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I wish it was all just a dream

S

Shwiz

Greenlighter
Joined
May 28, 2018
Messages
7
IF YOU ARE TRIPPING OR ANYTHING I WOULD STRONGLY RECOMMEND FOR YOU TO READ THIS ANOTHER TIME. so last five right into this. So these people I thought I could trust literally fucked me over. I never tripped before and they took advantage of that. They would almost force me into a really bad mindset and head loops and the only way out was to do what they said. They killed my ego and self awareness and basically turn my mind into Jell-O so I had no free will.... then they took advantage of me in that state they did things I wont ever forget. And when they where done they would make it seemed like I had a melt down and made all up in my head and completely messed my memories. They did this 4 times before I realized what was going one. I just need to get this off my chest so badly its eating from the inside. I haven't told anyone in fear that ill be thrown in a loony bin. I really hoped for awhile it was in my head at least it mean it didn't actually happen but I'm not going to block it out anymore and do what they want. Btw I'm 19 old Male in America
 
What put the red flag and made me put it all together was a burning sensation when I peed (fyi I haven't been sexually active since my ex and I broke up almost a year before what happened) so I knew something was up but didn't really put it together until a solo trip on 2 tabs...
 
To get to the point I never tripped before or really done any psychedelic. Im a stoner mostly of my life started when I was 12. So I'm not a new smoker at all. So I dropped with them and they smoked me up on a fuck ton of weed and like 3 dabs. They got me so stoned that I practically couldn't think. I had no clue what though loops where and their affects. And they put me Into one where it was like a living hell that was constantly repeating itself time was still... and they only way out was to listen to everything they said. And just let "it" happen. To put it blunt as I can they killed of my conscious thinking. then they raped me.... and then told me that I went made that all up in my head and I was crazy I really thought I was.... But after that incident I felt a burning sensation for like 1 month and half (keep in mind I hadn't had sex since I broke up with ex a little over year ago) then I remembered something when I took those 2 tabs that one of the guys said before the whole thing he had the clap. Then the dots connected and I remembered everything....
 
No. I haven't even told my best friend and we've been friends for 11 years.
 
But for you to have a burning sensation when you pee (correct me if I'm wrong) wouldn't you have been the one doing the penetrating so to speak? But your story makes it sound like you were the one who was penetrated!
 
Are you positive that you didn't get it from your girlfriend and you're just now seeing the symptoms?
 
Yeah i got tested June in 2017 It came back that i was clean. And it burns back there too... I'm sure it was from that. I went on a 2 week alchohol,coke,and xanax session then I woke up one morning and felt like complete death and saw where I was heading if I continued. Btw I have very addictive personality. Since then I've done basically ever psychedelic I can get that would help better understand what happend and help deal with the trauma that came with it. That include acid,mdma,dmt,shrooms but mostly mdma. Trust me I've though about it for almost 3 months straight now. I know it seems crazy and lts some fucked joke and I wish it was some fucked up joke then it wouldn't have happened.
 
Are you 100% positive you're not experiencing drug psychosis? You mentioned that you've been doing "every psychedelic you can to try to understand but mostly MDMA". Binging on MDMA and psychedelics can certainly cause psychosis. It's just that reading this reminds me SO MUCH of my best friend who went psychotic a while ago and was saying that he got drugged and raped, however he did not. But he 100% believed he did. I'm not trying to minimize your experience I just thought maybe you hadn't thought of that. You really need to quit doing psychedelics/MDMA/drugs in general and seek some help for this. Continuing to do drugs is not going to help you understand, it's going to make everything worse. You need to seek therapy for PTSD, and get yourself tested.
 
So correct me if I'm wrong: The incident you are talking about happened 3 months ago, and you've been binging on MDMA and psychedelics since then, with only a 2 week coke, xan, and alcohol binge? Sorry, just trying to clarify to better understand your situation.
 
Indeed you need to become drug free, get into some counselling and if you are convinced you were sexually assaulted (*many states have no statute of limitations on rape) then definately press charges.

First of all-- see a walk in clinic for urinary tract and STD testing.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I believe you. I also know for CERTAIN that using drugs is only gonna make a bad situation worse.

Stop the substances.see a doctor get some medical testing and a good one on one counsellor you vs trust.

You stopped hanging out with those "friends " right???
 
Xorkoth honestly I would say yeah but more than once. once I kinda counted the dots like a door opened to what I was blocking out and I remember how a majority oh what happened. Not going to lie I cant remember every little detail. All 4 of those experiences were spaced out in like 2 1/2 months. Like a month and a half after the it first started I smoked dmt for my first time it was a bunch of like complex chain that where all different colors then a lady ran though and broke them all away then I opened my eyes and it went away. I later found out that lady was Lucy aka lsd. The chains was my subconscious keep those memories hidden, And seriously dude I know what peeing normally feels and I known what a burning sensation feels every time I pee and sometimes going #2 as well. I stopped doing everything except smoking Mary and drinking beer on the weekends. You try tell someone face to face it sounds so crazy. so that's why I posted it on here had to get off my chest soon.
 
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