I held it together 2 months. .

[cj]

I figured I would update this in case it might help someone someday. Its been about a year and a half since I wrote this and in that time I lost it all. My job, my house, my friends and some very important relationships.

I have been a homeless junky since January and racked up at least 5 criminal charges as well as spent 2.5 months in jail. I should have 2 felonies but luckily they were reduced to class A's.

I almost died when I got out of jail due to an overdose twice and I am 80% sure I now have hep c.

If you are just starting down this road please reconsider. You aren't special. I thought I was as im sure most do. It doesnt work. It isnt worth it.

On a happier note my brothers came and got me off the streets and I have a 3rd chance to rebuild with some support and I am so grateful for that. I have been clean about a month and am feeling good.

Good luck to all of you who are struggling with this demon and I wish the best for you.

Damn im sorry to hear that. Heroin doesn't play games that's for sure. Its not too late to get it all back though. Hep c is easily treated these days and your not dead after going through some gnarly shit which means you are strong. My best advice is too be patient with yourself recovery cant be rushed.

 

[herbavore]

I am thankful, as I'm sure you are, for your brothers.

You can use all of this to undermine yourself further (guilt and feelings of weakness0 or as a source of strength and even pride. You are a survivor and you will have so much wisdom and experience to help others if you keep building yourself from the inside. People that have lost everything and rebuilt themselves are my heroes. Stay your course and learn everything you can about addiction so that you don't fall into the trap of thinking this must be all your personal fault. It's a tricky thing to accept responsibility without accepting self-defeating guilt but that fine line is very important for healing.

Good luck and keep us up-dated.

 

[MakeItStop]

That is shitty but I have to admit when I read your second response about heroin making you happy after the first response to stay off, I knew you were going to relapse. You have to be all in 100%. There can't be a "maybe" I'll get a taste down the road because then you are destined to use.