• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

TDS I Need So Much Help, Please Someone Read This

Sleep is near. I have been wigging out all day. My parents' initial response was justified for sure now that I'm thinking a little more clearly. My parents (after they both calmed down) reminded me of a behavioral health and treatment clinic here in town when I was court ordered to intensive outpatient treatment. But I lied my way through it and that was when I was hard into cocaine, but I liked cocaine at the time and never ever had any experiences even close to this dark drug.

Coincidentally, they also accept walk in's on Mondays 8am - 8:30am. It's going to be an awful morning tomorrow and I'm going to have tremors like crazy for sure.

Will report back when I get to it.
 
Actually man meth doesn't really have any physical withdrawal symptoms, you'll be exhausted for a while, and probably some depression, but other than that it's not that bad.
 
bptubbs said:
Actually man meth doesn't really have any physical withdrawal symptoms, you'll be exhausted for a while, and probably some depression, but other than that it's not that bad.
Click to expand...
Well after I ate things went the opposite direction then what I thought. As soon as I ate I felt tired and sleepy, but now I feel the symptoms coming back. Could it be that I take my meth orally? Because I was so close to sleep then out of nowhere the paranoia and meth bugs came back.
 
That used to happen to me sometimes, meth has a pretty long half life, I used to feel like i was coming down just to start rushing again, often after eating.
 
It is probably difficult right now to even know what is meth and what is anxiety. You are in a crisis inside, with your family and with the stress of trying to secure employment within all the rest of that. That is a lot to be going through--drugs or no drugs!

I'm glad your parents were able to calm down and also that you were able to see their initial response for just what it was--an initial reaction to scary news. I was never at my best with my own son's drug use in the first conversation. The best conversations we had were those where we met in the middle--he recognized my fears (that he would harm himself or die) and I recognized his (that I would further his sense of alienation and shame by reacting rather than listening). Once we got to a place where we could each let go of the fears (at least temporarily), we had good conversations that moved us forward.
 
Still haven't slept. It's been like 30 hr since my one and only dose. And mind you, I take less than a point when I do it, because I'm so skinny and lightweight. It usually lasts around this long so that's no surprise. But, things got horribly worse here with my Dad. My mom is on my side and is basically my only friend left in the world after today.

So the minute I got done telling him around 9:30am he instantly grabs a beer (earlier than normal). Then after about 3 beers was when told me about the treatment center. Thought that he had calmed down and respected the fact that I was honest, didn't lie, and never stole, or never spent any money on the shit (which is 100% true, I'd just give this dude that lives semi close to me a ride for an amount that would be like 1 tiny pebble and then shards the size of eraser shavings. I've never don't more than that in a 'bing'.

Hell fucking no. I was completely wrong. He normally gets slightly arrogant when he gets a few in him, but fast forward to about an HR or 2 ago. I literally thought I was having a heart attack. Identical symptoms to Google by the letter. Every symptom I had.

Then, since I was laying on the couch and didn't want to increase my blood pressure anymore by walking out to the living room, I texted him (mind you at this point he's like 14 deep) saying "Dad, I really feel like I am having a heart attack" then he didn't reply cause he was eating so I forced myself to get up and tell my mom. She tells him to look at his phone, and from my room I just hear him raising his voice and almost yelling at my mom for being even slightly concerned about me. Next thing you know I'm all alone laying on my couch waiting for my Dad (because he's the most important person in my life by far) to come and at least see what was going on. I'm paranoid, depressed, anxious, basically feeling every negative emotion you can imagine in the first place and he doesn't even get up, he just texts me "that's what street drugs to you"

I was crushed. I'm still crushed. I am over giving a shit about him whenever he drinks from now on. My dad wasn't even angry when he found out I'd stolen over 1000 dollars for blow back in the day, lied to them every turn, and then he paid 5 grand on a beautiful rehab center. AND THIS TIME I WAS HONEST THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME. He always would say "if you just tell the truth, I'll be disappointed, but not mad, and always here to help.". The only thing he was today was mad. I'm completely alienated with my mom as the middle man. And now hes even yelling and scolding her for giving me just 1 extra 2mg Ativan because I was so hurt.

But now it's whatever. Sorry for the book.
 
Have you tried talking to your dad about what you're feeling, and how you want to get clean? Most men have a hard time coming to terms with thier feelings, this could well be his way of dealing with his feelings.
 
I've desperately told him and he just kinda shrugs it off or gives me half assed , uneducated in addiction - advice. Because he's an addict himself. He drinks a twelve pack every night after work.

Edit: Actually that is how he deals with his feelings.
 
hey bptubbs, i'm really glad it worked out for you, it's wonderful to have parental support, but sometimes honesty isn't the best thing. everyone's experience is individual. soz, i hope i'm not coming across as coming down too hard - it's just that over the years i have come across a lot of advice on BL and when you don't know the personal situation, it might not be what's best. Oh, i'm a newbie here btw, but i have had the wonderful experience of using this forum for years in relation to harm reduction advice.
Peace
 
Sadly it hasn't worked out for me, I relapsed recently. Honestly my advice was to quit the meth and be honest with his parent, rather than have them confront him about it, because as op said, it is very unlikely that they weren't aware.
 
bptubbs said:
Sadly it hasn't worked out for me, I relapsed recently. Honestly my advice was to quit the meth and be honest with his parent, rather than have them confront him about it, because as op said, it is very unlikely that they weren't aware.
Click to expand...

Yeah, fair enough pbtubbs, and I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you - I hope you keep on trying. You know what it's like...behaviour is really hard to change, whether it's drug addiction or trying to eat better.
I'm just concerned about what we give advice about on here. I think sharing our personal experience is one thing, but suggesting that others do something base on a few posts can be really problematic.
 
Pollyanna Glad said:
Yeah, fair enough pbtubbs, and I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you - I hope you keep on trying. You know what it's like...behaviour is really hard to change, whether it's drug addiction or trying to eat better.
I'm just concerned about what we give advice about on here. I think sharing our personal experience is one thing, but suggesting that others do something base on a few posts can be really problematic.
Click to expand...
No, I had planned on telling them whether he told me to or not. And it was for the best. Today's a much better day. I was scared straight.

As for today, I got an assessment for treatment and start on Wednesday. Also made an appointment with my doctor (who I've been lying to about my alcohol abuse) to see how I should go about detoxing. Because the treatment center said with how much and how long I've been drinking, that it'd be at a serious risk of seisures and death. But, I am done with lying. I lied my way through my last treatment.

And I guess I got lucky on the meth I got because the center's administrator said they've sent 15 people to the hospital for permanent meth psycosis. There's bad meth in our town rn I guess.
 
I do think that you are going to have to be realistic about your Dad's support (or lack thereof) since he is in active addiction. I'm sure in his mind that he makes a huge value judgment about his drug because it is both legal and society-sanctioned but that's just hypocrisy.

I'm glad you are going in for treatment and I'm even happier to hear you don't want to lie this time around. You have a lot to work through--family stress, issues of low self-esteem, etc. Get all the help with those you can while you are in there.
 
Hammer280 said:
And I guess I got lucky on the meth I got because the center's administrator said they've sent 15 people to the hospital for permanent meth psycosis. There's bad meth in our town rn I guess.
Click to expand...

Well I think permanent meth psychosis can be the result of abusing meth to the point of psychosis (with accompanying lack of nutrition and sleep deprivation) for long periods of time, and causing damage to your brain. Sleep deprivation and almost no nutrition wreaks havoc on your body and mind. My oldest friend was psychotic on meth (to the point he thought his brother was trying to kill him and that his neighbor lived in his ceiling recording his keystrokes and installing cameras in the light bulbs whenever he wasn't looking) for like a year straight... recently he finally accepted help from his parents because he was homeless and stealing and selling heroin and he got shot. He's been clean for a month now and going to meetings and stuff, but he's still really paranoid, semi-psychotic. It hasn't been real long, so I'm really hoping he recovers. Just chimed in with that to say that it's not from "bad meth"... it's from extended abuse/psychosis.
 
I’m sending positivity your way. My parents are deceased and I had to find other sources of support to recover from severe alcoholism. My brother is a severe alcoholic and heroin addict and obviously couldn’t be there for me (which I understood). I know you have a lot going on, but I want you to know you can do what you set your mind to. It’s in your hands and while that’s scary....it also gives you control over your life. You’ve got this!

PS: I had a relapse six months after my first detox. So I goofed, it happens. I didn’t take my treatment seriously enough. I detoxed a second time and fully focused on not drinking. I’m in a good place, you can totally get there. Perfection isn’t required. Keep posting here. xo
 
Last edited:
Thanks for the support guys. Having trouble finding a hospital that will admit me for alcohol withdrawals. Hoping to get somewhere today or tomorrow. I am pretty much incapable of doing anything without having beers in the morning. So my parents are helping me find somewhere. I'll keep posting for sure. I have been honest with all the people I've usually lied to so I guess that's a good start.

Edit: BTW I was completely honest with the company I was supposed to have an interview with on Tuesday. I told the lady that I have to work on me before I work for your company. And she totally understood and said that once I get myself straight, she has my resume and I'll always have a potential opportunity at their company! Being honest has worked out well all week so far.
 
Last edited:
I'm am so glad to hear that your honesty is getting positive results. Also that you are going to be monitored for the alcohol withdrawals. You are really doing a lot to save yourself right now and I hope you can take some pride in that and really give yourself credit. That way, you start rebuilding faith in yourself. Addiction loves to convince you that you are weak but in fact you are engaging in a lot of really courageous effort.<3
 
Right on, glad to hear things are working out for you man. Keep us posted.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top