, especially the ibuprofen for months. I'm weaning off the ibuprofen and haven't had any chronic headaches so far, I've taken just 600mg today and was averaging 1600mg. On Easter I was so fucked I needed 2400mg and it never did anything, so there could be an element of medication overuse headache or something like that.

And yeah it doesn't matter if it's dabs, weed, edibles, they all exacerbate the ringing. So it's not even a matter of inhaling or pressure in the ear. I never feel fullness, I just have the chronic tinnitus, paralyzed eardrums, sometimes dizziness, occasional throbbing ache and feeling like something is moving in my right ear particularly which is the loudest one. I also hear crackling/popping every time I swallow especially in the right ear. Apparently crackling sounds are normal but why don't I get that in my right ear? There's also a crackling sound when I put my tongue behind my throat only on the right, and occasionally it does get "clogged" if I blow my nose too hard or something.

I'm going to try and get a hearing test done sooner somewhere else, but they want to do an MRI and my insurance won't approve of it. I was waiting on one anyway for August 21st, it was scheduled in December... this was just for the headaches, neurologists are very backed up around here. It's fucked up, I've been in pain for months. An MRI just to detect ETD? Sounds like I need a 6th opinion, at this rate...

Idk…yeah ALOT of meds/drugs can cause/exacerbate tinnitus. Well just do your best to hang in there and take solace where you can.

I’d lay off things a much as I could but I do understand that’s very challenging when you need certain things to medicate other stuff. Hang in there man…

 

[JackARoe]

At various points in my life I have been suicidal. I've made detailed plans for my demise-- a sure thing, no chance of a botched job. I've come very, very, very close a couple of times. The most recent episode was a little over a month ago.

I for one am glad you were here to type that Jasper. I have to say In the famous words of AJ Soprano to his therapist when asked if he was depressed. Of course I am depressed. Hell yeah. You would have to have your head shoved far up your ass to look out into the world and not be depressed.

Don't even get me started on veterans and PTSD. How could you not get that after some scary incidents? God Bless.

So yeah of course I have been suicidal but never even got to the planning stage. Just sort of mutter under my breath this life sucks. I mean it is all drama, crisis, or other unbalancing issues. But I get to the point to where the kindness thing Nature can do for us is to die. It always comes back to that. Most of the time I just do not want to be feeling the way I do. Oppressed, hurting, broke, etc... If that feeling changes then I feel better.

Ok I had put this in another thread. It may have been Chris Timothy's tinnitus thread (he got a little mad at me but we are friends!) . I certainly have my own opinions on tinnitus as well as have tinnitus. MAybe not popular. My opinion is that everyone has it. Being in a physical body when do we ever get luxurious silence when closing our ears or complete pitch black darkness closing our eyes? Close your eyes it is all static. Flashes and movement. Same with sound. Just behind that is total silence. And darkness. The most silent I ever got (funny enough) was on a blast of DMT. Like a rocket hitting space. A deep silence for a minute before all the noise came back. The darkest I ever saw was on Azurecens from Oregon. A vast darkness.

I do not want to make light of tinnitus. But what I found as someone that almost freaked out for a year or two from it was that we are where our attention is. Tinnitus does not exist when I am focused on something other than the tinnitus. So I naturally stopped worrying and it all went to the background. But as I type if I focus I can here gurgling, hissing and ringing in my ears. But there is no magic pill to get rid of static in the ears or eyes. I am willing to bet in a few years you will look back and say yeah I still have some tinnitus but I don't think about it much, hence does not worry me.

Stay well Mac!

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I for one am glad you were here to type that Jasper. I have to say In the famous words of AJ Soprano to his therapist when asked if he was depressed. Of course I am depressed. Hell yeah. You would have to have your head shoved far up your ass to look out into the world and not be depressed.

Don't even get me started on veterans and PTSD. How could you not get that after some scary incidents? God Bless.

So yeah of course I have been suicidal but never even got to the planning stage. Just sort of mutter under my breath this life sucks. I mean it is all drama, crisis, or other unbalancing issues. But I get to the point to where the kindness thing Nature can do for us is to die. It always comes back to that. Most of the time I just do not want to be feeling the way I do. Oppressed, hurting, broke, etc... If that feeling changes then I feel better.

Ok I had put this in another thread. It may have been Chris Timothy's tinnitus thread (he got a little mad at me but we are friends!) . I certainly have my own opinions on tinnitus as well as have tinnitus. MAybe not popular. My opinion is that everyone has it. Being in a physical body when do we ever get luxurious silence when closing our ears or complete pitch black darkness closing our eyes? Close your eyes it is all static. Flashes and movement. Same with sound. Just behind that is total silence. And darkness. The most silent I ever got (funny enough) was on a blast of DMT. Like a rocket hitting space. A deep silence for a minute before all the noise came back. The darkest I ever saw was on Azurecens from Oregon. A vast darkness.

I do not want to make light of tinnitus. But what I found as someone that almost freaked out for a year or two from it was that we are where our attention is. Tinnitus does not exist when I am focused on something other than the tinnitus. So I naturally stopped worrying and it all went to the background. But as I type if I focus I can here gurgling, hissing and ringing in my ears. But there is no magic pill to get rid of static in the ears or eyes. I am willing to bet in a few years you will look back and say yeah I still have some tinnitus but I don't think about it much, hence does not worry me.

Stay well Mac!

Yeah. There are times in my life when I have had tinnitus and I think now even as I try to focus on my hearing I can hear a slight noise but so slight. All my tinnitus was drug induced im pretty sure but I came here to say that I agree that when I wouldn’t focus on it and I distracted myself then I didn’t notice it. It was especially helpful at night to put a fan or white noise machine on.

But when I was constantly worried about my health I couldn’t stop hearing the ringing. So yeah, im not trying to make light of it either but I do agree that what we focus on matters. Same thing with depression, if I always focus on negative aspects about my life then I end up being depressed. Again, not making light of this at all. The struggle is real as they say. And there are biological reasons for depression too.

Basically I just wanted to highlight your point that what we focus on matters a lot.

 

[JackARoe]

I mean there are substances that turn up tinnitus. Aspiring, acetylsalicylic acid is for sure known to turn up the volume. It certainly does for me. So maybe it is a matter of volume and not just having it or not. The goal to turn down the volume.

The headaches hopefully are vascular because they can be treatment. I suffered 25 years with cluster headaches. (talk about suicidal). I would wake up every two hours every night with a stabbing ice pic pain in my head every spring and fall. Luckly I grew out of cluster headaches. Morphine making it much worse. Caffeine the best bet but I hated doing that in the middle of the night. They hurt. I think they use psilocybin as a treatment at clusterbusters but those treatments were after my episodes stopped. But I can say I still got clusters even on a psychedelic.

 

[Lysosomalstorage]

People with tinnitus and OCD/anxiety disorders having rumination problems is quite a well known thing, obsessingly gauging and checking to see how it is can make it significantly worse or constant. Have you ever been distracted by something and suddenly realised it's stopped momentarily? I know being told it's anxiety or OCD sounds the same as "it's just in your head" etc but tinnitus rummination is a very real problem and drugs are often used as self medication. Just go on tinnitustalk or one of the other support forums and search obsession/rumminations it's everywhere.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

I have tinnitus, pretty severely & for many many years. Sometimes it gets better sometimes worse & definitely way way worse when I have a migraine or even a headache. I also have severe jaw/ neck spinal ect. many painful injuries from being a survivor of domestic violence & a murder attempt that went wrong (well I guess rite for me as I survived) so all that to say I’m not sure if it’s because the other issues are so pressing but for some reason after many many years you almost kinda get used to it (the tinnitus). Don’t get me wrong it can definitely be annoying & even painful during migraines & stuff. & I’m not invalidating your experience by any means because I will never know what’s going on in & you experience in your body, mind & heart as much as if I was you …. but I do hope that you can experience it either getting better or getting to the point of getting used to it in a way that it won’t plague you as much.

Sometimes when my heads really hurting or I know a migraine is coming on I actually have to put the tv on in the background low enough that it doesn’t hurt my head too much but enough that I can hear it so it can distract or cover up the tinnitus a little. Unless it’s migraines … then everything has to be quiet & dark & just lay in the dark with cold packs trying to knock out or sleep & just have to ride it through

Deep breathing & trying to find ways to relax can help sometimes, doesn’t make it completely go away but can get you closer to radical acceptance if that makes any sense.

No matter what just try to hang on & stay around, there’s many times myself I am faced with suicidal thoughts, even days where I am just hangin in just to hang on & have to accept that those days I’m not thriving or doing anything great but merely existing & hangin on till things hopefully get better.

If anything I said helps I’m glad, if not totally don’t even pay it any mind as I’m in sort of a weird headspace myself today, so I was hoping maybe sharing a little of my experience could help … but like I said if not totally disregard.

You have my empathy, I hope things get better. No matter what hold on because you never know when or how things can get better. Plus you are young & have a great chance of things turning around & you may look back & say thank goodness I held on. Plus you’re a sweetie & the world needs more of those more now than ever. Be good to you, be gentle with yourself

Sending you support, hope & many blessings
Gentle hug

 

[JackARoe]

Deep breathing & trying to find ways to relax can help sometimes, doesn’t make it completely go away but can get you closer to radical acceptance if that makes any sense.

Beautiful statement because that is what actually happens with tinnitus. We have a radical acceptance. Make peace with it. Because it is my belief we all have tinnitus. I have never heard of someone that did not hear a ringing or hissing. I am telling you, static interference Both with ears closed and eyes closed. I want to find that person that has total pitch black darkness when they close their eyes. I bet I never will.

Saying that since some drugs can make the volume louder like aspirin, there must be drugs to make it go lower? Just a thought. I am not seeing that as I do see tinnitus as the last two posts described.

 

[BourbonMac]

As much as I'd like to just "not focus" on it, it's impossible. I always had mild tinnitus and I never cared, hell I thought it was normal. There comes a level of severity where it's so much you simply can't not hear it all the time. This is like the sound the horcruxes made in Harry Potter times 50, it's absolutely insane. Before that, yeah, I had tinnitus and I'd just joke about it like "oh here comes the electric needle dicks" and it didn't matter, it was easily masked by any amount of noise and it didn't change if I got high. I got so stupidly high all June and July last year but only by the middle of August, after the tinnitus had started coming back did it begin to become noticeably worse when I was high.

Aspirin does seem like it can cause it easily. My doctor argued Ibuprofen/Motrin does more often but I've read various reports of aspirin causing it more often. It's possible some report it more with Ibuprofen because aspirin straight up just works a lot better for headaches for many people. I've been taking 1600mg ibuprofen for over 4 months on average and OTC suggests you shouldn't go over 1200mg. Prescription strength you can take up to 3200mg, but that's a ticket to an ulcer. I'ven ever taken this much ibuprofen in my life and maybe it will be some time before my tinnitus improves if this really did end up worsening it as much as it has. I've weaned down to 2 or 3 a day, but I hope that isn't setting me back. I might as well stick with plain Tylenol for now, but I'm torn on medication overuse headache. I don't know which one caused it more or if either one caused it. There's lots of debate on this online but plenty of people seem to experience it. All I know is I took a fuckton of both but especially the Ibuprofen on Easter and I had cluster headache level pain. I had to do a little DMT, and within 20 minutes it was gone.

But yeah I barely take any Ibuprofen now. I guess I'd have to just cold turkey it or something. If I'm in too much pain just DMT I guess... Apparently Tylenol can worsen tinnitus too? I kind of doubt it, it's not an NSAID, but people tend to lump it with them. I'm sure it'd take my body some time to fully deplete the Ibuprofen from all other parts of my body even if I do CT it. It's all eliminated by 12 hours technically but I'm guessing it can get stored in other parts of my body.

 

[BourbonMac]

I've had my first night of quieter ears in awhile. Perhaps overuse of Ibuprofen really did worsen it, I've barely been taking any lately, and I haven't had any horrible headaches. Maybe medication overuse headache was real for me. Fingers crossed I'll have more evenings like this, I didn't expect to.

 

[BourbonMac]

Back to square one for the millionth time.
Just 5 days ago, my ears were immensely better. Well, I'd say it started around the 19th. Once I began taking magnesium glycinate, suddenly my tinnitus was improving drastically. Even if I got baked, there was like no change.

Only my left ear would hiss some, the right was completely quiet. Static and mild noise began forming after but this was still more than acceptable compared to what I was dealing with. Now? It's the most FUCKED UP amount of static and noise happening in both ears that I think this time I really may lose it. All from a bong rip of weed I smoked half a blunt of on 4/20 and went home wondering why my right ear was quiet and the next day was the best my ears have been since last July at least.

Just utterly speechless at this amount of noise. I was able to get baked several nights in a row with again no spike and in some cases even reduction in some noise in the right ear. So weed can make it better, do nothing, or make it worse, assuming it's even from THC. I can't ever tell because I'll get random days after overuse where they're better than ever. I got rid of all the ibuprofen, cut down my tylenol, and here I am, fucked. I have no choice but to really dial back the THC and see what happens because I know for a fact if I didn't take that bong rip yesterday I would've not been in such bad shape. Well, I don't know for an absolute fact, but it seems pretty likely this is what's wrong. Otherwise I'm just straight up going deaf. If I took a hearing test right now I'd fail the shit out of it, I mean completely and utterly bomb it.

Worst of all, my GP wants me to COLD TURKEY both gabapentin AND diazepam. I've been on the latter 1.4 years, gabapentin 2.5 years. "Just come off everything" yeah, no way man, you're going to kill me with that shit. I told him to just bring the gabapentin down to 100mg capsules so I can taper off properly and not be stuck with 300mg capsules. I've already been lessening the diazepam on my own and it's made no difference. Hell he pulled me off of it last July with no taper and if I didn't have the gabapentin I'd have been fucked, I'd only been on it for 6 months then though. No less than a week after this my tinnitus began coming back, so it's not related. He's ghosted me for over a week ever since I told him I want to stay on it and how I know it's not making it worse, and I fear when I ask for my re-fill tomorrow he'll do the same thing and leave me in withdrawal territory.

I've just taken more of it since I quit last summer in general, usually 15-17.5mg a night instead of 10-15mg. Gabapentin was stupid to go up, but he upped it thinking it could help my tinnitus. Well, it's one of the most ototoxic drugs out there, so I don't think so man... My life is in total shambles right now. This is at a point where it really is so severe that I don't know if I'll be able to go on much longer if it actually stays THIS bad. I don't think that many people would be able to live with tinnitus so severe. Like every time I think it can't get worse it somehow does, but why the fuck after it gets so much better? It was like, finally, improvement, hope... it's dangerous for me to have hope or optimism at this point, because it always gets shit on. So this is definitely the final straw, if this keeps staying this bad and doesn't at least go back to some of where it was at before, I'm turning myself into road kill. I didn't think I'd have the balls but I certainly do now.

 

[Senior Moderator]

Back to square one for the millionth time.
Just 5 days ago, my ears were immensely better. Well, I'd say it started around the 19th. Once I began taking magnesium glycinate, suddenly my tinnitus was improving drastically. Even if I got baked, there was like no change.

Only my left ear would hiss some, the right was completely quiet. Static and mild noise began forming after but this was still more than acceptable compared to what I was dealing with. Now? It's the most FUCKED UP amount of static and noise happening in both ears that I think this time I really may lose it. All from a bong rip of weed I smoked half a blunt of on 4/20 and went home wondering why my right ear was quiet and the next day was the best my ears have been since last July at least.

Just utterly speechless at this amount of noise. I was able to get baked several nights in a row with again no spike and in some cases even reduction in some noise in the right ear. So weed can make it better, do nothing, or make it worse, assuming it's even from THC. I can't ever tell because I'll get random days after overuse where they're better than ever. I got rid of all the ibuprofen, cut down my tylenol, and here I am, fucked. I have no choice but to really dial back the THC and see what happens because I know for a fact if I didn't take that bong rip yesterday I would've not been in such bad shape. Well, I don't know for an absolute fact, but it seems pretty likely this is what's wrong. Otherwise I'm just straight up going deaf. If I took a hearing test right now I'd fail the shit out of it, I mean completely and utterly bomb it.

Worst of all, my GP wants me to COLD TURKEY both gabapentin AND diazepam. I've been on the latter 1.4 years, gabapentin 2.5 years. "Just come off everything" yeah, no way man, you're going to kill me with that shit. I told him to just bring the gabapentin down to 100mg capsules so I can taper off properly and not be stuck with 300mg capsules. I've already been lessening the diazepam on my own and it's made no difference. Hell he pulled me off of it last July with no taper and if I didn't have the gabapentin I'd have been fucked, I'd only been on it for 6 months then though. No less than a week after this my tinnitus began coming back, so it's not related. He's ghosted me for over a week ever since I told him I want to stay on it and how I know it's not making it worse, and I fear when I ask for my re-fill tomorrow he'll do the same thing and leave me in withdrawal territory.

I've just taken more of it since I quit last summer in general, usually 15-17.5mg a night instead of 10-15mg. Gabapentin was stupid to go up, but he upped it thinking it could help my tinnitus. Well, it's one of the most ototoxic drugs out there, so I don't think so man... My life is in total shambles right now. This is at a point where it really is so severe that I don't know if I'll be able to go on much longer if it actually stays THIS bad. I don't think that many people would be able to live with tinnitus so severe. Like every time I think it can't get worse it somehow does, but why the fuck after it gets so much better? It was like, finally, improvement, hope... it's dangerous for me to have hope or optimism at this point, because it always gets shit on. So this is definitely the final straw, if this keeps staying this bad and doesn't at least go back to some of where it was at before, I'm turning myself into road kill. I didn't think I'd have the balls but I certainly do now.

How are you doing today man? I suffer with pretty crippling tinnitus as well, so I've been following your story closely. I hope you stick around and fight through this. It sounds like you're getting closer to finding a solution, please don't give up now.