• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

I need to tell the story of my dead brother

cP , words fail me, I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
 
hiya trevor - thank u for sharing ur loss & grieving with us on bluelight we are honoured to be with you and the 100 friends gosh Jordan surely was popular and loved! i think its amazing even in his own pain and loss and unsurety of where he was he cud still reach out and help another equally or more lost that surely is the mark of an Angel! im real glad u can feel peace and fulfillment that u helped and loved him and he knew and died knowing u loved him as much as u possibly cud; please try not to worry too much over everyone as i feel u knew he loved u and that he is somehow overseeing you all and checking now that u are all ok - at last he can be UR guardian angel, love Star xx
 
complexPHILOSOPHY said:
There was a Darkness calling his name. It was echoing inside. Inviting him, calling him, begging him. It resonated. He faught it as long as he could and as hard as he could but the Darkness finally took him from me. I was fighting so hard to protect him. I was fighting against the Darkness. I knew it existed and I was doing my best to destroy it but it is hard to destroy in other people. Only they can win the battle on their own.
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This really sums it up well. You try to do everything for your loved ones.. and at the end it boils down to them being able to pull it through on their own. You can't be there 100% of the time to save the day.
I also lost my brother (age 20) to drugs this year. It's the most terrible experience possible. Stay strong, friend!
 
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Trevor, if this provides any small shred of consolation, and though I cannot go into the details, I have personal knowledge that your having shared Jordan's story has saved at least one life. My immense thanks on their behalf, and my continued hope that your grief will subside in time.
 
hey Trevor

I truly believe that those who die young are like angels. They live and die so they can teach us many valuable lessons. The most important lesson they teach us is that life itself is fragile and impermenant.

I know that everyone who reads your post will hug their siblings a little bit harder the next time they get a chance. And thats the best thing in the world that any of us can do: love and be loved.
 
I am so touched by all of this. We have printed and copied hundreds of copies of the story and we are going to have it at the memorial today. We are also putting the link to this forum so everyone can come and try to create some good out of this horrible tragic event.

We are filming the memorial. My brother was a Deadhead who loved dreads. We have 18 people speaking, a soundtrack you will never hear at a funeral and the most unorthodox ceremony.

Because this is what he wanted. He talked about his death a lot and the things he would want done. We are doing most of them.

I am going to have a website with full footage of the video availabe so that everyone can share in the memorial and at least get to understand who my brother was. He was an amazing person despite the silly mistakes he made in life.

I am grateful for you guys here. This has been great. My mom and family and friends have found so much solace in knowing that we have helped and will hopefully continue to help those in need.

Thank you my family, I love you.
 
That brough tears to my eyes, I dont feel theres anything I can say to heal the pain but your in my thoughts and prayers. I can never imagine the pain you've felt from this event, keep your head up bro nobody could ask for a better brother. There are a lot of caring and strong people on bluelight and I know that everyones sending their positive vibrations.
 
tho of course many gd ppl die old, there is a song by iron maiden that ive always liked called 'only the good die young'
ur brother sounds like he was a gd person, loved by many, and if u r going to b making a tribute video about him, it wud b great if u cud provide a link - i wud certainly watch it
many truly gd ppl make mistakes, and although im not sure entirely wat i believe happens to us after we die, i hope that jordan is in a gd place now <3
 
Pillthrill said:
I could have cried.
As a person who has be seriously thinking about suicide lately...I didn't think it would be that traumatic. I don't know who would find me. If it was my mother, with her mom having cancer and her brother just dying...my lil brother, only 18 heading in to college...
I was unaware of the horror of the pain and flashbacks.
I always said I would post a note not to go in, just call 911 cause its already too late. But I doubt they would listen...

I'm so so so sorry for your loss and your pain. It doesn't ease my pain, but it really does make me think about what could happen. I could pretty much destroy someone's life cause them pain, because I was in pain.

I'm sorry this has been so much about me. It was just a wake up call. I'll be re-reading this post I'm sure.

I hope you find some peace.
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Pillthrill, Every one is stronger than they think. I pray You can pull yourself out of your Darkness. Every one deals differently with there own inner battles dont stop trying.
 
Wow, I am overtaken by sadness reading this. I cannot imagine how you might feel. All I can give you is Love and support <3.

Jordan rests in peace.
 
Sometimes i think about that but would never actually act on it (at least i hope not)..but this really makes me think twice

kinda makes me wish i had a brother..(got a lil sister, not the same; not that close to my parents)

RIP Jordan Novak...
 
I'm not the type of person to just cry
in fact crying is something you'll rarely see me do

but this brought me to tears

it hit close to home and all i can say is I'm sorry.
stay strong and just remember him for the life he had
and how he loved you.
 
trevor, i'm at a loss for words, you truly are your brothers keeper and i am so sorry for your loss. stay strong with the knowledge that you we're always there for jordan and that you have touched the hearts of many of your fellow bluelighters. bless you and yours in such a time of loss. stay strong.
 
Man, I'm sorry. I lost someone the exact same way. You sound like you were a wonderful, caring brother. And, as you said, your brother knew you loved him. Try to take comfort in that. My thoughts are with you. As another BL'er said, I will be reading this post again, when ever I feel the "darkness" and feel like doing something like that. You do write beautifully, especially given what you were writing about. Thank you for posting this. For many reasons, but especially this:

complexPHILOSOPHY said:
Tell your brother or sister or mother or father or friend or enemy you love them, because you never know when they might not be there the next day.
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Truer words were never spoken. Thank you for reminding me/us of this. My thoughts are with you.
 
This thread has really made a great deal of difference in ways of seeing what happened to my loved ones, and with my own grieving. I really want to be where you are complexPHILOSOPHY, with being at peace. I feel like I am there at times and then it hits me really hard other times. I really miss the ones I have lost, but have never been able to say goodbye to what they were to me. Things we did together still burn in my thoughts as I lay dormant at night. I can never let go of the smell of his cologne, if I smell it, it is like he is beside me. I can smell him. I don't know why loss can be so cruel and painful. Sometimes I feel as if breathing is hard to do because my chest is on fire with thoughts of things I can not change. They are gone forever, no matter what we do now. So with this I am still just at a loss of what I truly need to move forward. Knowing that I loved them so much, and when they died the love we shared remains and what do we do with it. Memories of laughing, crying, and growing together now filled with regret. It is a cross I still try to bare, but I am so tired of carrying it with me, I want to be able to be at peace. I wished that came easier to me.
 
damn man.. im sorry about your loss but im happy that your at peace.. ill be praying for you man, and for everyone else thats affected by his death.
 
peace, love and light to you and your family during this difficult time.

be sure to take care of one another.

r.i.p jordan

<3

...kytnism...:|
 
I am very overwhelmed with sadness and tears after reading this thread. I think you are a very strong and wise person complexPHILOSOPHY, you are dealing with this so incredibly well and productive. I have a lot of respect for you opening up and really dealing with your brothers death head on, like a true fighter. Words can not explain how hard this must be for you and your family. Stay strong! <3
 
It gives one pause about the importance of living a good life, through the memory of the ones we have lost. Life is very precious and the echoes of the voices of those that are gone ring out, that the hardship, turmoil and sadness is worth it to catch a simple glimpse of Beauty.

And for those that have passed we thank them for showing it us, in memory.
 
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