I'm not even sure this is the right forum but I've been reading a lot here. I'm new here so I'll start off by telling a little about myself. I'm 24 years old, I started smoking cigs when i was ~16 and became a heavy pot user around the same time until now. When i was 19/20 years old my brother got addicted to heroin. One of my pot dealers was into oxycontin and one day showed up at my place with tar. I've done my fair share of heroin and suboxone but never got addicted to them.
I was the shy kid in school, I had a panic attack giving a speech in class and it has undoubtedly greatly affected the outcome of my life so far. (Before cigs and alcohol) I went to my doctors and all they gave me was SSRI medications which did absolutely nothing for me and ended up just not taking them after a while. I barely passed high school because I was afraid to go to every class. I would dropout if I knew there was going to be some sort of presentation.
I was going through college at the time my brother was addicted to heroin and he was one of my main weed suppliers. So I would frequently pitch in or trade him some weed. I also began to drink quite a bit around this time. Missed classes, did poorly in classes. I even purposley skipped class when I knew there was a presentation to give, hoping I wouldn't have to do it the following day.
Here is my current dilemma. I had another pretty traumatic experience lately which made me realize some things. I've been going to my GP for the past 2 moths and I jsut got a psychiatrist appointment(Tomorrow is my second appt.), telling my GP I've taken multiple SSRIs and he just prescribed me more different kinds until this last visit. He changed my SSRI to fluoxetine 20mg and gave me a benzodiazapene, clonazepam 0.5mg. He gave me a thorough speech about the benzo so I did a lot of research online. I've heard of klonopin before but had no idea what it was or that it was related to xanax.
First day I tried them, .5 in morning, .5 in evening. felt nothing. Second day i doubled the dose, still nothing. A few days later I think i took 2mg in 1 dose for the whole day. I've also taken 2mg in the morning and 2mg in evening and the only noticeable effects are very little anxiolytic effects, minor short term memory loss, and very little coordination issues. Due to the limited supply I have, its hard for me to really experiment.
I just refilled my clonazepam script on monday after not having taken any for over a week I took 1mg in the morning and 1mg in the afternoon still no effect. Tuesday I tried again. I took 1.5mg in the morning, no effect, then I said fuck it these things don't work. I got home tuesday night and took 3.5mg, and the next thing I remember is waking up at midnight. ( And right now I took 2.5mg about an hour ago and also drank a beer, and I do feel slightly less anxious.
Idk wtf to do anymore. I can hardly stand waiting for all these doctor appointments, and my job sucks because I basically have no interaction with anyone my age, which is all I want, friends. I have decent amount of money in my bank but I don't give a fuck about it cuz my life is worthless and I have basically no friends, never had a girlfriend. Summer is coming up fast and I really want to take classes and have friends to do shit with but it scares the hell out of me. I'm willing to do anything...but if something doesn't change soon idk what I'm going to do.
Do I tell my doctor I've been "abusing" my drugs or simply tell him they are not working?(worried that he might just not prescribe another benzo) I have read the horror storys of withdrawal and I hope to never go through them but if they improve my life even the tiniest bit along with therapy then I think it could be worth it.
I was the shy kid in school, I had a panic attack giving a speech in class and it has undoubtedly greatly affected the outcome of my life so far. (Before cigs and alcohol) I went to my doctors and all they gave me was SSRI medications which did absolutely nothing for me and ended up just not taking them after a while. I barely passed high school because I was afraid to go to every class. I would dropout if I knew there was going to be some sort of presentation.
I was going through college at the time my brother was addicted to heroin and he was one of my main weed suppliers. So I would frequently pitch in or trade him some weed. I also began to drink quite a bit around this time. Missed classes, did poorly in classes. I even purposley skipped class when I knew there was a presentation to give, hoping I wouldn't have to do it the following day.
Here is my current dilemma. I had another pretty traumatic experience lately which made me realize some things. I've been going to my GP for the past 2 moths and I jsut got a psychiatrist appointment(Tomorrow is my second appt.), telling my GP I've taken multiple SSRIs and he just prescribed me more different kinds until this last visit. He changed my SSRI to fluoxetine 20mg and gave me a benzodiazapene, clonazepam 0.5mg. He gave me a thorough speech about the benzo so I did a lot of research online. I've heard of klonopin before but had no idea what it was or that it was related to xanax.
First day I tried them, .5 in morning, .5 in evening. felt nothing. Second day i doubled the dose, still nothing. A few days later I think i took 2mg in 1 dose for the whole day. I've also taken 2mg in the morning and 2mg in evening and the only noticeable effects are very little anxiolytic effects, minor short term memory loss, and very little coordination issues. Due to the limited supply I have, its hard for me to really experiment.
I just refilled my clonazepam script on monday after not having taken any for over a week I took 1mg in the morning and 1mg in the afternoon still no effect. Tuesday I tried again. I took 1.5mg in the morning, no effect, then I said fuck it these things don't work. I got home tuesday night and took 3.5mg, and the next thing I remember is waking up at midnight. ( And right now I took 2.5mg about an hour ago and also drank a beer, and I do feel slightly less anxious.
Idk wtf to do anymore. I can hardly stand waiting for all these doctor appointments, and my job sucks because I basically have no interaction with anyone my age, which is all I want, friends. I have decent amount of money in my bank but I don't give a fuck about it cuz my life is worthless and I have basically no friends, never had a girlfriend. Summer is coming up fast and I really want to take classes and have friends to do shit with but it scares the hell out of me. I'm willing to do anything...but if something doesn't change soon idk what I'm going to do.
Do I tell my doctor I've been "abusing" my drugs or simply tell him they are not working?(worried that he might just not prescribe another benzo) I have read the horror storys of withdrawal and I hope to never go through them but if they improve my life even the tiniest bit along with therapy then I think it could be worth it.